Disclaimer: Bleach belongs to Tite Kubo. I am just playing in his sandbox.
Chapter 9
Dawn was just breaking when Karin woke once more, warm colours lighting up the sky and chasing away the darkness.
She stirred, and became aware of being wrapped in a warm, long forgotten embrace, of strong arms and starchy shirts, soapy detergents and faded minty aftershave. Unwilling to open her eyes, fearful that it was all a dream, she tightened her grip on the fistful of shirt she was clutching.
"Good morning, Karin," the deep voice that rumbled through the solid chest her ear was pressed to very nearly made her weep with relief.
"Daddy," she breathed, trying to hold back her tears. They seemed to come far too easily these days.
"It's ok, sweetheart, I've got you," Isshin soothed. "You're home now."
Karin blinked open moist eyes to a familiar colourful hawaiian print shirt, the jumble of colours almost dizzying after months of monochrome. She groaned and squeezed her eyes shut again. "Urgh. Dad. I would say 'don't ever change', but those shirts need to go."
Her father chuckled, and patted her on the head. "The patients need something cheerful to look at when they're here."
She snorted. "It looks like a toddler threw paint all over you."
"Besides, your mother liked them."
She snorted again, in disbelief this time, and wondered vaguely if her mother had been colourblind or simply blinded by love.
"I'm so sorry, Karin," Isshin murmured, his voice low and serious and full of grief as he stroked her hair gently, "that we weren't able to find you sooner."
His uncharacteristically serious tone had Karin holding back tears and she shook her head. "But you did find me, Dad, all of you, and that's over now," she told him softly, wrapping her arms around him and burying her face into his chest again. He did not reply, and instinctively, Karin knew he still blamed himself. Now she knew where her brother got his over-protective instincts and massive guilt complex from.
They stayed in silence for a while, Karin unwilling to let go of her father so soon, and Isshin relishing the warm weight of his baby girl back in his arms. Eventually, Karin pulled away from him reluctantly, wrinkling her nose, and plucked glumly at the patients robe they had dressed her in.
"I think I need a bath," she told her father solemnly, to his amusement.
The spray from the showerhead hitting her skin had been a long missed sensation after months of wiping down with a worn cloth and a tepid bucket of water. She stood under the warm water for a long time, her mind full of the memories of the past six months. Has it really been that long?
The tears came again, unbidden, and she found herself pressing a hand to her mouth, trying to quiet the sounds of her sobs. She sank down onto the smooth floor tiles, curling up into a fetus position and hugging her knees as she wept under the rain of warm water and the barrage of relentless memories.
Eventually, she cried herself out of tears. Pulling herself together, she finished her bath, turned the showerhead off, and towelled herself dry.
A quick glance at the bathroom mirror showed clearly the physical changes the last six months had brought to her. Her onyx hair was longer than she had ever let it grow, falling somewhere mid-back. Her skin was unusually pale; her body thin and frail. There were shadows under her eyes, which had taken on a red and puffy appearance due to her recent crying bout. When she tilted her body sideways, she could make out the slight roundness of her belly where the baby was nested, and a hand came up instinctively to cradle the bump.
A baby. She had always known there was a possibility - with the things that Toshiro had been forced to do to her, she knew there had always been the possibility. But the news of her pregnancy had still been a bit of shock, for possibility had now become actual fact. Her own protective instincts had been stirred up; she would do anything to protect that fragile life that was growing in her womb. At the same time, she felt overwhelmed and helpless. For what did she know about having and raising a baby? She was only sixteen for crying out loud!
Her hand dropped away, and she turned away from the mirror, jaw set with determination. She would find a way to make things work somehow, and she knew she could rely on her family to be there for her, for they had always rallied around their own. Things would work out fine, she told herself determinedly. It had to.
It was too bad she could not believe it.
She made her way downstairs after putting on a set of her old clothes that Yuzu had laid out for her, noting with some annoyance how they no longer fit her thinner frame and instead hung loosely around her body.
A scrumptious breakfast had been laid out on the table, courtesy of Yuzu, and Karin felt her mouth water at the sight. After forcing herself to swallow tasteless goo for months, her twin's fragrant and delicious cooking was definitely a welcome change. The rest of her family was already seated at the table, and turned as one to look at her when she pushed the door open. Her sharp eyes caught the worry and relief in their faces that they had tried to hide, and guilt rose up in her chest even as she quickly averted her eyes to the feast Yuzu had laid out on the dining table.
"There you are!" Yuzu exclaimed in an overtly cheery voice, getting up from her seat to grab Karin's hand and ushering her to the table. "I was just about to go up to look for you."
Karin found herself pushed gently into an empty seat and blinked as various dishes were heaped into her bowl of rice, a pair of chopsticks was pushed into her hands and everyone was urging her to dig in.
She plastered a weak smile on her face, hoping that it was reassuring enough, and picked up the bowl. Unfortunately, one whiff of the stir-fried beef and onions had her dropping the utensils and racing for the bathroom as the feeling of nausea struck her. She dry-heaved for a while, her stomach churning, before collapsing on trembling legs onto the bathroom floor.
Someone pulled her long hair back from her face and a glass of water was pressed into her hand. She opened her eyes to find her entire family squeezed into the small bathroom, worry and concern writ on their faces. She rinsed her mouth with the water before flashing them an apologetic grin. "Seems like the baby isn't a fan of onions."
The pronouncement had a different impact on each of her family members. Her father looked slightly amused, while a look of anger crossed her brother's face and his lips pressed into a thin line. Yuzu's face fell a little before she brightened and immediately offered to cook a new dish. Karin waved the offer away with a hand, rinsing her mouth once more before straightening and making her way back to the dining table, the rest of the family trailing her.
"I'm sure there's other things I could eat, Yuzu. Besides, you've cooked enough to feed an army," she told her twin as she sat down and proceeded to remove every single bit of onion she could find from her bowl.
For a while, the only sounds heard were of the Kurosaki digging in. Eventually, Isshin put his bowl down and turned a serious gaze on his dark-haired daughter. "Karin, I think we need to have a talk about the baby."
Silence fell over the dining table as Ichigo and Yuzu both paused in their eating and set their utensils down as well, turning inquiring gazes upon their sister, who had frozen in her seat with her chopsticks halfway to her lips.
Carefully avoiding her family's gazes, Karin asked with feigned nonchalance, "What about it?"
"First things first: Do you plan on keeping this baby?" Isshin asked softly.
Her utensils clattered down onto the table as her wide eyes flew to up to meet Isshin's grave ones. "Of course I am!" she exclaimed, shocked that he even had to ask.
Isshin nodded, the grave expression on his features softening a little.
"Whose is it?" Ichigo demanded, unable to hold his tongue any longer. Isshin shot his son a fierce glare, warning him to back off the subject as Karin's eyes shuttered and her expression became carefully blank. Ichigo frowned, chastened but unrepentant.
"It's none of your business," Karin spat curtly, unable to fully keep the hurt out of her voice.
"Karin," Isshin said gently, drawing her attention again, "we need to know the identity of the baby's father in order to take precautions in the event that this is a cross-species child. We don't know the complications that could arise from the pregnancy if that is the case, and the fetus would have to be carefully monitored to ensure that there are no abnormalities."
She could feel her stomach churning again as his words conjured up images of being locked up in a glass room hooked up to wires and having her every move monitored, and for a moment, it felt like she was back in the lab of that Crazy Scientist. She could feel the memories welling, pushing at the dam she had carefully constructed in her head, and to her mortification, she could feel tears of distress pooling in her eyes. Quickly, she brushed them away with the back of her hand and stood, the chair legs scraping gratingly on the floor.
"No," she stated emphatically, uncaring that her voice came out shaky and far too loud in the quiet room. "I won't be anyone else's test subject!"
"No one is asking you to be a test subject, sweetheart," her father placated, and she recognized the tone of voice he used when soothing highly distressed patients that came through the clinic. "We just want to make sure that you and the baby will both be fine."
The memories had leaked past the dam now, and she could almost see the eerie red glow of the lab's lights, hear the soft hum of the machineries, feel the cold rubber gloves on the Crazy Scientist's hands as his fingers slid across her bare skin. Fear rose up, threatening to overwhelm her. She could feel her heart racing, could taste the bile at the back of her throat. Forcing herself to breathe deeply, she fought it back, fists clenching unconsciously as she glared at her family across the table through tearful eyes.
"It's what will happen," she whispered brokenly. Ignoring her half-eaten breakfast, she left the table and ran out of the house, needing to get away and be alone when she finally gives in to her memories.
The loud slam of the closing front door echoed through the house as the rest of the Kurosaki family exchanged sad glances over the dining table.
A/N: Many thanks to everyone who reviewed/favourited/added this story to alerts! I'm sorry it took me so long to update. This semester was brutal, and writing took a bit of a back seat as a result. But I'm on a 1 month holiday now, so hopefully I'll be able to churn a few more chapters out before the next semester starts. =)