Chapter 10

-Bill Kaulitz-

That night, I had another dream about Holly. I was twelve years old again, and the whole band was taken to a huge field to run around in while we had a break from touring. Tom ran ahead, his golden dreadlocks glowing in the warm sunlight. I chased after him, laughing and shouting with delight. We playfully wrestled each other to the ground and started rolling over each other without a care in the world. My stomach hurt from laughing so much, and Tom mirrored my joy in his face.

But suddenly, Tom started to get a bit rough. I squirmed under him to get him to stop, but he pinned me down and wouldn't move no matter how much I screamed at him. When I opened my eyes, looking down at me was not the same twelve-year-old Tom I had been playing with; it was the twenty-year-old man with the cornrows that I had grown to fear.

"Tom, stop!" I pleaded. "What are you doing?"

"You can't help me," Tom growled. "If only you knew how much I was hurting inside." A single tear dropped out of my twin's eye onto my face, and I realized with a pang of dread just how bad the situation was.

Before I was fully able to comprehend what was going on, the dream shifted, and before I knew it I was in a dimly-lit hotel room. Gustav sat upright against the head of the bed, his mouth duct-taped shut. But unlike previous dreams, my friend seemed not at all troubled by it; in fact, he looked relaxed. Holly sat next to him, their sides touching, and her head rested on his shoulder with her arm around his waist. I felt very uncomfortable standing there watching them.

"Holly, what are you doing?" I demanded.

Holly looked up at me and said: "Oh, good, you're here. Gustav needs your help."

I stared at the girl, dumbfounded. "With what? The duct tape? I can pull it off." But just before I made it over to the bed, my eyes popped open.

Bleary-eyed and confused, I rolled over in bed and checked the time. The digital clock on the nightstand read a little after three in the afternoon. Carefully I sat up and rubbed my eyes.

"Oh, good, you're up."

I turned my head to see Holly by the window, which flowed with passing scenery. It took me a while to remember that I was on the tour bus. "Holly…what are you doing in here?"

"I came in a few minutes ago to check on you," the brunette girl explained. "I was really worried; you were squirming and flailing in your sleep, mumbling: 'Tom, no. Tom, please stop.'"

"Must have been a nightmare," I concluded, swinging my legs over the side of the bed.

"You did do a lot of partying the night before," Holly agreed.

The girl wasn't lying; after our previous night's performance, the whole band went out for a party at a nearby club. By the time we made it back to the tour bus, we were all so bombed that Tobi and Holly had to collect our bags from the hotel rooms. I couldn't remember much else; I crashed once I hit the bed in my room.

But Holly and I both knew that I'd had another bothersome dream. But I'm sure she just didn't want to burden me with bringing back up the situation with Tom. Still, I felt an overwhelming urge to try again to get some information out of my brother. The memory of the pain I felt to see him crying over me told me that there was something going on, and I was about to get to the bottom of it. And since we were on a tour bus, he had nowhere to hide.

I approached Tom's room carefully and knocked on the door. "Tom?" When I didn't get a response, I slowly opened the door. I was actually a bit surprised to open it; I half-expected it to be locked.

Tom sat curled up on his bed, still sporting the clothes he wore the night before; he looked like nothing more than a baggy black jacket and a pair of blue jeans on a cheap bedsheet.

"Go away," Tom growled.

"I just want to talk," I protested. "I worry about you."

Tom sighed, then slowly rolled over and sat up. But something wasn't right with his appearance; the color had drained completely from his face. He was so pale that he almost looked undead, and his eyes were even duller than usual.

My voice became hoarse with concern. "Tom, you don't look so good."

"I feel like crap," my brother complained. "I think I'm sick."

"Can you come into the kitchen?" I asked. "We should probably tell Tobi about this."

Groaning, Tom heaved himself up off the bed, only to collapse on the carpet. I started to panic, and I knelt down beside my twin brother and flipped him over. I realized with dread that he was unconscious.

"Tobi!" I screamed. I found my breath become shaky. Was my brother dying before me?

The security guard rushed in, followed by the G's and finally Holly.

"What happened?" Tobi demanded.

"I d-don't know…" I stammered. "I-I think he's dying…"

"We should get him to the hospital," Holly said quickly.

Tobi rushed to the front of the tour bus to inform the driver, and I lurched backward as the giant vehicle picked up the pace. I refused to leave Tom's side the entire ride, kneeling over him and stroking his jet-black cornrows. Soon I found myself mumbling to my brother in German; it was pretty much just the typical "You're gonna be okay, Tom. We'll find a hospital and…and…" I choked. The words caught in my throat, and all of a sudden I found myself sobbing. Words of encouragement continued to spill out of my mouth—more for myself than for Tom—but it only made me feel worse. I fell over the limp body of my brother and started bawling, pressing his head to my chest to keep him warm.

"Nicht sterben," I pleaded. "Bitte, Tom! Sterben Sie nicht!"

Holly helped me carry Tom into the ER, and almost immediately he was whisked away by two doctors with a rolling bed. I could only stare in disbelief as my brother is taken away and vanishes from sight. I felt overcome with exhaustion, as if part of me were dying inside. I felt Holly's warm, comforting hand envelop mine as she led me to a waiting room chair.

Georg sat with his head in his hands, and Gustav had opened an old magazine but didn't actually seem to be reading it. Holly rested her head on my shoulder, deep in thought. I remembered the dream about her saving Tom from a madwoman, but nothing could keep me from coming back to my recent nightmare when Holly told me that Tom was lost. I couldn't figure it out; was Tom going to die, or was Holly going to save him like in the dream I had in the first place?