Ch 10

Zhane glared up at his bedroom door as he heard a light knock come from behind it.

But he knew it could not be Andros. He never came back to apologize. It was always Zhane who had to apologize first. And why should he have to? Andros had started it.

He shook his head at himself, knowing how much more juvenile it would have sounded aloud. But it had always been that way. Andros had always pulled him back to that point between feeling like a kid and feeling like a sidekick. There was that feeling of not being needed and the feeling that he was just tagging along out of some obligation Andros felt he had to him.

It was a sad place to be and Zhane always seemed to be there now. Even when Zhane had led the last Astroranger team, Andros would point out little flaws in front of their friends as if it were no big deal. Except it was a big deal to Zhane. It was a very big deal even if he never said so.

The light knocking at his door resumed and Zhane softly asked DECA to unlock it and allow it to open for the person waiting on the other side. The door slid open after a moment and Cassie stepped inside the door, not speaking until the door closed behind her.

"Are you okay?" she asked him.

"Shouldn't you be checking on Ashley?" Zhane asked instead. "She walked out way earlier than I did and I know she's been kind of down lately."

"I checked on her already," Cassie said. "She insists that she's fine and I have no choice but to believe her obvious lie. And so, I wanted to make sure that you were okay."

"I'll be okay eventually," he replied with a sigh. "I don't think that I'm ready to talk to him yet, but I'm getting there."

"Well, that's good," Cassie said, pausing for a minute. "And just for the record, I think we're done watching movies together for a while."

"I'm sorry about that," Zhane said. "I didn't think he would react that way over a movie."

"I did," Cassie replied, leaning against his wall. "It wasn't just any movie, Zhane. It was one of the last things you guys did together… We all know that Andros didn't take losing the team very well. He just needs more time. When he's ready to talk about it –"

"When he's ready?" Zhane asked sharply. "Why do I have to wait until he's ready? It's like no one understands how hard I took losing the team too."

"I'm not saying that you didn't," Cassie said, wishing she had chosen her words more carefully. "But you're taking it better than Andros is."

"No, I'm not," Zhane said. "I'm just better at hiding it than he is. But do you know how many times I've watched that stupid movie we did? …Every night for the past eight months. And the only reason I watch it is because I can't talk to him about it. I wasted four whole months trying to get Andros to talk about what happened."

"But he wasn't ready?" Cassie guessed.

"He wouldn't talk to me," Zhane said, lowering his eyes. "Not about anything… Then one day, out of the blue, he started barking orders at me. So I figured that it was okay because at least he was talking to me again. But he didn't want to talk about what had happened to our friends at all. I asked him about that stupid envelope he carries all the time and he stopped talking to me again. And what you just saw between us was the closest we've been to talking about what happened since then."

"Is that what you need?" Cassie asked quietly. "You need to talk about it?"

"I don't know," he replied with a shrug. "I've never had the option to talk about it. But it has to feel better than saying nothing at all."

"Well, what about DECA?" Cassie suggested, glancing up at one of the A.I.'s cameras in the corner of Zhane's room. "She has all that psychological training that she bragged about after we got here, right?"

"DECA's great to talk to," Zhane began. "But she isn't a person, so she doesn't know what pain feels like. She can't understand it. It's just a known fact about humans for her; we feel pain that isn't always physical… And because of that, it's hard to swallow her logic all the time. You start feeling like a patient after a while and I don't need a psychiatrist… All I wanted was one talk with my best friend, if only to find out if we're still best friends."

"Well, you can always talk to me," Cassie said timidly. "I mean, if you want to talk now… or whenever you feel like talking."

Zhane looked over at Cassie with a small smile. "I don't think that I should," he said, shaking his head. "I don't think I could do that to you."

"Why not?" she asked, walking over to him and sitting on the edge of his bed as tears began to fill Zhane's eyes. "I'm a good listener. Besides, it would be good practice for what you want to say to Andros. Without practice, you might forget what you wanted to say and just start hitting him or something."

Zhane smiled a little wider in spite of his sadness and shook his head at her. "That would probably be more therapeutic than talking it out," he said. "But I can't dump all of that stuff on you. It's bad enough that I'm whining to you about this now… I'll be okay, Cassie."

There was a long silence between them and Cassie sat staring down at her feet, hoping that the right thing would come out of her mouth. The last thing she wanted was to upset him more. But he was already losing the fight with his tears as one strayed from the others and fell down his cheek, making him turn his head quickly to hide it from her.

"It was my fault," he whispered, stifling a sob. "They're gone because of me."

"It wasn't your fault," she whispered back. "You couldn't know what would happen."

"I should've known," he replied. "I should've known…"

"I'm not going to sit here and listen to you blame yourself for what happened to your friends," Cassie said gently. "But I will sit here with you until I can convince you otherwise."

Without another word, Cassie reached for his hand, squeezing his fingers in comfort as he slowly turned back to her. They looked into each others' eyes for a moment before Zhane finally rested his head on her shoulder, still gripping her hand tightly and closing his eyes.

She could feel his heartbeat quicken as he took in a breath and she suddenly felt an increasing dampness on her shoulder. Zhane's tears fell more quickly and he seemed to sink deeper into Cassie's shoulder as she rested her head on his.

***

"That was intense," Aisha said as the Simudeck transformed into five comfortable beds. She and the other Veo Tech Rangers had been sitting quietly, still in shock over what they had just seen and heard.

"Yeah," Adam agreed. "I didn't know Zhane could get that mad. He just doesn't seem the type."

"I guess he has some anger to work through too," Tommy said with a shrug.

"I'll say," Kim said with a nod. "I was waiting for a fist fight."

"It's still early," Aisha replied. "Anything can happen between now and when we get to Onyx."

"If they're still mad at each other by the time we get to Onyx, then we may be in trouble," Tommy said. "We're depending on them to lead us and if they can't work together, then someone's going to get hurt."

"So… we're letting two emotionally disturbed rangers lead both teams?" Rocky asked. "Anybody else starting to rethink things?"

No one responded to his questions, knowing that 'rethinking things' was not an option. It was not as if they knew enough about space to take off on their own. They did not even have a ship of their own. They needed the Astrorangers, no matter what problems seemed to be surfacing between their leaders.

"Maybe we're being a little harsh, guys" Tommy said after a while. "They aren't that bad. Besides, this is the first real fight between them that we've seen."

"Didn't you say that Andros tried to hurt you when you were sparring?" Kim asked.

"He tried to hurt you?" Aisha asked.

"But he didn't," Tommy pointed out. "I think that he was just a little angry about seeing me in his uniform. And who can blame him? I wouldn't want to see anyone wearing your clothes if you were all… gone."

"I can't even imagine what I would do if something happened to you guys," Kim said, shaking the thought from her head.

"Me neither," Tommy said.

"That's why I changed my mind about the morphers," Kim said. "I knew that I wouldn't be able to stand being away from Tommy, especially while he was out risking his life with you guys… And maybe it sounds crazy, but I just couldn't shake the feeling that something bad could happen and I wouldn't even get to say goodbye."

"You didn't want this?" Adam asked.

Kim shook her head guiltily. "You did?" she asked.

"Are you kidding me?" Adam asked incredulously. "I've been waiting for this for a long time. School's fun and I had plenty of hobbies, but there wasn't anything else out there that made me feel like… like this. Before I was a ranger, I wasn't heading toward anything special. I didn't even know if I had any useful talents. But once I became the black ranger, I had a purpose and a use for all that martial arts that I learned… I helped people."

"That's how I felt," Aisha said. "I knew that I had to go to college, and I still want to go, but I don't know what I want to do. As a ranger, I'm doing exactly what I want to do. So, I didn't hesitate when you guys called about the morphers. I couldn't wait."

"Well, I didn't want to come back," Rocky said. "And as much as I loved fighting with you guys, I hated some of the things that came with being a ranger. You don't have time to do what you want and you can't tell anyone that you're a ranger –not a best friend or a girlfriend, not even our parents… It could get kind of smothering, I guess."

"When you walked out of that café, I didn't think that we'd see you again," Aisha said.

"Why'd you change your mind?" Adam asked.

"I couldn't just abandon my friends," he replied. "I'd have never forgiven myself if I had… And I needed some closure on this. I left because I had to, not because I wanted to. And when I left it behind, it was like putting away Christmas lights –they're hidden, but they're still there. When I leave this, I have to know that I'm really done and it has to be because I want to."

"I don't want to leave," Tommy admitted softly. "I actually wouldn't mind being a ranger for the rest of my life. I mean, there are plenty of things that I'd want to do for a living, but it's like Adam said –there's nothing that I could do that would make me feel like this. I missed fighting with you all by my side and I'm glad that we still have the chance to do it again."

"Me too," Kim agreed with a smile.

"Yeah," Rocky said. "I guess I am too."

"So are we," Aisha said, glancing over at Adam, who nodded in agreement.

"You know, I was thinking the other night," Adam began with a sigh. "Andros' friend Wan had said that the previous Veo Tech Rangers had protected the Veo Prism until they were sure that no one would ever look for it again… So, I started wondering, how long are we going to have to look after this thing?"

"Well, we're supposed to destroy it," Kim said. "Once it's gone, no one will be able to use it anymore."

"You're telling me that we're risking our lives and putting on morphers for a temporary assignment?" Adam asked, shaking his head. "We're in this for the long haul, guys. I can feel it."

"Then, you don't want to destroy the Veo Prism?" Aisha asked.

"Should we?" Rocky asked with a shrug. "It's pretty powerful and we don't have to destroy it as long as we get one shard. If it can't be completed, then it can't be used, right?"

"Then it's settled," Adam said. "We fly through space and protect the Veo Prism for the rest of our lives."

"The rest of our lives, Adam?" Kim asked with a smile. "Do you think you can hold out for that long?"

"I don't know," he answered honestly. "Maybe just until I can't do it anymore."

"Sounds good to me," Tommy said. "So maybe when I'm about eighty years old. I ought to be settled by then, right?"

The rangers laughed at themselves as they lay on their beds, though they had to consider the fact that the Veo shards might be harder to find than they thought. It could take them months or years to find them all. But they had decided at least that they would keep fighting together and that the universe would always need them to be Power Rangers.