Disclaimer: JE's Characters—my version

Chapter Ten

The next morning I woke up to a massive pounding headache that was the direct result of Morelli-shed tears last night. It took everything in my power to not turn around and run right back into Joe's arms; he loved me. And I knew without a doubt I loved him too. That didn't change things though; Morelli was engaged and who knew what was going on with that. Morelli had a direct connection to my heart, and when I was around him things were amazing. Only around him did I feel like the person I was supposed to be; he made me confident, strong, ecstatic and no one made me feel beautiful the way he could. But that also meant when I was hurting because of him…the pain alone was unbearable. It felt as if an elephant was sitting on my chest; I couldn't breathe right and no matter what I did to try and move away from the pain—it wasn't going anywhere.

I had spent the better part of my adult life with that feeling as a constant reminder to the heartbreak I experienced. When you fall in love with your best friend you run the ultimate risk of losing everything that constitutes your world. And in the blink of an eye that's what happened to me. I still remembered the amazing night we spent together and the feeling of dread that quickly replaced the feeling of bliss in my heart. There was no way I could have just been Joe's friend after that night. Even though he claimed last night he had been in love with me; who was to say we'd still be together. We were still so young and could I really believe that in 10 years Joe and I would be this happy family? The chances weren't likely, and sometimes it's easier to take the immediate pain and move on than prolong it and only hurt more.

Except my problem was I never really did move on….did I? Sure I dated Austin and I told him I loved him—but I never felt it. I didn't even have to tell Joe I loved him and the feelings were a constant whirlwind inside me; drawn to that man. There was also something else about him; whenever I was around him I could visibly see him relax. He could be exactly who he was around me. There was no hiding from certain emotions that many wouldn't know Joe possessed. I did—I knew that Joe wasn't a crier, but when something came up that would usually initiate the waterworks in someone—Joe would squeeze my hand. It was like he was transferring the pain and sadness to me; and I soaked it up as efficiently as possible to protect my Joe. When Joe was on the verge of losing his control and send his fists into someone's face—I knew what to do. He needed a soft touch from someone that loved and cared for him.

That's when it hit me….I've been in love with Joe all my life. My feelings were finally revealed the night he took my virginity, but everything I knew about him was from the years we spent growing up together. Even as a reckless 16 year old who loved nothing more than picking a good fight; I had always been the one to calm him down. And I have always longed to protect him from everything; because the one thing I hated about all the foolish girls that hung on him was they didn't see who he really was. To them Joe Morelli was invincible and needed nothing real; I knew he slept with them. But I was the only one he let protect him when life became cruel. Like when his father had too many drinks and took his rage out on his sons; no one knew what it took to console Joe after those times—but me.

So maybe I should have admitted to him that night exactly the way I felt. And exactly how much he meant to me and how I couldn't imagine my life without him. But it was hard to think like that when I remember the fight we had a week after; the fight that tore us apart.

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I had successfully avoided Joe all week long, but I knew he was looking for me. The word had been spread quickly that Joe and I were in a "fight". It was one of the only times we had been in a fight since we became friends; so it was major news as far as the gossip clan was concerned. No one knew the real reason for the fight; but none of them had guessed correctly. I was convinced people in the Burg thought of Joe and I as brother and sister because Joe didn't make a move on me—and Joe made a move on everyone. And even though I had checked repeatedly in the mirror; I still felt like I had a big sign on my face saying "WE HOOKED UP!"

"Stephanie, your father and I are leaving now—are you sure you don't want to come?" My mother asked from the other side of my bedroom door; one of my cousins just graduated from college so there was going to be a big family get together tonight.

I was curled up in my bed—like I have been all week—and I quickly cleared away the tears from my throat before answering. "No thanks Ma, tell Joanie congratulations for me."

She let out a sigh. "Okay, have a good night tonight honey." I didn't bother responding, and after a few moments of silence I heard my parents leave the house. My mother knew something had happened between Joe and I, but didn't know what had really happened. But from my lack of enthusiasm to soak up the summer rays, the obvious decrease in my diet and the always present tear stains down my cheeks said it all. I had never been like this before but I knew there was only one thing I could chalk this up as….heartbreak.

Sure in the past I have dated and broken up with different guys; but never was I in love with them. And I always had my best friend there to make things better; and now he was the one person I wanted to talk to—and the one person I couldn't talk to. My parents were going to be out pretty late tonight so now I was free to move my personal sob party down to the couch and watch some TV. I had only been curled up for a few minutes before there was a knock on the door. My first plan was to ignore it; but then there was another knock, then the doorbell went off about a dozen times.

"Jesus! What!" I asked ripping the door open; this definitely wasn't the best way to answer the door. But when I looked up to see Joe Morelli I wished I would have just remained on the couch.

"I went to Joanie's Grad party and saw your parents and your mother said you weren't feeling well."

He tried to push past me into the house, I placed my hand on the doorjamb to keep him out. "I'm not. You should go, I'm probably contagious."

Joe rolled his eyes and pushed past me anyways. "Don't worry Cupcake, bull shit isn't contagious." Before I shut the door I did a quick peek outside; and I swear there was about a dozen faces pressed against the windows to get a look.

"What are you doing here, Joe?" I was pleased to hear my voice came out stronger than I was feeling.

Joe stared at me with his hands on his hips like I was speaking a foreign language. "What am I doing here?" He started pacing back and forth with determination and then his hands started waving around as the Italian side of him began to surface. "I haven't seen you all damn week, and whenever I call your mom says you can't come to the phone. No one's talked to you and I have to keep hearing from people that apparently we're in a fight—which I didn't even know about."

No mention of being worried or concerned—just the fact that he's had to deal with the gossip my absence has caused. "Maybe I couldn't come to the phone—you ever think of that!"

"What the hell is going on—I haven't seen you since that night!"

"Yeah well, you ever stop to think maybe that has something to do with it!" Now I was waving my arms around. The one downfall between Joe and I is we don't just back down from an argument. We don't talk calmly and discuss our issues—we yell, we dish out whatever we can to attack the other person and by the way things were going I didn't see a positive outcome to this fight.

"What does what happened that night change anything?" I felt my jaw hit the floor; how could he even say that!

"How does that not change everything!"

"Christ—it was just sex!" His words hit me with the force of a 10 ton wrecking ball. I have shed more tears in this last week than in my entire lifetime; I have hardly been able to eat a thing. All because I was afraid of this very thing—I wasn't just having sex with Joe; I had been falling in love. Now here I stood—and I was nothing more than one of those other foolish girls that slept with Joe Morelli. Why did I think I was different!

"Well if it was just sex then what are you doing here! Don't worry; no one knows what happened between us so your street cred with the ladies hasn't been ruined!" Joe reached out and grabbed hold of my arm.

"Are you saying what happened between us, wasn't just sex?" Yeah right—like I was going to admit what it was to me now!

I yanked my arm out of his grasp. "No—I'm saying it was a Goddamn mistake!" Joe's expression quickly changed from hurt, to anger to annoyance.

"You know what the real mistake was, Stephanie!" I threw my hands on my hips; waiting for whatever attack was coming out of his mouth next. "The real mistake was wasting the past Goddamn decade with you!" The words stung me like the pain of 100 bees at the same time in my heart.

"WHO ASKED YOU TO DO THAT!"

"You're right, Cupcake! What the hell am I doing here wasting my time trying to get my best friend to stop avoiding me!"

"Just like you said, you are WASTING your time! So why don't you get the hell out of here, Morelli! And don't bother coming back cause I have absolutely NOTHING to say to you!"

We stared each other down for a few minutes and I'm surprised the rage being exchanged between us didn't swallow the house up in the flames shooting out of our exchange. When he saw I was absolutely serious he waved a dismissive hand at me.

"Forget you then!" Joe stalked out the front door and once he had both feet out the door I slammed it shut so hard I was sure the entire house shook. I pressed my back against the door and sunk down to the floor; a new set of tears streamed out of my eyes.

"I hate you Joe Morelli." I whispered to no one as the sobs took over my body.

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"Stephanie Plum!" My mother pounded her fist against my bedroom door a few times before letting herself in. After I left Joe standing in the rain I walked the rest of the way here and used the spare key under the mat to let myself in. This morning I had called into work; one because I had no car here and two because I was not ready to face the real world just yet.

"What, Ma?"

"You are not going to lay in here all day; you need to tell me what happened! The phone has been ringing off the hook today; you've received about two dozen calls from Joseph Morelli and Austin. I keep saying that you're not here but they won't stop calling."

"I'm not in the mood to talk to Joe; and Austin and I broke up last night."

"Well how come! Was it because of Joseph?" The motherly worry was present in her voice; as it always was when Joe's name came up.

"I walked in on him in bed with another woman."

"That little SHIT!" I couldn't help but smile at her; she sat down next to me on the bed. "So why don't you want to talk to Joseph?"

"I really don't want to talk about it, Ma."

She was quiet for a couple beats, but I saw an internal battle taking place in her mind. "You're in love with him still aren't you?"

"Still?"

Her eyes rolled up to the ceiling at me. "You don't think I know how much you used to love that boy?"

I shrugged my shoulders as I bit down on my lip to hold back more unwanted emotion. "You never said anything about it."

"That doesn't mean I didn't see what was going on."

"You told me to let him go again, Ma."

"That's because I saw how much it broke you apart to lose him once before. But the truth is I always thought it would be the two of you getting married one day." I swiped away at the stray tear that had escaped.

"I don't want to talk about this right now."

"Well fine—if you don't want to talk about this with me; maybe you'll listen to your vistor."

"I have a visitor?" She nodded her head. "Who?"

"You'll have to go see for yourself."

I rolled off the bed and stood at the top of the steps and when I looked at the door I saw Tony Morelli. His expression was soft and I could tell he knew what was going on. I felt a whole new set of tears stinging my eyes to come out.

Tony held up my keychain that fell out of my pocket at his place. "I figured you could use a ride home." And even without saying more; he knew I needed much more than just a ride home. I ran down the steps and let him wrap his arms around me as the tears poured from my eyes and onto his shirt.

A/N: Thank you so much for all of your amazing support! I'm so glad you're enjoying my story! And I will continue to post as soon as I can. Just a heads up though—my next school semester starts tomorrow. So I'm sorry in advance if I don't update as much as usual. Like always—please review! Thank you! =]