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Liquid Courage

Come over, the first note read when Jack stepped inside that night. He sighed when he read it. His day had been long and stressful, and talking to Kate about the kiss they'd shared the night before was hardly his idea of relaxation. First of all, he didn't know what to say to her, or how to explain his feelings to her. Jack couldn't even explain them to himself. He hated feeling this way, like he was trapped in some other universe, in a place where he shouldn't be, he kept telling himself. Still, after he'd changed out of his work clothes and into something more comfortable, he knocked on Kate's door lightly.

She answered immediately, and she was expecting him around this time, he knew.

"Hey," he offered brightly, in attempts to lighten what would surely be a heavy mood.

To his surprise, she smiled widely back at him. "Hey yourself." Kate held the door open and he stepped through.

"Sit down," she told him. "Want something to drink?" Confusion rushed through him- she was being a bit polite, wasn't she? He shook his head.

He remained standing. "What's this about, Kate?" Shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans, he waited for her answer.

Instead she gave him a look of annoyance, suggesting that his question was rather stupid.

"Okay, okay, so I know what this is about." Sitting down awkwardly in a deep red armchair, he stared at her. His heart still fluttered.

His birthday party had been a lot of fun, but somehow he'd managed to screw up their friendship in the process. He hadn't planned to kiss her- but when he was sitting there next to her, her leg against his, her long curls brushing on the tops of his shoulders, he found that he couldn't hold back any longer.

Something about her was intoxicating. And suddenly Kate's lips were on his, although he knew he'd initiated it, and they were soft and completely kissable. He'd pulled away, not sure which he regretted more, or which he was supposed to regret more- pulling back or kissing her in the first place. Kate had left shortly after, on shaky legs and fumbled words.

"So what was that all about?" She paused. "Last night." Kate tucked a leg underneath her where she sat on the sofa. She'd known when Jack would get home, so she'd done herself a favor and had a few glasses of wine beforehand, to ease her nerves. The kiss was all she'd thought about the whole day- the fact that she didn't have work to distract her not helping her cause. She'd enjoyed it, sure, but why had it happened? He'd initiated it- this time.

It took him a while to answer, Jack's elbows on his knees as he stared seemingly into the carpet. It made her nervous. "It was a birthday kiss," he finally answered, meeting her gaze. There was a small flicker of visible disappointment that tore through her eyes and Jack didn't miss it. It was the same flicker that was coursing its way through his own body. Before she could ask, he answered. "I don't know why it happened."

"Yeah," she mumbled. "Me either." They sat in silence, both feeling extremely awkward and out of place.

"What are we supposed to do about this?" Jack finally asked her, getting up from his seat in the armchair and plopping down next to her.

Kate tried to hold the tears back that were threatening to form. She was falling for the man sitting next to her, a man who had already told her, plain and clear, that he couldn't be with her. She no longer believed that it was her own fault- that she wasn't good enough or pretty enough, or smart enough, but that the problem lay within the man next to her. And the last thing she wanted was to be the next "Sarah", the next woman to break his heart.

"Jack, this can't keep happening," she told him softly. He nodded.

"I know... and I'm sorry that it did." His words were meant for comfort, but Jack immediately realized it wasn't how they were taken. "No... Kate..." he pleaded, "I'm not sorry that it happened, I'm sorry that I can't let it happen." His eyes were soft and she could tell he was sincere.

She wrung her hands together. "So are we supposed to pretend this didn't happen?" Her eyes were wide and bore into his.

He wasn't quite sure what the right thing to say was, or even if there was something that could ease her. Because, like always, he'd made another mistake, although this time he wasn't exactly beating himself up about it. Jack thought carefully before he spoke.

"It was a birthday kiss," he said, and although he'd said it before, this time it meant something entirely different. He couldn't help but chuckle and Kate joined in.

She didn't want to take it that easily, but found herself accepting enough of his response since she'd been through it before with him. Although he'd initiated it, Kate could've stopped him. She couldn't help but think he looked vulnerable sitting there, a small smile on his face, but cupping his chin in his hands.

"Okay... so that's it?" Her tone was lighter now, suggesting to the man sitting next to her that she wasn't angry at him.

"Yeah... you get one on your birthday too, okay?" he joked with her and she burst into laughter.

"This is weird," she admitted a few minutes later after they'd turned on the TV in attempts to bury the silence.

Jack turned towards her. "Look, you know why I can't do it, don't you?"

"Of course. I don't think you really need to explain it to me again..." she trailed off.

"Because Kate, if I was a sane man, none of this would even be a question."

"Yeah," she teased him, "but you're not."

A few days had passed since they'd really seen each other. Although she'd been leaving notes, Jack would just stop over and say a quick hello. It was still a little awkward- they both knew why.

One of Kate's new friends from school was over Wednesday night, helping her finish decorating the apartment. That task had ended hours ago, and they had retired to her kitchen table, wine in hand. Although she loved being friends with Jack, he just couldn't provide the female bonding she'd so missed. Caroline had taken awhile to warm up to Kate- perhaps because they were both young, beautiful, successful teachers.

"Frankly I can't believe you still talk to the guy," Caroline told her with a wave of the hand. "Sounds like a flake to me."

She had a point.

"He's- it's not like that with him," she tried.

"So you just let him tease you and lead you on?" Kate knew she had valid points and was honestly trying to protect her, but she'd never met Jack.

She met Caroline's hard stare. "Look, I know how this seems. And maybe you're partly right... but he's a good friend. And he doesn't mean any harm."

Her red haired friend crinkled the place mat underneath her fingers. "It's up to you, really. I just don't want things to go too far. This whole time, from what you've told me, he's been trying to protect himself. But what if it's you who ends up getting hurt?"

There was a knock on the door and Kate glanced at the clock on the microwave. 9:45. It was him.

"Speak of the devil," she mumbled.

"It's him?" Caroline whispered.

Kate nodded at her frantically. "Don't say anything stupid," she warned her, before opening the door to him.

"Hey," he grinned. "Nice note." He held it up in front of him, still dressed in work clothes. Tonight's selection had been a quote she saw on a poster in the classroom next to her.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils...

"That's quite a hint," he smirked.

She folded her hands in front of her. "Couldn't help myself."

Jack broke her stare and saw the other woman in the room. "I'm sorry... I didn't know you had company." He looked uncomfortable.

Caroline strode over to the two. "Don't be silly. I'm Caroline... Jack did you say?"

"Yeah... nice to meet you." He was puzzled as he didn't remember ever saying his name...

"Caroline works at the school," Kate explained.

"Well, don't let me ruin your fun," he smiled, "I just wanted to say hi."

Kate grabbed his arm. "Nah, don't leave," she pleaded with him. "We're running out of things to talk about anyway."

"Sit yourself down, Jack. Want some wine?" Caroline waved the bottle in front of him and poured him a glass. He laughed and accepted.

"So Jack," she started once he had sat down, "Kate here tells me you're a surgeon."

He glanced at Kate and she blushed a little. "You've been talking about me behind my back?" he asked her teasingly, cocking his eyebrows.

"Well, you know, it just uhh, it just kinda came up, and uhh..."

"She talks about you all the time," Caroline pointed out and it was Kate's turn to gape.

She smacked her friend lightly on the arm. "I do not!"

"Kate... come on," Jack laughed at her. "How could you not?" He was mocking her, he realized, but he couldn't help it. She looked so cute with her nose scrunched up and her eyes glaring at him.

She pouted until Jack apologized over and over. Caroline watched the two interact, feeling as though she hardly existed inside the apartment. Kate was right, that she'd have to meet Jack to realize how their relationship worked. The man was extremely charming, though it didn't appear he meant to be most of the time. It was clear that the two were intensely attracted to each other.

Caroline flashed her eyes at her watch and faked a sigh. "Oh God, Kate, I have to get going. I still have a bunch of papers to grade." How could a fellow teacher not believe that excuse?

"Oh," Kate frowned, appearing surprised. "Well thanks so much for all your help... I'll see you tomorrow then?"

The red head and smiled at the two of them. "Sure thing. Jack," she nodded, "it was nice meeting you."

She left and Jack started laughing. "Did we scare her off?"

"I want to go out tonight," Jack complained. They were stopped in the vegetable section at the grocery store. He leaned heavily on the cart.

Kate turned toward him, a bag of frozen peas lofted in her hands. "You? Want to go out? Am I hearing this right?"

"It's not impossible you know," he deadpanned. "You wanna go to the bar or something?"

Despite her surprise, she accepted. "Pick me up at 9," she joked with him.

"This was a bad idea," Jack moaned over his drink. "That," he pointed to the glass in front of him, "is why I stick with beer."

"Oh, shut up," she retorted. "Drink up," Kate suggested, and they tipped back their glasses.

Kate laughed through several hours as they sat at the bar. They'd each had several drinks bought for them, only thanking the buyers politely. Kate had never seen Jack blush so much in his life. He was drunk, she could tell, buzzed in thought. He was rubbing his hand along her knee, and although she wasn't as drunk as he, she did nothing to stop it.

"You're beautiful," he told her randomly. She blushed and shook her head, ready to fight back. "No," he stopped her, "you really are."

She decided to use his inebriated state to her advantage. "Yeah, you think so?" He nodded, tracing patterns on the bar top. "Why's that?"

"I'm so stupid, aren't I? Sulking over myself when I could have you?" He looked her up and down for awhile, and it made her body burn. "Your hair," he told her simply. "It's long and wavy and beautiful." She was about to cut in about how ridiculous he was, but he continued. "And your freckles." Reaching toward her face, he let his fingers dance over her cheeks. She closed her eyes. "And your eyes. They're this clear shade of green." Long after his hand had left her cheek, she felt his soft touches.

Kate did nothing to stop him from talking. If he remembered in the morning, he would regret it, she was sure. "Then sometimes you'll laugh and I'll get caught up in it," he admitted, finally breaking their lock. She got lost in a daze, staring into her drink and stirring it constantly. "You know how dorky your smile is?" he asked her, and it was all it took for her attention to snap back up to him.

She'd thought he was on a roll with his compliments. Frowning her brow, she asked him, "what?"

Moving his hand from her knee to her upper arm, he eased her. "No, no, that's exactly why I love it," Jack mused, rubbing his hands over his hair, as if he was just realizing for the first time how much he was exposing his feelings. "It's so dorky, but adorable, and it lights up your face."

"Well thank you for the compliments, Jack. I'll be sure to remind myself the next time I hate what I see in the mirror." The buzz in her body was now reaching her head, but she hardly minded. She wasn't quite sure if the feeling was from the alcohol, or from his words.

He got up from his stool. "I gotta pee. I'll be right back." She laughed- hard, when he left. His last words broke the spell, and his liquid courage would be gone soon enough.