A/N: I'M BACK!!

Demyx: Yeah, I could've sworn you were in, like, a coma or something.

Nari: And what if I was?

Demyx: . . . But you weren't. Just write the chapter, okay?

Nari: Fine. Since my creative juices are starting to (slowly) work again, this might be a bit easy. Or it might be difficult. We'll find out, huh?

Thank you to everyone who sent in ideas!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Kingdom Hearts in any way, shape, or form.

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Chapter Ten: Xaldin

Xaldin glowered at Colbert from beneath his hooded brows.

"What was that?" Colbert said. Xaldin had been muttering something about backstabbers and being outvoted.

"Nothing," Xaldin growled.

"Well, okay," Colbert said, looking a bit concerned. "Now, you are the third member of the Organization, yes?"

"Yes," Xaldin ground out, determined to use one-word answers the entire interview.

"I would like to ask you if you remember anything of your past life, before you were a Nobody," Colbert said, wincing in preparation for an explosion.

Xaldin paused to consider. "Somewhat," he muttered.

". . ." Colbert blinked. This was going to be difficult. He set his jaw in determination. Well, if he had to antagonize this man into talking, so be it.

"I have heard many people wonder, do you have to do your hair every morning?" Colbert blurted. But he was just getting started.

Xaldin started, and then looked annoyed. "No," he snarled.

"Well then, are your sideburns perhaps alive? I have heard some people speculate about that."

Don't tell him about us, one of Xaldin's sideburns urged him.

They are not ready for the truth, the other agreed. Keep your silence.

Xaldin glared at Colbert, and if his braids were hovering a little, no one noticed.

"Oo-kay," Colbert drawled, surprised at his lack of reaction. "I'll continue. Are you, in fact, Jamaican?"

That man just crossed the line, the first sideburn accused.

I agree. You have to erase him from existence.

You're right, Xaldin thought back. He just crossed the line.

Xaldin opened his mouth and said more than one word. "Would you like to see my collection of lances?" he said, and the air in the studio was ominously still. "I have six of them."

The air gained that odd quality it gets right before a tornado, and the wind began condensing, forming a thick gray wall around Xaldin. Six lances appeared, hovering before him. He grabbed two in each hand, and the other two hovered over his shoulders.

He called Xaldin Jamaican! a sideburn told the lances.

No, gasped one lance, the one hovering over his left shoulder.

It's true, the other sideburn said solemnly.

This man has gotta die, said a lance in Xaldin's right hand.

How am I supposed to think with all of you chattering like old ladies in a rest home? Xaldin demanded.

Sorry, said the sideburns and lances.

I suppose I can forgive you this time, Xaldin relented.

The audience was watching this exchange with mild interest. It was fun to watch a man make gestures to several weapons and two sideburns.

We'd better get down to business, one lance finally said.

Yeah, Xaldin said, turning to the spot where Colbert used to be. Let's trap him inside a tornado and see how long he l-

Wait a minute, a sideburn said. Rewind. Where is he?

"Colbert!" Xaldin shouted to the ceiling. "You don't have anywhere to run to!"

He advanced on the interns. A few of them were cradling rabbits to their chests, whimpering. "Where is Colbert?" he said menacingly.

"We have no loyalty for him!" one intern cried. He pointed to the desk Colbert sat at. "He's over there!"

"Just don't hurt our bunnies," another intern added, holding up her floppy-eared, snowy white rabbit.

Xaldin nodded. "Agreed," he said, and levitated over to Colbert's desk. "Knock, knock," he called lightly. "Anyone home?"

"No," Colbert said, his voice muffled.

Xaldin gave the desk an unholy grin. He took one lance from behind his shoulder and pushed it into the desk.

"Don't kill me!" Colbert yelped, crawling quickly from beneath the desk. "I have a show to run!"

"Shouldn't we be calling Xigbar?" Kit said casually.

"Probably," Parker said back, equally casual.

Parker lazily reached back and into one of the bunkers, pulling the corded phone off the hook. He stretched and pushed the "Oh my God, get here ASAP" button. Yawning, he watched Xaldin chase Colbert around the studio.

"Y'know, this is getting pretty repetitive," Kit remarked.

"Yeah," Parker agreed.

"Hello?" a voice asked, scratchy over the phone line.

"Hey, Zexion, it's Parker. Just thought you might like to know that Xaldin's tearing up the studio. So, if you'd be kind enough to give Xigbar a message, tell him to come over here whenever he feels like it. You know, no big deal."

"What?" Zexion shouted. "Don't do anything rash; Xigbar will be right there." He hung up.

"I hadn't noticed until now, but the Organization members seem very volatile and emotional for heartless beings, don't they?" Kit commented.

Parker yawned again. "It's all very monotonous to me."

Xaldin had succeeded in pinning Colbert in a corner, and the winds swirling angrily around him were tugging at Colbert's clothes.

This is the end! one lance cried.

Colbert ducked his head.

A portal appeared in front of Colbert. "Why must this happen every time?" Xigbar raged, coming in guns blazing. He ran to Xaldin and slammed him against the wall. "Leave before I lose my patience," he ground out.

Xaldin left without a word, terrified. Xigbar seemed to be losing control with every interview.

Xigbar advanced on Colbert, his eyes angry. "Only three interviews left," he said. "Don't mess it up."

Colbert nodded, unable to speak.

Xigbar turned away, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I am SO gonna need some serious therapy after all this," he muttered, a portal swallowing him from the ground up. "I'd better look into that."

The rest of the crew slowly emerged from the fire-proof studio box. The interns, seizing their chance, dashed into the box, slamming the door shut behind them.

"Put Xaldin on the board, huh, Jimmy?" Colbert said woozily, walking over to his desk. The lance was still embedded in the wood, quivering slightly. The board was brought out, and at the same instant Xaldin lit up, the lance disappeared in a swirl of smoke. It left a foot-deep gouge in the wood.

"Thank God this is almost over," Colbert gasped, collapsing into his chair. "Good night, nation."

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The World That Never Was

"And then there were two," Axel said, smirking.

"Good luck," Roxas said solemnly, meaning it.

Zexion and Lexaeus were seated on one side of the table, looking at the rest of the Organization with wide eyes. "Don't do this to us," Zexion pleaded.

"Everyone else had to," Xigbar said. "And I'm going last, remember? Unless you want to put up with psycho for the next three interviews."

Zexion and Lexaeus shook their heads vigorously.

"So, how do we choose?" Luxord wondered out loud.

"Eenie, meenie, minie, mo?" Demyx suggested.

Xigbar shook his head. "I'll do it," he said. "I'm going to spin around in a circle. One half is Zexion's side, the other is Lexaeus'. Someone stops me from spinning, and wherever I'm pointing gets to go next."

"We'll choose sides without telling you, so it'll be fair," Vexen said, ever the stickler for experiments.

So Xigbar covered his other eye, and spun around with his arms out. Demyx reached out after about ten seconds and stopped him. Xigbar opened his eye cautiously. "Who's the unlucky person?"

Zexion and Lexaeus looked at each other fearfully.

Xemnas looked at the two of them. "Zexion," he said gravely.

"NOO!" Zexion cried, as Lexaeus did a happy 'not me' dance to the side.

Everyone began slowly clearing the room. "Why?" Zexion wailed.

"Relax," Demyx said encouragingly. "You'll be fine. It wasn't that bad."

"Really?" Zexion asked.

Demyx thought back to his interview. "Okay, maybe it will be bad," he amended. "But probably more for him than you."

Zexion moaned as they left the room. "He'll probably call me emo or something." The door closed, and the lights flicked off. And so the room would remain empty. Until next week, that is.

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Nari: Well? What say ye?

Demyx: Meh, I've read better.

Zexion: Why ME? Why not Lexaeus first?

Nari: -shrug- There was nothing on T.V. I decided to torment you, instead.

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