Batingency Plans
#4
Robin had been kidnapped by a mob boss. Again. At least this time there weren't any crowbars around.
The night had started out so perfect. Batman had trusted him enough to patrol the upper part of Gotham by himself. Of course, the upper part of Gotham had a ridiculously low crime rate compared to the rest of the city, but he wasn't complaining.
He had been circling back around to meet up with Batman when trouble hit. He saw something going down in an alleyway. There seemed to be drugs involved, so he went down to stop it. What he didn't know was that there were quite a few thugs down there, and the person selling the drugs was a rising crime lord.
So now, here he was, tied to a chair in the basement of some house. He could get out any time he wanted, but that wasn't the plan. As soon as he was captured, he had radioed Bats to activate Batingency Plan 4, and these guys weren't going to like it.
"You know I can escape this, right? Your rope tying skills are pathetic," Robin taunted the men guarding him.
"Oh yeah kid? Then why don't you fly the coup little birdy?" one of them responded.
"Because I love watching Batman crush the people who mess with me."
"Batman doesn't kill people," the other guard stated.
"Where's the fun in that? I'm going to let you guys in on a little secret. In the Batcave, Batman keeps a book of all know, and a few unknown, torture methods. He loves trying out new ways to drive people insane."
The guards looked a bit unsettled, but one decided to slap Robin across the face. "Shut up."
"You really shouldn't have done that. The last guy who slapped me ended up with a ruptured spleen. Another had a shattered tibia. Then there was that other-"
"I said shut up kid! Even Batman won't be able to find you here. I can do whatever I like."
Robin started grinning, then he started cackling. "Batman can't find me? You must be joking. Batman sees all. Batman knows all. And even Hell has no fury such as a ticked off Batman."
One of the guards was shaking in his shoes, pretty soon he'd pee his pants. The other was shaken, but he still seemed incredibly stubborn.
"Maybe we should ignore the Bird. We're only supposed to make sure he doesn't escape," the nervous guy said.
"Fine." The other guy, who shall be referred to as the idiot, said.
They both turned sat down and started playing cards. Pretty soon, Robin was bored. Why was Batman taking so long?
"I'm hungry," he said.
The men ignored him.
"I'm bored."
No answer.
Fine. He thought, I'll entertain myself.
"Comb your hair and paint and powder you act proud and I'll act prouder
You sing loud and I'll sing louder tonight we're settin' the woods on fire
You're my gal and I'm your feller dress up in your frock of yeller
I'll look swell but you'll look sweller settin' the woods on fire
We'll take in all the honky tonks tonight we're havin' fun
We'll show the folks a brand new dance that never has been done
I don't care who thinks we're silly you'll be Daffy and I'll be Dilly
We'll order up two bowls of chili settin' the woods on fire.
Lalalalalalalaalalalalalalal alalalalalalalalalalalalalal alalaalalalalalala
I don't care who thinks we're silly you'll be Daffy and I'll be Dilly
We'll order up two bowls of chili settin' the woods on fire," Robin sang as loud as he could.
"I thought I told you to shut up!" the idiot said.
He threw a punch at Robin, but was stopped by his cohort. "Don't do that! We don't need Bat trouble."
"Fine. But just this once. Stay quiet or you won't know what hit you," the idiot threatened.
They went back to their card game. Soon enough, Robin got bored again.
"Nananananananananananananana nananananananananananananana nananananananananana BATMAN!"
"I warned you!" the idiot said, aiming for the birds nose.
But before he could throw the punch, smoke began to fill the room. The lights went out. Robin's cackle filled the room.
"And I warned you!" he said.
The nervous guy managed to pull out a flashlight. He started searching the room for the fuses, thinking one had blown. Instead, he found a figure in the middle of the room. It was dark, and black, and had pointed ears.
"What's that?" he whimpered.
"I'm Batman," the figure answered.
The nervous guard squeaked in fright, and lost control of his bladder. Then he passed out.
The idiot was backing away. "I'm sorry Mister Batman. Here, take the Bird. I don't want any trouble."
"But you've got it."
In the background, Robin had undone the ropes binding him to the chair. He stood behind the idiot, silently.
"Please leave me alone," the man cried out.
"Boo," Robin said in the idiot's ear.
He ran away from Robin, and straight into Batman's fist, dropping to the ground, unconscious.
"Good work, Robin."
"Thanks Bats. So, is Batingency Plan 4 a success?"
"Yes. I think that it was."
The men were dropped off at Arkham, and had to go through several therapy sessions to deal with their irrational fear of robins and bats. The news of what had happened spread through Gotham's underworld. From now on, all criminals were going to be careful about whom they kidnapped.
If it wasn't clear, Batingency Plan 4 is that if you are kidnapped, you should do what you can to terrify and annoy your kidnappers until backup arrives, especially if it spreads rumors of the ferocity and scariness of Batman. The songs Robin was singing in this chapter are from the Batman, and part of the theme song for the 1966 Batman TV show.
I'm trying to figure out which story to post next, so let me know what you think. I've got a one-shot series planned, a sequel to Rebel Justice, and a sequel to Young Justice the Musical. Or I can do something completely different. Your choice.
Have a