Chapter 10

Jacob had left about an hour ago and Elizabeth and Nico were in with Alex. Elizabeth was hit hard when she saw him and it took a while for Nico to finally calm her down. She hadn't said a word the whole time, just sat holding his hand and praying under her breath. A nurse brought in another chair for Nico and he sat quietly watching them both. He wasn't really sure what to say to her. He knew she had to be mad at him for leaving but she hasn't really spoken to him at all. Finally, the nurse from before came in to do the check. They both stood to leave but she motioned them to sit back down. "I'm only recording his vitals and checking the fluid bags; no need for you to leave just yet. How's he doing?"

Elizabeth looked over at her. "Nothing's changed since we've been in here"

The nurse pushed a few buttons on the machine and glanced at Elizabeth, "That's good to hear."

"What do you mean good? He's still the same; he's not getting any better."

The nurse stopped and turned to her. "Ma'am I know it's hard to be here like this, but really at this point, no change is a good thing. He's not getting worse…. He's holding on."

She turns to leave and looks back at them, "This kid is stronger than a lot of other patients I've seen and he's going to be here for a while. My name is Karen and I usually work nights. I will be leaving in a few minutes and the day shift nurse will be in for the next check. She will need to check his bandages so you will have to step out for the next check. I come back on at 9 tonight. I really hope to see you then. Hang in there for him, he'll need you."

As she leaves, Elizabeth has fresh tears streaming down her face. Nico walks over and hugs her from behind and whispers in her ear, "He's going to make it and don't even think otherwise. So is Natalia." She wipes the tears from her eyes. "I know he's strong, he's been fighting his whole life. It's just tough to see him like this again."

Nico kneels down beside her. "What do you mean again?"

She looks him in the eye and sees the fear and pain. "He was born really pre-mature. She almost lost him but he fought hard to survive. He was about 3 months early. He hasn't really had the easiest life. Natalia has been through hell and you not being there, made it worse. If it weren't for me and Marshall, she would've had it worse. I'm really pissed that you never came back. Marshall explained everything; and he gives her updates about you all the time, but it's not the same. Listen, we need to talk about all of this, but it's really not the time or place."

She's really tired and tries unsuccessfully to hold back a yawn. He holds on to her as she places her head down on the bed. She's so exhausted, physically and emotionally. He rubs her back and she starts to relax. She begins to doze off and he walks back to sit in his chair. He's silently praying everything he said was true because he can't lose them again. He reaches over and picks up the box of letters.

He looks at the post marks on all the letters. He notices the first ten or so letters came about two to three weeks apart. He thinks back to what the first letter said about her being about 7 weeks along. That was in February so he does the math in his head,… Christmas. He's a little distracted by the memory of their Christmas vacation together. She planned a long weekend away and wanted to learn how to ski. They rented all the gear and planned for a few days in the mountains, but never actually left their room. He had to physically shake his head to clear the memory of them together in the hot tub. Ok, so back to the math. Jacob said his birthday was June, 24th. That puts her at about 26-27 weeks when she gave birth. He is shocked. He looks at the child. "Damn, he is a fighter!"

He flips through the box looking for the letter that was mailed at the end of June.

June 26, 2005

Hey Sweetheart,

I have some news from you. It's good and bad. A couple of nights ago, I began having some cramps and couldn't get comfortable. The pain started getting worse so I went to the hospital. While in the waiting room waiting to be seen, my water broke and I went into labor. The doctors couldn't do anything to stop it, so I delivered the baby. He is beautiful. I was almost 27 weeks along and he is in the neonatal intensive care unit. They call it the NICU for short. I have decided to name him after your Grandfather. I remember our longs talks and you telling me how much he changed your life. His name is Alexander Valente Niccolo Careles, II.

He is so tiny. He was born on June 24th at 9:34 pm, weighed 2 lbs. 2 oz. and was 11 inches long. The doctors say he has a good chance to make it, but I'm so scared though. He has machines hooked all to him and he has one tube that helps him breath and one to help him get formula. His skin is so thin that I can see he veins and he hasn't opened his eyes. I can't hold him and I'm really afraid to even touch him.

I see the other babies in here and can hear some of the nurses whisper about their condition and I pray Alexander doesn't have those problems. The doctors explained that he may have hearing or seeing problems and may even have some mental development problems. He should have had more time to develop in the womb. I really hope there is nothing I did to cause this. I'm not sure what went wrong. I really wish you were here to see him.

He is going to make it because he's strong like you. He has your nose, your chin and even has a little bit of black hair. The doctors say he will be here for a while. I miss you and I really wish you were here to hold me. Here is a picture for you. I'm sorry it's not really good, but the tubes and all are in the way. I will try to get a better one soon.

Lizzy and Marshall are here with me. Marshall keeps wanting to call you and if you're reading this, please don't get mad at him. I did call and leave you a voicemail but it only said to please call me and I love you. I will leave you that same message every time I call you. I want to be the one to tell you about Alex. I want you to be able to look at me again and know I love you with everything inside of me. You promised to love me forever and I will hold you to that.

Lizzy is going to stay with me here at the hospital for a couple of days and Marshall is going to fix up the nursery. I know we planned to do that together but it can't wait any longer. We are going to change your home office into the nursery and keep the spare room the same. Lizzy is probably going to move in with us until you come home. She and David broke off their engagement because he cheated on her. I know you never liked him anyway. She needs to feel wanted and I am going to need help, so it works out to both of our advantages.

I plan to write to you every week to give you an update on how he's doing until he comes home. After that, I will probably only write once every month. That way you will get a full update and I hope this doesn't bother you. I am not even sure you are reading these letters, but I will keep sending them.

Love Always,

Natalia

Nico looks up from the paper with tears in his eyes. She must have been so scared. He's sitting in a room with the same child and the same news; and he is terrified. Alexander may not make it and if he does, he will be here for a while and may have brain damage. Then looks at the woman sleeping beside his son, and realizes she's an amazing friend to have been there all this time.

A buzz from his pocket signals a text message from Marshall: "Dr D. and I are in the waiting room. Any update on Natalia?"-M

He stands up slowly and quietly leaves the room. He walks out to the waiting room. Dani sees him and stands up to rush over to him. "Nico, Are you ok?"

He quietly pulls her into a hug and just holds her there for a minute. Marshall sees all of this but doesn't make a comment. The only women Nico has held like that were Natalia, and Lizzy earlier outside Natalia's room.

Dani pulls back from him and looks him in the eye. "Hey. Talk to me, are you ok?"

"No, not even close."