Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own Twilight.
Waking up around 9:20 I realized that I only had 10 minutes before my conference call. Tanya will be pissed if I am late. I ran to the bathroom and then hurried to my office. I made sure I had both handsets in case the battery was low on one. At exactly 9:29 my phone rang. "Hello, Tanya. How are you?"
"Bella, I have a lot of meetings today so I don't have a lot of time to chit chat." Tanya was always straight to the point. She may come off as bitchy but I knew she was just good at her job and was very different away from it.
"Nice to talk to you too…. So what was so important? I'm only about 3 chapters away from being done with the latest book."
"Oh Bella, I have some great news for you. Open Desire has hit #1 on the New York Times best seller list. You've sold more copies of it than all of your first 3 books combined. Do you know what that means for you?"
I was stunned. Open desire was a very personal story for me. It was all the things I had ever wanted for myself and all my dreams laid out on paper. I went places in that book that I'd never even allowed myself to think about before.
"Tanya, that is amazing. Does this mean that my contract will be extended?"
"Silly Bella, you would have got an extension regardless. You are the most steadily selling author we have right now. We never have to take a risk with you because your fans are so loyal. What this means is that you have widened your audience. You could probably write about anything you wanted and it would sell at this point." I was stunned. By the way she was talking I could completely change my genre but did I want to. I was good at what I wrote. It was therapy for me.
"Well, I don't think I will make any major changes. I am almost finished with Love in Hand so I may take a few months to really think about what I'll do next. I am really proud of what I have so far. I think you'll like it."
"Well you can take all the time you need. When do you think you'll have the draft to me? Can you do it by next week?"
"With only 3 chapters left and possibly an epilogue I could have it done and send it by Friday. Of course you know that's only an outline. If I feel it's needed it may be longer. Tuesday at the latest though."
"That sounds great. Don't let those characters control you!" She laughed but was entirely serious. I tend to let the characters determine where the story will go and with so much inspiration in my life lately it may be hard to rein it in. "I can't wait to see it. Congratulations Bella, you really deserve it."
"Thank you so much Tanya. I couldn't have gotten through these last few books without you."
"No problem Girl. I look forward to reading the new one and make sure you celebrate. This stuff doesn't happen everyday. Talk to you soon."
"I know. Thanks again. Talk to you soon." As I hung up I was squealing like a little girl. I immediately dialed Edward. He picked up on the third ring and sounded irritated. "Cullen."
Oh crap, what is wrong with him? "Um Edward, is…is ev-everything o-kay?" I know how I sounded but couldn't help it. His voice just brought that scared kitten out in me. "Bella? I'm sorry, I didn't recognize the number and it has been a terrible morning."
"Oh well I'm sorry I disturbed you." I wanted to be strong and just blurt out my good news but fear was holding on to me too tight. "I called from my house phone; I didn't even think that you didn't have that number. I'm sorry."
"Baby, you can call me any time you want and from anywhere you want. I apologize for being a jerk. What did you want before I snapped at you?" I blew out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. Trying to will away the irrational fear, "Oh I got some great news this morning. My first thought was to call you." He muttered an apology and asked me to go on. "My editor called me this morning to tell me that my last book just hit #1 on the New York Times best seller list. I am a best selling author. I can't believe it!"
"Oh Bella, Love that's awesome! I am so happy for you. Now I really feel like an ass. We should celebrate. How about I take you out to dinner tomorrow night?"
"That would be great. Can we go to Niche? I've wanted to try it for a while." I didn't know what had gotten into me because I never, absolutely never, asked people to take me out or made suggestions on where to go. I was getting ready to backtrack when Edward laughed, "That sounds wonderful. I've heard a lot of good things about it too. I'll make a reservation." I sighed in relief. "So there was something I wanted to talk to you about but forgot at dinner last night." He sounded very playful so I didn't freak like I probably would have otherwise.
"Oh yeah what's that?" I had a feeling I knew what it was but thought it best to let him take the lead.
"Well I realized after I said it that I introduced you to Kate as my girlfriend but hadn't even talked to you about it. That was very presumptuous of me." I laughed, "I thought that too…after I allowed myself to have a little happy dance in my head." He let out a breath and laughed. "Oh thank God, I was afraid I might have scared you. I had been meaning to talk to you about that at breakfast but then she showed up and screwed up all my plans."
"Edward, are you asking me to go steady? Am I going to get pinned?" I teased trying not to laugh out loud. Not missing a beat he teased me back, "Will you be my girlfriend Bella? I'll give you my class ring tomorrow during study hall."
"Oh Edward! Of course I will!" I tried to sound as much like an excited teenage girl as I could. He laughed and if I had to guess he was probably shaking his head "I lo- You are perfect, you know that!" I almost missed that slip there but not completely. I did have to let it go though because I was no where near ready to deal with it right now. "You too, Edward. You are too perfect sometimes."
"Sometimes? I seriously need to step up my game if I'm only perfect sometimes."
"Ha, you didn't listen, I said you are perfect but sometimes you are too perfect."
"Good to know. Listen, Bella, I have a lot to do today and even though I really don't want to go I really must." I knew this but it still sucked. "I understand. I really just called to tell you my happy news. I'll talk to you tonight."
"I'm so glad you did call and I feel better now that I've heard your voice. I will call when I get home. Talk to you later, Beautiful." I loved it when he called me that. "Later. Bye Edward."
I was starving so I made my way to the kitchen and since it was late for breakfast I decided to just call and see if Alice could do lunch. I called her hoping she wasn't with a patient.
"Alice Brandon Please." The receptionist at her office was a young girl, just out of high school named Lilly. She had been in one of the classes I taught at the High School and was just so sweet.
"Hi Ms. Newton. How are you?" I cringed at the use of Mike's name. "Well I'm great Lilly. It's Ms. Swan now though. How are you?"
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know. I'm doing really great. I start at Murray State in the fall." I heard Alice in the background talking to a patient. "Here is Miss Brandon."
"Bella, what's up my dear?" Even after 11 years I can not get used to her exuberance. It was infectious. "Oh my gosh, Alice I got the best news today. Can you go to lunch?" I could here her tapping her pen on the counter. "Yeah, I don't have another patient till 1:30. What time and where?"
"Meet me at Pantera's in 40 min."
"Ok see you there."
We ate pizza and salad and I gushed about my book. She called me on my overflowing happiness and told me how happy she was for me. Then she bear hugged me and had to get back to the office.
It had been an amazing day so far so I did some laundry and worked on my book. I worked out for a while and watched reruns of Bones until Edward called me to say he'd just gotten home and was going to bed. I was disappointed but understood.
I woke up Tuesday morning to my cell phone ringing. I reached for it and knocked it on the floor. Eventually I found it and of course it had stopped ringing. When I looked at the screen I had 2 missed calls. Both were Edward. Shit. What is wrong that he is calling me at 7:30 in the morning? I was getting ready to hit send when he called again. "Edward, what's wrong?"
"Ugh, I'm so sorry to wake you up but I just got a call from my Dad. Jasper and I have to fly to Chicago today for an emergency board meeting. There is something going on that he isn't telling me so I don't know when I'll be back."
"It's okay. Stuff happens. I hope everything is ok. Do I need to cancel the reservation for tonight?"
"Oh Baby, I hadn't thought of that yet. I will take care of it. I am so sorry. I'll call you as soon as I know what's going on." He paused and I didn't know what to say. I wanted to tell him everything would be fine but I didn't know that. "Bella, I'll miss you. Hell I miss you already." I sighed, "I miss you too. Be careful and let me know what's going on. I'll see you whenever you get home."
"Okay. I can't wait to see your beautiful face. Bye Gorgeous!" "Bye Edward." I whispered as he was hanging up.
I tried to go back to sleep but couldn't so I ended up getting up and making some French toast. I spent the day working on my book. I was able to get it completely finished and even did some light editing. I emailed Tanya the file and took myself shopping. I didn't hear from Edward until 9:00 that night. He had just gotten back to his parent's house and sounded exhausted. Apparently the problem was with a partner who had been selling their designs to another company as his own. They were going to have to fire him and were likely to sue for breach of contract and copyright or trade theft. I didn't understand everything Edward was saying but it was bad. I missed Edward so bad. It actually hurt. When he told me he wouldn't be home till Friday night I wanted to cry. It took every thing I had not to tell him I loved him. I knew I was falling in love but was in there yet. I didn't want to tell him that over the phone if I was so I just bit my tongue.
Wednesday I had nothing to do until 4 when I saw my therapist. I spent much of the day searching the internet for Edward's things. I had a little luck with the links I had found the other night. I was able to locate a shop in downtown St. Louis that bought and sold the type of collectible that Kate had taken. Unfortunately they didn't have a shopping page so I couldn't see if they had them. I did however send an email to the owner asking he had a few of the items in stock or if he knew where I could find them. Now I just have to wait till he responds.
I also talked to Alice for a while she was at lunch. She asked if we could do a double date soon. Since Edward and Jasper were best friends we thought it would be a lot of fun. We decided to see if we could convince them to go dancing. I also decided to have a barbeque to celebrate my book. Alice and I decided it would be good to do on Saturday afternoon. I had a nice big backyard with a large covered porch to hang out on. We planned out the menu and drinks before she had to return to work. I had a lot of shopping to do Friday.
Thinking about Friday made me think about Edward and I wouldn't get anything done if I did that so I squashed it down and started making lists for the grocery store and Target.
At 3:30 I left to go to my appointment.
As I sat in the waiting room my nerves started to swarm me. I knew that she was going to ask about Edward but not if I didn't mention him first. I debated not bringing him up but then I remembered what I told him the other night. I had to work out my feelings if I want this thing between us to grow. I couldn't keep burying my feelings. I was ready to face them head on if it meant getting to be with Edward. Soon Dr. Heinz opened her office door and called me in. I smiled at her which made her smile brightly back at me.
"Hello Bella. You look happy." She observed.
"Hello. I am very happy. I have a lot to tell you." She grabbed her pen and notebook and smiled softly. "Well I am glad to hear it."
I just took a deep breath and started spilling. I told her about the book and about meeting Edward at the club. I told her how we'd been spending time together and how amazing he was. She stopped me after I told her about spending the night. "Bella, do you think you are ready for that?" I nodded and looked squarely at her. "Dr. Heinz, I am still working through my feelings about Mike and processing my new feelings for Edward but I have never in my entire life felt like I do when I'm with him." She just scribbled some notes and nodded her head. "Do you feel like you are moving too fast?" I knew that she was trying to get me to examine the situation instead of acting impulsively but it kind of pissed me off. "I was worried about that at first but the more time I spend with him the more time I want to spend with him. I am very aware of how quickly our intimate relationship has moved but I haven't felt overwhelmed by it." She saw right through me because she raised one eyebrow and kept writing. I rolled my eyes because I knew she caught me. "Ok, so I got a little overwhelmed Saturday night but I handled it. We handled it together."
She looked up and set her pen down. "Bella, will you tell me what happened?" I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "We had been talking about his ex-wife and their history and we got intimate. He pleasured me. I was fine after that but later that night I returned the favor and ended up pleasuring him orally. It was great and I just went with the feelings instead of overthinking it until after. He was taking a moment to recover and I just kind of sat there not sure what to do with myself. That's when the anxiety kicked in. I started to think that he'd think I was a whore for doing that even though he hadn't gone that far with me. I could hear Mike in my head calling me a slut and telling me that the only reason he kept me around was because I was good at sucking cock and had a tight pussy." I was in tears and had to grab a tissue to wipe my eyes and nose. "I knew in my heart that Edward would never say that to me but I couldn't shake the words. I got kind of lost in my head for a moment and Edward got worried. I couldn't look at him. I tried to just leave but he didn't want me to and I really didn't want to either. So he let it go for the night and we cuddled together till we fell asleep."
"Did you ever discuss what happened? Does he know about your history with Mike?"
"Yeah we talked about it the next morning. He called me out on my insecurities last week. I thought I was covering them pretty well but he notices everything. He says my eyes give me away. So I had to tell him why I was unsure of almost everything I say and do."
"How did he handle it?" She was so good at writing and talking at the same time. "He was great. He looked like he wanted to kill Mike a few times but he stayed quiet and let me just talk. He said he was proud of me for getting help and for kicking him out." I smiled.
"So how did you explain the incident from the night before to him?"
"I told him that I was able to handle my emotions a little better now but we were entering new territory for me and that it may take me some time to process everything. I explained that even though Mike wasn't around anymore his words were still in my head and that sometimes it takes me a moment to remember that he was wrong about me."
"And what do you feel for Edward?"
"I honestly think I love him. Part of me is terrified of what that means but part of me is so excited. It kind of feels like it's too fast but also it feels right. I had to bite my tongue not to say it to him on the phone yesterday."
"Wow Bella, this is good news. You are doing very well." I beamed at her. I was always so surprised at how much her validation meant to me. "You still have a lot to work through but I think Edward is good for you. I do urge you to keep writing in your journal and to read it daily. That should help you see how the relationship is affecting your daily life. I worry that you will become too dependent on him and creep back into old habits." That bothered me and I must have looked at her funny because she stopped talking. "What is that look for?"
"Old habits? Do you think I'd let him hurt me?" She shook her head. "Not hurt you per say but you had been controlled by Mike since you started dating. It would be very easy for you to allow Edward to have control over your decisions. For example, if he asks where you want to eat and you have a place in mind but allow him to choose without your input or making a decision about what to wear based solely on what Edward would like. I don't want to see you let those little things start because then you have just resorted back to the old way of living."
"Ahh, I understand. I can see me doing that too. He always asks me what I want to do so I can see me just doing what ever he wants. Although Monday we made plans to go out to celebrate my book and I just asked him to take me to Niche. It was shocked by it. It made me feel bad for a second but he was excited by the idea."
"That's great Bella. See progress! Well our time is up for the week but I will see you in two weeks. You should be very proud of yourself."
"Thanks, I think I am."
As I drove home I thought about what she said about letting him have control over little things. That was exactly how it started for Mike too. Had I done that? I went home and cooked a light supper before hitting the gym and taking a shower. As I crawled into bed I grabbed my journal. I hadn't written in it since I'd met Edward so I had a lot of catching up to do. I wrote every thing that came to mind. The last thing I wrote before I closed it was:
I miss him and when I see him again I am going to tell him that I was in love with him.
I drifted off to sleep with thoughts of his bright green eyes and his smiling face.
Thursday was spent trying to keep myself busy. I was anxious to see Edward and hadn't heard from him since Tuesday night. Alice was off today so I called to see if she was up for some exercise. We met at the dojo and had a great work out with Jake one of the instructors there. He was huge and built. He was sort of beautiful but totally cocky and a lot of fun. We teased him a lot about getting his ass handed to him by two tiny little girls. He'd just smile the biggest, whitest smile and laugh at us then let us kick his ass some more.
"What's up with the beaming smile, little B?" He noticed too! There was no way I could keep from telling Edward then.
"Just happy I guess." He nodded. "Good. I am happy for you. Just don't let him hurt you!"
I knocked his leg out from under him and took him to the mat then whispered in his ear. "I don't think he could do you?" He just laughed and shook his head. "Oh man, I feel sorry for that guy."
Jake hugged us both and we left to go to Target. Alice is fun to shop for party stuff with. It's a lot more fun than shopping for clothes with her that's for sure. We found some really nice summer dishes and serving ware. It was a pretty red and white diamond pattern. I ended up buying all the serving ware and place settings for 8. We got some pretty paper lanterns in red and white to hang from the ceiling of my patio. It was simple but would look really pretty. Alice decided she'd come over around three on Saturday to help decorate and cook. I figured that I could handle it since I was sure Edward would be there but she said "Jasper and Edward may be too tired to help. You know from their trip." But I lost it and started laughing like an idiot. That got me thinking though and I decided to stop somewhere and buy condoms before Edward got back. I wasn't sure if I was ready to need them but better to be safe than sorry. Alice noticed that I wasn't all there for a moment and asked if I was ok.
"I'm fine just remembered to pick up something later." I said cryptically but she is too observant. "Just go get them. I'd rather you have some than to have to stop what your doing or not use one at all." I just stared at her with my mouth wide open. Then I bit my lip and blushed. "How in the hell do you do that? If I ever find out you can read my mind or predict the future I am going to kill you." She just laughed. "It's a gift and a curse." Have I said how much I love her?
That night I was doing some yoga when Edward called.
"Hey Baby, I miss you so much!" He sounded so tired but happy. "I miss you too. How are things going? Did you guys get everything straightened out?"
"Yeah we did. He pretty much ended his career. So I am hoping to be on a flight out by noon. Do you care if I come steel you away for the night?"
"Actually Ali and I are planning a BBQ for Saturday evening to celebrate my book. I was hoping you and Jasper would be there. Why don't you just stay with me tomorrow night?"
"That sounds great. I'll make sure Alice mentioned it to him."
I was thinking about our shopping trip today when he started talking again. "How was your appointment Wednesday? I'm sorry I couldn't call and check on you."
"Oh it went well. She thinks I'm doing really well and that I'm handling things better than she thought I would. She questioned me on all the stuff I have been thinking about and helped me work some things out in my head. I had to tell her about Saturday night." I was worried he'd be upset about telling her about our intimate moments.
"What did she say?" He never reacts the way I'd expect. Because he's not Mike. "Oh she wondered if I thought we were moving too fast. I don't think we are because everything just feels so right."
"I agree. I've never felt so in tune with someone. It's kind of amazing." I agreed.
"So Bella, I was thinking about the night we met and realized that I never asked you something." That kind of threw me because he'd asked me all kinds of stuff since that night. "Where did you learn how to dance like that?" I sighed I had meant to ask him the same thing many times and always forgot.
"Oh, my mom made me take ballet lessons when I was 4 but I hated it. I wanted to go faster so she signed me up for ballroom. It was fun. I love Latin dances. I danced till I was 17." My voice broke at the end because I had given up dance for Mike. He said I looked like a stripper when I competed and accused me of cheating with my partner. "Why did you stop? You are a beautiful dancer…Oh no; you gave it up for Mike didn't you." I wanted to deny it so bad but I couldn't. "Yeah, I did. I'm not very proud of it though. I love to dance."
"That settles it then. We are taking dance classes together. My mom made me take some basic dance classes with her when I was about 10. I hated it. All the boys at school thought I was gay but the girls loved it and I got a lot more dances at Prom than any other guy."
"Sounds like fun. I'd love to take lessons with you." We talked for a little while longer but I was falling asleep on the phone so he made me hang up.
God, I missed him. One more day was too long.
This is a very busy chapter and my longest by far. Up next is Edward's return and a lot of fun. Bella is getting better but still struggling. Anyone ready for some declarations? I am, I guess we will have to see if they both are as well. Since I haven't written it yet, I don't know.
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