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-EM

"The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing.
He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live."

-Leo F. Buscaglia

My Darkness: Chapter X

Taking Risks

xx

Pakkun found them before they could start after Kiba and Sai. He said that the two of them had returned to Konoha, but when Sakura asked if they had Tamaki with him, Pakkun gave a short shake of his head. Sakura felt like running herself off of a cliff.

Tamaki was lost, probably dead and she had no idea where to look for him. But if she had some idea... if there was still a chance that he was alive... then she had to go after him. It was the right thing to do. This was her mistake, and she was going to have to fix it.

Would she go at it on her own then? Though it seemed illogical, she knew that if she brought something with her, she would only feel ashamed that they had to help her clean up what she'd screwed up. No, she had to do it alone. The only thing that scared her was how easily she'd been overcome. If she went in by herself again... things could go badly.

No.

She was much stronger than them. She'd just been caught off guard. Hell, she could level a town with her strength; create a crater the size of the moon in the ground. She could take some cocky bastards that took her tea farmer.

When they arrived at the gates of Konoha she hesitated, knowing what she had to do. She had to go to her place, grab some food and restock her weapons and then leave again. She had to find Tamaki.

"You're going to have to go to the Hokage." She said, starting to walk again. "Tell her what happened."

"And where do you think you're going?" He asked, narrowing his eyes at her before stepping in her path. With a glare, she tried to walk past him, frustrated when he stepped in her way again.

"I'm going after those men." She said shortly. Sakura started to walk past him for a second time, and he caught her arm. Even through the wraps, his touch sent shock waves through her body.

Those dark eyes narrowed slightly at her words and he leaned in closer. "I'm going with you."

"I don't need your help."

"You'll need all the help you can get."

"No." Sakura broke his hold and straightened herself up.

He moved and blocked her way again. She could almost feel some sort of animal intensity radiating off of him. "Forget how much you hate me and think about what's best for the mission. What's best for Tamaki. I'm going with you."

Sakura frowned, realizing that he had a point about what was in Tamaki's best interests, but his attitude bothered her. "What, you think you can make something happen just by telling me it will? You're not coming with me, so get over it."

"There's nothing to get over. If you're in danger I'll need to protect you. I'm going to be there." Sakura felt an unwanted pain in her chest at his words. What, ever since their first mission he was he sworn guardian? Was he going to follow her around and make sure nothing ever happened to her? It was insulting to say the least, but something else found it flattering that he wanted to defend her.

And what happened to him being pissed off at her? Did he have a bipolar disorder now?

He seemed to notice the ways she faltered after his words; the way her tough demeanor faded and she let her eyes soften as she looked at him. She wanted him there. Some part of her wanted him there as a source of protection but she didn't want to give in.

Sakura walked past him without another word, back to the village and to the safety of her home. That ache in her chest, the one that she felt every time Sasuke showed some emotion burned steadily the entire time. Her mind drifted back to his betrayal. She'd hated him and what he'd done, yet there was some part of her that wanted to fix it. To slap a bandage on it and pretend it never happened. But that wasn't possible, she didn't know how to fix it, and she didn't know how she was ever going to forgive Sasuke.

But if they were going to be stuck in the same situation they had in the cave; when there was no words, only a silently brewing hatred between them she didn't want to have to deal with it. She needed to be able to focus on saving Tamaki, not having to focus on how to handle Sasuke. Especially not if he was going to be spouting crap about having to protect her all the time. Her ego wasn't that big to begin with, but him making her sound like a weak little genin didn't exactly inflate it.

If he was going to come, they needed to be a strong team; they needed to know what the other was thinking in the situations they would be faced with. She may think she could take them on her own, but she knew his help would be appreciated. It would benefit Tamaki to have more than just her protecting him once they found him. For all they knew the man had taken the tea farmer to some base and they were going to have to break him out.

But everything about him was a risk. He was dangerous and she didn't know how he worked yet. How was she supposed to work with him again if she didn't even know what he was thinking half the time? It had been so long since they'd actually fought together side by side. She'd been protecting Tamaki - not very well - when Sasuke had fought earlier, so she hadn't even had a chance to learn anything there.

She shoved some more provisions in her bag and threw more weapons into her pouch, taking the katana that she was obligated to use as well. She didn't know when she would ever have a use for it, but it seemed the more weapons she had for this mission the better.

Sakura wondered what Tsunade would do when she found out about this. She would be furious, no doubt. There would be yelling and anger, probably some projectiles. But Sakura couldn't let her mentor down like that. Tsunade sent her on an easy mission and she failed. An Anbu Captain failed a stupid escort mission. It was disgrace. She wouldn't be able to keep her title if she didn't get Tamaki back.

She traced the tattoo on her arm. She earned it. So why hadn't she proven that then?

Slinging the small bag over her shoulder, she started walking outside. If Sasuke was there, then he was there. She wasn't going to seek him out just to ask to go with her. If he wanted to protect her so badly then he would pay attention to when she was leaving.

Before she could get to the gates though, she realized that she had one small problem. She had no idea where to even start to look for this guy. She could go back to the spot where Tamaki was taken, but if Kiba and Sai hadn't found him when they followed him right away, how the hell was she supposed to find him?

So she went to Kiba first, hoping that he would be able to give her some insight on where to look.

"You're back!" He said, jogging to her side when she entered the Inuzuka compound.

"Yeah, we made it."

He squinted a little, peering to the empty road behind her. "And Sasuke?"

"What kind of medic do you think I am?" Sakura muttered, smirking at him and sneaking around him to plop herself on one of the benches.

"Did you talk to the Hokage?" When she avoided his eyes, he knew something was up. Sakura was one of the most dutiful people he'd met, and it wasn't like her to not report back to Tsunade. "Sakura." He said, narrowing his eyes.

"The thing is... my mission isn't done yet."

"What are you talking about?" Kiba asked incredulously.

She huffed, running a hand through her hair. He would understand, he knew what a screw up it had been. If it had been him in her situation he would have done exactly the same thing. "I have to save Tamaki."

"Damnit, Sakura!"

"It's my fault he's gone, Kiba! I have to get him back!"

He sat down on the bench across from her and pinched the bridge of his nose. "That's why you came here." He stated. "You want me to tell you where we left off."

"Please, Kiba."

"Tell me you're not planning to go alone."

She considered telling him that Sasuke would probably trail along, but thought against him. It wouldn't make him any more lenient to let her go. He didn't trust Sasuke any more than the next guy, but Sakura alone with him after all of the rumors of her mental state with him going around? Probably not the best idea. "No, Hinata and Ino... wanted to go with me."

Kiba eyed her for a minute, as if he was trying to decide if she was telling the truth or not. "We followed him half way to Kirigakure before we lost his scent. He vanished." He said with a sigh.

Sakura let out a small breath of relief. Progress. At least she knew where to start from. Though, if Kiba and Akamaru couldn't find him from there, she felt like there was a slim chance she would be able to. "Thank you."

"I would insist I go with you as well, but I know how stubborn you are." He muttered, standing up and rolling his shoulders. Sakura almost snorted. Didn't stop Sasuke. "Just be careful. Konoha can't afford to lose any of you ladies."

"One more thing." She said before turning to leave. "Swear to me you won't tell the Hokage."

She could almost see the wheels turning in his head. "They aren't going with you, are they?"

"What makes you say that?"

"They would have consulted Tsunade before even thinking about doing this with you."

Sakura met his eyes, and then she saw things click into place for him. He leaped towards her, to stop her from leaving, but Sakura was faster. She was behind him and reaching to his nerve before he could take a step. Kiba wasn't that slow though, he twisted around, catching her fingers before they could make contact.

But his touch was all she needed to freeze his muscles. Her chakra could be used for things other than healing. Who said she hadn't improved?

"I'm sorry, Kiba. I have to do this."

The hold on him wouldn't last long, so she moved to the gates as quickly as she could, knowing that once Kiba broke free, he would go straight to the Hokage. She had to be far enough away that they couldn't catch them too fast.

He stood just outside of the gates, the same bored expression on his face. When she emerged at a run, he fell into pace beside her, not glancing back at the village. "What did you do."

"I got some information."

She couldn't see the disapproval on his face, but she could feel it. He wasn't one to judge her on her methods of attaining information. She could only imagine the terrible things he'd done to people in order to get what he wanted.

Sasuke didn't really care how she got the information. If it would get them over and done with this mission faster then that was great. All he seemed to want to do was make sure Sakura was be okay, and it pissed him off. Sure, he could have just gone to the Hokage like Sakura suggested, but it was probably the fact she suggested it that he didn't want to do it.

Though it wouldn't get him into the Hokage's good books, her approval didn't really matter. For some reason his mind was on one track, and that was to protect Sakura. It seemed that his old tendencies wouldn't leave him alone.

There was still silence between them, but it wasn't like before. It was a comfortable silence, like two people who were in something together. Two people who knew that they were going to get in a lot of shit when they returned to the village. He wouldn't be surprised if the Hokage sent people after them to hunt them down and drag them back.

Sakura didn't even know where to start to look for them. Sure, Kiba gave her a general area, but the area that stretched between where they'd been and Kirigakure was a long ass distance. Half way was going to be a broad selection. Even then, where would she know to start? Would there be some kind of hint for her? Did they leave a convenient trail of bread for her to follow?

No. They weren't idiots. If Kiba had lost them then they had done so on purpose; they didn't want any followers.

Damnit, damnit, damnit!

xx

Naruto was glad that he and Kakashi were being sent out on a mission. It was killing him to be waiting in Konoha, wondering how Sakura was dealing, wondering if Sasuke was being a pain in the ass for their entire team. It was something he would do.

But now he had another mission to focus on, and even if those thoughts were still in the back of his mind, they weren't drowning everything else out. It was just an unpleasant hum.

Now he had to go deal with some dumb ass ninjas who thought they could mess around with Kumogakure. Not on his watch. Especially not if his best friend was heading there, right into the face of danger without even knowing it. But they weren't stupid; they would realize that something was amiss. He had enough faith in Sakura to know that she wouldn't be stupid.

Kakashi had sent one of his hounds up ahead to look for Yamato's group, and at the present time, all they could do was wait for the dog to get back with their location. So, unfortunately, his mind was left to wonder about Sakura's mission. If there had been no complications, they would have dropped their charge off in Kumogakure and returned home, hopefully with no contact with the shinobi running rampant around the lands.

If Akatsuki really was behind it... he wanted Sakura safely in the walls of Konoha.

He'd dealt with their ranks before; Deidara, Itachi, Kisame, Tobi, and even knowing that Sakura had beaten Sasori, it didn't make him any less worried. He much preferred it when she was working in the hospital, not out on missions. She was safer there; there were more people to protect her.

But he knew that working in the hospital, though something she cared about, was the opposite of what she would rather be doing. She always wanted to be out in the field, testing her strength and protecting people that she worked with.

"Naruto." Kakashi said, as his dog disappeared in a puff of smoke. "They're not too much farther ahead of us. They've made camp and are waiting until morning."

Naruto nodded, and the two of them started moving again.

xx

It took them two days of nonstop travelling to get to the outskirts of Kumogakure, and the sight in front of them didn't inspire any kind of hope for the people that must have lived there. Where there used to be a village, there was now a smoldering lump of wood, and dare she think it, bodies.

She had no doubt in her mind that the shinobi they were after had made a stop here. They seemed like the pillaging kind of assholes that she spent her time trying to protect people from. Unfortunately, it didn't seem like she was doing her job very well if something like this had happened. At the same time though, it gave her some kind of path to follow. Even if it wasn't the men she was after, she would gladly take care of these bastards before continuing with her task.

Despite Sasuke's uneasiness of approaching the area, Sakura did it anyway, and with his oath to protect her, or whatever the hell he was thinking, he tagged along, following closely behind her.

To her dismay, she could see the shapes of charred bodies, women and children, burned in the fire that had spread through the small village. She and Sasuke split up, searching for any survivors despite the odds. There was always a chance, and she didn't want to leave someone stuck here.

A feint groan caught her attention. One of the poor people must still be alive, she thought, her stomach wrenching uncomfortable in her stomach.

In the orange light of dusk, the pink-haired kunoichi made her way over to where the sound had come from. Sure enough, there was still someone alive. His breathing was shallow and irregular, and her trained medical eye could tell he didn't have much time left. Her first instinct was to heal the man, but his body was so badly burned that she knew there was no hope. She couldn't waste her chakra on him when it wouldn't bring him life. Since she couldn't heal him, it would be better to end it than let him suffer. Sakura steeled herself, then focused her chakra as a green glow engulfed her hand.

Sakura leaned over the prone figure, intending to use the chakra scalpel to end his life quickly, but paused when the injured man suddenly opened his eyes. His eyes were cloudy but they still focused on her. She felt her resolve waiver at the silent pleading look.

Her hesitation made her feel weak. She couldn't always rely on the others to do everything for her.

I have to, I'm sorry, she thought as her glowing hand, still perched over the man, began to shake with emotion. Do it, just do it! She ordered herself.

She took a deep breath to steady her hand and try again.

Still she hesitated. No wonder her team had to do everything for her. Where was all her resolve to keep up and always push forward?

Emerald eyes went wide as someone caught her trembling hand by the wrist. The dying man convulsed suddenly when a familiar sword pierced down through the prone figure and into his heart. Sakura sat frozen in that position and watched as the light died in the shinobi's eyes.

A gentle tug on her wrist broke the spell and she let herself be pulled to her feet. Once she was standing, Sasuke pulled the blade free and went about wiping it off before sheathing it.

Damnit, she cursed at herself, finding her hand shaking slightly. Okay, steady Sakura, take a deep breath and move on, she thought, all you have to do is scoop your wounded pride off the ground.

She tried to take a breath, but it came out shaky. She felt the prickle of frustrated tears and she let out a little sniffle. Don't you dare cry, she told herself, turning away from Sasuke. She only hoped he hadn't heard her.

But she could feel his eyes boring holes into her back. He knew something wasn't right, knew that her breathing should be more steady and not ragged like that.

"Sakura?"

"Go look for more survivors." She snapped, hoping that for once in his life he would listen to her. When she felt his presence staying behind her, she clenched her hand in a fist and whirled around, nearly hitting him in the jaw. "Go!"

With a glare, Sasuke turned his attention back to the charred ruins and continued his search.

Finding herself alone, she took a few more deep breaths, priding in the fact that they were becoming less shaky and more determined. She would never let Sasuke see her cry. Never in a million years. That had been a close enough call, but if the bastard had just let her do her duty... she would've been fine.

But that wasn't true, she realized. If Sasuke hadn't ended that man's life, she didn't know if she would have been able to. Finishing someone off in battle was something that she did often, but finishing someone off because they were too far gone to be healed was another thing entirely. She wasn't meant to take life like that. She should have been able to save that man.

"There's someone else." Sasuke called from behind her.

She turned around, finding him leaning over a body. She walked over, her gut turning in her chest. What would she do if this victim was in the same shape as the man before? Would she just let Sasuke do it again? Would she sit there and be weak because she couldn't end someone's life.

It was a woman, her body badly burned, her face barely recognizable as that of a female. She was beyond saving, just as the previous man had been. It seemed that the shinobi who had done this had been thorough, wanting no survivors, but not caring enough to go through them all. This woman was different though. This woman made Sakura want to burst into tears because of the small chakra she could sense in the woman's stomach.

There was a baby in there. A tiny little baby that was going to die once the mother passed away. In fact, it was a miracle the little child hadn't died already.

"She's-" Sakura found the words lost in her throat.

"I know." Was Sasuke's hard reply. She wondered how long it had taken him to desensitize himself from everything. It may have been the duty of a ninja, but Sakura knew she still had problems with it.

"Please." The woman croaked, her hand reaching out to Sakura. "Save.. my baby."

Sakura felt herself trembling again. Felt herself wanting to break down and cry. There was nothing she could do for the baby. It was too underdeveloped to be ripped from its mothers womb. Sakura wouldn't be able to protect it, to keep it sustained. But the little life form was still alive in there. Still alive. There was no way she could help it though. No way to keep it alive away from its mother.

But she didn't want this woman to die knowing that. "Okay." Sakura whispered, taking the woman's hand. "Okay."

Without another word, Sasuke activated his Sharingan and sent the woman into a trance. Sakura was startled at first, the only things she knew of his Sharingan was that they held nothing but promises of pain for those encased in it.

However, the woman's face was a mask of peace when she felt her pulse fade to nothing, and then not too much later, the child's.

It started to snow right then. Like someone was sending the weather to cover up such a horrendous event. Before long, the entire village and its inhabitants would be covered in a thin blanket of white, hiding the horrors and death from any travellers passing by. But Sakura would always know what happened though, those two faces would be ingrained in her memory for a long time.

She felt a tug on her arm, and once again let herself be pulled to her feet. "Let's go." Sasuke said, his face emotionless as ever. She wondered if something like this even phased him; if it bothered him in the slightest. He may be an emotionless bastard, but there had to be some human part of him left.

Right?

xx

Well, that was kind of a depressing end to the chapter, wasn't it?

A little hint to SasuSaku there!
Not bad, not bad.
And poor Kiba!

-Your faithful reviewer

Review you little fiends! And by fiends I mean friends. :3

-EM