A/N: Sorry it took me so long to get the update out, but, as I said before. I had a final last week to attend to as well as a family tragedy. I hope to have the next chapter up by next weekend, but I am not sure as I'm doing different things with different people on different days for my birthday. Wow, that was a mouthful. Anyways, on with the chapter, I hope you enjoy it :-)
Disclaimer: Nope, still not mine, and, as sad as it sounds, I'm not making a penny off of them. Sad but true, Stephenie Meyer owns them and makes the money.
The blankets bunched beneath me in an annoying fashion. I had been sitting in Alice's room for the past ten minutes, door locked and closed as I allowed the tears to flow openly, leaving a cool trail as they made their descent down my cheeks. How could I have been so stupid; I'd let Edward kiss me, hell, I had practically attacked him when he did it, forcing myself on him as my hungry mouth devoured his own. The images played out against my eyelids like a movie, all the mistakes I had made today, leading to Edward's infuriated silence.
Moving my knees so that I was hugging them to my chest, I allowed the self pity seep in as the dim light of the room mixed with the small rays of sunshine coming through the blinds created a shadow pattern on the pink quilt. It looked almost like a trains track or something as it splayed across the bed, over my arms and up to the wall. My weary eyes studied it for a few moments, the patterns the sun was creating doing little to make me feel anything less than utterly miserable, but at least it gave my mind something to focus on for a few moments other than Edward's actions after our kiss.
We'd gotten back to the house after a very uncomfortable and uneventful walk along the trail, the entire time he acted as if he couldn't wait to be away from my company. My suspicions of this had been proven when we entered the house and he high tailed it up the stairs two by two, not bothering to say anything else to me, or even look me in the eyes. Alice wasn't home yet it seemed, which meant I was stuck here unless I intended to walk home, with the way the sky had been slightly clouding up, I knew that wasn't an option, trudging my way home more than five miles in mud and rain would surely send up a red flag to Charlie, leading to a discussion that I was not ready to have. So instead I made my way up the staircase, just as Edward had moments before. Usually I would have turned right, and walked into his room and flop down on his bed, before we got sucked into one of our pointless conversations over the singer of whatever CD he decided to play at the time. That hadn't been an option today though.
My eyes stung from the tears as I forced the thoughts away, I was in Alice's room for a reason. Why, I wasn't sure. Either I was a terrible kisser and Edward simply did not want anything more to do with me because of that flaw, or I had pushed some unknown button, walked past an unknown line that he had and forced him back into the shell of a person he had been just a couple of months ago. The thought of setting Edward back by some unknown action brought on a whole new set of tears and sobs, this time stronger than before. My vision clouded as my eyes traced over the shadowed train track like pattern that I had been studying so intently before, there was no use in attempting to follow the intricate design it formed, my mind was stuck on Edward, on what could possibly have caused him to pull away from me so quickly, what had brought on his sudden – my mind searched for a word to describe his actions – disinterest.
The sounds of thunder crackling in the distance confirmed my earlier suspicions that it was going to rain or storm from the look of the clouds that had begun to cover the deep blue sky as Edward and I had made our way out of the woods this afternoon. Another clap soon followed, and before long I could hear the sound of tree branches scratching against Alice's window pain as fat droplets of rain began to pound against the ceiling, the sudden storm lulling me into a fitful slumber, as the sobs began to slow, and the tears dried.
Time heals all wounds; the pain and heartache that is felt will end with time, tuning from Piercing pain to a dulling ache that bleeds into nothing at all. Apparently my nap wasn't enough time to heal my wounds, if embarrassment and self loathing for pushing too far past ones limits could be considered wounds. Whatever the pain was though, it was still there just as strong when I awoke sometime later with a start to the sound of unremitting pounding. It took me a few moments to take in my surroundings as I sat up in the bed looking around, my heart thudding loudly in my chest like a drum solo. My eyelids felt sticky and heavy as I forced them all the way open, wincing at the stinging sensation that encompassed my eyeballs. iThat's what you get for crying,/i I scolded myself as the pounding of the door became more and more insistent.
"Bella!" Alice's voice shouted from behind the door, as I heard the sound of the handle jiggling a bit before her fists were moving against the wood once more. "Bella! Are you in there?!" There was a hint of distress to her tone, the cadence of knocking continuing as she once more called my time.
"Just a minute," I finally mustered my voice scratchy and rough as I spoke. My eyes closed for a moment as I tried to swallow over the soreness of my throat, hoping the liquid saliva would help relieve the dryness and pain.
Unsurprisingly the knocking continued, up until the moment I allowed the insatiable little pixie into her room. The floorboard squeaked beneath my feet as I followed her to the bed, I stopped dead in my tracks as I took in her expression, the squeaking ending with my steps. Her eyes were wide; a disapproving scowl crossed her lips as she shook her head in what seemed to be confusion. Did I look that bad; I wondered as I moved my hands up to try and smooth out what was sure to be a head full of messy hair. Her face glare remained focused on me, signaling that perhaps it wasn't my hair she was worried about. For whatever reason she looked speechless, so I turned to the mirror to see what had her speechless and staring.
My face was blotchy with red streaks and tinged with light pinks from my now dried tears, my eyes were puffy, and completely bloodshot. The fact that I had been crying definitely not something I was going to be able to keep from her.
"What happened?" My friend demanded, the sharpness of her voice causing me to flinch. I guess she saw the reaction her tone had caused, because the next words that left her mouth were much more subdued, but still with an edge of demand. "Why were you crying, why was the door locked, and why is Edward refusing to come down for dinner?" Normally I would smile at all the questions she managed to ask in one breath, but instead I winced at the mention of Edward's name, the confusion I could see on her face melting away into understanding as she worried her bottom lip, a habit I noticed she had picked up from me in the past few weeks.
"Did you and Edward have a fight?" This time it was me who worried their bottom lip, my eyes dropping from hers, the different colored pinks that made of her comforter suddenly the most entertaining thing in the world. "Bella," she said again, her voice a sharper pitch this time. "Did you and Edward have a fight?"
No Alice, I kissed him and apparently I suck at it, I wanted to say, or perhaps tell her that I was a rotten person who had pushed him so far past the limits he was comfortable with that he now hated me. Confess to my sins like a woman confessing her transgressions to a priest. Briefly, I wondered if confession did any good if one was not catholic, as I searched my fuzzy mind for some form of an answer that would both satiate her and not lead to anymore questions. "I don't know," I thought and said at the same time, my eyes never leaving the floral design of the bedspread.
"How can you not know?" At least her voice was softer this time, I noted as I took in a calming breath. "Bella, he's refusing to even open the door," She continued. "If he hadn't turned the music up to full blast when Esme knocked we wouldn't have even known he was in there." I immediately felt responsible for his actions, clearly I had pushed him into telling me something he wasn't ready to tell, or perhaps the physical boundaries he had so carefully set up with everyone else had been pushed by my kissing him.
iHe asked you if he could kiss you, it was his idea,/i the rational side of my brain argued as I pushed the thought away. Even if he had asked me if he could kiss me, I had taken things too far by practically throwing myself at him and now he was upset with me. I should have known better, the guy had seen his mother raped just a few years ago, of course he would be uneasy with physical contact, I told myself, the traitor tears making their way back to my eyes as I fought in vain to keep them at bay.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, the tears overflowing my eyes as the lump in my throat grew. "I didn't mean to upset him."
Without my realizing it Alice had moved from her place on the bed and was pulling me into an embrace. "Clearly he upset you as well," she said, as her hands moved in soothing circles over my lower back. "What happened, sweetie?" She cooed the question in my ear, her words no longer sharp and demanding, as I fought to keep in the sob that was threatening to escape.
"I honestly don't know." Was the brilliant lie I came up with, and judging from the sarcastic 'uh-huh' Alice released; I knew she didn't believe a word of it. It wasn't that I didn't want to tell her, because honestly I did, more than anything I wanted to confide in her, tell someone everything that had happened. Tell someone everything that was transpiring between me and Edward, about how I was the only person he talked to about things, and how when he touched me I felt tingles that began in the pit of my stomach and then enveloped me.
But if I told her, then would I be betraying Edward? Of course there were ways of telling her what had happened recently, about the kiss and nothing else to at least gain some insight from her as to why he had run. But what if he hadn't been disappointed in my kissing abilities; it was possibly something else, such as me pushing him too far, pushing him into telling me about his mother. And that was something that I couldn't reveal. No matter what happened between Edward and I; the things he had told me in confidence were things that I would never share with another living soul, unless he specifically asked me to.
Sighing, I pulled myself away from Alice and brought my sleeve up to wipe at my teary and puffy eyes. "I can't tell you everything," I began, my voice sounding almost defeated. Alice agreed by shaking her head, and putting her arm around my shoulder in a comforting manner before leading me to the plush bed so that we could sit. "Some of the things," no, that wasn't the right way to say it, "Some stuff isn't mine to tell." There, that sounded more reasonable. I looked up at her from hooded eyes to see that she was shaking her head yes, signaling that I hadn't sounded too vague, or stupid, or just plain confusing.
Footsteps could be heard coming up the hall and I held my breath, afraid that it was Dr or Mrs. Cullen coming to yell at me for whatever I had done to Edward. The scuffling of feet stopped for a moment, and I held my breath, before allowing it to release in a relieved whoosh when the footsteps went the other direction. I heard a door opening and closing, it was probably Rose, I told myself before looking back at Alice once more, noting the look of 'out with it already, Bella' that was plastered across her face. Obviously I was taking too long, but I wasn't really sure how to begin. 'So, I kissed your foster brother and now I think he hates me' just didn't seem like that great of a conversation starter, especially one where I was going to have to be careful to not reveal the plethora of secrets Edward had entrusted me with.
"Bella." Alice's concerned voice pulled me back to reality as I took in one more breath, preparing myself for the conversation we were about to have.
"Edward and I went for a walk," Technically that wasn't divulging any information the meadow, I wasn't sure if it was something that he wanted kept to secret, but I knew it was something I wanted to keep private. It felt like it was special to him and I, even if he was mad now, even if he was never going to talk to me again for whatever reason, that meadow was where he had opened up to me completely. And even though the day was ending on a sour note, the meadow was where I experienced the most amazing event of my life up until this point. "and we talked about…" my voice trailed off for a moment as I searched for something to say, "stuff." Not too brilliant, but it would do.
I looked up from where my eyes were trained on the bedspread, to make sure Alice was following. She smiled and nodded for me to continue. "Anyways, after a while we started talking about dating and I told him I'd never kissed anyone before so he asked if he could kiss me."
At this revelation, Alice gasped, her eyes going wide as she stared at me. "You guys kissed?" she asked, her voice filled with shock and a slight confusion that I chalked up to her being so surprised by the whole thing.
"Yeah," It was all I could manage. I felt a small blush tingeing my cheeks so I averted my gaze from her, now finding the wall to be of great importance.
"I didn't see that," she whispered. I smiled and nodded in agreement, I hadn't seen it coming either, the whole afternoon had been completely shocking to me. A mixture of bad and good, creating the most baffling day I had ever encountered. "If you guys kissed, why all the tears?" She began, the toe of her voice commanding my gaze back to her as I watched a million different scenarios of what would happen when I told her of Edward's behavior afterwards play out in my mind like a movie. "Why is he so upset? What happened after that?" I worried my bottom lip, an internal battle warring within me; did I tell her how he reacted? Or was that something that needed to be kept quiet, it was possible his actions were not directly related to the kiss.
It's also possible they were, the annoying devil to my right piped up, demanding I slam Edward for causing me such confusion and pain. It's petty, Bella, he may be upset that you pushed him into something he wasn't ready to share, the angel on my left chirped, garnering most of my attention. She was right, there was a whole array of possibilities for Edward's actions and if I told Alice that he kissed me and then shut down like he had, she would want to know more, either that or she would barge into his room and demand an explanation.
To be honest, I would like to do that myself; barge in and ask what his problem was, why he didn't like the kiss. But I knew with the mood Alice had described he probably needed to be alone. After everything he had rehashed to me this afternoon, the least I could do was let him be alone when he wanted and needed it. In the back of my mind the question of weather or not he would need someone, of weather he would need me to go in and talk to him made itself known, puzzling me even more as to what I should do. The only clear answer was the one that told me not to tell Alice anymore than what I just had.
"Nothing else happened after the kiss," I lied, and even though she didn't say anything, I knew she didn't buy it for a second.
"Fine, don't tell me." She said in her typical Alice fashion, before pulling me to her in a quick and comforting embrace, silently letting me know that she was there if I ever needed to talk. Something I already knew, but a comfort none the less. "Rose's doctor recommended some great adoption agencies…"
With a baited breath, I smiled at the welcomed change of subject. And though I knew it was just a small smile, the only kind I could manage, I also knew Alice wasn't going to press me any further. At least not right now, and for that, I would be eternally grateful for her, my best friend. "Is she going to give it up?" I wondered aloud.
A look I couldn't quite place crossed Alice's face for a moment before I heard her take in a deep breath. "I don't know if she's going to or not," Her words were soft, and the confusion over the entire situation was evident in her voice. "She keeps going back and forth on what she wants to do, mom told her that she should consider an open adoption and they ended up fighting the whole way home." The position that Rosalie was in, and Esme and Alice, dealing with a pregnancy at such an early age was unimaginable to me. The difficulties that Rosalie must be facing alone, knowing that in a few more months she was going to be having a baby and not having any idea of what she was going to do about that. My heart broke for her, and Alice who was so obviously suffering right alongside her sister with the decision she had to wrestle with.
Even though they didn't get along most of the time, Rose was still Alice's sister, adopted or not, they were siblings and family and as much as I knew that Alice didn't want to show that she was scared. It was obvious in the small looks that flashed across her face whenever she thought that I wasn't looking, that she was terrified for her sister. The wind whistled outside of the house eerily as I allowed myself to process what Alice was telling me in hopes of finding some way of comforting her, some way of making everything better. My mind raced over possible words of comfort I'd head in the past, but none of them seemed to be what Alice needed to hear in that very moment, so instead of trying to comfort her, I decided to try something different.
"What do you think she should do?" I asked, deciding that listening to Alice talk about her ideas may help her to feel better. As much as I was hurting from Edward's aloof behavior after our kiss, I knew that I needed to try and be there for her. Part of me longed to comfort Rosalie and Esme as well, but there was no way for me to do that, besides, I was pretty sure Rose still wasn't very fond of me.
"Honestly?" She asked. I smiled and nodded my head 'yes'.
"I know this is going to sound completely horrible of me," She began, bringing her finer to her mouth and gently biting down on a piece of her nail, successfully cracking the red polish that coated her French tips. "I think she should give him up." The words were spoken so quietly that had I not been listening intently I knew I would have missed them.
"I don't think you sound horrible,"
"Thanks," I smiled and rested my head on her shoulder, listening to the steady rise and fall of her breathing, allowing it to lull me into a sense of security.
"I know it's not play place," I started, my eyes falling shut for a moment as I gathered my thoughts. "But maybe keeping the baby would be a good thing too." I braced myself for a fire storm of anger at sticking my nose where it didn't belong, only to feel Alice's head shaking in agreement with me.
"I guess it would be kind of fun to have a little baby around the house, and I am sure Rose would be a great mom," She said, her head falling back against the headboard as I moved myself up so that I too was sitting against the headboard with her, my knees crossing in an Indian style position.
"But," I pressed.
With a slight chuckle, Alice continued. "But, I think it would be smarter if she gave it up for adoption, she'll be a senior next year, and then off to college." Her words made sense, it would be difficult for her to go to school and be a mom at the same time, something a lot of women had found to be an impossible task to handle.
"Mom agrees with me, Rose has such a bright future, if she keeps the baby she's going to be limiting herself so much. It's weird, because, on one hand, I do want her to keep the baby; I want nothing more than to be an aunt, to watch my nephew grow up." It didn't escape my attention that she'd referred to the baby as a boy twice, but with Rose only being three months along, I knew it wasn't possible for her to know without a doubt the sex of the baby. There was always guessing from cravings or the ever classic, carrying low it's a boy, carrying high it's a girl. Alice was calling it a boy though, so I assumed that was her guess. If there was one thing Alice loved it was always being right, so there was no way she would leave room for the option of the child being anything other than what she thought it was. At least not unless it was born a girl, and then she would be forced to admit her mistaken assumption; then again, this was Alice… she probably wouldn't admit anything, and that was just another thing I loved about her. "But if she keeps it, what kind of a life would she have?" She asked.
"What kind of a life will he have?" I wondered out loud, causing Alice to suck in a deep breath.
"God I don't envy her at all." She said, and I couldn't help but agree with the statement. I wondered what Rose must be going through if Alice and I's hypothetical talk was so difficult. To actually have to face such a choice must be agonizing.
Someone knocked on the door, causing Alice and I to jump a little, startled. "Alice?" We heard Esme ask, before the doorknob rattled and the door was pushed open. "Hey girls, aren't you all going to come down for dinner?" I didn't feel much like eating, but there was no way I could turn Esme down so I just smiled and shook my head yes. Alice seemed to agree with me since we both got up at the same time, silently following Esme out the door.
~*~*~*~
"Pizza and Beer?" I asked my father as I walked into the living room. I had asked Dr. Cullen to drive me home after we'd finished dinner, Edward was still refusing to come out of his room or talk to anyone which just made it that much harder to keep my fake pleasant mood up. They needed to be alone anyways, Rose needed the support of her family, and that did not include me. Esme had of course asked me if I would like to say but I'd politely declined, faking a migraine, which Alice quickly told her I'd been complaining of since yesterday, so there were no further questions. For that I was eternally grateful.
Charlie swallowed the piece of pizza he had been eating when I came in and chased it down with a swig of beer before giving me a questioning look. "I thought you weren't supposed to be home until tomorrow." He said, half accusing, half questioning and half guilty as he brought the can of vitamin R to his mustache covered mouth again and took another swig, his eyes staying trained on me.
"I didn't feel well, and besides I think they needed to talk to Rosalie about some stuff," I began, sounding as nonchalant as possible as to not draw any attention to the fact that I was upset over something. A conversation with Charlie about kissing Edward was not the way I wanted to end my night. "So, why are you eating Pizza?" I asked; hands on my hips as my eyes scanned over the cherry brown coffee table to another box that was slightly covered by the open lid from the Pizza box. "And hot wings? There's leftover casserole in the refrigerator." I huffed before making my way over to the couch and sitting down beside of him.
"Their not hot wings, they're Buffalo wings… there's a difference." Charlie defended as he dipped on in the creamy white dressing and popped it in his mouth, sucking the meat off the bone. I couldn't help but chuckle at the red sauce that got caught in his mustache when he was finished with the wing.
"Fine, then, Why are you eating Buffalo" I placed emphasis on the word 'Buffalo' "wings and eating Pizza when theirs a broccoli casserole in the refrigerator?" My tone was condescending, and I knew it, but Charlie didn't seem to mind. I mentally scolded myself for sounding so patronizing to my father.
With an eye roll Charlie grabbed another piece of pizza out of the box, a piece of olive falling off and landing in the box as he placed it in a plate and set it on my lap. "Take a bite of that, and tell me you would choose re-heated broccoli casserole." He said with a deep belly laugh. I hrmphed and brought the cheesy deliciousness to my mouth.
He was right, I would much rather have this than re-heated casserole made with almost all fat free and low in fat ingredients. "It's good," I conceded, before taking another bite, the sweetness of the pineapple and the saltiness from the ham and black olive's creating the most amazing flavor. "And yes, I would rather have it than re-heated casserole."
"But," he said, with another chuckle. Even though I had only been here for a few short months, he knew me pretty well already.
"But, you still shouldn't be eating this." He, Billy and the other people on the reservation always had very unhealthy lunches during their fishing excursions. "What did you have for lunch; burgers and beer?" I asked, my brow raised as Charlie looked away guiltily.
"That's a heart attack waiting to happen dad; you should limit it to one unhealthy meal a day."
He sighed. "I can take care of myself Bells, been doing it for fourteen years."
"But you don't have to take care of yourself anymore," I argued, sitting the Pizza back in it's place on the paper plate. "I'm here now."
"You're here for me to take care of you," Charlie pointed out. "I'm your father."
"And I'd like to have my father around for a long time." I added, my temper beginning to flare up. After everything that had gone on today, the last thing I needed was an argument with Charlie, hopefully he wouldn't want to push me, but if he did, I was prepared for it.
"Touché," I heard him whisper, an almost smile formed on my lips as I looked up at him to make sure I had heard him correctly. "I know your right, and I will try and eat less junk, but I'm as healthy as a horse right now, so you really don't need to worry about me." That was true, I still couldn't help it; I needed someone to take care of.
Back home in Phoenix, I always had to take care of Renée, from making sure bills were in on time to re-scheduling doctor's appointments when she forgot. It was kind of hard giving up being the adult, but I had to admit, my dad was pretty capable of caring for himself. Just not when it came to cooking and cleaning, that was a disaster.
Last month he had attempted to wash one of my sweaters for me while I was down with the stomach flu for a few days. My blue sweater now had large white stains on it, because he didn't know that bleach and colors did not mix. No wonder most of his undershirts were pink. I'd be willing to wager that they had been white when he'd bought them, but he was also unaware that red and white shirts didn't go into the same load.
"Even though I know you can take care of yourself," I began. "I'm still in charge of the cooking and the laundry, because I know you can't take care of those two things." He was the eternal bachelor, and as much as he enjoyed Pizza and top Ramen, that wasn't going to be his meals every night of the week.
Charlie laughed, and as much as I wanted to smile and laugh right along with him, I couldn't seem to make myself. My mind was still too focused on Edward and if he was alright, for me to just let loose. "Speaking of laundry" he whispered as I raised the slice of pizza to my mouth. "I uh… tried to do some yesterday." He said and I almost choked on the bite of food that was in my mouth.
"How did that go?" The question was carefully asked, as I placed the pizza back on its plate, my eyes never leaving his guilty face.
"I didn't turn anything pink or bleach your clothes this time," my eyes narrowed. "But I did try and wash too many things at once, so the washer's kind of on the fritz." He took a swig of beer before continuing. "Don't worry, Billy's son's going to come out and help me fix the thing tomorrow."
I furrowed my brow in confusion. "I thought Billy only had the two daughters that helped him with the wolf reserve?" It was a question and not a statement. I'd only ever heard of his two daughters, and the domesticated wolf that lived with them, Jake.
"Jake's about thirteen, but he's really –"
"Jake the wolf?" I cut him off, confusion evident on my face.
"Jake his son, Bells, the wolf's name is Jack." Charlie corrected me before breaking out into a fit of laughter. "You need to pay more attention to things, Bells." I couldn't deny that. In that past months that Edward had been with the Cullen's it seemed that all of my attention had been focused on getting to know what made him tick, uncovering whatever it was that made him seem so scared. I'd been obsessed with helping him, as well as preoccupied with my friendship with Alice. So preoccupied that it seemed I'd missed the minor detail that my dad's best friend not only had twin daughters, but a son.
I was going to make it a point to pay closer attention when my dad spoke, and maybe be home more on the weekends. Instead of staying over Friday's and Saturday's I would sometimes come home on Saturday evenings, I decided as I finished my slice of pizza. As sick as I was feeling over the whole Edward mess, I had to admit that I was having a pretty good time with my dad. Usually our dinners were quiet affairs, a few 'How was school; that's good, how was work's being exchanged. As crazy as it sounded, my dad and I seemed to be getting to know each other.
And for the first time all evening, a genuine smile spread across my face at the prospect. I was no longer just his kid from a marriage that didn't work out; I was actually his daughter. I wasn't telling my dad over the phone what my mom and I had done for Thanksgiving; I was living with my dad, sitting beside him on the couch with sports playing across the television having a conversation. I'd even gotten lectured about him being in charge, as much as I missed Renée, I had to admit, I was really enjoying this new development in my life. I had a dad… not one that called every so often and sent child support checks every month, but a dad that I came home to.
Later that night I lay in bed, consumed with thoughts of Edward and what had transpired between us earlier in the day. He seemed okay when he'd finished the story about his mother, as okay as anyone could be after telling such a horrific tale, but still, he hadn't seemed angry. At least not at me, the venom that was in his voice whenever he said his step fathers name was evident.
I tossed and turned in the bed trying to find a more comfortable spot, the blankets bunching around my legs in an annoying fashion as I did so. Edward had to have been upset about the kiss; I thought as I kicked the sheets and purple mass that was my comforter from the bottom of my feet so that it was no longer bunched around them. We had gone on to play twenty questions after Edward told me of his mother's horrific death….
The abhorrent things Edward's stepfather had done were like nothing else, so unimaginable, disgusting and terrifying. I wanted to believe that everyone had good in them, but after hearing of the things Demetri had done, I wasn't so sure that was something I could cling to anymore, like a child being told Santa wasn't real; I wanted to cling to the hope that there was something redeemable about everyone, but this man was making that incredibly difficult to do. Keeping my opinions to myself at the time had been like driving past a wreck and not looking. The man deserved prison time, but for whatever reason, he was still free to make Edward's life miserable.
The day Rosalie announced her pregnancy to all of us; Edward and I had been hid out in his room, avoiding the fire storm that was brewing downstairs with the Blonds bombshell announcement. He'd mentioned then that Demetri somehow always managed to get custody of him back, so it was obvious he wasn't spending the life in prison that he deserved. My mind reeled with questions as I drifted into a fitful sleep, amazingly enough, not one of those questions was about why he didn't like kissing me. Instead I focused more on what his stepfather could have possibly said to get out of trouble for murder or if he had ever done anything to Edward.
Saturday turned to Sunday and Sunday faded into Monday. Alice had called me once, yesterday to confirm that we were still on for going to the beach in La Push like we had been planning for the last week. I told her we were, but didn't ask if Edward was still planning on coming or not, she had mentioned that he seemed okay, but I didn't push her for details on the subject.
When Alice came to my door at exactly eleven am, I half expected Edward to be with her. But as I pulled the deep mahogany wood back, I saw only Alice and Esme. As inconspicuously as I could possibly manage I looked over their shoulders to the car, hoping that Edward had just decided to stay in instead of getting out. Unfortunately the seats were all empty, so unless he was riding in the trunk, he had pulled out of our beach trip; the Beach trip that had been planned by all three of us just last week.
"Edward's not coming…" Alice whispered as I pulled the door closed behind me, the butterscotch colored rays of sunshine doing nothing to cheer my mood as we walked through the oddly dried ground.
"I figured." It was whispered low, but I was sure Alice had heard me since she nodded and hopped in the front seat without saying anything else on the subject. The silence remained for the fifteen minute ride out to the beach. Esme, seeming to not know what was going on, nor what to say to either of us, had opted to play the radio to fill some of the silent tension.
"Why didn't he come?" I asked Alice as soon as we were out of the car and a safe distance away from Esme's hearing range.
Alice sighed, pulling her large pink wrap around her bikini clad body as a gust chilly wind blew through the thick vegetation and trees near the cliffs of the beach. "He said that he didn't feel well," It was a lie. I could tell by her tone that she herself knew that he was lying as well. "He said that he would try and make it tomorrow for the movie though."
He never did. On Tuesday, he was still feeling under the weather, so Alice and I attended the movies alone. On Wednesday Edward had a full fledged stomach virus, minus the throwing up, according to Alice. Thursday it was book that he needed to finish reading so he could get it back to the person who'd leant it to in a 'respectable amount of time', Alice told me, using air quotes as she said the words that we both knew were once again, an excuse. As the week slipped into the weekend the excuses continued, and by Sunday afternoon, I was sick of them. Edward's skipping out on the cookout to avoid me by claiming he had a migraine and staying in his room made everything completely obvious to me; I was who he was avoiding. I'd thought it rather self righteous of me to consider his behavior directly related to me at first, but this week it had become clear that I was the one he was avoiding, meaning I had been the cause of his actions.
I was sitting on the bench the burger on my plate completely untouched as everyone chatted around me, my mind was wondering over what had transpired in the meadow for the fifty billionth time. Talking about his mom had been difficult, but, as crazy as it was; I had dissected the events and categorized them into 'Everything was okay' time and 'Things aren't going so well' time. If a shrink ever got into the inner workings of my mind they would have me committed for being so consumed with one person, but I couldn't seem to help it.
I knew the precise moment things had gone off track. Whenever I mentioned us going to the dance being like a date he had began acting weird, and then again when we were talking about my past – or lack there of – relationships. As conceited as it sounded, him telling me his story wasn't what caused this odd turn in his behavior. I was the reason for it; it was me and my kissing him, and talking about relationships. For whatever reason, and I wasn't so sure that it was just about him not being able to stomach the idea of me as anything more than a friend, he had freaked out and was now avoiding me. It sounded like a totally ridiculous thing for me to even think, but it was the only thing that added up with his behavior, and as soon as I could sneak off without Charlie or Dr and Mrs. Cullen wanting to ask me how I was enjoying my summer so far, I was going to confront him.
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