Notes & Responses

IMPORTANT – PLEASE READ!

If anyone ever thinks they are writing an essay for a comment and that they're talking too much, I'm going to outshine you right now.

Last chapter wasn't so well-received. I can assure all of you that I have a plan. I am 100% glad that the vocal of you lot are expressing disappointment, actually, because it means you are invested and want to fully see what's going on. I don't LIKE disappointing you, but ultimately it helps when it does happen. Constructive criticism and all that.

For the sake of reassuring those who want to know what happened with Monika, MC, and Sayori, Chapter 11 will display that memory early on as well as have some more fresh interactions between them. Additionally, part of the reason MC is brushing off his own issues and trying to forget about it is because he's too focused on the others and is less interested in his own health. His seeming indifference to the missing events is another symptom of what's going on with him, not a reflection of his character. DDLC doesn't give much of a look inside of his head, but it seems like he's lived a pretty alright life without issues clogging his head, so he isn't used to these recent developments. Maybe being so blatant about this stuff outside of the story itself is poor of me but I don't care lmao. I don't want to keep anyone turned off. You want it? It's yours, my friend, as long as you have enough patience. Plus, I want to reassure those concerned and put you at ease so you can focus on this very important chapter.

Ultimately, this work is for me. It is a labor of love and that is what inspired me in the first place. The fact that others enjoy it is merely a bonus. A huge, huge bonus. I won't do you all dirty 😉 And I will not lose my love for it. The kiss and MC's mental health were seeds that needed to be planted and I came up with the idea to do it then when I sat down to write. That chapter was 100% on-the-spot improv past literally those ideas, and that's a lot of what made it fall flat since some answers wouldn't come immediately.

I had hoped that the kiss would have brought intrigue and while some hoped I'd revisit it to see what led to it (which I will, as stated above), it did nothing to help the immediate reception. Whoopsie! Biggest oof goes to me. I will say that the kiss is definitely not supposed to be an emotional payoff. It is just the beginning and sets the tone for some things between them. It is supposed to come off as confusing because one should wonder how that happened and why it did when there doesn't seem to be much between them. The truth at this point is that there really isn't much between the two of them right now compared to the other girls, leading to questions rather than answers. After all, Monika wasn't terribly focused on MC in the base game, so I felt it made sense for things to be much different compared to what I'm doing with Natsuki and Yuri. Having said that, their bonding and what develops of their relationship will not be ignored because of the whole "Monika was focused on The Player" thing. Since I've said I'm going to revisit the kiss scene in the next chapter I will point out that I wrote it that way on purpose. I did not skip out because I simply didn't want to write it. I skipped it with the intention of bringing it to light later. I'm going to be writing some things down the line that go beyond a simple kiss. One kiss, even their first one, is not how Monika shows a passionate amount of affection, as will be revealed.

From here on out, though, begins the meat of the scenarios I've had planned out for twice as long as I've been writing this fic. If the biggest gripe most have had so far is what I've covered up there, then that will be easily rectified and the higher-quality stuff will start pouring in. Before the response to Chapter 9, I intended Chapter 10 to be an important one with something I came up with only a few days before I updated. I switched some things around, however, and now it's even more important. I was super excited to write it because it contains a large scene that was fleshed out months ago.

With this chapter, the "Introductory" stage of this fic will be complete, which thus far will have been the slowest part of the story. Part of why I've been going slower is because the build-up was a lot of complete improv that I came up with as I wrote, and it was a slog. Chapter 1 was 100% improv, Chapter 2 all I knew what would happen was poems, bonding, and "Wassup, bitches?" Chapters 3 and 4 were improv. Chapter 5 was the first plot point planned out from before I began writing. Chapter 6 was partially planned due to Chapter 5. Chapter 7 was improv. The general topics of Chapter 8 were planned but it was all stream of consciousness, and 9 was complete improv as stated.

I don't know exactly how long or how many chapters this story will be, but it is not an insignificant amount. I'm reaching over 100K words with this chapter and that number will multiply quite a number of times before the end is in sight. Everyone has major character arcs. There will be so, so much, and I cannot overstate my confidence about my readers enjoying what is to come. This fic is playing the long game, and no one will get left out in the rain.

Kuro lol (AO3) – Thank you. So far this has been the weakest chapter, as said above. I'm glad you enjoyed it though. This next one… Uhuhu~

Guest (FF) – Nope. As said above, I did things a bit differently for deliberate purposes.

TheForgottenRune (FF) – Yep haha, he's commented. And yeah, MC's mental predicament is peculiar, eh?

The Beyond Unstable Crew (FF) – I really fucked it up this time, eh? Sorry to the lot of you. Hey, if you need to be honest, be honest. I'm glad y'all still seem to enjoy MC and Sayori shenanigans. Em & Cee will be used more sparingly. I've got to center their focus on helping MC navigate things, but in a much more efficient way. Monika indeed has had the least interaction with MC thus far, but oh, don't you worry. That will change. I'm doing the most… out-there things with Monika's character arc. Most of what you lot addressed is actually highlighted above because I felt it was more important for it to be something everyone would pay attention to instead of located in a response that most won't read on their own because it isn't a reply to them.

ThePersonThatIsAGuy (WP) – That'd be him lmao. MC sure is going through a mental thing, ahaha! The kiss will be revisited as stated above, and I'm doing the oddest, most out-there things with Monika compared to the other girls IMO so there will be… more things on the horizon. I'm glad you enjoy MCyori fluff 3 I do, too. And yes, you are the first person to point it out in the comments I've gotten lol.

Chapter 10: Charred Confectionery/Coal Cupcake

The Literature Club's collective members have been slower to get to the club room lately. Well, I guess everyone else would seem slow by comparison. I have nowhere else to be and was quickly joined by Sayori. We push two desks together and sit facing each other.

Perhaps it is because there's now less pressure on club activities that the others aren't as quick to get here. Monika herself never set a great precedent as President for showing up in a timely manner. Oh well, it isn't anything to be concerned about. What is to be concerned about, however…

"I'm sorry I waited this long to tell you."

"It's Tuesday! Why would—" Sayori practically smacks her hand against her forehead. An uneasy feeling fills my stomach. Seeing her disappointed is not something I'm accustomed to. Because of the past month's worth of events, I feel creeping regret for hiding something concerning my health from her when I was upset that she did the same. Granted, there is a vast difference between being suicidally depressed and having some memory loss, but still.

Sayori reaches out and takes one of my hands. "Sweetie, I don't want you to hide these things from me! I'm worried about you! Don't think I didn't notice what was going on, either! I just wasn't sure what to make of it. I thought it was because of the past month's worth of sleeping issues."

"Yeah, I'm not surprised." My head lowers down, coming to a rest on top of my other arm. "I thought it would pass but I'm missing like three days." A slight pause. "Well, I guess it did stop. I haven't had any problems since… Uh… When did Monika come over?"

"Sunday."

"Sunday, right. So, yeah. I'm doing better."

"And I'm really thankful for that. Just remember that I'm here for you. I may not know what I'm doing, just as you aren't sure what you're doing with me, but we have to put our faith in each other." I can sense that Sayori is winding down. She places my hand gently down on her desk and starts idly toying with my fingers. "We both know you're smarter than this."

"Yeah… Yeah, I am, I guess. Logic would dictate that I've become more aware of what's going on in life lately." I sigh into my arm. "Logic doesn't mean a thing in the wake of emotion, though."

"…" Her silence means she knows what I'm going on about. You can have all the answers in the world, but when emotions are involved things can get messy. That's how all of this came to be. If emotions didn't screw up someone so bad, then Sayori would have never been at risk.

A harsh pang of guilt stabs me in the chest when I feel her shift my hand back into her grip and hold it tightly. I just indirectly brought that horrible night to mind. Will she despise me for making her feel foolish about trying to kill herself? "Shit. Sweetheart, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say something like that."

"Don't you worry about it. It's clear you've got some fog in your head. Plus, you're right. I didn't see the bigger picture until after all was said and done. I should've brought my problems up way sooner. I was blinded by my conflicting emotions." Her grip relaxes. She brings my hand up and nuzzles it against what I assume must be her cheek. "But I'm trying to get better at that now, and I want you to understand the same thing. It'll help us both in the long run."

"Yeah…" Really, I'm kind of skating by on this topic. The lack of effort I'm putting forth bothers me. I can only hope it's just a temporary thing, as though Thursday through Sunday's missing memories drained me and I'm playing catch-up. I do remember bits and pieces of that timeframe now. I guess it'll come back to me more as time goes on. Does amnesia work that way? I guess I wouldn't know. There's a lot in this world that I just know nothing about, but my imagination will be there to fill in the blanks with something. I just hope it doesn't conjure up things that didn't actually happen.

When Sayori goes from nuzzling the top of my hand to the inside of it, I put in a little energy into caressing her cheek. My reward is a soft hum. At this point, I raise my head just enough to see her soothing smile. It may not be a miracle cure but it sure makes me feel a little better.

"Do you want to talk about the nightmare you had Thursday night now?"

So that confirms that I did have a nightmare. The fact that I couldn't recall having one in the first place makes it no surprise that I lack any sense of what happened. "Actually… I can't remember."

"…" Sayori's expression falters for a bit. The concern I felt is just what I need to sit back up properly. She notices my movement and resumes functioning. "It's probably better that way."

"Huh?"

"Well…" Instead of Sayori's grip simply tightening, her fingers intertwine with mine. "I had woken up from a nightmare of my own and curled up against you for comfort. Call it hypocritical of me but I didn't want to bother you then. Maybe I would have brought it up to you later on, but it wasn't anything either of us aren't used to by now. It was typical stuff." The fact that she can allude to something like that so casually is unnerving. I know it has been a decent amount of time since the incident, but still.

Sayori's nostrils flare out as she exhales deeply. "Just as I was on the cusp of falling back asleep, I heard you whimpering. It escalated quicker than I could react, and before I knew it you were clinging to me like your life depended on it." That choice of wording makes my insides hurt. "You were hysterical. Inconsolable. When I tried to ask, you wailed out about how you just wanted to forget about it. I didn't pry further at the time; I almost didn't want to know, and I didn't want you to get worse."

A bitter smile crosses my face. "Heh, well I guess I got what I wanted."

Sayori narrows her eyes at me. "I guess that's one way of looking at it. Still, though!"

A pause puts the conversation on hold. I've seen Sayori dead in so many nightmares over the last month. What could be worse? It's almost nightmarish in and of itself that something more heartbreaking could exist. If my reaction was really that bad, then I'm with her. I'm relieved to not know, and I will be lucky to never recall such a thing. If only it hadn't screwed me up so badly for three days.

"Um…" A sullen expression falls over Sayori. She looks like she doesn't want to say something, but she nevertheless persists. "I don't know if this is right or not but… I really am glad you don't remember. That night, you looked more messed up than when you saved me. I can't put into words what I felt seeing you like that, so…"

Well, at least that makes two of us. "It'll be okay." I connect our free hands. "We don't need to linger on this. Instead, let me ask you about the past few days. I started regaining myself midway through Monika's kiss" You know, something about that mystifies me. "I'm most curious about that, but just give me a quick summary from Friday on, I guess. Best to stay in chronological order so I don't get confused."

"Eh, I mean…" Sayori's face scrunches some as she revs up her brain. "Nothing out of the ordinary for Friday. Saturday, we made plans for Yuri to come over on a whim." Her expression relaxes. "We each cuddled up to one side of you and just talked about random stuff. Good things, like teasing you and how adorable you are! It was a nice time!" I'd blush, but I'm not feeling the energy. Instead, I give a small smile. "… Sorry you had to miss it."

"Forget it," I say dismissively.

Wait.

"Uh, no pun intended."

"Ehehe… Got'cha." We collectively ease up a little. "Yuri was kind of getting affectionate with you, actually. I'd say I was jealous but I can have you whenever I want, my little sugar-booger!"

"Is that your idea of flirting?"

"Mmmmmaybe!" Oh Sayori, whatever will I do with you? "Actually, she pointed out how you steadily became less and less attentive. You looked like you were enjoying yourself, so I didn't think anything of it. I thought you were just becoming a shy tortoise from not being used to Yuri."

"That sounds like me." My vision lowers. I spot our handholding taking place and I shake mine free, opting to hold hers inside of mine.

"Even though the last time Yuri spent time with us, you acted all unfazed by her face buried in your stomach? It can't be both."

"Her face wasn't buried, she was just… resting it there…" Sayori is right, though. "Maybe I was more high-strung on Saturday, then, or maybe I was more susceptible to the shy introvert side of me while I was out of it. Maybe I was simply more relaxed that previous time. Hell, I had just woken up during that. I had time to get used to it while we were talking." My eyes rise back up to meet hers. "If she started loving on me randomly—"

I shudder a little—strictly a spine-tingling shiver of relative excitement—imagining what kinds of things may or may not be included in Yuri loving on me. Despite Natsuki's behavior after my confession and despite the fact that Monika is the person I know the least, I feel like Yuri is the most unpredictable. After all, I wasn't expecting her to be the first to want into this relationship. There's also the thing from festival weekend where she licked my finger. I mean, I did that to Natsuki just the following day, but Yuri did it because I had pricked my finger on her knife like an idiot. Now, if she were to be doing that when blood wasn't involved…

My cheeks heat up. Sayori notices. Of course she does. "Oooh, is my Sweetie smitten?"

"I-I mean the wording choice that I made, ummm, I made it sound weird and it go-got me wondering…"

"Does imagining Yuri giving you some smoochie-smoochies on your cheekie-cheekies make you all warm and fuzzy inside?"

"Sayoooriiiii!" I groan, cradling my head in my hands. How could she possibly tease me like this? How cruel! How indecent! How… something else similar! I don't have the brain power to chronicle the other ways in which my girlfriend pokes fun at me. My body is putting priority into the climate control of my face.

Sayori's giggling at my embarrassment is interrupted by the sliding of the classroom door. I take the time to recover. Instead of investigating, I fold one arm across the desk, rest my forehead on it, and close my eyes.

"Ah, greetings, you two."

"Heya, Yuri!" Sayori exclaims. I give a wave and a grunt of acknowledgement.

"I'm not interrupting something, am I? I heard commotion just before opening the door."

"Nope! In fact, we were just talking about you!"

"Uh…" To the surprise of not me, Yuri sounds worried. "N-nothing but goo-good things, I hope?"

"Of course! I was just teasing him."

"Oh. Ah, aha, and hooow ar-are you doing tha-that, I wonder…?"

"Bringing up how cute you two were when you were nuzzling him~"

"Aah!" Yeah, sounds like Yuri is flustered now, too. I detect movement.

"Come on over and join us! If you want, you can hold his haaa~nd!"

"Sayori, we're in public!"

"So? Hasn't stopped us!"

Yuri goes silent, as does Sayori. I can hear the sound of shoes on the floor. Both approach. I feel a hand snag my wrist, with another hand inserting itself into mine.

"Hmm… That isn't Yuri's hand."

"Aww, heck!"

I glance up. Sure enough, Yuri is standing off to the side. Her cheeks are pink, but she looks at least somewhat amused. Sayori is the one holding my hand. Now that the jig is up, she looks on with a coy expression and releases it.

"It seems you are always so full of vigor when it comes to teasing him, Sayori. Why do you do it, anyhow?"

"It's fun to see what I can get away with. Plus, it's fun-ny and entertaining being a sneaky little scamp!"

"Tell me about it." I sit up and run my hands through my hair. "Never a dull moment, but I suppose that's part of her charm."

"I've gotten a bit of a taste so far. No doubt, I will experience more of it as time goes on." Coming down from her small flustered episode, Yuri closes in on our desks. "If I didn't know better, Sayori, I'd think you are trying to accelerate how quickly he and I bond. If you're trying to be subtle, it isn't working."

"Whoops!" Sayori sure doesn't say that as though it's a bad thing. It isn't defensive at all; she says it like she got caught with her hand in the cookie jar. "Well if I don't have to be subtle anymore~" Without warning and with surprising speed, Sayori snags one of each of our wrists. Before I know it, I'm holding Yuri's hand.

"Aah!" Both Yuri and I are shocked, but neither of us move. I don't think I can move anything below that shoulder. Yuri, on the other hand, is twitching. I have to admit; her slender hand is soft to the touch. Sayori looks on from beside us.

"Yes! I am the ultimate wing-woman!" She is so proud of herself. It honestly is a mystery as to what goes through her head. I've never heard of someone so eager to set their significant other up with someone else. Well, I guess since we are all in a relationship, I suppose Yuri also counts as a significant other. That makes it less bizarre. Sayori really wants this to work out, doesn't she? Maybe I should be suspicious. I can do that later. Ugh, so much stuff to do and it's always later. I mean, I am indisposed at the moment, but still.

"Um… Ah… Uuu, I hope this isn't weird for you!" Yuri is surprisingly kept-together in her words, even though her voice is wavering.

"No, n-not at all!" I seem to have inadvertently restarted puberty with how cracked my voice got.

"Okay, you two! I guess that's enough." With just as much mystification as her earlier actions contained, Sayori gently tugs our hands apart. "Don't want you to explode, ehehe! But now that that's happened, next time will be easier!" When Sayori said she was being the ultimate wing-woman, I didn't think that's what she was actually going for. Funnily enough, Yuri hasn't seemed as though she needed the help to come out of her shell. Sure, she questions things after the fact, but her actions come first.

With full possession of my hand resumed, I rest it in my other and try to remember how to function. During my thoughts, it occurs to me how much peppier Sayori got when Yuri joined the conversation. I hope that isn't a sign that she's masking something. Well, actually, that's kind of my fault huh? We did just have a serious conversation about my memory. Ah, and we didn't finish it, I just realized. Was I always this bird-brained? It seems like my ability to focus on one thing is being challenged lately.

Sayori's weirdness is making recovering from the hand-holding easy. When I take a look at Yuri, she seems to be even more shocked at what just happened than while it was actually happening. Her hand is in front of her face and she's staring at it as though experiencing an alien sensation. I guess something new on an emotional level could do that to you. Well, assuming this is something new to Yuri. For her to have never held someone's hand yet in life would be a crying shame. I mean, I guess I hadn't in a romantic way until recently myself but Yuri is such a beauty that most should have lined up at the opportunity.

"Oh, and about Monika…" Suddenly, Sayori's whispering into my ear earns my attention. "I really wish you remembered this, but it'll be funny to see your reaction again: when you agreed to Monika entering the relationship, she was talking about the prospect of it being physical." What?! "I mean, obviously it'd be an emotional thing too, but she said how you were right and that she needed to find some way to relax and unstressify—that's my word, not hers—and figured there was no harm in asking."

The harm? The harm will be to my fragile self-esteem! Of all the people to come to while emphasizing the physical proponents of a relationship, why would Monika come to me?! I may have been able to bullshit my way through a month of poems punctuated by a sentimental and emotional ending, but that doesn't mean I'm good at being tender! Or, at least, whatever Monika is looking for. Sayori and I may be content with my assuredly lackluster lovemaking skills but I am a mere mortal compared to Monika! I couldn't get on her level if I was born that way!

"Who knows, maybe you two will even spend time in bed and— Hrrr!" My hands quickly found Sayori's face and covered her mouth. In the past, it has been said that my dull, golden eyes made for a hell of a soul-piercing stare. Sayori didn't seem to be affected. She never had been. In fact, she stepped away and started giggling. I sigh and try to chill out, looking to see if Yuri was paying attention. Instead, the hand that had held mine was caressing her cheek. I'm… not sure what to make of that. I guess she enjoyed holding my hand? When Yuri notices my gaze, she seems to freak out a little and whirls around to face the opposite direction.

"And I agreed to that?!" I hiss in Sayori's direction.

"Well, not the sex part"—I groan in embarrassment, not ready to tackle the idea of that at all—"I made that up. But yeah, Monika was like, 'I'm looking for an outlet for physical tension and I trust you.' "

"What was I thinking?! I can't please Monika!"

"How do you know? You haven't tried! Well, there was the kiss…" Sayori does the finger thing. "Oh, Monika said you need to step your kissing game up."

"PFFT!" Okay, well no surprise there. I take great amusement in my own self-deprecation when it comes to anything physical with someone other than Sayori. She and I have chemistry because we've known each other for so long. The other girls? Not so much. "We're not going to count that. Even without any memory issues, I would have been too dumbfounded to respond correctly."

"Aren't you such a lucky guy though~? You got two of the most beautiful girls in the school after your affection."

"Hah. Yeah. It's like a dream come true…" When Sayori puts it like that, I feel a pressure on me. This was just more evidence that I didn't know what to expect when I confessed to the club. I absolutely didn't think things through. How shortsighted of me. Again, emotion before reason. "Wait, come on now. You're beautiful too!"

"Uh, w-well…" Sayori, don't you dare say you aren't. "If that's what you think, then I'll accept that. Besides, I can't be after your affection when I already have it! I still think they're better-looking than I am."

"Is this about your b—" No. Don't say it. There's been so many times they've been brought up. I can think it instead: is this about her boobs not being as big? She did seem excited the last time it was addressed that they grew. Come on Sayori, you should know that there's more to someone than the size of their chest. Take Natsuki, for example; you're always so eager to interact with her even though she—WHY AM I THINKING ABOUT THIS?!

"Sayori," Yuri interjects, freeing me from my thought process. "You've been so eager to point out how others can bond with him. You aren't trying to get rid of him, are you?"

Time seems to come to a standstill. Sayori's expression freezes. What a question to ask. I mean, surely Yuri isn't serious, but still. After a moment, it seems Yuri realized what she said.

"Ah, I di-didn't mean—" This poor girl deals with so much from her own self-criticism. I suppose if she really wanted to prevent saying things she regretted, she would have to put a little more thought into what she's about to say before it leaves her lips. She has said in the past that she can wind up too absorbed in her own thoughts to pay attention to others. This is just an extension of that, right? "What a horrible thi-thing to joke about! I'm so s-sss-sssorry!"

A look of absolute sternness crosses Sayori's face for just a moment. She shakes her head and suddenly it has disappeared. "Nope!" Her chipper tone makes it feel like I imagined that change of expression, but I know I saw it. "Look at it this way: when he's with me, I feel better than I usually can on my own. Since he's interested in all of us, I want you all to get to that level where he makes you feel better just because you're close to him."

I feel Sayori's arms wrap around my shoulders from behind. She leans into me and rests her chin on top of my head. "I just want good things for all of you." Okay, that's a noble cause, I suppose.

"How can you possibly be so nonchalant when I say things like that?"

"Because I know you don't mean it." Sayori nuzzles the top of my head. "My therapist has said before that one's first thoughts aren't always a reflection of their true self. I'll think bad things about myself, but it's because of weirdness happening in my brain. I don't want to think those things. It's what you do after, how you react to what you just said or think, that is a better reflection of you as a person." I am eternally grateful to Sayori's therapist. She's taking a bunch of this advice to heart, it seems, and has become a bit of a philosopher to boot. Maybe Monika or Yuri are helping influence her.

"You said something without thinking. Then, you were not pleased with yourself and you made that clear. That says to me that you are not trying to say bad things. I'm learning to give myself some leeway when it comes to my own thoughts, so I won't hold it against you."

Yuri still looks unsure. "I don't know how you can possibly look at it that way."

"Magic!"

"That is not how that works… Ah… I just raised my…"

"It's okay!" And now both of us raised our voice to Yuri. She gets spooked, but oddly enough it seems to quell her. I guess snapping her to attention helped get her out of her own head.

"Ah. Aha, r-right…" You know, for all that I wish I knew more about my own head, I kind of wish that I could see into everyone else's. That would help solve a lot of problems and give me so many answers. Of course, it could never be that easy.

A thought occurs to me. "Hey, Yuri. You're smart, right?"

"Ah…" Yuri's expression turns timid.

"Of course she is!"

"Sayori, don't be so frank…"

"Aw come on, give yourself some credit!"

"She's right, you know," I tack on. "Anyhow, before you entered, we were talking about some issues I've been having recently. According to Sayori, I had what was apparently the worst nightmare ever a few nights ago. Most of my memory of a few days is missing, including the contents of that nightmare. Can they really do something like that?"

"Hmm…" Yuri moves a desk closer to ours and takes a seat. Sayori hops back into the desk she was occupying before. "Obviously I am not an expert, but my experiences with—" A moment of hesitation leads to a grim expression from her. "—um, learning about what negative experiences can do to you, I mean…" I almost want to ask about what she just said but like with other things she's let slip in the past, I shouldn't pry. As long as she is okay now and assuming she comes to us when she is ready, then all will be okay.

Yuri composes herself a bit and resumes. "If you had, say, a night terror about something emotionally devastating, it could lead to a panic episode. It can be worse when you're just waking up because of how disorienting it is. Dreams have a habit of feeling all too real in the moment, especially those of the surreal variety."

Yuri's expression turns a bit glum. Her eyes lower themselves to examine the surface of her desk. "Short-term memory issues can either come after the fact, an example being that you forgot whatever caused your episode, or you can simply have not retained the events of a few days due to heavy dissociation."

"Dissociation?"

"To put it simply, not all of your mental faculties would be operating on the same wavelength due to some kind of issue with your mind. You may feel distracted, zone out, fail to react or respond to much." Yuri begins to list things off on her fingers one-by-one. "Feeling disconnected from yourself, problems handling intense emotions, memory problems as has been covered, trouble with cognitive awareness which is linked with concentration and memory. Just don't take this as a diagnosis. It's only what I can give you off the top of my head since you asked."

Suddenly, Yuri's expression shifts. "That explains some of your behavior the other day, doesn't it? Oh dear, I'm so sorry!"

Eh? "Sorry for what?"

"For not noticing how bad things were! I was so absorbed in my own actions that I neglected to ascertain your mental state!"

"Yuri, it's okay. Not even I was aware of what my brain was doing."

"But still, I—"

"Yuri." I'll admit, I was getting a bit frustrated with her. It wasn't out of annoyance, no; my agitation was because of how much she was second-guessing herself and placing the blame in her hands. I will admit that it was cute how she would respond like this when we first met, but now it makes me worried that she will trip over herself and cause herself way more problems than is necessary. Humility can be an endearing quality, but this is not that. It's like she's on a self-sabotage mission. "If you regret, then do something about it going forward. Don't be caught up in what has already passed. These are extraneous circumstances. Shit happens. We pick ourselves up and move forward."

"… Yes, I suppose… you are correct. Extraneous circumstances." I can tell that it's difficult for her to keep composed when she feels she's overstepped boundaries. Perhaps it is only a matter of time before she opens up more to me. To us. "Please accept my apologies."

"Of course."

"Done and done!"

"Thank you both. I can tell that I am in a lucky position." Yuri's focus is on me now. She reaches out and takes my hand in hers. The smile she flashes me is enrapturing. Sayori's eyes are like looking into the most gorgeous sky. Yuri's, conversely, are like staring into the far reaches of space. Her soul is like a vast galaxy filled with complexities and intricacies waiting to be discovered. Heh, how appropriate given the contents of her last poem. Our shared gaze is broken when Sayori gives Yuri's other hand a squeeze. Yuri smiles back at Sayori, but it is a different smile. Not lesser. Just different.

When we hear the classroom door slide open, Yuri frantically pulls her hands back to herself. We look to see Natsuki entering.

"Hey," she greets us. We respond with a litany of our own brief hellos. "I bumped into Monika in the bathroom. She said she isn't coming to the club today. Something about screwing up taking a medicine."

"Oh, I hope she's gonna be okay," Sayori audibly worries, whipping out her phone.

"She looked okay, but sometimes you can't tell. I'd say it could be that time of the month, but since when has that ever kept her from doing anything?"

"Even if that were the case, it would still be rather indecent to mention," Yuri speaks softly, though just loud enough for everyone to hear.

"Aw, come on. We're all girls here!" Natsuki eyes me. "M-Mostly." I throw up a peace sign of acknowledgement.

"She came to school, but is skipping club?" My question is rhetorical and I provide a potential answer immediately. "I guess she really is trying to take it easy. The club is important to her, but I guess we're getting through to her." As far as I know, only Sayori and I have talked to her. "Not like Sayori can't stand in, being Vice President and all."

"So hey, I've got an idea!" Sayori doesn't even look up from her phone. The way her fingers are going, it seems she's texting someone. "Since Monika isn't feeling well, how about we all go home?"

"And skip out on the time here? No way!"

"Oh, uh… Not home home, Nattie. Ehehe… Not your home. Or Yuri's home. It's kinda like… my home." Sayori glances up to me expectantly.

"Um… Well…" Okay, so that wasn't a bad idea. Having two girls over at the same time? Three, technically, but Sayori is always there now, so that's nothing new. "Sure, if that's what everyone wants to do…" Admittedly, I'm a little sheepish. This is on very short notice, I would have thought that Yuri would share my apprehension, but Natsuki looks to be the one frustrated.

"Yesss!" So Sayori is excited.

"I wouldn't mind that at all," Yuri adds, "what with having been there recently. It does offer us a modicum of privacy and a more relaxed environment…"

"…" Natsuki raises an eyebrow at Yuri, which the tallest girl doesn't catch. "Go over to some boy's house? How gross, but…" She slings her bag over her shoulder. "I'm not about to stay here by myself. You better not live like a slob!"

"I can assure you, Natsuki, that the place is well-kept."

"If you're saying that, then you clearly haven't seen his room yet!"

"H-Hey!"

"Heeheehee! Gotta get in at least one jab before we leave!" Natsuki spins around on one foot and heads towards the door. "Well, what are we waiting for?" For someone who appeared so hesitant a moment before, Natsuki is showing unparalleled excitement now.

"Aww heck!" Sayori stands up, her exclamation drawing our attention. "I asked Monika about the idea since she wouldn't have to be stressed out by leading the club, but she declined to join. She just wants to go home and sleep. I wished her better from all of us."

Damn. I was really hoping to spend more time with Monika after my fiasco this weekend. I feel like the universe is keeping us separated. Even when I first joined, she wound up being too busy, or I too nervous, for us to get anywhere. Hell, I've spent more time with her since the last poem day than in the entire previous month of being in the club! Yuri might be unpredictable as our resident Maiden of Mystery, but Monika is a curious case. She is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma.

"Well, what are we waiting for now?" Natsuki taps her foot impatiently. No one else has an answer, so we quickly return the desks to their positions and head out.

I find myself seated between Yuri and Sayori. I swear those two are teaming up on me now, and with how these couches are more for two people rather than three, the girls are in very close proximity to me.

"Isn't this nice, Yuri? Just you, me, and a cutie-patootie!"

Come now, if anyone here is the cutie-patootie, it's you!

"I must admit, this is quite quaint. The… cutie… His shoulder is very comfortable."

She's resting her head there oh my goodness.

"Yeah it is!"

And now Sayori as well. I feel heat flooding my cheeks. I am afraid to move because I might disturb them and make them stop. As embarrassed as I am, this is nice. What attracted Yuri to a loser like me? Man, why am I having second thoughts about all this? I'm so… average at best.

"I fear that we may be putting too much pressure on our poor Darling. He looks petrified."

"Sweetie, you okay?"

"Huh? Yeah! Just… Put yourself in my shoes. Your inner shyness would come out, too."

"You're not even wearing shoes!"

"You know what I mean, you dork!"

"Ehehe…"

"As long as you're okay. And, um… Uuuuu, as long as you don't mind this."

"No worries, Yuri!"

"I'm not overstepping any boundaries, am I?"

"Not at all!"

"…And now?"

She's nuzzling her head against my shoulder.

"Nope!"

"That is pleasing to hear."

"Ehehe, how long until you two kiss, I wonder."

"S-Sayori!"

"Pffahaha! Sorry! I'm just teasing. You two look sooo adorable! It's really nice watching my friends get along and be comfy with each other!"

"Aha, aha, right, you goober…"

AAH! I-Is that… I swear Yuri's lips just grazed the base of my neck! Sayori, stop giving her ideas!

"Ehehe, your face is getting sooo red right now!"

And it's only gonna get redder when you point it out!

"Yuri, look at him! Doesn't he look like a tomato?"

"Mmm, yes, he does…"

"Huh? You're not looking."

"A-Ah! I mean, I-I can feel the heat of his cheeks from here… Um, uuuhhh… Are you sure you're okay with this?"

Oh my lord, she really just whispered in my ear like that! I'm going to have an aneurysm!

"I'm… I-I'm enj-enjo-enjoying… th-this. Ple-Please continue!"

Why am I so uptight? Is it because it's Yuri? I never thought her to be the physically affectionate type, or at least not like this! Will I be this way when Monika comes over tomorrow?

"…Aha… Ahaha… Uhuhu~ If you insist!"

And now she seems so confident. Is it because I outright told her to resume? AAH! That was definitely her lips touching my neck!

"You're never like this with me. What gives? I wanna see you all blushy like this more often!"

"I always get like this when you tease me unexpectedly!"

"Yeah, but like, not when we're cuddling and stuff!"

"You just don't pay attention enough. You're still a bit of a ditz, you know."

"Meanie~"

"Y-Yeah…"

"Whaaa? You just agreed to being a meanie?!"

"I mean, um! N-No! I just wasn't paying attention."

"Ehehe, you got a big ol' distraction, huh? Are you afraid of beautiful girls? You look scared stiff!"

"Uhuhu, I bet he's scared stiff… AH! I-I-I— I didn't mean— I-I'm…"

"PFFT!"

"Aha, aha… I-It's okay, Yuri. We're all adults he-here. We can handle a double entendre…"

"I never thought you could be like this, Yuri! Getting to learn more about you is fun!"

"Ah, w-well there's a lot you don't know about me, I guess… Aha, aha…"

"Is this really so enjoyable for you, Yuri. I'm not exactly… well… the pinnacle of attractiveness."

"You aren't exactly a dominant force either, but I've found you to be an irresistible one."

"I know the feeling, ehehe!"

"In more ways than you could hope to experience, Sayori."

"Ehehe, is that so?"

"Oh, I think you know. That's just one of the differences between you and me. As I've assured you, though, that isn't a bad thing."

"Uh, you wanna fill me in on what you're talking about?"

"Nope!"

"It's nothing at all, Darling."

I don't have the mental capacity to pursue this further. I feel… I can't place it. Not my best.

"I'm, uh, really glad you've gotten so comfortable with me so quickly."

"Are you enjoying our time together?"

"O-Of course!"

"I am elated to hear that. Perhaps it is embarrassing to admit, but I have been experiencing touch-starvation for far too long. Despite my impressive vocabulary, I can't hope to express how euphoric this is. To be able to indulge in this is comforting. No matter how I connect with characters in my books, nothing can replace the touch of a human. The idea that someone is enjoying your physical presence, the warmth of one's body, the intimate sensation of touch with someone you care for…"

"Wow, Yuri. That was really well-said! Don't you think, Sweetie?"

"…"

"Sweetie?"

"Eh! Uh, oh yeah. Sorry. Perhaps I'm enjoying this a bit too much. Plenty of guys would be incredibly envious right now. Um, as far as what Yuri said… It… I could never hope to describe something like you just did. It isn't embarrassing at all! Sayori and I both realized recently that our need for physical interaction was higher than we could have thought. We, uh, engage in plenty of casual intimacy throughout the days."

"I'm always a slut for cuddles!"

"NNNGH— Hahaha, holy crap."

"Some of the things… that come out of your mouth… make it seem as though Natsuki… is influencing your speech."

Is Yuri losing focus? Or is she more focused? Her face has not left the crook of my neck, and—

"Haa~aah!"

That was definitely the tip of her tongue!

"Hm? What's up?"

"No-n-nnn-nothing!"

"Uhuhu~"

"Mhmhm~ As long as you're enjoying yourselves!"

Of all the things I'd have to focus on when it came to bonding with the girls, I didn't account for how hard it would be to tame Yuri. When I called her intense during festival weekend, I guess I had no idea she would live up to that.

"Hellooo~o? Earth to dumbass?" A small flick to the forehead brings me back to the present. I grunt and defend my face. "Oh please! Your skull is thick enough to withstand even the mightiest of blows!"

"Thanks, Natsuki. Love you, too." The sarcasm dripping from my voice could flood a cavern.

"Hmph! Yeah, I bet you do!" Natsuki returns to her seat. Right, we're in my living room. Sayori is next to me on one couch. Yuri and Natsuki are on the opposite couch.

"Are you okay?" Sayori's concern is obviously about—

"Geez, it was just a flick! I'm not a monster, yanno!"

"N-No, it isn't about that," Sayori responds. "Hey, talk to me. You aren't zoning out, are you?" I lean back in my seat, my hands falling into my lap.

"Well, I was, but I wasn't forgetting things. I kinda daydreamed about the… significant portions of Saturday with Yuri."

"Sat-yur-day?" Sayori's moment of silliness got Natsuki snickering. "So your memory isn't being a doodoo-head?"

"Well, it was only Saturday, but that gives me hope towards this being a temporary thing. It'd be nice to remember what happened with Monika."

"Geez, sounds like you had a busy weekend with girls flinging themselves into your house. Before you know it, you'll be cleaning your bedsheets more often… PFFT!" Oh, here we go. Natsuki's got a sick burn for me. "I almost couldn't say that with a straight face! Like you could please a woman like that."

"Natsuki…" Yuri doesn't look too pleased at Natsuki's comment. Odd, I would have figured she'd be embarrassed by such insinuation. I guess I'm doing the blushing for both of us.

"Eh? Oh! I get it." And Sayori says it so nonchalantly. Her sense of shame is— "Hey! I'm responsible with my periods, and I'm sure the others are, too!"

Well, that stopped the conversation in its tracks. Now everyone that isn't Sayori is flustered. Yuri is looking away and toying with her hair. Natsuki looks dumbfounded.

"Uh. Yeah. I was referring to blood. Thanks, Sayori."

"You're welcome!" A ditz she may be sometimes, but Sayori absolutely knows what she's doing. There's no more reasonable doubt in my mind that's she's as meticulous as they come. Without warning, I feel Sayori lean against me and nearly topple over as a result. "I'm glad you're feeling better, Sweetie! I never want you to miss out on affection with the others."

"Wuh! Heh, thanks. So am I." I reach up and ruffle her hair. Realizing that this may be a bit off-putting, I stop and glance up. Natsuki is who I'm worried about since she isn't in on this. When she notices I'm looking at her, she looks away in a hurry. Yuri doesn't seem bothered. In fact, she looks like she's the one off in her own little world now. Is she still blushing? She is fidgeting with her fingers.

"Sorry about all that. Yeah, long story, but I kind of slogged through the weekend. I'm fine now."

"You better be! I'll kick your ass if you aren't!"

"You'd kick my ass for any reason."

"Yeah, and you said you'd let me. What kind of idiot are you to say something like that?" Natsuki leans forward. "You better not have said that because you underestimate me, 'cuz then I won't even feel bad about knocking your block off!"

"No, no, I don't underestimate you at all. I'd be a fool to do that."

"Good! And it better not be some kinda masochistic thing either!" Natsuki's words seem to have caused Yuri to hide her face to the best of her abilities. I'm unfazed. Maybe it's because it's Natsuki and I exchanging jabs that I'm not bothered.

"Why? I mean, it's not. That wouldn't matter unless you were planning to beat me up anyhow." Now it's my turn to lean forward. I put my soul-piercing gaze to good use. "Were you planning to do that?"

"Get real! You just want another girl to touch you! Such a desperate pervert! Guh-rooo~oss!" I can hear Sayori giggling next to me. Yuri, again, doesn't look amused. I guess she snapped out of whatever daydreaming she was doing.

"Trust me, I can give him all the attention he would ever need. Your childish attitude towards showing affection would simply turn him away."

Natsuki seems taken back for a moment. I can feel the tension settling in. Natsuki is bothered and shows it, but nonetheless fires back. "Wow, big talk coming from the shyest girl in the district!"

"Whoa. Whoa now." I have to step in. Unlike with conflicts about poems or anything of the sort, this directly involves me and I feel less awkward about coming forward. "Please don't fight. Yuri, you gotta understand that Natsuki and I just have that kind of friendship. Nothing's changing for the worse, and neither of us take any offense to the other's words."

"Yeah," Sayori chimes in. "That's why I was giggling. I can just feel when there's something uncomfortable in the air between people, and there hasn't been with them."

"… Ah…" The regret on Yuri's face tells the whole story. "I'm sorry for speaking out of line. I just… felt bad for staying silent the last time there was a conflict."

"Well, there isn't one. I may be childish but—"

"Nattie…" Though soft, Sayori's words cut through whatever remark Natsuki was about to fire back with. Natsuki goes quiet and looks away.

"No, it's okay, Sayori." Yuri's the one speaking up now. "I insulted her. She has a right to be angry at me. Natsuki…" Yuri turns towards the shorter girl, who is still facing away. "I'm sorry for saying such harsh things. It was incredibly rude and, dare I say, childish of me."

"…" The room goes silent. It's hard to tell what Natsuki is thinking. Her body is still and her demeanor is stiff. I can hear a loud, drawn-out breath leave her body. "… Whatever. Don't worry about it. I know I can show affection when I want to. Besides, we're just friends, so I don't have to worry about that anyway."

"Hey, platonic friends can still show affection for each other, you know!" Sayori's right, but I'm unable to get a supportive word in before Natsuki responds.

"I meant physical affection, Dumdum…" Natsuki resumes sitting normally. She only partly glances in Yuri's general direction. "It's all good." She raises a fist and gently bumps it against Yuri's shoulder. Utter relief fills Yuri's face, who returns Natsuki's gesture with a pat on the shoulder.

"I will treasure your forgiveness."

We all take a moment to lean back and collect ourselves. Conflict, no matter how small, takes a lot out of us. I'm just glad it's over.

Bzzt! A phone vibrates. Yuri picks hers up.

"AH!" Yuri suddenly stands up. "I'm so sorry! Mother is here! We were going shopping and to the book store downtown after school and I told her earlier I'd be here at a friend's house and my phone accidentally got put on vibrate and I missed an earlier text because of our talking and I have to go!"

The amount of energy Yuri put into her rushed explanation almost gives me whiplash. She fumbles with her shoes, grabs her bag, and swings open the front door. "Please do take care!" We hastily say our own farewells—Natsuki quieter than Sayori's or mine—as Yuri bows and takes her leave.

"Oh, crud!" Now Sayori is the one standing up with her phone in hand. "I gotta get to the bus stop!" Ah, right, it's Tuesday. Therapy time. I guess everyone lost track of the clock. That's what happens when the day is less than ordinary.

"You haven't even changed."

"No time! If I miss the bus, I'm fricked!" I hear a faint snicker come from Natsuki. Sayori follows Yuri's example, kicking her shoes on and snagging her bag. "Bye, Sweetie!" She rushes over to give me a hug, the bag whacking me in the shoulders. "Sorry!" I shrug it off. "Bye, Cutie!" Sayori adjusts her bag so it won't hit Natsuki and falls into a hug. Natsuki looks utterly surprised but remains silent until Sayori is practically out the door. We both call out a goodbye as she closes the door.

…

Well, now it's just Natsuki and me. Considering she's the only one I'm not in a relationship with, I feel like merely existing in the same place with just her is enough to cause tension and awkwardness.

"So—"

"I'm… gonna go."

"What? No, you don't have to."

"I feel like I should, so I'm going to."

That's… rather disappointing, but not unexpected. I let out a sigh.

"Alright. Um, I'm sorry. I would have liked to spend time with you alone since the opportunity arose."

"You don't have anything to apologize for." Something's definitely up. She's acting weird again now that we're alone. I want to stop her but instead I put my hands on my head. What do I do? I don't want to screw things up. I don't want her to wind up being the only girl ostracized. At the same time, I don't want to anger her.

"But I caused this rift in our friendship."

"For Chri— What were you meant to do, keep your feelings hidden and just suffer in silence?" Natsuki powerwalks over and leans over me. "You did what you had to do. You did what was best for you. So what if things didn't turn out how you wanted? You tried, and that's what matters! You're a lucky boy with some lucky girls."

"If I didn't—"

"Shut up! 'If I didn't! If I didn't!' Yeah, and if Sayori didn't confess to you—"

If Sayori didn't confess to me, she may have died before I could do anything about it.

"…"

"Natsuki…"

Without another word, Natsuki starts to make a distraught exit with her things. As she opens the door, I call out to her:

"You can always talk to me. I'll listen."

She hesitates, but ultimately closes the door behind her.

I deposit another sigh into the filling frustration jar that resides in the living room. Must be some kind of record. I can feel a headache coming on so I snag some OTC painkillers from the bathroom and head to the kitchen. Water bottle fresh from the fridge, I return to my spot on the couch and down the half-dose.

Cool. Man, I wish Natsuki was easier to get through to. I've now had some practice with Sayori, both with seeing through the mask and dealing with the pain underneath, but Natsuki fortifies her walls when she senses emotions bubbling to the surface. Maybe Sayori can do something about this. Natsuki seems to soften up when it comes to her, after all. A more delicate touch may be required, and they've known each other longer than I've known Natsuki.

I close my eyes and try to ignore the complexity of emotions.

"I'm worried about Natsuki."

"Is something wrong?"

"No. Well… I just want her in our little fun group."

"Heh. Little fun group. Sayori, it's more than simply that."

"But it is fun! Wouldn't you call earlier with Yuri fun?"

"I… I can't deny that."

"That's a side you've never seen of her, right?"

Well, except for that one time…

"Yeah, it is. It's refreshing. It reminds me that no matter how much you know someone, there's always more to them that you can fathom."

"That sounds deep! Even though, you know, you've known her for like a month."

"Yeah, I know. It's just such a jarring change from how she usually is. Is that healthy?"

"Sweetie, I go to therapy now. I'm less qualified to answer that. Try asking someone like Monika. Tomorrow."

"I'm not going to do that. To begin with, the first visit Monika is making here isn't going to be about one of the other girls. Second, maybe I shouldn't, you know, blab about what's been going on between Yuri and I before we know if Monika even wants in on this. Lastly, Yuri might not appreciate that."

"Ehehe, I guess you're right."

"Besides, as long as Yuri is enjoying herself and is doing well, I'm happy."

"Good boy!"

"Gee, thanks, ya butt."

Poke.

"Eep!"

"Heh, hehehe… Anyway, we got sidetracked. So, about Natsuki…"

"I want her in our fun gro— in our relationship."

"I want her in, too… any particular reason? Or is it just because Monika might be joining and Natsuki would be the only one left out?"

"Both."

"Wanna tell me what your particular reason is?"

"Nope!"

"Sayori…"

"Not gonna tell! Yet! You can't make me."

"Oh, can't I?"

"Nope! And uh… ehehe, I'm serious about that. I don't wanna jinx anything."

Again, I'm lacking the intestinal fortitude right now to dig deeper.

"… Hm… Alright, fair enough. I'll hope that things work out for you. Just tell me one thing."

"Yeah?"

"Is anything bad happening?"

"Nah. The only bad thing is Natsuki not joining. If she does, then things will be amazing!"

"So be it."

Knock knock knock!

I'm startled by someone at the door. Guess I fell asleep. At least I'm catching glimpses into my memory. How does work anyhow? Maybe zoning out earlier restarted the process of… accessing those… memories— This sounds like a load of shit. I wouldn't know how this all works, though. For all I know, now that I'm back to a more decent level of mental stability, the fog inside my head is clearing up. I guess that means I at least retained some knowledge of what was happening rather than having full-on amnesia. I shrug and go to open the door.

"You have a key, you—" I expect to see Sayori back from her appointment since I didn't check my phone before standing up. Instead, it's Natsuki.

"…" She is wearing a particular look on her face. I can't fathom what it may be. I step aside and motion for her to enter. She does so in silence and haphazardly lets her bag drop to the floor.

"Um… Are you ready to talk?"

"Not really."

"Come on, let's sit down at least." I snag my water off the TV tray and take a swig. Room temperature. I'm not sure how long I was out for. When I look towards Natsuki, she hasn't moved. In fact, she seems to be staring off into space. Hey, space is Yuri's thing!

"Look," I start as I approach her, "I already know there's no way you're okay, so since you're here let's— Ow!"

Without warning, Natsuki turns and punches me in the shoulder. It isn't particularly hard, but it isn't light either. I take a step back and put a hand up to cover it. A quick glance down and a roll of my shoulder tells me that I'm fine. When I look up, I see that Natsuki is looking away again.

"Natsuki, what's going on?"

Silence is my only answer.

"You know, this whole mysterious silence thing doesn't serve a purpose besides— OW!" Another punch, this one to the other shoulder. At least she's being considerate not to hit the same spot twice.

"I'm not being silent for no reason, idiot! I'm thinking about what I want to do."

"… Heh… Heh heh…"

"What do you think you're laughing at?"

"You are here to beat me up."

"…"

I didn't think it would actually come to this. She wouldn't punch me for no apparent reason, and she isn't denying my accusation. This… has turned into a difficult situation. What the hell do I do? I really screwed myself. I mean, I suppose it's unreasonable for her to expect me to actually go through with something like this, but I did say twice that she was welcome to beat me up if it would help her. Why the hesitation?

…

Did she come back to test my word since it got brought up earlier? Ugh, I know she has the capacity to hit like a truck. As much as I never cared about being in any sort of shape, it would help to not be as frail as I am. With the right motivations like anger or adrenaline, someone can hit pretty hard even without much behind it, but that doesn't help when you're on the receiving end.

…

It seems my silence has kept her at bay. A statue couldn't be more still and tense than her right now, though I'm kind of worried that she will do something if I blink. What do I do? Will I look like a coward if I submit to her? Will I also look like a coward if I say I'm not going to accept this? I'll definitely look like an asshole if I try to retaliate, and I do not want to exert force unless necessary. This is not one of those times. Nothing in the safety of my own home would require that.

…

I slowly lower myself down onto my knees. "Well, come on. Let's get it over with."

"Wha-What?!"

Natsuki takes a step back. I must have grown a few heads because her expression is contorted into… something. Is she experiencing horror? Disgust? I swear, sometimes reading her is harder than understanding fictional languages.

"I'm not gonna do that!"

"Well, then what did you come back for if not to talk?"

"I…" Her fists are clenched tight. They're discolored due to the pressure being exerted right now. I think life just got bumped up in difficulty for her. "You're right. I did come back. I had to know if you were serious or not."

"Well, I am. Come on."

"…" Since I'm on my knees, she utilizes her legs. A kick across the chest makes me recoil. I grunt in pain but keep myself from falling onto my back. "Dumbass." Another kick targets an arm, earning a hiss from me. While I'm dealing with the pain, I hadn't realized she moved to my side until a considerably harder kick lands across my back, sending me flopping forward onto the floor. I may be feeling that in the morning.

"Eurgh…" Yeah, so this was a bad idea. Oh well, I guess I got myself into this mess. As I rise back up to a kneeling position, Natsuki wanders back in front of me.

"Alright. You've proven your point. That's enough."

Thank goodness. I mean, at this point I guess I would absolutely suck it up if need be, but I can be grateful that she's showing mercy.

"…" I don't move. Neither does she. She's looking away again.

No…

Something's still bothering her. She got her answer. Okay, this part is obvious.

"It's okay, Natsuki. I don't think anything less of you for seeking an answer like this. If I hadn't meant it, I wouldn't have said it. Why do you think I'm down here?"

She looks in my general direction but says nothing. Again. Why, why must you be such a difficult nut to crack?

"Were you seeking trust?"

"…" She shrugs.

"To blow off steam?"

She shakes her head. She's tensed up once again.

"Then what?"

Natsuki starts to head towards the exit. "Maybe I'll tell you some other time."

…

Ignoring some of the pain, I jump to my feet and put myself between her and the door.

"I'm not ready to do this right now." Her tone is hushed, and her insistence on not tackling her issues when they've already been on her mind irks me. "I'm sorry. Please move."

"No. We're doing this now."

What am I saying? I must have a death wish.

…

Ugh! That wording was horrible.

And yet… It motivates me. Being reminded of Sayori's troubles fills my mind with all sorts of negative thoughts. I was this close to losing Sayori because she feared telling me not just about her depression but about her love for me.

I can't risk something like that happen again. I'm not backing down. Even if I can't get her to talk, I can convince her that I care.

Natsuki stares at me warily. Clearly, she isn't sure how to process what I just said, but nonetheless she opens her mouth:

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. I want to do this now. You're already here and there's no one else around."

"…" Natsuki tries to move around me. I simply step in front of her. Again, she tries to juke but I'm too fast. My legs are longer and she isn't as fast as she needs to be to compensate.

"You aren't leaving. We're getting through this. Please, trust me." I fold my arms across my chest. "Sayori's worried about you. I'm worried about you, too."

"You shouldn't."

"Bull." She's looking away again. "Hey!" That got her attention. My irritation may have showed a little too much there. "This is important. Look at me. I…"

I take a deep breath. Well, she brought it up earlier, so it's my turn.

"If I didn't worry about Sayori, she wouldn't be here right now. I won't stop worrying about you, and neither will the rest of the girls."

"I ain't gonna hurt myself, or anything like that."

"That's great, but…"

At this point, I'm winging things. Well, no time like the present.

I get back down onto my knees. "I want you to take your frustrations out on me."

"That's stupid! Not to mention screwed up!"

"This is what I want. Clearly you don't have other avenues to explore when it comes to relieving the mountains of stress you are dealing with."

"Shut up!" Natsuki tries to force herself past me, but I rise up and stop her again. She bumps my outstretched arm. I bring her back in front of me, hands on her shoulders.

"You wouldn't be getting so wound up about this if there wasn't something." I keep a firm, but not harsh, grip on her. We're close enough that she can't really deter her eyes from mine. "You might be able to hide behind a mask most of the time, but that façade was let down the moment we were alone. Did you think I wouldn't notice?"

"I knew you'd notice! I just couldn't help it at the time! Some of the things we talked about beforehand…"

"Exactly! You were bothered. If it was just a small thing, you wouldn't be acting like this."

"I told you not to worry!"

"I can't help it! I care about you!"

"Maybe you shouldn't!" Natsuki grabs my wrists. Instead of trying to remove my hands from her shoulders, I can feel her nails dig into my skin. She's livid, and her anger is only helping to fuel my current state. "You shouldn't care about someone who tests whether their friend would let themselves get beat up! I'm not a pleasant person! Put your energy into someone who is worth it."

I growl and tighten my grip on her shoulders. She doesn't appear to be affected. "That's why I'm doing this! You don't get to determine who I care about or who is worth my time. I told all of you that day that I cared about you. I wanted to be with all of you. We may not be together, but we're still friends. I know you'd help Sayori if she came to you. Well, I'm coming to you instead. Help me help you!"

"Oh, fuck off with your savior complex!" Natsuki finally shakes my hands off of her. "Just because you saved Sayori, you feel like you have to help everyone with their big bad problems and give them lots of love so they don't have to suffer, right? You're not this… pariah, or whatever. You're just acting like a schmuck!"

"Wanting to help friends is not this savior complex thing you're so hung up about!" I take her fists into my hands. She doesn't resist. Yet. "Seeking help is not a sign of weakness! Having emotions is not a sign of weakness! You are in the presence of someone who has done everything they can for a girl he loves to show her that it's okay to be vulnerable around him. Sayori allowing herself to be vulnerable is how so much progress has been made!"

"Yeah, well, that's Sayori, and I'm not her!"

"You don't have to be Sayori to let yourself be helped. I swear, it's easier than you think it is!"

"You're not me! You don't know how hard it is!"

"Whether I do or not isn't the point. The point is that you have someone who is willing to get beaten to a pulp if it means helping his friend. You came to test my word and it held up. Doesn't that mean something to you? Doesn't that speak volumes?"

I draw even closer to her. As much as it would have pained me, I was hoping to see tears in her eyes. I want her to crack now. I want this shell to shatter. She has long since outgrown her current one. The bottled emotions need to be emptied so she doesn't become more volatile. Bits of moving around has displaced us away from the door. She has a clear dash to the exit, but now she isn't taking it. Maybe I can do this after all. I take her head into my hands.

"You don't want this blowing up on you. I bet not even Sayori anticipated that she would come close to taking her own life. When you say you won't do something like that, I don't trust it. When you refuse to let me be here for you in a docile way, I have to figure out how else to get through to you. Therefore, I'm ordering you to release all that emotion on me. You're not leaving until you do."

"You better quit before you get your ass beat!"

"That's still what I want you to do!"

"Are you fucking dense?!"

"Yes! That's why I want you to hand me my ass on a silver platter! I know I can take it!"

If I wasn't so pumped up right now, I'd dispute that based on how this went earlier.

"You're a giant prick, you know that?! You're not invincible! I know I'm not, and I'm tough, so I know you of all people aren't!"

"Try me, then!"

"No!"

"Do it. Hurt me more. Why can't you be a hard-ass when I want you to?"

"Because I said so!"

"Do it."

"NO!"

"DO IT!"

Without thinking, I release her head and bounce my palms off of her shoulders. She stumbles back harder than I could have anticipated and collides with the wall. She's remains standing, but I swear she hit her head. Her eyes are wide and her breathing escalates. My stomach turns inside-out as I come to terms with what I just did.

Oh no.

No, please no.

I fucked up.

She's going to hate me. I put my hands on her. She'll never speak to me again. She'll leave the Literature Club and stop talking to her friends because of me.

"Natsuki, I'm sorry! So, so sorry! I've never lost my temper like that before. I—"

A knee to the gut sends me reeling. "How fucking dare you put your hands on me!" As I stand back up straight, I feel her arm wrap under and around my head. She drops down with my neck in tow; my jaw and throat impact her shoulder. I'm sent rolling away from the assault, gingerly holding the affected areas. Whatever just happened stunned me hard. "You will never, ever do that again unless you want to lose my respect as well as your arms!" As miraculous as it is that I'm on all fours, I don't feel good about the sudden pressure on the back of my head.

"Aaagh…"

Suddenly, I'm on my back. The pain seems like it's wrapped around my skull. I groan and mutter curses under my breath, holding my head in my hands. I think she stomped my head into the floor, and I think I suffered a blackout for a split second.

"Is this what you wanted? Huh?!" I'm disoriented, but a kick to the ribs brings me back down to reality. It feels like I got hit with a girder. A coughing fit starts up. "You won't have the chance to back out now!" Another shot to the ribs. I instinctively use the momentum from the kick to roll as far away as I can. "I'm not finished with you!"

As I struggle to regain my bearings, my attempts to get further than simply on my hands and knees is thwarted. Natsuki kneels over my waist, planting me on the ground. She isn't terribly heavy, but being on your stomach is the worst position to be in. She's throwing punches, forearms, elbows into my back and shoulders. I do my best to cover up and it practically does nothing. My arms can't reach around to do anything.

This is bad. Not only did I piss her off and potentially screw up our friendship, but she may break something.

"You wanna"—Whack—"know what"—Whack—"my problem is?"—Whack—"You were nice to me"—Whack—"and I don't know how to handle it!"—Whack—"I'm afraid of getting hurt!"—Whack—"I'm afraid of hurting you!"—Whack—"I'm afraid of fucking everything up because I am a fuck-up!"

If I wasn't ailing physically, my stomach would be doing very dangerous acrobatics. The brief reprieve from her strikes doesn't last long. To make matters worse, she's targeting my head now. Natsuki has gotten absolutely vicious. She will actually injure me if she doesn't stop soon. I regret getting myself into this situation.

"I'm a stubborn, hot-headed bitch!"—Whack—"I'm waiting for all my friends to turn on me!"—Whack—"I'm waiting for everyone I care about to leave me without anyone again!"—Whack—"And I do things like this!"—Whack—"Beating the shit out of the only guy to show interest in me like this! I've… Haaah… haaaah… I've—"

Natsuki's attempt to catch her breath is interrupted by her own coughing. Thank God. I regret that she's being affected like this since it's absolutely my fault. The only thing I can take solace in right now is that she isn't caving my skull in as fast.

"I've never fit in! I'm not mature enough to interact with Monika on any meaningful level, and Yuri only puts up with me because she has to!" When the next blow comes down onto my skull, I am able to tell—somehow—that it's the heel of her fist. Instead of a composed strike, she's pounding like someone who just forgot how to fight. Her voice is already hoarse from her yelling. "Now that you four are all together, it's only a matter of time before they try to make you see why I'm such a bad influence!" She keeps hitting the same spot over and over. When I finally manage to block her hand, she still remains in the same spot. My hands suffer, but that's a blessing right now.

"You and Sayori are the only people who treat me right no matter what! She isn't afraid to make me feel worth something because she can see past me somehow, and you interact with me like an equal instead of something lesser!" She's leaning on both of my shoulders. It aches from her earlier strikes, but it's still better than nothing. Well, nothing would be better I suppose. "I am childish—way too childish to handle a relationship! I just can't trust even you two like that, and I don't want to be what screws up your chances with the other girls! You are great people that deserve happiness! I can't risk losing you all, but I can't risk being the reason the rest of you can't be together!"

The strikes have stopped completely now.

"I'm the weakest link out of the whole club—out of everyone I know! I don't act like an adult on my own, and the only times I do are when I messed something up! Even that isn't a guarantee when I feel like I didn't do anything wrong! All I ever want to do is throw myself into my hobbies so I can forget how lonely and incompatible with others I am! I don't have anything to offer! I'm not smart! I'm not pretty! I'm an overly-sensitive asshole who can't take criticism! When someone doesn't enjoy something that I like or do, I take it as a personal offense and devolve into a five-year-old! People dismiss me because they don't take me seriously, especially when anything I just said is involved! I can't even joke around with my best friend without another supposed friend thinking I'm genuinely being a dick!"

I'm… her best friend?

"Sayori's been non-stop trying to get me to join this relationship, but sooner or later Yuri and I are gonna get into a fight that screws it all up. If it isn't her, then Monika will have finally had enough of me and tell me off for always challenging her as the alpha! When she won't have to worry about being unprofessional on school grounds, I just know she's gonna let me have it! Somehow, you and I will come to blows over… some…someth—"

She's hyperventilating. No doubt she cut herself off when she realized we technically just came to blows. She's still on me, and I don't have the nerve or energy to try to turn over to comfort her physically while my vocal cords are dedicated to grunts of pain.

"A-And if— If I los-l-lost S-Sa-Sayori as a friend, if— If I ever upsss-ssset or hurrr-hurt her, no one w-would ffffff— Haaah, haaaaah, haaaffffforgive me, especially myself!"

Natsuki's grip on my shoulders tighten. I cringe and hiss from her nails digging into me.

"I'm such a temperamental dipshit! I just beat the hell out of you! How do I come back from that?! You'll hate me! She'll hate me! I know how much she loves you! This isn't like last time! I came here with the intentions of hurting you to any degree, even if you try to take the blame on this! I could have seriously injured you or worse!"

It feels like her forehead is buried in my upper back. I couldn't protest if I wanted to.

"See?! I'm a fuck-up! It only took less than two months to reveal my true colors to you! Close to half a year knowing Sayori and she'll regret ever placing her faith in me! I'm a selfish, pissy brat with no good excuse for being this way! I just want to be loved by someone other than family, but I ruin every good thing I've ever had!"

A pained laugh escapes her.

"How did Yuri describe that one poem when we shared those privately after our fight? Something about… ghost symbolism? The last comforting place, a-and… soon to be left with nothing? That's me. I'm the ghost. The horrible things I know I've done will catch up to me and I'll be forced away from the last place, the last people, that… that matter to… Haaah… Haaaaahhh… I'm sorry… I'm so sorry! I-I'm… s-sssorry! I… Haaah, haaaaahhh…"

I don't think any action I could take would be able to help Natsuki now. I pushed her too far in more ways than one. Maybe she needs this, but there is no way I could have predicted just how much all her insecurities weighed on her conscience. Everything is coming out now.

"HaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

Natsuki's last gasp of energy is a sickening wail of utter despair. Now that she's done verbally mutilating herself, she collapses on top of me. She doesn't even have the wherewithal to clutch my shoulders; her fingers lay limply on my battered joints while she becomes a quivering pile of flesh and tears on top of me.

…

The scream she let out reminds me of what I've heard from Sayori during her worst moments…

…

I tremble involuntarily and hope with all my might that Natsuki is serious about not hurting herself.

…

I hear the front door get thrown open. Even though Natsuki just spent nearly every ounce of her energy, she dug deep to find something to use and scrambles off of me. The door slams shut.

"I heard a scream—"

Sayori cries out and I hear a thud. Natsuki all but flung herself at the returning angel. They're on the ground.

"I'm so sorry! Sayori, I'm sorry! I'm s-s…"

Natsuki's voice gets muffled. Her apologies get absorbed into Sayori's blazer, soon devolving into the convulsive crying she was beginning on me. I get shot a look of confoundedness and shake my head to go with my pained expression, half from physical pain and half from bearing the brunt of the breakdown.

Once Sayori sees my response, she wastes no time throwing everything she has into comforting Natsuki. "It's okay! It's okay, Sweetums. No matter what happened, it'll be okay. I promise."

Having been on my stomach for a significant amount of time, I roll over onto my back and immediately regret it. The hard floor is not an ideal place to recover from blunt force trauma. I roll back over and push myself up to my knees. Christ, my head is throbbing. I was distracted from the pain while Natsuki's "the reason I suck" speech went on, but now my pain receptors are being swarmed. Sitting up was enough to do it for my head, while using my muscles got my shoulders and back pitching a fit. I hope I don't have to do anything physically-demanding anytime soon.

…

Sayori's wordlessly trying to get my attention. She waves me over.

"Come on, Sweetums. We're gonna get to the couch, okay?"

She wants my help with that, I bet. Well, it's not like she knows what happened. She doesn't know I got beaten down, but I'm not about to fail her. Standing would have been so much worse if my legs had come under fire, but thankfully that was not the case. I don't think Natsuki even acknowledged what Sayori said. Once I stagger raggedly over to the girls, I help pull Sayori up. She tries her damnedest to maneuver without disturbing Natsuki's bawling. With my assistance pulling her up by her hands, we get her from laying on her back, to seated, to kneeling, and finally standing. The last part is a pain, particularly for my freshly-aching back, but we manage.

Once Sayori is on her feet, she surprises me by outright lifting Natsuki by her waist and carrying her over to the nearest couch. Natsuki's feet are mere inches from the floor, but it's still incredible. I never see Sayori have to exert much power. To help explain this feat of strength, I see that Natsuki's arms are clutched tighter than ever around Sayori's shoulders and neck. I help Sayori get seated without plopping down suddenly from the extra weight she's carrying. Natsuki is relegated to kneeling over Sayori's lap, face buried in the not-aching shoulders of her consoler. With that out of the way, I steadily make my way into the bathroom.

After fumbling with trying to get the right number of pills from the bottle of painkillers, I say screw it and bring the whole bottle out with me. In the kitchen, I grab a water bottle for Sayori and assemble a cup of ice water for Natsuki. In her condition, drinking from a straw would probably be preferred. Whatever it takes to make any action Natsuki has to perform easier. I toss one in her cup and return to them.

Once I gingerly move a tray close to the girls with their waters and some pills for Natsuki, I grab my own water from earlier. It gets practically chugged along with another half-dose of medicine. I set the water and the pill bottles down on the tray and ease myself down on the free couch. Natsuki is still very audibly distressed, maybe worse than before. The poor girl is shaking now. Sayori, paying firm attention to Natsuki's fragile state, is now whispering her comfort. I can't pick up what's being said, but I know it's the best reassurance in the world.

…

I feel like shit seeing Natsuki like this, and I know that I'm the reason it happened.

…

So this is the sort of stuff that was going through Natsuki's head when I made my confession to the club. No wonder she flipped out. I know that, objectively, a person's problems don't excuse their actions, but to hell with that right now. She would detest being seen as pitiable, as someone to whom sympathies would be given even in the worst of circumstances, but I genuinely feel bad. If I was like her, if I was seriously afraid of losing everything important to me because of my own personality…

…

Natsuki deserves better. Yuri and I are introverts. I think Monika is an extrovert. Sayori is definitely an ambivert, and I think that's where Natsuki is as well. She can do okay on her own but interacting with others and creating meaningful bonds is vital to her needs as a human being. Clearly, her shortcomings in the social department have shattered her real sense of confidence and self-worth. It's made her critically aware of who she is and how she acts, but she's relied so much on her mask that it became a part of her that isn't easy to change. Her defense against being hurt only damaged her standings with peers.

…

I hate that I learn so much about these girls by bearing witness to them losing control of themselves. I suppose you do learn the most about someone when you see them at their lowest. When they are vulnerable, they can't hide who they truly are. When they are suffering and the walls come down for even a little bit, you'll come to understand them better than you could have hoped to otherwise. Maybe that's only a tiny bit more than you did before, but it's still something. I'm still not an expert on Sayori's depression but gaining even a sliver of insight has assisted in helping her directly. You can't help if you don't know. Sometimes, when they don't let you know, you need to make them tell you.

…

I still regret pushing her earlier. God, I hope that sort of shit doesn't become a trend. I really do have pent-up aggression from over the years, but to accidentally let it out on any of the girls would be disastrous. It's unacceptable that it happened here to begin with. I could have surely gotten through to her without that shove.

…

It's clear Natsuki was holding this all in for a long time, but it remains to be seen how much it will help her, if at all. I zone back in from my thoughts. Natsuki seems to be recovering and is not crying anywhere near as hard. Sayori is simply cradling her and stroking her back. She looks grief-stricken. I'm in no position to help, and Natsuki is better off being tended to by the person she barreled over in desperation anyway.

…

Sayori has a healing touch when it comes to emotional issues, but I really wish it affected one's body as well. I could use it when we inevitably wind up cuddling later tonight. I'm definitely the big spoon come bedtime.

…

Now that all of the excitement has died down, I am absolutely exhausted. I stay prepared to assist but I'll rest my weary body for now.

"Are you feeling any better, Sweetums?"

"…"

"That's good to know. Can I do anything else for you?"

"…!"

"Alright. It's okay. I won't let you go."

"…"

"Look! Here comes the nice boy with some of his secret chocolate stash."

"Special delivery. And hey, it isn't very secret if you already know about it."

"Ehehe… Thanks, Sweetie. Some for you and some for us."

"Painkillers help for some things, but chocolate is eternal."

"Your Mom did always say to keep some dark chocolate around in case of emergencies 'cuz it helps you feel better, and that's what we want. Here, have some."

"…"

"It'll melt in my fingers if you don't hurry! Then someone will have to lick it off."

"…?"

"Ehehe, I'm only teasing. I'd probably do that myself."

"…"

"There we go."

"…"

"Eh? Are you making phone typing motions? Sweetie, can you get her bag?"

"Sure."

"So, you aren't in the mood to talk, huh? Well, that's okay. We can skirt around that. I guess you wanna use your phone to type? Smart cupcake."

"Here you are, Princess."

"…"

"Strawberry…? Ooh! Sweetie, do you have strawberry syrup? She's asking for strawberry milk."

"Weehhh I just sat dooowwwn. Nnngh! I'll be back in a minute."

"So, uh… It's still kind of early, but would you like to stay over?"

"?!"

"Oh wow, you're writing a novel now, huh? Well, take your time. I'll read as you go along."

"There you go."

"Thanks. Nattie says thanks, too."

"You're welcome. I'm gonna lay down over here, but I'll be listening."

"…"

"Left, came back, tested beating him up, confli— Oh."

"Ugh. Hey, uh… Natsuki…"

"…?"

"I really am sorry for pushing you, both figuratively and literally. I've never been aggressive or the type to be easily agitated. I guess I'd finally had enough of you trying to ignore what was going on, and my brain jumped to realizing in hindsight how Sayori was doing the same for all this time. I let my emotions get the best of me because I was sick of you refusing to face what you needed to so you could get help, whatever that may entail. I didn't want to see you go through what Sayori did. I still shouldn't have put my hands on you and it's unacceptable that I did."

"…"

"She says she forgives you, even though the apology is undeser— Hey! Just 'cuz you came back to test his word doesn't mean anything bad about you! I guess I would have been curious, too. And, I mean, if someone put their hands on me…"

"You're as soft as they come, Sayori. You wouldn't be able to retaliate like she did, and I absolutely deserved some retribution for trying to get her to spill it and pushing her into the wall."

"Revolution?"

"Still on that one, huh?"

"Ehehe, I was trying to get a smile out of her. Guess it didn't work so well."

"…"

"It's… It's okay. Friends, family, and even lovers fight sometimes. Maybe they don't beat each other up, but it happens. Plus, if he said multiple times…"

"I did. And I still mean it. It sucked, but I'd do it again if it meant being able to help."

"Whaddaya mean, 'Who does a thing like that?' That guy right there! I'm serious when I tell you he's the best person I've ever known."

"Princess, I would do battle with a dragon, in nothing but heart-print boxer shorts, wielding a stick, if it meant you could escape to safety amidst the distraction."

"Hmhm…"

"Ehe, I guess she liked that. Also, she says you're stupid for even joking about something like that."

"Well, I mean, I'd do the same for you. I'd do the same for all my loved ones."

"…"

"You're a loved one to us and you can't change our mind, Nattie!"

"…!"

"What you did will only be temporary."

"Yeah. Nothing's broken, and I don't think I have a concussion or anything like that. Just some bruises."

"Speaking of which… Sweetie, I hate to bother you, but could you come over here? Turn around and take off your shirt."

"Uh… Okay…?"

"Look at it this way, Nattie: these bruises you have inflicted are a representation of what's going on inside your head. They are the injuries of a war you've been fighting inside yourself for a long time, and all that pent-up anguish finally came out. Your wounds may not heal as fast as these here, but we can still try to help."

"…"

"No, we can't just wave a magic wand and fix your problems. What we can do is be here for you. Something else to keep in mind is that we can't always treat the damage directly, but we can help make the person that is hurting feel better through other means. Think of it like you've got a broken arm. Loved ones may come and sign the cast. They'll aid you with things that are harder because you've only got one good arm to work with for some time. They'll be there for you in… in your time of need. My depression is a brain chemical thing. Love may not be able to cure what's ailing me, but it sure helps knowing that I'm appreciated and cared for."

"…"

"That war I mentioned is one that has raged on long enough for you to have experienced a lifetime of suffering. It is an epic struggle to keep yourself composed against your own worst enemy, and that happens to be yourself a lot of the time. I've been there. I'm really proud of you for holding up as long as you have. You're incredibly strong and brave. Here, some more snacks."

"…"

"Do you remember my poem about the bottles? You haven't been doing anything with the ones you have. They're just sitting there collecting dust because you locked them away. When other people came and started shattering them, you wanted to protect the ones you had left. I've started to realize lately that it's okay to use those bottles on yourself. Even if you can't bring yourself to use them on others for a long time, it's okay to want the things you do. Others will spend their own bottles on you because they think you're worth it, and those who are truly worth it won't expect anything in return. All they hope is that their bottles give you something positive, even if it's only a tiny bit."

"That's… really well-said. I second this. You said you can't trust us, uh, I guess in the way that you'd like to. I can't speak for Sayori, but I'm not concerned about that. I'll spend however long I need to earn that level of trust because I care about you and I think you're worth it."

"I'll spend all the time in the world if I need to. Happiness can be found, and you happened to find your route to it in the Literature Club. We're here to pump you so full of affection and love that nothing but happy thoughts will dance around inside your pretty little pink head."

"…"

"Everyone deserves happiness, even if you think you don't. It's not selfish. I'm trying to get that through my head from my therapist. And Sweetie. He can take a more personal and hands-on approach, but both help. Let me tell you, when he puts his lips on me—"

"Hey!"

"Ehehe… When I told him about my depression, he told me that if I wanted to be selfish or think I was selfish, I had to allow him to be selfish about what he wanted to do for me. So, whether you want us to or not, we are both going to be selfish in our attempts to show you our love and care. Therefore, you are perfectly justified in being selfish in your own ways because we are, too."

"…"

"And, just so you know, Yuri and Monika care about you. I know you may think they don't, but you're not the only person who can be rough around the edges. If they don't understand, we will make them. You are just radically different from them, and that's okay."

"…"

"I know we've talked a lot, Sweetums. I'm sorry if this is too much, or if it's hard for you to absorb. If words won't work, we will prove it to you through our actions. Now, about staying with us for tonight…"

"When did that come up?"

"You were getting her drink and I kind of… asked… ehehe…"

"… Do you want to, Natsuki? If it would help you feel better, then we'd love to. Hell, even if you didn't explicitly want to, we'd still be happy to have you."

"…"

"Alright. Text your father, then."

As Sayori and I finish bringing my parents' mattress down to the living room from the second floor, Natsuki re-enters the house with some things in tow.

"We would have come out with you if you wanted," Sayori says. Natsuki gives a shake of her head and a shrug. Her father drove by to give her a change of clothes and check up on her. I'm not sure how I feel about him having my address, but I'm more concerned about her.

Natsuki's never been anything besides kind of vague about their bond, but she is insistent that they care about each other even through hard times. Apparently, he has problems as well. They even share some, not that I know what they are. It's disappointing to hear, but as long as they are on good terms more often than not…

"Right here. Nnngh!" I grunt from the exertion. This mattress is large and unwieldy. I'd already gotten the guest room mattress down by myself since it is smaller, but I needed help for this one. I felt weird about the idea of all of us in my parents' room, but I was fine about stealing their mattress since they've been abroad again. Sayori and I both wanted to be able to share a bed with Natsuki so we could keep her company, and this was the next best thing. My bed or the guest bed wouldn't fit all three of us comfortably, and at least this way we have plenty of room to spread out if we choose.

"Hah. Alright, glad that's done. Sayori, can you get all the pillows and stuff from upstairs?"

"Sure thing! I'm gonna change while I'm up there."

"Okay. Natsuki, bathroom's down the hall if you want to change. Hell, if you want to shower, Sayori's bathing stuff is in the upstairs bathroom so follow her. You might like her products more than my simpler ones."

With a nod, Natsuki hurries after Sayori. I figured that'd be the case. Cleaning myself up after a humongous episode like that is a must to get rid of all the grossness.

Sayori had moved the far couch earlier so we could fit the mattresses comfortably between them. We can still use the couches, but our sleeping arrangement is settled. Just as I slowly rest my weary carcass on a couch, I hear a knock at the door.

Couldn't have made it like 30 seconds earlier?

I pay for the takeout we ordered and set it down in the kitchen. I'm not eating without the others, so the waiting game is now engaged. After today, comfort food was a must. I am hungry for my General Tso's. It gives me ideas. Even thinking about it helped rev up my brain for what we'd do for bed.

Sayori plops the pillows and blankets down on the mattresses and heads next door to do the daily check-in on her place. She'd been on her way to do that coming off the bus but Natsuki's scream—ugh, I can still hear it—caused her to come running.

With a ton of luck, the rest of the evening is uneventful. Sayori doesn't take too long, and a clean Natsuki comes down from upstairs eventually. She continues to be nonverbal, but we aren't doing much talking anymore. We settle down in the living room, watching food and game shows while fattening ourselves. It's a wonderful contrast to everything else that's happened.

Even though today was kind of shitty and emotional, we are all able to agree that it was for the best that it happened. Natsuki is apprehensive because, as she types out to us, she still feels bad about beating me to a pulp. Losing control of her emotions is also unfavorable for her, as it typically goes for most anyone, but doing it in front of others is worse. We assure her that we aren't here to judge. We're here to take care of her. Thankfully, it seems that we are going to be drawn closer because of it.

It isn't terribly late, but we collectively decide to turn in. The TV is left on for background noise and a small bit of light while we get comfortable. We will get up and have breakfast together before heading to school. Natsuki will return home tomorrow after club. All of us already like the idea of sleeping over, so this won't be the last time. There will be far less chaos then.

As I had hoped earlier, I was the big spoon. Well, biggest spoon in this case. Sayori faces away from me while my arms are around her waist. Natsuki faces Sayori and keeps her hands in front of her. It's so strange seeing Natsuki affectionate and vulnerable, but it is a relief to see. I am indebted to Sayori for being someone that Natsuki feels comfortable being like this with. I can only hope to achieve that level of a bond with her. Based on how she reacted whenever Sayori was brought up between us and how effective Sayori was at placating her, there seems to be a lot I don't know about them. One thing that I picked up without a doubt is that Sayori means a lot to Natsuki. She may be hesitant to trust us more than she does, but she has placed some level of faith in Sayori.

Before we fall asleep, I have something to address. "Natsuki…"

"Mmm…?" That's an improvement over earlier.

"I'm glad we got to spend time like this tonight. I mean, less so regarding the afternoon, but as long as you're doing better now, that's all I care about. I still ache, but it's worth it if we can improve your mood, your life, anything. That's what friends are for. If you can't deal with a relationship, I won't pester or pressure you. If you're afraid but want to deep down, you go at your own pace. If it's love and affection you need, I'd like to try to help you warm up to stuff like that. Nothing at risk, no strings attached. Just a friend helping another with her emotional needs."

"Agreed! I talked about friendship alongside platonic love and affection last week for a reason, you know. I couldn't have seen this coming, but still!" I hear a noise that sounds suspiciously like a kiss. "And here's a little sample of it for the top of your noggin. A little something to help your brain stop being so mean, like how a parent will give their child a kiss on their booboos! We may have only known each other for so long, but we've come so far in just a short amount of time. We really do love you. You can interpret that in any way you'd like. We just hope you can find it in you to accept it at all."

"…"

"And…"

"…"

If you can give us a chance… I'll be your beach."

"…!"

"And I'll be your sunshine!"

"…"

Feeling brave, I blindly seek Natsuki's hand and give it a bit of a squeeze. It's not very hard, and not for more than a second. I don't want to push it, but I want to give some kind of physical indicator to back up my words.

"That was… my hand, ehehe…"

"Heehee…"

"Whoops. I guess this is the opposite of what happened earlier with your hand."

"…"

As I take my hand back, I feel a delicate squeeze on it.

"Thank you. Both of you."

A firmer squeeze joins our hands.

"Of course!"

"You're welcome."

End Chapter 10

Doki Doki: Proof Of Loving You can be found on:
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