Chapter 10
A coma.
That's what they said I've been in for the past 3 months. I arrived in Biloxi 1920 in February and now it was nearly the end of April. I felt…overwhelmed, too numb and shocked to really feel anything.
They said that I could still finish my senior year if I stayed about an hour each day after school for tutoring. Each of my teachers would give me an extra credit assignment to make up for what I missed. And if I were lucky, I would just pass my final exams. Seriously, if I didn't just focus on my school work prior to this coma and landed myself straight A's when all the Cullens left, there would be no way I'd be able to consider graduating.
Honestly, I didn't give a shit. It's only been a day since I woke up. I don't want to know about how I'm going to pass high school right now (though, the information would be helpful later).
I wanted to know what the hell happened. How did I end up in the hospital for 3 months? How did I even get here?
I wanted to lay back and just soak this all in. Mourn for my loss.
There would be no more Alice. Alive or undead, they were both gone.
I wanted time alone to confirm everything. My blackberry was on the table beside my hospital bed and I wanted to look through it.
The necklace Alice gave me was still with me, but I…I wanted more. Proof that I was there. Proof that I did learn to love Alice, and that she loved me too. That she would always love me.
"—Bella, are you getting any of this?"
I snapped my attention back to Charlie and the nurse. I sighed tiredly and blearily blinked.
"Yeah…I have to stay at the hospital for another two days. I'll be released Sunday morning. Yeah, sorry. I'm just…I'm…"
Charlie held my hand and held my shoulder gently.
"It's gonna be okay, kiddo."
I nodded and the nurse seemed to fidget around and cut in.
"Charlie, Bella…I really think that you should let the Doctor check up on you. He's the expert here and he really wants to check on you too. I can't really give you much details."
That's when Charlie turned and glared at the nurse.
"Hell no! I ain't letting that man or anyone who has anything to do with him near my daughter again!"
I turned over to Charlie and I felt a gut-wrenching feeling in the pit of my stomach when I saw his expression.
"Charlie…dad. Who's the doctor that wants to check up on me?"
Charlie looked at me and looked away with a sigh. He sunk in his seat and rubbed his face tiredly with his hand.
"Dr. Carlisle Cullen."
I sat still. I heard the words, but I can't seem to make my own words come out.
It was a mix between what the fuck and a lot of anger.
I finally managed to reign in a little sanity and whip my attention back to the nurse and Charlie. Charlie motioned for the nurse to come back later since this was obviously going to be awkward.
"What do you mean? They're back? How long have they been back?"
I looked out the door and I could feel it. I knew Carlisle was listening. I knew he could hear no matter where he was.
Charlie sat up straighter, bringing my attention back to him.
"Bella, Dr. Cullen and his family have been back for three months now. They practically showed up on the day you were admitted into the hospital. Jacob was the one to pull you back into shore after you jumped."
Charlie looked at me and I saw it…I saw how much I scared him. He wanted to ask the question everyone wanted to ask, but he was too afraid of the answer.
For the first time, I reached over and place my hand on top on his.
"I wasn't trying to commit suicide, dad."
Charlie nodded solemnly and continued. "Jacob took you to the hospital and called me. When I came in, Jacob left because he was getting too tense. Turns out the Cullens were moving back into town. Edward was the last to come back. They've been trying to see you the whole time, but I said they weren't allowed to be near you. I didn't think you'd appreciate it."
I nodded slowly and leaned back into my pillow.
The Cullens were back.
Edward was back.
Alice.
Alice was here!
"I guess…I guess if you want to see them, you can choose to now or not since you're awake and all. What do you want, Bells?" Charlie asked me, scratching the back of his neck, a clear sign that he was nervous and probably didn't want me to see them either.
I had to be smart about this. Jumping into this could end up badly. I didn't know what changed since I've woken up. It was clear that Edward and I did date, but with everything that happened, did anything change here?
"I want to see just Dr. Carlisle. Alone." I hinted gently.
Charlie sighed but nodded and stood up.
"I'll get Dr. Cullen then."
Once Charlie stepped out the room, I rushed to grab my phone knowing that I would only have just a couple seconds before Carlisle would come in.
'Come on…pictures…pictures. Ah!' I clicked on my gallery and almost cried at what I saw.
Every picture of Alice and I took together were still here. There were some of just Alice, some of me, some of Alice and I, and then there were one or two shots of Cynthia, and Catherine before she died.
"Bella." I locked my phone and put it down when I heard his voice. I looked up and it was almost very foreign to see him. I felt unprepared.
"Carlisle." I said quietly. He shut he door gently and made his way over to the seat where Charlie sat.
He held a clipboard in front of him when he sat down.
"It's good to see you awake."
I shrugged. I wanted to say something mean, but was really too hard to say something mean to Carlisle. His gentle nature was compelling.
"How are you feeling?"
I shrugged once more before I answered.
"I'm alive."
Carlisle nodded and checked off something on his clipboard.
"So Bella," Carlisle started but I cut him off.
"Listen Carlisle, I'm fine. The only reason I'm willing to see you right now is because I wanted to know why you and everyone else are back in town. So? Why are you back?"
Carlisle stared at me for a moment before he sighed and put down his clipboard.
"Listen Bella, I think this discussion should be talked about with everyone present. So everyone can talk and listen. Everyone wants to see you, Bella."
I narrowed my eyes. Now they wanted to see me? How fucking rude.
"I know they've been trying to see me for the past 3 months. Charlie has told me. But I'm not ready to see them."
Carlisle nodded solemnly, knowing full well why I wouldn't want to see any of them, especially Edward right now. I needed to come to this on my own terms; otherwise it could all blow up.
"I understand, Bella. I'll let everyone know. You're on your way to full recovery, I recommend easing into solid foods for the sake of your body."
Carlisle stood up sticking his pen into breast pocket, giving me one last look.
"Wait, Carlisle. There's still something I want to know."
Carlisle stood at the end of my bed, looking at me questionably.
I gripped my phone, my fingers fiddling over the buttons.
I just—I just needed to know. I needed to understand what everything was right now. How do you ask without sounding weird though?
"Did anything change with anyone while I was gone? Is anything different now that I'm awake?"
Carlisle tilted his head slightly to the side, contemplating my question.
He shook his head.
"Edward didn't live with the family while you were in a coma. Alice and Jasper went away for a couple weeks to get away from the…tension. But everyone is living together now that we've come back."
I looked down at my phone and nodded slowly. I didn't think anything could suck so much, but this came pretty close.
Carlisle sensing that I was done nodded once more and began to walk towards the door. I quickly looked up at him and called him back. When he turned his head in my direction, I spoke seriously.
"Also, let everyone know that I do not want to see them right now. I will see them when I'm ready. If anyone tries to break in or confront me when I'm not ready, you can all forget any hope of reconciling. Especially Edward. I don't want him to be sneaking into my room. I hope you all understand it's just difficult right now. It's all different."
Carlisle's eyes showed sadness, but he nodded anyways. With nothing left to say, Carlisle finally left my room and shut the door quietly. Once I was alone, the tension left my body and I sagged into my pillow. I felt a couple tears well up in my eyes, but they didn't spill over.
If Alice and Jasper went away for the couple months while I was in a coma and nothing has really changed since I woke up, that could only mean one thing.
Nothing changed.
Alice must've been receiving electroshock therapy at the asylum, so she can't remember anything when she was changed in there.
The only thing that changed was how I felt about Alice.
The past did not change the future. Alice was still with Jasper.
And that meant I was back at square one.
The next day, a lot of my friends from school visited me.
And by friends, I mean Angela, Ben, Eric, Jessica, and…Mike.
"I can't believe you were in a coma, and now you're like, awake." Jessica said and she stood by my bedside.
"Yeah…me too." I told her.
"How are you feeling?" Angela asked me.
She smiled slightly at me, which I returned.
"I'm okay, it's hard to eat anything harder than ice cream, but my body is slowly starting to adjust again."
Mike was standing by my side, fluffing my pillow, which kind of invaded my personal space.
"Don't worry, Bella! I'll help take care of you until you're all recovered!" Mike said enthusiastically and I couldn't help but cringe. I noticed that Jessica was half pouting half glaring at me and I sighed.
"Thanks for the offer, Mike, but no thanks. I can take care of myself."
Mike seemed to be wounded by my rejection, but I didn't really care. I was just thankful he didn't push it.
They stayed with me until nearly visiting hours were over trying to catch me up with everything that went on while I was in a coma.
Surprisingly, Jessica was the last one to leave.
"So…you sure you're like, okay?" Jessica asked me while she put her jacket on.
I nodded to her. "Yeah, I'm gonna be alright."
Jessica looked at me rather seriously for once in her life, which was kind of weird.
"And you know the Cullens are back in town, right?"
I nodded once more, not saying anything this time. Jessica didn't say anything though, and I knew she was waiting for me to confirm something. I looked at her and smiled slightly.
"Don't worry, Jess. I promise I won't go all crazy this time. Everything is kind of different now. Speaking of which, I wanted to apologize for the last time we hung out and I ditched you for some crazy bikers. I probably scared the hell out of you. I'm really sorry, Jess."
As annoying as Jessica can be, I actually felt bad. She was willing to have a girls' night out with me, and I scared the shit out of her instead.
Jessica pouted but bumped her fist against me lightly.
"Yeah, you scared the hell out of me that night. I thought you went like, loco on me. Just don't do it again, okay?"
I nodded with a smile at her and I knew that nearly everything was going to go back to being normal again.
Whatever normal was.
Sunday morning felt pretty good. I was being released from the hospital finally and I didn't see the Cullens other than Carlisle who had to do some checkups on me.
Renée called me practically crying that I was awake. She visited me a couple times when I was in a coma, but just missed it when I awoke. She demanded I go down to see her during the summer and I told her I would.
Throughout the two days I was awake in the hospital, I didn't see Jacob come to visit me, but I kind of realized it might've been because the Cullens were back and too close for comfort.
He did call me quickly though. Asking me the standard 'are you okay' questions and told me to come down to the reservation when I was ready.
I almost never wanted to be ready though. Being ready meant facing Alice, Edward, and Jacob. It was a headache to think about.
"You ready to go home, Bells?" I looked over to Charlie and nodded.
He walked out to the cars with my bag while I looked back at the hospital room once more.
I was here but not really here for 3 months, and I'll never really understand it.
When we went home that night, Charlie didn't want me exactly cooking anything crazy while my body was still somewhat frail, so he let me cook porridge for myself while he ordered himself pizza. We ate in a comfortable silence and I had to admit that it was nice to be home. The reality wasn't so great, but home was good.
It was familiar.
He did fuss a little bit about me wanting to go to school tomorrow, but seriously, if I miss any more classes I will not graduate.
"So, uh," Charlie said after he swallowed a bite of pizza. I looked up at him with my eyebrow raised. He seemed strange.
"About the whole Cullen thing…" Charlie started off and I could tell that this was going to be a long kind of lecture he practiced.
"I'll save you the trouble here and tell you that I'm not going to see or forgive them yet. I'll also save the trouble and let you know that I uh…don't want to get back with Edward."
Wow, that was awkward. Charlie was already awkward when I began to date Edward, but now that Charlie has seen the results of Edward breaking my heart, it will probably be even more awkward for him to see Edward.
Charlie just nodded, a little proud. "That's good, Bells. But uh, what changed your mind? You were a little…hung up on all of this before you were in a coma."
I looked down at my porridge and used the spoon to stir it around.
"That's just it, Charlie. I was gone for 3 months."
Monday morning came quicker than I wanted it to and I was dreading it. I was not looking forward to going to school and being stared at by the student body since I was now out of my coma, so to say. Also, I was kind of scared of seeing the Cullens.
"I'm going to school now, Charlie!" I shouted as I walked out the door. I decided to go way earlier to quickly walk into each class and try to pick up my extra credit assignment with instructions. I may have also wanted to avoid the early morning stares. Maybe also avoid seeing the Cullens.
"Okay, have a good day, kiddo!" I heard a gruff voice reply back.
I hopped into my truck and actually swooned. Man, I missed my truck.
By the time I was at school, there were a couple cars, which belonged to the staff. I trudged my feet into the office.
"Can I help you? You're a bit early." The secretary said without even looking at me. I rolled my eyes and stood in front of her.
"Well yeah, when you're in a coma for 3 months, I think I'm going need a little help."
The secretary whipped her head up to look at me and seemed astonished at seeing me.
"Oh! Isabella Swan, right? You seem to be doing well. I have your schedule and updated report card. You can go along now and find your teachers. They'll help you out."
She handed me the papers and I thanked her and left briefly. I was nervous. More nervous about having to face the Cullens than I was nervous about catching up with 3 months of school I missed.
I walked down the hallway and entered my first class.
English.
I knocked three times softly.
"Come in."
I sighed. It's going to be a long day.
The Cullens didn't show up today.
I felt a gigantic wave of relief, but I also felt a little disappointed.
I could only blame myself for wanting to see Alice for that.
"The Cullens aren't here again today, hey?" Mike commented absentmindedly.
I looked over to the empty lunch table where the Cullens should've been. I didn't know how I felt.
Perhaps I was being a little cowardly. I was too afraid to face any of them. I was too scared to listen to about how and why they left me like yesterday's leftovers. I didn't want to remember the heartbreak I felt when Edward abandoned me. I didn't want to remember that everyone else, especially Alice, abandoned me way before Edward did. I wanted to forget running through the forest like the moron I was and lying on the cold floor, hoping they'd come back.
No one really wants to hear such things or remember them.
Why'd they even come back in the first place? Felt guilty when they thought I tried to commit suicide?
"Bella?"
I cocked my head to Jessica and Angela who looked at me with worried eyes. I smiled back to ease them and took a bite out of my sandwich.
"Sorry, I'm trying to think about how I'm going to catch up in all my classes. It's a little overwhelming."
Angela smiled at me sympathetically and patted my arm.
"You know you can always ask us if you need some help." I nodded at her and smiled.
"Seriously, three days in a row now. It's not even sunny out and the Cullens aren't here." Mike continued to comment.
Jessica swiftly elbowed him, which made him to sputter at her.
"What?!" Mike scowled at her. Jessica huffed at him and rolled her eyes, but she didn't comment back to him.
I looked around the cafeteria and my eyes caught with Lauren Mallory and a couple girls that I haven't met, or don't remember. I almost rolled my eyes when Lauren scowled at me.
"You know," I said while turning my attention back to the table.
"Not that I'm complaining, but why doesn't Lauren sit here anymore?"
Angela scowled, which surprised the hell out of me because miss sunshine never scowls.
"You missed quite a lot while you were in a coma." Angela said while Jessica just sighed.
"Was it really bad…?" I asked cautiously. I didn't to upset the girl or anything. Jessica just sighed and shrugged lightly. She seemed to be a little bummed out at the mention of Lauren as well.
"I guess if you consider losing your best friend as bad." Jessica said.
"When you were first admitted into the hospital, we got the call from your dad and we were all freaking the hell out. We were all studying at the library when this happened and Lauren just so happened to be with us. Like, I know Lauren isn't like, exactly girl-scout friendly, but we were friends since elementary. Anyway, we were going to rush to the hospital when Lauren started to act out saying why should we even bother going just because you wanted to end your life. Mind you, she totally said it in a meaner way. But yeah, we thought that was so fucked up. I'll admit to not liking you so much and being shallow, but I still like, cared or whatever about you." Jessica said, her voice getting much quieter at the end.
I grinned at her and bumped my shoulder against hers.
"That was so fucking mushy, Jess. Didn't know you had it in you."
Jessica scowled at me and bumped her shoulder back, although a tad harder.
"Shut the hell up, Swan. I'm pretty and popular, and rightfully so, but I still have a heart!"
The whole table laughed and when it died down, Angela finished off the story.
"Anyways, long story short, we left her at the library and now she hates us all, and she's really hostile to any of us."
I nodded slowly. Well, fuck me for taking for granted of my friends.
"Thanks guys." I said slowly.
They all smiled and told me to save my mushiness for another time.
"But seriously though, where the Cullens at?" Mike cut in.
9 days. 9 fucking days.
At this point, I no longer felt the dread of seeing the Cullens.
Why?
Because they never fucking show up for school.
I know I said I didn't want any of them to confront me before I was ready, but now this was just getting ridiculous.
9 days gives you a lot to think about, you know?
I felt like I had my head a little clearer than when I first woke up and had the news of the Cullens were back sprung on me.
I had somewhat of a clear outline that I wanted to follow. It was just really hard to think about it because I didn't want Alice to see anything. And if she did see anything, I hope Edward didn't see it as well, and I hope she kept it to herself.
Since I knew that nothing had changed since I came back, that Alice and Jasper were still together, I decided not to tell Alice what I had experienced, what I know. I didn't have the heart to break their marriage. Jasper has loved her for nearly 60 years. He has been with her through every important and non-important moments of Alice's life for nearly 60 years.
I had 3 months with Alice and I couldn't even keep her safe.
Trust me, it was a bruise to my pride and ego.
I feel like shit for having to keep this a secret from Alice, but I would totally fuck everything up with the truth.
Secondly, if Edward even had an apology for me, I didn't even know if I could forgive him.
I didn't even know if I could really forgive any of them.
Jokes, I'm really lying. I knew I would eventually end up forgiving them, though I don't know when, but I would never forget about this. Actually, in all honesty, I was still pissed and a little sad.
And thirdly…I was going to go see the Cullens today.
I called Charlie and told him that I wasn't coming home straight after school today, wasn't even sure if I was going to make it home for dinner. I told him to not wait up, and I think he knew what I was going to do today and he seemed almost sad that I was going to go see them from the tone of his voice.
While I was driving my truck down the pathway to the Cullens house, I felt sick to my stomach. Seriously, I actually wished I ate something today because I'm pretty sure I was going to vomit and the only thing that would come up would be stomach acid.
Gross.
I could see the house from this distance and I contemplated turning the around right this second. I didn't though, obviously. But I wish I could have.
When I was in their driveway, I parked and turned my truck off with a dreading sigh. No doubt they already knew I was here. I'm pretty sure Alice saw me coming already.
That made me feel even more nervous knowing that they knew I was here.
I got out of my truck slowly and walked up the steps. It was so weird being here. I haven't seen this place is so long. Last time I was here, it was as if no one had ever lived here in the first place.
I took a deep breath and tried to summon all the strength and courage I was going to need for this.
Just as I was going to knock on the door, it opened suddenly. Surprised at the person standing before me, I felt a lump stuck in my throat, rendering me unable to speak.
"Bella…"
I swallowed.
"Alice."
"Would you like something to eat?"
I looked over at Esme and shook my head. I had this problem of wanting to be despicably rude and mean, but I really just couldn't at Esme and Carlisle.
I'm still mad at them though, mind you.
"No, I don't really have an appetite."
Ha! I didn't say thank you. Take that, Esme.
We were all sitting in the living room, just waiting for Carlisle who was on his way home now.
I looked around at everyone in the room. Esme, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice, and Edward who all sat across from me.
I haven't spoken a word to them since I got here. Everyone looked either uncomfortable or really sad.
Edward tried to talk to me when I first arrived, but I blew him off swiftly. He seemed surprised by my attitude.
Alice had seemed to want to talk to me as well, but when she saw me blow off Edward, she didn't attempt.
To be honest, the silence was actually getting kind of awkward. I wasn't that close to Emmett, Rosalie, or Jasper, so the silence with them was kind of normal. The silence between Alice, Edward, and Esme was really awkward though. I didn't talk much to Esme in the first place, but there was some kind of awkward tension.
"Sorry, work took longer than I expected." I heard a temperate voice from the door and was kind of relieved to see Carlisle finally arrive.
"Alright, let's not waste anymore time, shall we?" Carlisle said, while he used his vampire speed to put his things away and sit next to Esme.
I shrugged my shoulders.
"I don't really know what's left to say. I think you all made that kind of clear 7 months ago."
Edward jumped out of his seat and tried to approach me, but my glare made him stop.
"It wasn't like that, Bella!" Edward's face was full of anguish and so was everyone else's.
"I did it to protect you!"
I scoffed when Edward said this. Seriously. This is the best he had?
"That's some of the biggest bullshit I have ever heard. I've realized that this was about the whole incident on my birthday. I'm not stupid." I shook my head and looked at them all.
"You know what's the worst part of all of this? I wish you were all straight up with me. Instead of playing friends and family, I wished you were all just honest about how you felt in the beginning. Strangely, the only person I'm not mad at is Rosalie. The only person who hates me the is the only person I'm not mad at because she had the decency to honest about how she felt about me. And once you all had enough, you all just left. No goodbye, no explanation, it was just, 'hey, I don't want you anymore. You aren't good enough. Bye!" in a nutshell. And now you're all back. You think it's okay to come and go as you please with no repercussions." I scowled. Rosalie shifted in her seat, not looking at me. I couldn't tell if because she just didn't give a fuck or if it was guilt.
"I did it to protect you, Bella! I lied to keep you safe, but I was wrong, I realize it now! I still love you, Bella. I asked you to not do anything reckless, but you couldn't even do that. Why would you jump, Bella?"
I snapped my attention back at Edward. This whole talk is really turning out to be everyone watching the talk between Edward and I.
"You think I was trying to commit suicide? I didn't jump because I wanted it to end, Edward. I was fucking cliff-jumping. It's a recreational activity on the reservations. Jacob was supposed to go with me, but he was late. Which by the way, I know he's a shape-shifter. Thanks for the heads up."
"You've been with Jacob? You shouldn't be around him. He's dangerous! When did you start hanging out werewolves?" Edward seethed.
The look on my face must've been unbelievable because I seriously almost wanted to laugh at how ridiculous Edward was being.
"When my vampires ditched me like trash. You don't even have the right to talk about Jacob that way! He was there when none of you were. He was there when none of my letters went unanswered." I saw Alice flinch at the mentions of the letters, letting me know that she did see me write them.
"I'm just trying to keep you safe, Bella! Why can't you see that? Goddammit!" Edward said exasperatedly, throwing his hand up for extra measures.
I was getting sick of this bullshit really quick. I felt a tight ball of anger building in the pit of my stomach, letting me know that I was soon going to say something I would probably regret.
I was fuming. Standing up face to face with Edward, everyone staring back and forth between us.
"You want to fucking talk about keeping me safe? Well you did such a fucking great job, didn't you?" I nearly screamed at him.
"Let's fucking start off with you leaving me in the goddamn forest overnight! I was fucking alone in the dark, cold and miserable! I could've been a free meal! The pact found me stranded, nearly freezing to death! Great start! Or how about how you all left me like a sitting duck for open fire? Victoria sent Laurent to keep an eye on me, which resulted to him actually deciding to kill me himself to save me "the pain". If Jacob didn't rescue me, I wouldn't even fucking be here. Or how about when I landed in the water after jumping off that cliff, Victoria was also in the water, near inches from me. If Jacob, once again, did not save me I would be dead. I was in a fucking coma for three months, so to speak. Which is oddly enough the only time I felt safe! So fucking bravo at keeping me safe by leaving me. You clearly thought that one through! I hope the fucking lie was worth it, because to be quite honest with you, you say you all still care, but it sounds like a load of horseshit to me."
I was heaving by the end of my rant; everyone was stunned into silence. They were obviously surprised and unaware of these events that happened. I looked around at everyone, and the looks I got back were expression I didn't want to see.
"Bella…" Edward said, but I huffed and grabbed my jacket of the chair.
"I can't fucking do this right now."
I stormed out the door, Alice and Edward's voices clearly ringing after me. I fumbled to try to get my car keys out when I felt a cold hand grab my wrist. I whipped around, seeing Alice stand before me. She had the saddest eyes I've seen her with ever, but I was hurting too.
Once the anger left my body, I felt the tears starting to spring forth.
"Bella, please. Please don't go. Please believe me when I say I still care about you. I didn't want to leave, but I had to." Alice said desperately to me. I shook Alice's grip off me, looking at her straight in the eyes, no matter how blurry my vision was.
"You know what, Alice? Out of everyone's abandonment, even Edward's, yours hurt the most. You were my best friend. You reached out to me, making me reach back out you. You were the only person I was willing to go shopping with even though I hate it so much, the only person I liked watching stupid chick flicks with. The first person I had a sleepover with and not want to go home every second I was there. And then you were gone. No goodbye or an explanation. I thought I would've at least deserved that. You saw me write those letters, you saw how bad I was getting. You ignored it. You wanna say you care? You have absolutely nothing to show for it right now."
Everyone else was standing outside on the porch, just watching the second fight I would get into today. Alice stood there, her face showing how much her non-beating heart was breaking from my voice.
I stood there looking at her. The same facial features I saw back in 1920. Her appearance had changed quite a bit, but she was still the Alice I fell in love with. She still had those crinkles at the corners of her eyes, she still bit her lip when she was worried, and I was still in love with her. Looking at her now brought back every memory I had with Alice, every memory she couldn't remember.
How could I be so mad and upset at someone, but still love them some much. How could someone break my heart so much and make me love them with the pieces?
"Bella…" Alice said softly, and I knew she would be crying if she could. Her voice croaked out of pitched, and her eyebrows scrunched together.
And for the first time since I arrived here, I felt utterly stupid. I felt like the universe was playing the hugest joke on me and I was the only one who got it.
I knew whatever was coming out of my mouth next were probably words I would regret later on.
"Honestly, Alice. I'm looking at you right now, like I've always been doing, and I don't even recognize you. It's like we're living on two completely different timelines. I only understand the part of you that I know, the part that I've come to love. But standing in front of you now, we might as well be strangers."
Alice's expression changed completely and I fucking knew I broke her heart, I hurt her just as bad as she hurt me 7 months ago, and I felt like absolute shit for doing it.
"Bella…you don't mean that." Alice's hoarse voice said.
For once, I was glad that vampires couldn't cry, because now that I knew what Alice looked like when she cried, I don't think I could deal with seeing it. I felt like a complete ass and I wanted to suck the words that lingered in the air back into my mouth. Her heartbroken face made me want to pull her close, and that made me an idiot.
The tears kept leaking out, and my voice was trembling. "And you know what the worst part is?" I croaked out.
"I don't even care. I don't even care how you're breaking me. You don't even understand why, but I'm still dumb enough to care about you. I'm an absolute fucking moron because I'm always going to care about you."
Without another word, I turned around and hopped into my truck.
"Bella. Bella, please!"
I turned on the engine, looking at Alice who stood by my car, begging me to not go, but unwilling to make me stay.
I reversed out of the driveway and drove without even looking back.
Well, that went well.
I could only see Alice's heartbroken face in my mind, replaying over and over.
I was such a fucking ass.
I didn't go home right away. I didn't want Charlie to see me like this. I drove out to the edge of the town and shouted as loud as I could.
I cried nauseatingly hard.
I was so infuriated!
I was mad because I couldn't have Alice.
I was mad because I didn't want to love her anymore but I couldn't stop, and it hurts so fucking much to love her.
And I was mad because I actually wanted her here.
Best friend or lover, I wanted her here.
I was lost and I don't think Alice's power could save me this time.
The weekend rolled by like nothing. I stopped by Jacob's for a bit, but in the end his attitude was annoying the hell out of me, so I left. I knew it was because of the Cullens, and he was grilling me about it, but I just didn't want to think about them right now.
I was conflicted about feeling like an ass for saying what I did to Alice, but I also felt satisfied because I said what I had to say. Now all I really had to worry about was arriving at school in about 10 minutes from now and facing them all.
Once again, I was actually being a coward and hoping to be able to avoid them all day.
When I pulled into the parking lot, I silently cursed when I saw a Volvo pull up. Man, the luck isn't just in my pot today, is it?
Maybe they would also felt too awkward to approach me as well.
Wait.
Abort mission! Abort mission!
They are approaching!
Just as I thought I was going to have to deal with this now, Jessica and Angela approached my truck.
I sighed in relief.
"Hey, Bella! I know school sucks, but you can't stay in there all day!" Angela said with a teasing tone and tapped the window of my car.
"Hurry up, Bella! These shoes aren't made for standing all day!" Jessica whined, showing me her heels at the same time.
I rolled my eyes but opened the door to my truck and hopped out.
"Well, Jessica, my shoes are made for walking—maybe even running and ditching you here in the parking lot to slowly catch up." I stuck at my tongue out at her while she gasp, absolutely horrified by my words. Just as Jessica was going to retort back, Angela broke us up.
"Alright, alright kids, let's just get inside alright?"
We nodded even though we still bickered the whole way in. I looked out from the corner of my eye and saw Edward who looked displeased, and Alice standing there near my truck, looking very, very disappointed.
First class I had was Calculus and I felt my heart drop into my stomach at the thought of trying to catch up with three months of missed work into basically less than two months.
Angela and Jessica shared this class with me, but they sat together. I migrated to the back and sat down in my old seat. Mr. Rolinski was organizing his papers for today's lesson. Poor guy was so excited to teach, but sadly, he couldn't get anyone excited.
Just when the class was about to start, I looked up at the door and my jaw dropped when I saw who entered.
This so cannot be happening.
Alice Cullen was in this class with me.
And it looked like the only seat available was next to mine.
Looks like luck is just not on my side today.
I was focusing. I was focusing extremely hard. I was focusing so hard that I couldn't even focus on what I needed to be focusing on.
Does that make any sense?
And I think Alice knew that. It was unnerving. She was just sitting there. Focusing on me. I know she's probably learned calculus many times, but c'mon! Now she was just doing this on purpose.
"Bel-la."
Ignore it. If you ignore it, it will most likely go away.
Focus…focus. Find x.
"Bel-la. I know you can hear me."
Don't pay attention to it. If you acknowledge it, you are encouraging it.
"Bel-la, don't ignore me. I know you aren't focusing anyways."
I grit my teeth and hissed, "I don't know if you've heard, but I've been in a coma for three months. And I kind of have hopes of still graduation, so if you could kindly be quiet, that'd be great. Just because you're in one class with me doesn't fix anything."
There. That should make the situation clear as day to her.
"Actually, I'm in three of your classes."
Snap.
There goes my pencil.
"Is there a problem back there, Miss Swan?"
Exhausted. Annoyed. A little happy, but also reluctant.
That's how I felt for my two classes. With Alice. I've never had a class with her until now, but I'm not even sure why she bothers coming. She doesn't take out any notebook, writing utensil, goddamn she doesn't even have a bag. The teachers seem flustered by it, but she gets the answer right every single time, so they can't even say anything.
Lunch was a godly reprieve from all of this. Joking. Even lunch was tiring. Why?
Well, the Cullens were still sitting across from my table and looking at Jasper and Alice together was kind of nauseating. Don't get me wrong, Jasper is pretty cool when he's not trying to drain you dry, but it just sucks. I try not to look at them otherwise he'll know that I'm feeling the green little monster inside of me.
A lot of people said hi to Alice as she passed by time. During the time that Alice and I were friends, people saw her as a little more open to socializing.
"Bella, all the Cullens are looking at you. It's like junior year all over again." Jessica pointed out.
I slowly tried to peek over my shoulder and found Jessica's statement quite true. Well, I mean Edward, and Alice were staring at me half pouty half serious. Jasper still looked like he was in a little pain, Emmett just kept smiling at me, and Rosalie was a half glare half curious stare.
"I think they want to talk to you." Angela said while she ate at her food.
"Trust me, we did plenty of talking already." I muttered under my breath, knowing only the Cullens could hear me.
"Whatever," I said out loud though. "I just want to enjoy my lunch, okay?"
Everyone nodded cautiously, but slowly began to pick up the conversation. It mostly consisted about the upcoming prom.
I sighed as the lunch bell rang, signaling lunch was over. Everyone was slowly beginning to shuffle out, leaving just a couple people behind.
"We'll see you later, Bella!" My friends said, a murmur of farewells coming after. I nodded and waved to them as they took off.
Here I come Spanish.
Maybe Alice was joking. Maybe she really wasn't in this class with me too. She was teasing me. I mean why would she want to take Spanish?
I started to really get into my pep talk by the time I walked into Spanish. I looked up to my usual seat and I felt the blood drain from my face.
Alice, sitting beside my seat unusually smug.
"Hola, Bella."
When the bell rung, I don't think I have ever run out class so fast in my life before. The whole class was just awkward. Alice didn't talk to me, but I wanted her to, which kind of is worse, but debatable.
I just had biology last and then I would be free to go home for the day. Fuck that tutoring shit today man. I'm sure they won't mind one day anyways.
When I came into my biology class, Mike waved to me like he always did and I nodded back. I sat in my usual seat and sighed. I could totally do this. Just an hour left, really.
"Can I sit here?"
I looked up and groaned. There really was no escaping any of this bullshit today. Edward stood beside my table with hopeful eyes and I nodded grimly, mostly because there weren't any other available seats in the class. Edward took his seat and just as he was about to talk, the teacher walked in and started the lesson right away.
Halfway into the lesson, I could feel my eyes wanting to start drooping. Man, I don't know which I hate more. Calculus or biology?
"Bella?"
Oh Jesus, not this shit right now. Focus Swan.
"Bella, can we please talk?"
I grit my teeth and replied without looking at him.
"Do you really think this is an appropriate time to talk right now?"
"I don't know. I still can't read your mind."
"It doesn't take a mind reader to have common sense." I hissed at him. The teacher looked back for a second and when he found no disturbances, turned back to the bored.
Edward pouted but he remained silent. I sighed and blinked rapidly to try to will myself to be more awake.
"Can we talk later then?"
I groaned under my breath.
"When I have time." I vaguely answered. He seemed satisfied with the answer and left it at that.
I actually wanted to put off this talk as long as I could. I mean, I just didn't want to have the conversation where everything should go back to normal, because it isn't normal anymore.
When the bell rung, I thanked the lord and got ready to leave when Edward stood in front of me. I looked back him with an eyebrow raised.
"Can I walk you to your truck?"
I stared pensively at him and when he didn't move, I slowly nodded.
"I guess."
We walked silently through the school, the stares penetrating me and it was so uncomfortable. Edward walked as if he didn't notice anything.
"So, any plans for this weekend?"
I looked over at him from my peripheral vision and stared back ahead. We walked out the doors and the parking lot was in my view.
"Maybe."
Edward stopped in the middle of the parking lot, causing me to come to a halt as well. We turned to face each other and I absently picked at the hem of my shirt.
"Well, do you maybe want to do something this weekend?"
I looked to my side without moving my head and I noticed all the Cullens standing not too far away.
I returned my attention to Edward and his hopeful eyes, and sighed.
"I don't think I'm really ready for that, Edward. It's just…too different."
Edward's expressions turned into a disappointed face and he looked at me confusedly.
"What's really different though? What changed? I'm back and I admit that I was a fool for lying and leaving you, but my feelings are still the same. I still love you, Bella. I still want to be with you."
I sighed and turned around, getting ready to walk to my truck.
"That's just it, Edward," I murmured. "You're still the same, but I'm the one who has changed."
When Edward didn't reply, I willed my legs to move, but it honestly felt like moving lead.
I was starting to pass by the Cullens when Lauren and her posse stood in front of me causing me to stop in my path, and the Cullens just standing behind me coincidentally (not).
A lot of students were still in the parking lot considering school hours just ended. I saw my friends standing the corner not too far from us.
"Oh, Bella! You're back at school. I'm a little disappointed you woke up." Lauren said with a sickly sweet tone. Lauren's friends snickered, while I heard low growls behind me.
"Say whatever you want, Mallory, but I particularly don't give a shit." I said calmly.
Lauren crinkled her nose at me and her eyes glanced up at the Cullens. Even though Rosalie was the prettiest girl in the school, she particularly did not like Alice.
"So you've woken up to your pathetic life and now the Cullens are back too. I'm guessing you're the cat and this is what you've dragged in."
I glared hard at her.
"Leave them out of it, Lauren." I warned her.
Lauren raised her eyebrow at me and chuckled. She walked around past me and stood face to face with Alice, just about an inch taller than her. Alice tensed up, her face glaring back at Lauren. Everyone beside or behind Alice were growling under their breath, but Lauren didn't see the threat looming upon her.
"Why? What are you going to do? They're all a bunch of fucking weirdos. You have one that looks like he's trying to overdose on steroids and his Barbie bitch girlfriend." She threw a dirty look at Rosalie before she turned her attention to Edward and Jasper.
"Then you have one who thinks he's too good for everyone and one that looks like someone is constantly stabbing him." Jasper didn't react one bit to Lauren's words, but Edward was beginning to scowl.
Lauren slowly rolled her head back to Alice and raised her hand to push Alice, who would obviously have to pretend to budge.
"And then you have you're fucking freaky dyke girlf—"
I just fucking lost it when Lauren put her hands on Alice.
Everything moved so fast and before I knew it, I had tackled Lauren Mallory to the floor, punching her in the face pretty harshly. I heard a sick crack and I knew I broke her nose.
I heard gasps and I wasn't sure if it came from the Cullens or my friends. Lauren was screaming and her posse was stunned into place. I stood up and watched as Lauren scrambled up with the help of her two friends, cradling her nose. Her nose was bleeding and she had a busted lip from me.
"What the fuck is wrong with you, Swan?!" Lauren screeched at me. I scowled at Lauren and got right into her face.
"I'm not fucking joking around, Mallory. Be a fucking cunt and talk shit about me all you want, but I swear to fucking god, if you ever, ever put your hands on Alice—or talk about the Cullens like that again, you'll be having more problems than a fucking broken nose and a busted lip. Do. I. Make. Myself. Clear?" I hissed at Lauren. My tone was clearly menacing despite how calm I sounded.
Lauren was trembling, but she knew that she had lost. She glared at me despite the underlying fear I had stroked into her.
"You're fucking crazy now, Swan." She said to me before she and her posse walked off, probably to go to the hospital.
I watched her walk off, feeling the familiar tingly feeling on my knuckled. I knew that Lauren wouldn't tell anyone or the school, unless she wanted to be suspended for harassment before I was suspended for violence.
It was a trigger. It just made me so fucking mad when I saw anyone treat Alice like shit. She could protect herself now, but I still couldn't help it.
I missed her.
"Bella...you're knuckle is bleeding!" Alice exclaimed. The Cullens hitched their breath and stopped breathing. Only Alice had the control to be around me while I was bleeding.
"Go," Alice told her family. "I can handle this."
Without a word, the Cullens raced off to their cars and revved their engines and drove off.
I looked at my knuckles and did note that my knuckle was bleeding slightly. It wasn't anything bad. It probably caught onto Lauren's nose piercing when I punched her.
"Bella, I'll help you bandage it." Alice told me gently while she cradled my hand. I ripped my hand from her hold and shook my head.
"Whatever, it's fine." I walked off to my truck and sat in it. Alice stood at my door and I looked at her.
"Bella, I get that you're mad at me and fine! But don't be a jackass and let me take care of your cut!"
I stared at Alice. She ever rarely said swears, but when she did, it was quite serious. She was stubbornly glaring at me with a pout through the window. Eventually I rolled my eyes and moved over into the passenger seat. Alice opened the door and sat in the driver's seat and started the truck.
"Thank you." She said to me.
The drive was mostly silent. I was trying to hide how much my knuckle really hurt because it was stinging like a bitch.
"Why'd you do it?" Alice asked without taking her eyes off the road. I looked over to her and noticed her tense position.
"Do what?" I asked her, my voice slightly hoarse.
"Punch Lauren for my family and I. You were never really aggressive before, stubborn, but never aggressive."
I turned back attention back out to the window and watched the trees blur by. Well not really blur. My truck is really slow.
'Because,' I thought. 'I remember how hard you tried to hide when people's words would cut through you.'
I didn't answer Alice though. She waited through the silence until we reached my driveway and she parked the car. There were no other cars out here, letting me know that Charlie wasn't home yet. I got out the car and trudge my way to the door.
"I'm not going to stop trying, Bella." Alice said from behind me. I didn't turn around, but my key was still jammed into the lock, turned.
"You said so yourself. You still care about me and I messed up, but I'm going to show you that you're not a complete imbecile for caring about me because I'll show you I still care about you too." Alice said softly. I didn't say anything but a tiny crack of a smile made it's way to my lips.
I turned the doorknob and opened the door.
"Now come on," Alice piped. "Let's get that battle wound wra—"
Alice suddenly pulled me back, causing me to fall into her arms. Ohmygerd, I know she can hear every sound, but I really, really hope she couldn't hear how fast my heart was beating.
Alice's eyes went several shades darker as she inhaled deeply, her nostrils flaring slightly.
"Alice…?"
"Someone's been in your house, and it was a Victoria."
A/N: Damn man, this is the most I have probably ever written LOL I'm trying to make the chapters much longer to make up how long I take to update LOL Sorry guise, I am a butt. Any thoughts on how you think this will go or what's going to happen? DID ANYONE CRY? TELL ME GUISE, SHARING IS CARING!
Darker Muse: I understand how you feel. But truthfully, leaving in a week is actually reasonable. They were supposed to be gone before Richard came back from his trip. They need time to pack everything-money included. They need to maintain appearance and also they had to say goodbye to Cynthia! Would've been perf if richard didn't come back early! Thanks for the review =)
tito: I appreciate that you enjoy my story, but this was my writing style to deliver the chapter. There are nicer ways to say that you did not enjoy it, rather than "retarded". The whole point of it was to create suspense and make it dramatic. The fact that you couldn't sit and read it just points out that you have no appreciation for pathos/logos/ethos, which makes a story more meaningful than just plain words. Appreciate what you read, and I'm not just saying that for my story. Thanks for the review anyways!
Smayz: Thanks for the question! It's actually just vague place recognition. For example, I live in Calgary, Canada, but I know exactly what Vancouver looks like due to the landscape, people, and buildings. Or I know what California looks like vaguely without someone telling me. It's like how you can tell what's country and what's city! I hope that makes sense =) thank you for your review!
shihouin13: Happy belated birthday =) My birthday is on the Feb 9th ^ ^
Thank you to everyone who reviewed! Everyone said some damn good things and it brought me feelings :') I really, really wished I could reply to you all, but that would take about a week, prolonging this update even more :'( I never imagined my story getting some recognition at all, so thank you so much! I love you all ^ ^ !
See you in two weeks?