Originally I was going to do an update of a one-shot I took the liberty of writing a fairly long time ago. But unfortunately, creativity seemed to ditch me part way through and well, frankly, it just stopped being worth the effort.
Again, I am on deviantart.
Just click my homepage button at my profile, or look up Nun2artzy/Jashin fan-character/anything else. I would like it to go on record the only art utensils I own are two mechanical pencils, a stack of photo-copy paper, a sketch book, and a few pens, one of which is for Japanese calligraphy.
Well, now that that's out of the way, the customary READ shall now commence. Also, I will be concentrating on Jashin for a period of time, as nine chapters is just pathetic. Sorry to all you fans of cutting strings, but I am again in the rut.
Also, Pyromaniac Uzumaki Naruto…its not gonna happen for a while, so calm your britches.
She sat in a particularly deserted bar, sipping away at sake, lost in her thoughts. It wasn't something that was uncommon; she had after all lived a long life with many things to look back on. But this recent news…it really shook her, something that hadn't happened to Tsunade in a long, long time.
'I'm going to be Godaime Hokage.' This was flooring news, and not news she was necessarily happy about.
"No ones ever lived long or particularly well as a Hokage that much is true." Tsunade sipped at her drink again. The strong alcohol seared her throat, though she took slight notice, her mind to heavily preoccupied.
What was she going to do? Refuse most likely. That village was not a happy place in her mind. There was nothing there but old memories coupled with old pains.
' "We're sorry but we can't allow you to enter this area," the official said sternly to a woman who could heft his weight as easily as a feather.
' "Not allowed-this was my house!" She tore past him, throwing open the charred door as a medical team placed a blanket over her deceased brothers mangled remains.'
Her teeth clenched in the face of these memories. "Yeah…I'll be the Godaime Hokage. When hell freezes over that is." She pitched the entire glass back, before slamming it down on the table and ordering another.
"Who are you talking to?" asked the diminutive figure at her side. Sliding her chair around she fixed her gaze on the still-very-much-a-skull Naruto, resting on a stool. "Myself, obviously. Who else could I be talking to, other then the bartender, and you?" She swigged back another cup.
"That's pretty unhealthy you know, talking to yourself," Naruto muttered softly.
"Indeed it is," piped up a voice in his head.
'Quiet you,' Naruto snapped exasperatedly at himself (technically Jashin).
"Okay, you are not helping here. I don't even know why I brought you in here in the first place," Tsunade sighed, face flush with the alcohol.
"Well, I'd say it's my animal magnetism, but frankly that's a long shot considering bodily limitations. So I'll ask you; why did you bring me here? Did you want to talk to me; because that's the most useful thing I can do currently."
Tsunade remained quiet for a while, just sipping her drink. With a clink her glass hit the counter, before she pulled out a few bills. "Thanks for the booze." She said, pulling Naruto up and leaving a few bills on the table. She wasn't entirely sure whether or not she had paid the appropriate price, but as drunk as she was and as low as she felt, she honestly didn't care.
"So we're not having a heart felt discussion about issues are we?"
Tsunade sent him a discouraging look. "I barely know you, and I'm still way too sore to talk about what's bothering me. Especially with the person I beheaded by accident."
Naruto frowned. "Oh, that, I'm not that upset about it. I mean sure, its annoying, but it has happened before. No hard feelings."
She shook her head. "It's personal. Just leave it alone okay?"
Naruto fell silent, though in his mind he was contemplating what she could mean. The walk eventually led them to the two story hotel that she was currently staying in. "Wow, nice place. Should've asked Jiraiya to let us crash here instead."
Tsunade scoffed however. "Yeah, good luck. You wouldn't know it, but that perverts cheaper then you and I combined. And that's saying something from a chronic gambler and…well I'm not really sure what to make of you." She climbed the steps of the building, unlocking room 9. With a simple toss Naruto landed on a couch, sideways.
"Jeez, warn me next time!" he cried from the seat as Tsunade walked past. Surveying the room, he was surprised at how Spartan it was. A single table with mats served as the eating area, with a few simple pictures on the walls and a lamp over head.
"Hey, I'm goin' to bed, don't wake me up until I want to get up, got it?" She huffed irritably.
"Uh, but…" The door to her room snapped shut. "…my body…" He bemoaned quietly.
Inside the room Tsunade laid down with a huff, her drunkenness not enough to take the edge of worry from her features. "What am I gonna do now…?" She openly asked herself.
"…get Naruto's body back…" A ghostly voice through the wall spoke up. "…and get him a sandwich too …"
"Shut up Naruto, or when I find your body I'll attach that head of yours somewhere unpleasant." The voice went silent immediately.
Fitfully Tsunade fell asleep.
Elsewhere…
"Wow, so this is Konoha. It's not as secret as I originally thought it would be," Shizune spoke aloud absently.
"Yeah it's more of a city then a hidden village, so be on your toes," Jiraiya instructed.
Though Shizune simply looked at him with a hint of annoyance. "I've been to a city before; I'm not five after all."
However, as she stepped through the threshold of the gate, she couldn't help but be taken back at the awesome landscape. The buildings that made up the village held a combination of old wooden hut and new-age skyscraper, reaching fairly high up. Silhouetted against this open plain of buildings sat the famous Hokage monument, the four faces casting an awesome might over the entire village.
"…wow…"
Jiraiya smirked at her awestruck exclamation. "Yeah, I know. Come on, we're not here to sight-see. How is the little guy holding up anyways?" Jiraiya inquired to the contents of the makeshift carrier they had acquired.
Sliding the door open, Sasuke remained inside, still barely breathing. "Not good, but technically alive."
Gravely Jiraiya nodded. "Then let's find the hospital. Don't worry, I know a short-cut, I've been sent there enough times."
Shizune frowned.
"What? The life of a pervert is a perilous one."
Her frown only grew annoyed. "Jiraiya-sama, please refrain from such jokes as the one you just made. I will otherwise have to poison you in your sleep."
Jiraiya just laughed, "That threat never gets old…"
Shortly the hospital came into view, its large, white washed walls fairly hard to miss considering the general light red and orange the other houses were painted/colored. "Wait out here; I'll get a doctor as soon as I can." Shizune nodding, he entered the doors with a swish.
A receptionist at the end of the hall greeted him. "Excuse me sir, but do you have an appointment?" she asked, reading a magazine absently.
"Ah, no, but I might have something better."
She raised her eyebrows. "No appointments mean you won't be entered in quickly sir. I'm sorry, but with the invasion we are straight booked with patients. You can fill out a form here." She handed him a piece of paper.
Jiraiya made no move to take it. "Now, you see-" he paused to read her name tag, "-Suki, that's the problem. You see, I have the last heir to the Uchiha clan outside, unconscious. Now, if he doesn't get help as soon as possible, he could very well die. I can understand your swamped with patients, but if you could make an EEENSY exception for him, that be great," Jiraiya nodded sweetly.
Suki's pen dropped to the floor.
"Oh my god, you're lucky you got here when you did," the stern doctor said, observing Sasuke's eyes with a flash light. The milky white of his eyes stared into the small portable device. "He's in some sort of genjutsu induced coma, but how: I have no idea. No illusion I've ever heard of is powerful enough to induce the symptoms like this. You're sure it was a ninja technique that did this to him, not a disease?"
Jiraiya nodded. "Without a doubt."
"Then I can't really do anything on hand. With the hospital as it is, we can only try to keep him stable condition until someone with more training in medical jutsu is on hand. I'm sorry, but we can offer him a room to stay in. Someone of his prestige is allowed certain benefits after all."
The doctor stepped back from the bed to look Jiraiya in the face. "Now as to how he came like this…"
Jiraiya raised his hand. "Technically it's a ninja internal affair. But as you're the head doctor of this wing, I'd say your fairly qualified enough that it shouldn't be too much trouble, to acquire legit papers. Otherwise, I can't legally tell you."
The doctor frowned, but nodded. "I'll…get on that, but I can't REALLY help him without knowing the cause of his ailment."
Jiraiya didn't waver however. "It's my neck and yours if I tell you straight away. Its serious stuff though, and I'm not entirely sure if you can help. There is someone who can though, who if I could guess, is coming soon."
The doctor's eyebrows shot up. "And who pray tell, is more qualified then me, the head of this facility?"
Jiraiya smirked. "Well that I can tell you. You know of Tsunade, who happens to be a…acquaintance of mine."
If possible, the doctor's eye shot up. "Y-you're…you're Orochimaru?"
Jiraiya blanched. "NO! I am the gallant sannin Jiraiya. Don't throw me in the same basket as the snaky SOB! Besides, I'm WAY more handsome then he is!"
The doctor chuckled awkwardly, "My apologies, I have only heard of Tsunade and Orochimaru. I wasn't aware there was a third sannin." Jiraiya's exasperation only grew.
Recollecting himself, he turned to stare at Sasuke, who lay prone in the hospital bed, an IV at his side. "So…your professional opinion if he'll make it?"
The doctor shook his head. "I have no idea. I, like I said, have never seen anything like this. A coma, induced by a genjutsu, the implications…" He shook himself.
Taking from a desk at Sasuke's a clipboard, he handed it to Jiraiya, who scanned it. "You'll have to act as guardian in the…absence of a parent. So you'll have to fill out his papers."
This time it was Jiraiya's eyebrows shot up.,"H-his guardian? Me? Are you serious?"
The man nodded. "You might be aware, but this boy's entire family was, well, murdered."
Jiraiya nodded. "I am all too aware."
Taking the clipboard he allowed it to hang at his side. "Well, if you'll excuse me, I have other patients to care for at this time." With this, the man left.
Reading over the sheet quickly enough, Jiraiya looked behind him as Shizune walked through the door. "I saw the doctor leave," she said as she cautiously entered the room, "Is he going to be…?"
Jiraiya frowned. "The doctor doesn't know. With the equipment he can be put in a stable position, but they have no idea how to get him out of it."
Shizune's hand came up to her lips, "So…we came here for nothing?"
Jiraiya's smile took her by surprise. "No; we have the equipment and all medicine, now all we need is the Tsunade. And if I know her well enough, she'll be heading this way in no time." This seemed to comfort Shizune, though not entirely at the confliction in her expression.
'She will come, won't she?'
The still-as-death figure at the bedside continued to breathe softly. Elsewhere another body stirred within the confines of its bed, aroused by the presence of none other then the last Uchiha.
"…Sasuke…"
Bleary eyes slowly opened as Tsunade awoke, in a full hangover from the night before. Cradling her noggin for the second night in a row, she tried to stand up and draw some semblance of where she was. After determining that she was inside her own apartment, Tsunade followed suite by scrounging around for some migraine pills and a glass of water.
Locating these two items, then combining, she created: "HEADACHE-REMIDY" (Charisma +2, Constitution+1, Dexterity +5)
She then proceeded to sit down on her bed, trying to make some discretion on what to make of a day without Shizune around to bother her. "I could gamble. Gambling's the solution to all of life's problems. But without Shizune, I'd be gambling alone. Not smart, considering what happened last time…wait, but I have that brat…" She slid her door open to check on her only other occupant…
To find he was gone, the door ajar the only evidence, save for the small poorly written note
"Gone to get body. Sober up soon."
-Naruto
"…how did he open the door? Or write this note?" she asked herself openly. Well this solved her personal conflict of what to do with herself.
But as to how she was going to find him, well, it shouldn't be that hard. "I mean really, how hard could it be to find a talking human head?" She threw her things together and headed out the door.
The question of how Naruto got the door open was better left unanswered. But what was even more interesting was his mode of travel. As it turned out, being only a head meant that a speedy search was probably not going to occur.
"Damn lack of body, makin' me hop around as I am, this is way worse then last time…" Naruto growled, causing passersby to give the angry head a wide berth.
"How am I gonna do this anyways? Hand out fliers?" he openly asked himself. Again, passersby just went around him. "Maybe I could try asking around or..."
He was however interrupted by a swift kick to the noggin.
"Gaaaah!" To his eternal ire, a child running down the street accidentally connected his foot with the back of Naruto's head, sending him careening down the gravel roads. Buildings skipped past in a blur of colors, before he was abruptly stopped by a surprisingly firm wall of flesh.
Although unable to vomit from the severe case of motion sickness, Naruto did however make several gauging noises, before he managed to constrain his urge to lie on the ground till the world stopped spinning. His capture however, remained silent.
…on account of it being his own body.
"Body? Body, is that you?" The stump appeared to nod, in his usual attire as well. "Oh my google I missed you!" Tears streamed down his eyes, unrestrained. "We need a tailor, I gotta get sowed back on you ASAP, 'kay?"
The body remained motionless. …Before setting him down on the ground and preceding to walk away.
"H-hey! You ungrateful body you!" It didn't respond even if it could. "Teme…" Naruto growled out slowly, a promise of pure doom upon his own flesh. Only it went unheeded, as the body was, well, without ears.
"Okay, fine then. I guess I'll just have to spend the rest of my life enjoying food and French-kissing." The body stopped in its tracks.
'Yes, not so tough when I have everything you need to truly enjoy life." It should go on record that the tongue is necessary for both French kissing and eating.
With great pain his body turned back to its original owner, walking over and slowly picking him up. Pausing only to recount its time alone with itself, a not all together rare occurrence, he nodded. Naruto beamed through his bandages.
"Think of it this way: I'm in charge, so you're not at fault if anything happens."
Pedestrians looked on with a combination of confusion intrigue. "Isn't that the body that was getting married?" one person asked another.
"Isn't that the head who was hanging around with that buxom blonde not to long ago?" another asked.
"He must be a super playboy or something."
"Am I the only one even remotely disturbed at the idea of a head and body both getting on dates I never could, both separate from one another?" a final person asked.
This drew Naruto's and Naruto's body's attention. "What the hell are YOU starrin' at?" The crowd violently dispersed at the display of killer-intent.
"Okay, I need you to walk me back to the apartment, okay?" No response but the body slowly turning around in the direction of Tsunade's place, only to stop at the presence of another person.
"There you are. And I see you found your little buddy no less. Good, this will make my life a little easier then," Tsunade said with an exasperated air.
"Tsunade! Look who I found, right? I need you to sow my head back on."
She frowned. "…say you're sorry. And please, I want to hear a please."
Naruto blanched. "Sorry? For what?"
Tsunade's eyes flashed with a devilish air, the once peaceful street now taking on a sinister wind. "…for winning that pot."
"WHAT?" Righteous indignation flashed on Naruto's still not attached face. "And why in all the sans hell would I do that?"
The sinister wind blew the lanterns of the street. "…because I'm the only one who'll sow your head back on of course."
'Shit!' She had him. "F-fine, whatever, it's not like it's a big deal or anything. I'm s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-oooor-r-y…." He panned off.
"What, come again?" Tsunade nudged his already bruised ego.
"I said I'm SORRY! Now could you PLEASE sow my head back on, you horrible witch."
Tsunade her head away from him, casting a look of disinterest said, "Naw, I think I'd rather just go gamble and drink, since Shizune's not here anyways." She turned to leave.
"W-w-w-WAIT A MINUTE!" he cried out in shock, "Sow my head back on, you promised!"
She stopped with a sigh, "Fine-fine, just let me get a needle and thread…" She was cut off however, when Naruto's body produced a needle and thread from its pockets. "Why do you…?" She trailed off, but the quick "Don't ask" as all she received in response.
Several minutes of sewing later, after finally sowing the head on the right way, Naruto stood back, slowly regaining control of his limbs. "Oh my god that is good." He flexed his fingers, then his toes, then he ran around a little.
"Thank you," he said in a very uncharacteristic way,
Tsunade taken aback by this shift in his usual demeanor. "Y-you're welcome?" she said in surprise.
"Well try not to get used to it. I have to keep up my air of indifference after all….baba."
The air suddenly became very thick with killer-intent. "The hell you call me, you little shrimp?" The scythe flashed out, and her knuckles cracked.
"You know, I am at a disadvantage here. I haven't reestablished my blood flow, so I am weakened temporarily."
Tsunade grinned, showing almost fanglike teeth. "Then I'll be sure to avoid punching your head off again."
They flew at each other.
The hospital was silent as ever, the only noise being the occasional blip from a heart-monitor, and the drips of I.V.'s. The occasional cough only accented this.
The hallways plain white walls in the dark cast a sinister light to them that made the nurse on duty extremely edgy.
The sound of her feat tapping against the hard floor could be heard down the entire hall, something that only added to the overall effect of the room. Stopping at one of the rooms, she reached up and checked the clipboard. The patient was one Haruno Sakura, admitted some time before with no real illness other then a strange mark on her, and the fact she was in a coma. Gripping the handle, she cracked it open-
-before a flurry of motion at the end of the hall caught her attention. A sudden scuffling noise that seemed to emanate the hallways rose up, making goosebumps pop up all over her skin. "H-hello?" She asked voice hesitant and terrified.
The darkness greeted her back, no response of course, just the sound of her hitched breathing. "Wh-whoever you are, I should warn you, I have training as a ninja!" She flipped a kunai from seemingly nowhere, twirling it around in her fingers.
The silence pervaded. "Jeez, Tsuki, talking to yourself here…" She said with a sigh, standing up straight.
A loud bang rang through the hall overhead.
With a jump, she whirled around, trying to find the source of the commotion. "Lights, I need to hit the lights." Tearing down the hallway, she found at the end of the wall the light switches. Fumbling around in the pitch dark, she tried to find the correct switch-
Light flooded the dark hall, the luminescence allowing her to see everything. Standing up slowly, she scanned for anything out of the norm. Nothing moved or changed in the light however. Nothing.
"Must be a mouse in the vents or something…" She sighed in relief-
Then the lights instantly died, bathing her in the dark again. With a weak flicker, they were no more. "W-whats going on?" She turned around, violently flicking the switches to turn them on. No response. The power had been cut.
She pressed her back against the wall, trying to vainly put together why this was happening to her. She came to a blank simply because her mind was in too much of a panic. Then the banging started again.
This time direction was identifiable. It was moving towards her, the clangs and bangs getting louder and louder with every passing second. "G-ghhhh." Words failed her in terror, before all at once, the banging just ceased.
The silence was choking, the unseen entity creeping within it, somewhere. Images of some horrible creature set on her death pervaded Tsuki's mind. She snapped under the stress. "GAAAAAA!" With a scream she tore down the hallway in a panic.
Doctors and patients shot up in the dark, shocked by the sudden screech. The clanging suddenly exploded in pitch, tearing down the hall after her. The screaming inside her head was louder then the one in her throat 'RUN! DON'T LET IT GET YOU!'
The end of the hallways came a pair of twin doors, normally which would have opened. To her horror however, when she slammed into them, they didn't budge. No amount of pushing could open them; try as she might, the banging closing in on her.
"Screw it!" She burst through a patient's door on the right of her, slamming it closed and locking it, before falling on her knees, breathing heavily in terror. The banging outside it ceased, and for a moment, she dared to hope she had lost the mysterious creature. She spoke too soon.
The bang resumed, though much softer, Inside the room.
Tears streamed down her face as the crushing terror overwhelmed her. There was no escape from it, no escape from this creature that stalked her. She succumbed to her fate, unable to cast off the overwhelming fear the banging induced.
With a mighty clang, the vent inside the room exploded open, the near complete darkness of the room masking the creature's presence. 'So this is how I die.' She gasped in horror, before the ominous waiting for the creature to descend upon her.
It never came for her.
With a flick power was restored to the room, and her assailant was made plain before her. The vent of the room was kicked out of the wall, laying prone on the floor with a large dent in it. There was no other occupant in the room, save for her, and the patient.
But, wait, that wasn't true, there was a third person. On top of one Uchiha Sasuke their lay a girl with pink hair, sighing contently while she clung onto him through the blankets.
Tsuki took this in, before she promptly fainted.
"You've called us here why exactly?" Haruno Sakura's mother (I don't know, we'll call her Gyko) Gyko said, eyeing Jiraiya, who in her opinion looked a little hung over. "And why am I sitting beside such a lecher as this man." She said, though Jiraiya only smirked.
"I've called you here because both of your children are causing some unknown levels of destruction to your hospital," spoke the hospitals director through clenched teeth.
Miss Haruno took a step back, while Jiraiya just blanched. "I don't have a son! You can't prove anything! I am in no way affiliated with the princess of Tsuchigakure!"
Both the head nurse as well as Gyko just stared at the old white haired man.
"I mean, what son? I have no son."
"Uchiha Sasuke," mattered the director while messaging her temples.
"Oh, yeah, right, HIM. Yeah, he's my kid. Whatever."
Gyko however sent him a strained look, "Your not Uchiha Sasuke's father. Uchiha Sasuke's father was an Uchiha, and one who is actually benefited our culture. Not like you, whose only crown achievement is writing smut."
"Smut that you've heard about I see. This is how I know I'm an important part of the community. For what would society be without dirty books?"
She frowned heavily, not dignifying this point. "Could we please get back on the topic at hand?"
They turned away from each other, to the director of the hospital.
"To be frank, your children have caused a certain level of destruction in my hospital, particularly your child, Haruno-sama. We believe that it may have something to do with how Uchiha Sasuke and she are connected but-"
"That's not possible. My Sakura is a diligent, good, hardworking ninja of the village. You're mistaken."
The director frowned, shuffling through several papers. "I beg to differ, as would the nurse she gave a panic attack to, as well as the number of patients that were woken up by said nurse's scream. She is currently on leave." If anything, Sakura's mother simply frowned deeper.
"This is altogether disbelievable, considering the fact, last I checked, that both of them were in a very DEEP coma, Sasuke in particular." The doctor shuffled a paper on his desk around, but Jiraiya's keen eyes caught the slip of paper. It was a report, and in the moment his eyes had to scan it, the word Sasuke popped up at least four times.
"It's not necessarily on his own that Uchiha-sama would be of such problem to us. It's his affect to the other patient, Haruno Sakura, that is the point of distress. To be frank, moments before the events that led to these damages occurred, Sakura's brain activity spiked. Into the bizarre levels."
"That is because my daughter is a genius." Miss Haruno couldn't help but jab in. Jiraiya was growing to dislike this woman.
"Well, that could be it, but we believe, as I've been alluding to, an outside force. When I say bizarre, I mean near inhuman levels. Her brain easily exceeded the normal ten percent activity ranges, which to say the least shocking. For reference…" He was cut off by Haruno-san's hand.
"I'm aware of the percentile of human brain activity."
He nodded. "Then you understand the significance to spike to over twenty-four percent. And it's not necessarily healthy for a brain to be that active. But that's beside the point.
"From what the nurse on hands account claims, she used the vents to move around, another disturbing detail. Why she didn't, say, walk through the door is a mystery. But again, nothing about this occurrence can be described as 'normal'".
Jiraiya nodded. "You mentioned Sasuke was tied to this. I know from his personal account that Young Haruno has a slightly higher level of infatuation with him. Do you think that could be related?"
"With the nature of her injury, who knows? This whole thing is becoming a stress head. Now, to address this problem, I can't simply move her to another room or Sasuke the same. We would risk another of these incidents." He stood up, turning to the blinds of his window. "Likewise we can't kick either out…so…"
"So?" Jiraiya pressed, just a millisecond faster then Sakura's mom.
"So, we're going to move them into the same room together. Who knows, if this 'infatuation' as Jiraiya-sama described is related to her brain activity, there's a chance of staying around the Uchiha, could in fact wake her." Sakura's mothers features softened." So, my little girl…?"
He shook his head. "It's entirely theoretical. But where there is hope…I'm sorry. This is just something I had to be sure that you were all aware of." He turned back to them, passing their chairs, before opening the doors of his office. "Thank you for your time, and I wish both of your children the best of luck." They nodded, though as the door shut, Miss Haruno shot Jiraiya a disgruntled look.
"You're not an Uchiha." She stated bluntly, pointing an accusing finger at him.
"And you're not…um…nice?" Jiraiya muttered, eliciting a sudden glint in her eye.
"That is of little concern. Listen here; I was fully aware of Sakura's attachment to Uchiha Sasuke. But if you're his father, even surrogate, that is grounds from complete disbandment of this relationship. Here and now." Jiraiya raised an eyebrow.
"Ah, you must be someone who's more familiar with my, less then satisfactory habits?" She didn't need to nod; the look on her face said it all. "I am only representing the brat while he's in here, in absence of a parent."
She took a step back, but her expressions hardness only took half a step. "Be that as it may…" She didn't finish the sentence though, letting her threat hang down the hospital hallway.
"Good day." She left without a look back.
Jiraiya watched her retreating back until it passed through the door at the end of the hall. "Damn she's tightly wound. Nice ass though…" He turned on his heel-
-and came face to face with a very irritated look on Shizune's face. "What was that about that woman bum?" Was her only pre-warning, giving Jiraiya the courtesy to glower in horror for a moment.
Pain.
The trail of destruction was yet again the only sign that either of them had fought at all. Witnesses would only account to a black and blonde blur smashing against a green and blonde blur, not entirely sure what was causing the slash damage to various houses. One man would say they were magical pixies performing a mating dance that was simply destructive in nature.
He was ignored.
Back at Tsunade's apartment, a very tired Naruto and Tsunade sat in opposite chairs, looking scuffed by surprisingly alive. Dirt from the gravel roads, a few bits of straw in Tsunade's hair, while Naruto dripped water onto the floor, his head soaked.
It had been fun in a 'slightly trying to kill you' way.
"…your pretty strong gaki." Tsunade choked out, gasping for breath after pitching back a water bottle. "I am really out of shape though, if fighting you like that is making me this tired." She sat back with a sigh. "Youth, how I miss thee."
"Yeah, I know. I need to practice way more too." 'Probably shouldn't mention I was trying really, REALLY hard. Freakin' crazy old lady.' He sat back. "Well, if you don't mind, I'm going to take a shower." He stood up abruptly, turning to go to the warmth and relaxation of said shower-
-only to be stopped by an abrupt pull at his sleeve. Turning, he found a very disgruntled looking Tsunade holding him in a nigh unbreakable grip. "Not to be rude…"her voice held a very dangerous edge to it "-but it's customarily LADIES FIRST."
Naruto raised an eyebrow. "Whoa, now hold on, you're not the one who smells like a…" he drifted off however, his attention drawn to the arm she was holding.
"Smell like a…?" Tsunade inquired, before looking at the same hand she now held. "Uh…huh…" was all she could say, her eyebrows raising almost past her hairline.
"…did I…get MARRIED?" Naruto's crept into an alarming level as he inspected the golden band wrapped around his finger. "Holy crap I'm married. Holy CRAP I'M MARRIED!" he shouted now, starting to go into a panic.
"Whoa, okay, calm down. I'm sure that it wasn't a legitimate wedding, especially since at the time, you were legally deceased. Just take it off and hawk it somewhere. Kids these days just don't think."
With a pat on his back, she opened and shut the bathroom door with a snap, leaving the still near hyperventilating blonde. "Easy for her to say, she's never married somebody without knowing it."
The sound of running water was his only response, Tsunade most likely planning on using all the hot water within the housing structure. "Frick." He sat back, rolling the ring in between his fingers, mulling down the shock. The question remained who would marry a headless body, even one as studdly as his, but frankly he wasn't sure if he really wanted to meet his person.
He imagined they weren't the most sane or pleasant if they were resorting to necro-marriage. Or worse.
A chill ran up and down his body.
The last few months were just plain crazy. From the moment he'd stepped into Konoha, his whole life had been turned upside down, AGAIN.
First Anko, then Sasuke and Sakura, then that Hinata girl, and of course Jiraiya. One after another his previously detached life was becoming more and more weighed down with people, who he begrudgingly found himself caring more and more for.
And that was a problem, as Sasuke's brother, Weasel, had demonstrated. He was a beacon for trouble and enemies, for good reasons. But dragging people, mostly good people at that, was not something that he was okay with, for all his faults.
Faults that just continued to come back to haunt him, in more then one way.
The water in Tsunade's shower abruptly stopped, Naruto taking no notice.
And just who was shark man and Itachi working for anyways? Who would want him taken out nondescriptly? Any person he could think of who would want him dead, would want him very publicly put to death, again for good reasons.
Shuffling inside the bathroom, again he took no notice.
A sigh escaped his lips, his good mood shifted by his memoirs. Here sits Uzumaki Naruto, the boy who killed a thousand, for the lulz. To be fair, not his OWN lulz, but the principle of the matter, was that a lot of people, a lot of GOOD people, had blood on his hands.
How old did you have to be to drink yourself stupid again? Did that apply to immortals?
The door too the bathroom sliding open, Tsunade stepped out in what was literally a towel, wet, finally snapping Naruto out of his thoughts.
'…damn…granny got back.'
Was all his very surprised mind could put together as Tsunade slid the door the bathroom shut. "Uh…hi, now was, umm…your shower?" He managed to speak up.
Tsunade quickly gave him a disapproving look. "If what I think is going through your head is, then you should understand why I'm going to have to kick your ass again." She shook her head laughing.
"What, I'm surprisingly mature." He said, albeit unconvincingly.
"Well, be that as it may, your fifty years to young to be hitting on a woman who is way too much woman for you to handle. Those are the ground rules." She said, turning and heading to her bedroom, effectively ending any thoughts on Naruto's part.
Not that he had had any.
Shaking his head, his attention was finally brought to the now completely open bathroom, which likely had at least half of the hot water on tap. Shrugging at the chance, he threw off his coat and bandages, fully bare to the world. Underneath his normal coat and bandage he was still eye catching, but not as deathly as some might expect. He could've passed as a punky dispositional youth if he set his mind to it.
A simple white, close hugging shirt lay on top of his frame, in its centre a ribbon of red moving down his midsection, before curling into a skull. On either cheek, was the only outwardly uncharacteristically human aspect to him.
Black, thick, but not too thick lines ran vertically down his cheeks, one in the center of each, and another smaller just at the edge of his lips, giving the impression of a skull. Coupled with the dark circles that ran around each eye, which his hairline normally hid, and you had a slightly ghoulish countenance, rippling power.
Naruto gave no mind to his own surprisingly shocking visage, only stopping to inspect his teeth, still sharp as knives and pearly white as ever. "Note to self, buy toothbrush." He inspected. Although his teeth never broke down due to obvious reasons, he still had to ward off the enemy of bad breath.
The water from the shower abruptantly ceased all thoughts, washing away last few days of being dragged around by his hair, and encounters of the murdering kind. He hadn't realized how stressed he was until he finally loosened up, the comparison of himself before and after entering the shower was like night and day.
Gingerly allowing the hot water to fall, Naruto wondered how long he could let the hot water run.
He was answered when the shower was abruptly stopped and was replaced by just cold water.
Despite seemingly outwardly calm, Tsunade remained contemplating deeply. After years of ninja training she had adapted a way to hide her emotions from prying eyes while mulling over some of the harder aspects of her.
The idea of being the leader of a ninja village, a place she had sworn to never returned to, was one such aspect.
She hadn't really stopped thinking about it, simply pushing into the back of her mind. But now, alone and sober, she couldn't help but return to the pressing issue. The most frank way she could put her opinion, was that no way in hell she would EVER set foot in that village again.
Pain is enough to drive you from almost anywhere. The fact Jiraiya had had the audacity to simply pass this information to her as nonchalant as he did caused a nasty cracking noise to sound from her knuckles. He KNEW what that place meant to her, what she had lost and could never get back.
She growled in irritation, her headache starting to come back anew. "Who the hell does that idiot think he is, telling me I'm the new leader-I'll show him a leader." She smacked her hand into her pillow for good measure.
This resulted in her bed essentially exploding in a shower of feathers, before collapsing. "..son of a…" She sighed, placing her head in her hands. "I don't think I can do that Jiraiya, not for you, or anyone." She sighed.
A knock sounded at her door. Having perfect timing, Naruto was subjected to Tsunade's pent up anger. "What?"
Taking a step away from the door, Naruto was surprised by the force of the question. "I was just wondering if you'd, I don't know, want to head out or something? I'm bored outta my mind here."
Tsunade, hidden behind the door, actually relaxed a little. "I'm…I…sure I guess. Just let me get dressed." Naruto exhaled, expecting a fist to slam through the door or something. Taking a seat in the living area, he waited as patiently as someone with patience like he could.
About twenty minutes later Tsunade stepped out of her room in usual attire, Naruto protested loudly. "The hell takes women so long to get ready?" Tsunade simply responded by sticking out her tongue. "Oh, real mature," Naruto sighed with a roll of his eyes.
Tsunade just laughed "Well, hurry it up, I want to get in some primo gambling."
Naruto sighed exasperatedly. "But I wanna take in the sights!"
A glint in Tsunade's eye made him take a step back. "Tell you what. We'll flip a coin. Heads my thing, tails we go take in the sights."
From seemingly nowhere a coin appeared in her hand, poised to be flipped. "O…kay then." Naruto's eyes narrowed confusedly, not entirely sure what to expect.
The eerie glint in Tsunade's eye flashed the coin spinning in the air, rebounding off the walls and couches at near bullet like force. Apparently her thumbs were just as strong as her fists. With a resounding 'clack' the yen coin spun out off Naruto's forehead and landed on the ground…tails up.
"Dammit." Tsunade growled. "Best two out of three."
"HELL NO!" Naruto shouted, rubbing his forhead painfully.
The streets bustled with people, tourists, and the occasional beggar. All of them were sure to give a wide berth to the tourists who generally left a wave of destruction behind them. Today however, these people who had fairly good reason to fear for there lives were treated to the sight of both calmly walking through the streets in normal attire.
"Okay, so you want to sight see huh? Where to then?" Before she could finish Naruto had pulled from nowhere at least half a dozen pamphlets.
"Well let's see. The village is famous for its tourist's attractions, including its famous castles, agricultural district, and its top end gambling and alcohol." Tsunade suddenly lit up.
"…which is last on my list to check out."
Her face fell. "So which first then? A farm, castles, or could we just skip to the booze and slots?" She again allowed a certain amount of excitement to leak into her voice.
"Castles are the most epic. So we'll go see them first. Oh, but before that, I have the munchies for some dango." She gave him an exasperated look.
"…yeah, I'm hungry too." She relinquished in yet further exasperation.
"Alright!" Taking off in a random direction, the crowds were forced to part yet again for the blonde reaper, his cloak billowing behind him.
It made him easy to follow, the creature behind the yellow slited eyes chuckled. "Kabuto, where in this dirt-pit are the castles located?"
The silver haired jounin level ninja smirked. "Directly west of here, Orochimaru-sama." The snake sannin smirked sinisterly.
"I believe I want to take in the sights." He grimaced, the pain in his arms flaring up. His smile didn't waver.
"It says here these castles pre-date the first great shinobi war, and have been the sight of more then a dozen fierce shinobi battles, including one between The second Raikage, and first Tsuchikage."
Tsuande shook her head. "I don't trust leaflets. Shinobi history is barely known by Shinobi, much less civilians. Its why we're ninja." Naruto however blathered on.
"It also says that the castle has been leveled twice, and has refurnished last year with the recent excess in economy. Be a shame if that place was for whatever reason or another suddenly leveled in a super ninja battle, huh?"
Tsunade raised an eyebrow at his very specific choice of words. "…That's a pretty specific example Naruto."
He smirked, swallowing the last of the dango. "I just figured it would be a good way to foreshadow, considering we have quite the bastard of a ninja tailing us right now." Naruto flicked his dango stick to the side of the walkway he and Tsunade were traveling on. Its high walls and open roof allowed tourists to lose themselves in the awesome architecture that by itself was already impressive.
The maze did little to impress the blondes. "So you noticed him to, did you?" Tsunade's voice took an edge of anxiety.
"Yeah, considering all the killer-intent he's been leaking." Looking up at the high wall, the snake sannin watched the two blondes with a combination of distain and smug satisfaction.
"So you two finally clued into me? I was worried I might actually have to come out and speak to you."
In a flash Naruto's scythe materialized in his hand, but leapt back suddenly when a barrage of kunai connected with the ground where he had stood a moment ago. Swinging the blade anxiously, the jinchuuriki leveled his gaze at the silver haired imposter from the exams. "…whoa the hell is this joker?" Naruto deadpanned.
"That is none of your concern," Kabuto impolitely cut back, standing tall.
"Concern my ass." Naruto's knuckles cracked loudly, before he crouched to strike.
In a flash however, Tsunade's hand was raised in front of him, blocking his direct route. "Wait a moment you hothead. While I'm sure you have some evil plan in that insane little head of yours, why haven't you attacked us yet, eh comrade?" She directed the question towards the snake who smirked.
"Straight to the point; that's very unlike you Tsunade. I see this prolonged mission has done wonders to that short temper of yours." The warning he got was the soft crack of her foot against the ground, her ankle tensing just enough to shatter the hard gravel underneath.
"Don't push it hebi-chan," Tsunade cooed, though it had the effect of raising the hairs on the back of Naruto's and Kabuto's necks. Orochimaru didn't have hair on his neck.
"Fine then; straight to business it is. I need my arms back." Indicating to the heavily bandaged arms he now brandished. "The fact is life as a ninja without arms is something I can simply not bear. So give them back to me." Tsunade stared at him for about a minute, before she laughed.
Loud and hard.
"Oh, that's rich. Let me guess, you also want me to make you immortal or something while I'm at it? Oh, or better yet, I can solve that little dilemma with your-," Orochimaru's eye twitched, "-THAT particular problem I have already solved thank you. No thanks to you or that insipient moron of a teammate." This last part was a hiss.
"Right, right, still pissed about that. So, what, in all the world, makes you think I'd help a grade A freak like you." This part was practically spat. In a flash Orochimaru's twitching eye disappeared, replaced by a sinister gleam. "Well, if you must know…it's a little boy by the name of Nawaki."
Something Naruto, and a few other select people had never seen before, Tsunade instantly lost composure. "W-what does he have to do with anything?" The outrage in her voice didn't leak out like normal, no, it was a torrent of rage. "You have no right to say his name!" Wielding back her fist, a sharp connecting with the ground was heard, before the earth infront of her exploded in a wave.
Orochimaru easily dodged however, simply stepping to the side while part of the wall caved in. "Oh, you haven't even heard the rest Tsunade-hime." Orochimaru said in mock hurt. "If you'll just hear me out, I'm sure Nawaki-"
"STFU! "A roundhouse kick that shook the air grazed his hair just slightly, Tsunade's foot coming inches from connection. With an armless backflip Orochimaru was out of her reach again.
"You don't even want to hear my proposition? Its very…" Again he was cut off by the flurry of punches sent in his direction.
"Never, EVER, would I EVER consider help from you! Not in the name of my brother!" Naruto was actually taken aback by this show of passion. Tsunade clearly had a deep connection with this Nawaki brother of hers.
Orochimaru however felt the need to continue pressing this button. "That's too bad. I would have thought that you of all people would want him alive again." Her snarl died in her throat.
"W…what?" This time her voice was a shadow of itself, her mind processing what he'd just said.
"You see Tsunade, I have within my collection of techniques one such that raises the dead. On its own it's a simple technique that creates simple, hollow husks of the person. HOWEVER, coupled with a forbidden seal I happened upon, I can tether the body to this earth." By time he'd stopped talking the walls were eerily silent.
"Uh, If I could point out a flaw or two with that technique?" To everyone's surprise, Naruto suddenly spoke up. "Your referring to Kuchiyose: Edo Tensei correct?" Orochimaru blanching was answer enough. "Yeah, I thought so. Tsunade, I really don't think you want your brother a walking corpse made of soot and gravel do you? Because that's all that technique does, create a golem with a soul in it." Tsunade's eyes widened considerably.
"…you were going to trap my Nawaki's soul inside a pile of gravel and soot?" Her voice held an edge to it like a razor. "H-how the hell do you know that technique?"
Naruto frowned. "Dude…I'm the Whirlwind Reaper. If there's a technique even remotely related to the afterlife I know it." 'That and a little skeleton that knows a thing or two…'
"Of all the things you could do, this, THIS IS THE WORST!" Chakra flared.
"Oh come now, I'm sure I've done something worse then this…" He was cut off by the sudden haymaker that decapitated him. Only for the clone to burst into smoke. On the other side of the wall he eyed Tsunade neutrally.
"A pity. I would have brought him back to life, but now, now I think I'll just beat you within an inch of your life, and TAKE the information." With a turn of his heels, he was gone in a flurry.
"Orochimaru!" Tsunade tore off, leaving a wave of destruction behind her. With a smirk, Kabuto flashed away, leaving Naruto alone.
"Snap."
While it seemed very odd, Tanzaku town was actually surrounded by miles upon miles of fields that due to the nature of the soil, was not harvestable. The wide expanse that stretched beyond the horizon was an ideal place to unleash hell in an all out battle royal. Which was essentially what was about to happen.
In a flash Orochimaru and Kabuto appeared, Kabuto kneeling while Orochimaru snarled. "This is the exact thing I was trying to avoid. At least she's alone." He trailed off, eyeing his subordinate. "Kabuto, do not leave my side unless instructed. You are my arms."
The older teen nodded. "I never intended to, my lord."
"What you intended doesn't matter, as we have my teammate barring down on us." He indicated at the cloud of dust in the distance, which was steadily growing larger. Short seconds past by before it became apparent that the cause of the cloud was none other then Tsunade, whose pace was a blur.
"OROCHIMARU!" she roared, her cloud doubling in size.
"Move." As one the team leapt to the side, narrowly avoiding a punch that caved in the ground like a small earthquake.
"YOU'RE DEAD!" she screamed at the top of her voice. Parrying over the crater and breaking into a near mach speed sprint.
"She's surprisingly fast," Kabuto commented, twirling a kunai absently.
"She has improved, and yet I can tell there is something off about her. Perhaps old age hasn't made her as strong."
A loud roar from Tsunade was heard, before a boulder easily the size of a small hill careened towards they duo's position. Again they dodged, the boulder flattening into the ground, causing large chunks of earth to rise up.
"You're gonna pay you bastard," Tsunade hissed to herself, out of earshot. "You're going to pay for what you've done, and the insult of hurting my already deceased brother." Her hand suddenly blazed into chakra scalpels with a clench of her fists.
"She's coming," Orochimaru hissed, Kabuto tensing.
No words were spoken, only the suddenly explosion forwards before Tsunade ripped into them like a hurricane. A roundhouse kick, ducked by Orochimaru allowed Kabuto to intercept her in the air, only to have his ear explode do to the swipe from her right hand continuing the rotation.
The fact he exploded into a boulder a moment later elicited a growl from her. She was however distracted by the suddenly appearance of Orochimaru's Kusanagi. Ducking the blade attacked to a snake, she cartwheeled away.
A look of shock flashed across her shoulders. Kabuto smirked from behind her, kunai ready to severe her spinal column in just the right spot. They needed her alive after all. Tsunade didn't take kindly to this, instead continuing her backflip a second time, levering over the silver-haired boy's shoulders.
With a grunt, Kabuto found both of his arms now completely unable to move, the muscle ligaments severed from the inside. Tsunade, even in the air as she passed over him, winked, the entire interchange happening to him in slow motion. Tsunade landed on the ground, smirking while Kabuto nursed, or tried to nurse, his now completely unusable arms.
"I'm surprised. You're not as strong as I would have thought, given your skill set." Her comment died in her throat however, when a soft cracking issued from her feet. Jumping back, she narrowly avoided being impaled on Orochimaru's blade, hidden underground courtesy of a particularly long snake.
The animal slithered down his throat, though the blade remained resting on the tip of his lips. Kabuto didn't lose the slightest composure, simply stepping back a little. "I need a few more seconds, if you would please Orochimaru-sama."
Orochimaru scoffed, "You have to be the second most useless henchman ever Kabuto." Kabuto didn't respond, though a small frown did cross his features.
"No matter; It would seem that this won't take as long as I thought it would." Orochimaru shot forwards suddenly, his sword swinging in an arch with his head.
"Shit!" In a flash Tsunade produced a kunai knife, trying to block and dodge simultaneously. She succeeded in ducking, her kunai's blade split in half.
"Honestly, did you really think that a small hunk of steel could handle the blade of winds?" Though slightly muffled through his teeth, Tsunade still bristled at the barb. Rather then respond however, she proceeded to dodge his swings and multiple stabs, before abruptly having to stop; due to the large boulder now behind her.
"Shit!" She had a moment to duck before the blade slide easily through the boulders dense rock.
Orochimaru smirked. "Last chance to give up."
She actually stopped, before she growled. "HELL NO!"
Swinging her leg, she attempted to trip the fellow sannin. Only for him to jump over, swing around the hilt of the sword, and kick off the boulder, rolling away by several meters.
Tsunade crouched to leap at him, but a fizzing noise suddenly caught her attention. Looking up, to the exact spot Orochimaru's foot had connected with the wall, was an explosive note. "Shit," was what she managed to curse before the bombe went off, casting debris and smoke everywhere.
Orochimaru stood up next to his subordinate, who rolled his shoulders absently, wincing as the newly grown tendons protested in pain. "Don't you think you're using a little deadlier force then one should normally, considering we're trying to capture her?" The piercing yellow gaze set upon him didn't deter him as much as it usually did, though Orochimaru remained silent.
The smoke slowly cleared, the boulder now having a sizable, and rather scorched dent in it. "She's still alive. That's why I am using such force," Orochimaru indicated to the second hole at the base of the boulder, messily dug in haste. A creaking noise was heard, before the boulder was suddenly hefted up, on Tsunade's shoulders no less.
"GRAAAAAH!" With a titanic shout, the boulder flew towards Orochimaru and Kabuto, its several tons of weight set to crush them. Kabuto leapt to the side as quickly as he could, but to his surprise, Orochimaru remained standing in the same spot.
"What is he doing?" Kabuto shouted in alarm.
In a flash, Orochi's mouth snapped open, and his tongue, grasping the blade flew out, piercing the boulder in the centre. With little to no effort the stone was rendered in two, shattering into pieces. "Foolish Tsunade." He smirked to himself. He was shocked however, as the twin halves parted and broke apart, that someone was waiting behind it.
"SUCK IT!" Tsunade flew at him between the halves, his blade extended out of reach, with no time to dodge. In his prime he would have been able to, but weakened as he was…
"NO!"
In what was a split second, Kabuto slammed the airborne sannin, and was rewarded for his heroism with a swift, Tsunade powered punch to the jaw. To say that Kabuto was hurting was an understatement, having his jaw literally turned into powder. The split second strike send him flying, rolling on the ground without signs of stopping. Tsunade landed in a crouch smirking.
"So, how are you going to fight without a subordinate?" She oozed confidence now.
To her surprise however, Orochimaru smirked. "The same way you're going to fight without your left lung."
She frowned, before blood bubbled up and out her mouth, splattering the ground. "W-what?" She intoned to herself, frozen and starring as the life giving liquid in the dirt.
Then it struck her. When Kabuto had tackled her in the air…
She slowly swiveled her eyes towards the body, which remained on the ground. Then a cracking was heard, before the real Kabuto emerged from underground. "Pumping the blood artificially with chakra is a well known technique for medic ninja. Couple it with a few simple seals and some ventriloquism, you get a walking, talking clone. I am so glad I brought this thing." Kabuto smirked, crawling out of the hole.
"Of course you had to break it." Kabuto smirked, standing over her now, brandishing a kunai. "Seems you have hemophobia still, I suppose time doesn't heal all wounds. Would you like the honors, Orochimaru-sama?" He asked his master, who came within easy reaching distance.
"Oh, I think I can't really Kabuto. To answer your other question, time doesn't heal all wounds. Not if you're a fool who lives in the past." They smirked viciously at Tsunade, who quivered, unable to move as she relived that horrible moment years ago…
"I'll give YOU a wound that time can't heal!"
Both Kabuto and Orochimaru's heads snapped up, before they, as one, jumped high and far away, narrowly being cleaved in two by a massive scythe. "Shit, I forgot about him." Kabuto cursed, landing in a crouch while Orochimaru winced in pain. Naruto swung the blade around, before resting it in a neutral stance.
"Before I chop you two into pieces…" He kneeled down in front of Tsunade, who was still shaking, eyes wild. "You're afraid of blood right?" She weakly nodded. "I'm sorry to hear that, as this is about to get really bloody. I'll buy you dinner to make up for this." He stood up, before gently undoing the three buttons that held his cloak on.
Tsunade jumped slightly when the surprisingly soft leather rested on her shoulders. "Keep that, It's too swishy for fights like this, and you look cold." She continued to look at him surprised. "What? I can't be a gentleman?" You could tell he was smirking underneath his bandages.
"Who do you think you are? Your fighting the legendary Orochimaru, show some respect you nobody!" Kabuto shouted out, slightly offended and worried at the boy's cocky attitude.
"Kabuto, I don't need this one alive, but he is persistently able to remain in this world. Last time, I was holding back, but this time, I will rend him from the realm of the living." Naruto smirked, standing up.
"Big talk snake breath." With a twitch of his fingers a crescent sickle materialized in his palm, the chain snaking up into his wrist, under his bandages. "Especially for a guy who's about to die a horrible, agonizing, Naruto-related death." He indicated to himself with his thumb.
Orochimaru smirked, though it was a bluff in truth. "If there's a way to kill you, gaki, I will find it."
With a kick from his foot, the scythe spun around Naruto's arm, traveling its length with several rotations, before twisting in his palm. Continuing the rotation, he spun it around his neck, around his shoulder, waist and chest, before as it spun out in mid air, caught it and shot forwards.
"YUUEN KATO YOKOANA!" (GRAND CUTTING TUNNEL!)In a flash Naruto disappeared, before a howling vortex of wind blades exploded towards the other shinobi. The ground was heavily scarred in the face of the blade typhoon, but Orochimaru had scant moments to avoid a horrible death.
His body was ripped to violent shreds, Naruto materializing a few feet behind them, breathing heavily. "Take…that…you bastards." He breathed, wiping his brow. Before he realized that he had slashed up several rocks, not human bodies. "Well…I feel sheepish." He joked to himself. "Now where are those two jerks?" He looked around, but for the life of him couldn't find either of the two.
And then he felt the ground rumbling. "Moving, NOW!" It was his innate speed and reflexes that saved him from being swallowed whole by what can only be described as an anaconda on Megaroids and Red Bull; mostly Red Bull.
"Jeez; you and snakes, it's becoming a little predictable in my opinion!" Naruto rubbed the tip of his nose, looking as exasperated as possible. He was mildly successful, Orochimaru's eye twitching.
"I…Like…Snakes…" He ground out, to his irritation realizing that his painkillers were starting to wear down. He soon regained composure however.
"Last time I was going easy on you. This time however, you WON'T get away." The serpent flicked his tongue, its piercing gaze barring down on Naruto, who managed to remain fairly impassive.
"I find that hard to believe, considering your record thus far. For a supposedly invincible ninja, you certainly have a way with getting your ass kicked." Orochimaru snarled.
"Turn him into shit!"
The snake reared back, letting loose a fantastic roar, before snapping forwards. Jumping over its head narrowly, Naruto was suddenly met with a barrage of kicks from Orochi and Kabuto, blocking the deadlier strikes before being sent skidding to the side by a successful smack to the head.
"That was EXTREMELY satisfying," Kabuto chuckled.
"Oh, you liked that beetle-boy?" Naruto's voice spoke up suddenly, the snake whirling around too meet the voice. "Then try this!" Naruto's hand flew into a single seal with one hand, before swinging his scythe in a single elliptical slash.
" Fantomou Karite!" ("Phantom Reaper!") The wind chakra along the slash sped outwards in a single, large and very fast moving edge of air.
The snakes hide was thick, just thick enough to repel the swipe. It did however shriek in pain as a large gash slashed itself into its thick scales. The force of the wind forced its head to buck back, its summoner and co. applying a much larger amount of chakra to stay on.
The summon itself just had enough time to shake its had and clear its thoughts, when a triple barrage suddenly cracked into its head. "Have some more! FANTOMOU KARITE!" Naruto swung the reaping tool in long arcs, the wind sharpened by its edge and pushed forwards by unholy chakra.
The snake did not appreciate this. Voicing its opinion, Naruto was suddenly met with the horrid realization, that he was just slapped by its tail, which carried the equivalent force to level a small building.
Rolling to a stop after approximately a half a minute, his every bone broken, Naruto absently tried to figure out a tactic while his broken fingernails re-grew. The still very much immortal but starting to wear down Naruto tested out his newly re-grown hand muscles by flexing them. They responded as though they hadn't been reduced to rubble a moment ago.
The crashing sounds followed by the ominous shadow suddenly enveloping him told Naruto his snake of an opponent was back. "If you weren't a stubborn idiot, I'd recommend giving up but-"
"Look, let me stop you right there. I. Do not. CARE! You have been ranting LITERALLY this whole time. You may do that with every other piss poor ninja you smack around, but I'm not a piss poor ninja. I'm Uzumaki Freakin' Naruto, and you will show some respect!" With a twitch of his hand his scythe suddenly dematerialized, much to the surprise of the already infuriated Orochimaru.
"You're a dead man; I don't care how immortal you think you are. I WILL SHOW YOU TRUE IMMORTALITY!"
Orochimaru's serpent reared its head back and roared, its fangs barred towards the heavens (I like to imagine that lighting and thunder is happening, but it isn't. This is sorta anti-climactic if you think about it).
With another twitch of his hands, two sickles appeared in Naruto's hands, but rather then hurl them like kunai, he sighed to himself. "Okay, this is it. Time to see if all that time I spent playing video games was actually a load of crap after all." The sickles bent and twisted into new blades, their very matter changing to accommodate what Naruto needed, his tenant having run over his plan, and approving it with great fervor.
The blade straightened, before snapping into a forty-five degree angle and curving into a scythe like blade. The previously non-existent hilt of the sickles now became a skull on each side of the hilt, a black miasma curling from where it began along the back edge of the blade. Finally the handle twisted into a dark red and silver array, its very end tipped with the triangle and circle of Jashin, where a chain fed from Naruto's wrists.
"This is gonna be epic."
The titanic serpent reared its head forwards, hissing violently. Naruto did not hesitate, breaking into a hard run, and leaping.
With both arms he slammed his blades into the creature's stomach, the pain causing it to violently shriek. With nowhere but up to go, Naruto kicked violently up, snapping the blades into the beast's belly again and again, quickly gaining ground. The serpent narrowed its eyes, before suddenly pitching forwards, attempting to crush him.
In the last second Naruto leapt to the side, the snake flopping on the ground with a titanic crash. Swinging the chains, the two blades violently lodged themselves into the creatures back. With a shriek it reared up, Naruto having intended this, curling its head around its very body and attempting to swallow the now suspended blonde.
As though the blades were a part of his body, at the last second they dethatched, the snake snapping its jaws at air. Hurling the blades around in wide circles, Naruto was greeted with the satisfying sound of the snake howling in pain, the sickles lodging themselves at the base of its cheek-bone. Flailing in agony and panic, Naruto smirked, his chains acting as leverage like a pendulum.
Flying just above the creatures head after one particularly violent shake, he yanked hard on the chain, wrenching them out of its head and landing securely on its cheek He starred into the eye of this giant, malevolent creature, who stared back with what can only be described as pure hatred. Naruto did not hesitate.
With a wild swing, the snake was blind in its one eye.
Anticipating it would rear its head back, Naruto was rewarded for his efforts. Not wasting time, he swung around its other side on chains, both of them snapping into his hands just as his feat touched down, and blinded the snake.
The expected shriek of pain gave Naruto a moment to peak over the edge of its skull, finding neither Orochimaru, nor his lackey anywhere near there. This was disturbing news, if he'd had time to go over it.
The snake took precedence on the matter at hand however. Suddenly swung around, Naruto spun high in the air, suspended for a moment before careening towards the snapping, enraged jaws of Orochimaru's beast. His eyes narrowed in concentration, not stopping or even breathing, his timing must be perfect.
THERE!
Suddenly curling into a ball, one only a blind snake could miss, he managed just barely to slip past its mouth. Throwing his arms forward, hurling the blades into his again exposed stomach, Naruto pulled himself against it, and slid down, its scales slowing his descent. With a scant few feet to go, he leapt off, and ran, the serpent, blind, scarred and now slashed, heaving forwards on its deathbed.
With a mighty crash it fell to the ground, unmoving.
"…punk…" Naruto spat at the ground, though his eyes didn't leave the creature, which remained an injured mass, the ground cracking and splintering under its weight. It was still, Naruto allowing himself a moment to sigh.
That moment almost cost him his life. With no warning the snakes head snapped forwards, its powerful jaws clamping down on Naruto. With honed reflexes the blonde caught its lip as they reached an almost closed, every muscle in his body taut, trying to keep the massive clamp from crushing him.
"Come…on…YOU….BASTARD!" The god's chakra leaked into his system, his eyes become black. "GRRRRRRAGH!" With newfound strength the snakes powerful jaws were forced wide open, Naruto exclaiming "Hell yeah!" in triumph.
The almost lost composure when deep inside the serpent's maw a pair of yellow eyes snapped open, twin beams of death. "Shit."
The blade of Kusanagi skewered his heart, out his chest in a flash of speed Naruto could only compare to the summoned snakes. Impaled, coughing up blood, he had time to look directly into the eyes of the snake sannin. They smirked back. The wound didn't stop there however, Orochimaru pushing off him like a snake himself, his legs twisted into a snake's tail, providing incredible speed.
Suddenly moving at high speed, Naruto could only help but be dragged forwards, the blades hilt pushing painful against his chest, arms splayed out. "KABUTO!" Despite barely being able to keep conscious, Naruto had a moment to have his eyes widened as Kabuto appeared on Orochimaru's back, flashing into seals.
"Here as always. Hane irixyu-jon no jutsu." ("Feather Illusion technique." (I honestly could not find this moves name on , so I had to come up with something) Instantly white feathers appeared in Naruto's vision.
"D-dammit!" Naruto's vision began to blur, the technique's power overwhelming him in his current, slightly exhausted state. 'You joke of a god! Wake me the hell up dammit!' He was met with no answer however, the deity oddly silent.
"Go to sleep, little brat." Orochimaru hissed, before Naruto was suddenly laid into the ground, the blade violently retracted from his stomach. With a hiss the swords at his side faded into black smoke, slipping into his sleeve.
Tsunade watched the entire exchange, silently praying that he would be alright. Stretched out before her, prone and forcibly placed unconscious, she couldn't find words to describe how horrified she was. Orochimaru and Kabuto, standing a bit off, smirked, although Orochi's was a slight bit constrained, his painkillers having fully worn off. "Never send a brat to do your work Tsunade." He hissed.
"Now then, Tsunade-sama, if you could do us the honors of joining us?"
Tsunade slowly turned her disbelieving look towards him. "Join…you? You want me to join you? Even after all that?" She had found her voice, standing up as the cloak on her shoulders pooled down into a heap.
"The idea of dying is much more preferable." She crossed her arms, absolutely unafraid. "A shame, but that can be arranged." His sword extended from his lips, before it was curled around his head by his tongue, and thrown at an incredible velocity.
"Hello Dan, Nawaki." The sword stood a mere foot away from her face-
Imbedding itself in a large, white and unfathomably dense object, in the shape vaguely recognizable as a hand.
Tsunade turned her eyes slowly, the limb extended out of Naruto's now ripped shirt, through what could be described as a hole in his stomach. Orochimaru's sword flew back into his maw, though the sannin was so surprised instead of catching it in his mouth, it glanced off his chin. He didn't take notice, transfixed at what he was seeing.
Slowly, the limb that was vaguely humanoid slid back into the stomach of the child, disappearing momentarily with a slight distortion of the flesh. A second ticked by.
Then it sprang.
A white porcelain figure towered from the gut of the child, its body snapping and bending into its true form. With a flourish its arms spread out, red bandana bending over its scalp, thin trail of blood red wrappings flashing in the wind.
"HERE'S JASHIN!"
An unholy voice, tinged with evil, spite, hatred and most of all madness creaked through its talon like maw. The creature cackling as it stepped out of Naruto's stomach. Standing tall and lanky in a pair of sowed and ripped jeans, the creature stood a head above Orochimaru, imposing.
"Damn is it good to stretch! Even if you don't have muscles, stretching is still great. AAAAAAAH!" Jashin proceeded to move through several light stretches, much to the disbelief of everyone present.
"Uuuuuhh…the hell?" The creature suddenly straightened up, turning surprised in Tsunade's direction.
"OH MY-Excuse my poor manners! I am Jashin, bringer of death, pain, misery, sorrow, madness, grief and most of all blood. I enjoy massacres, murder, pain, suffering, and long walks on the beach. I am unfortunately under constraint however, as I am honor bound not to go on a murderous rampage." He indicated towards the unconscious blonde.
"Jashin…?" Orochimaru frowned, that name suddenly ringing a bell. One that he just couldn't quite place…
"Anywho, I'm already at least slightly acquainted with all of you, and am happy to report that only two of you I have any inkling to murder! Which is a new record for me, if you can imagine!"
The field remained silent.
"So, with introductions out of the way, I am glad to say that I am allowed, with certain parts of my contract to my host-," He indicated to Naruto yet again, "-breach normally restricted actions. Good-bye."
In the fraction of a fraction of a second, Jashin had swung his arm, the claws generating violent wind blades. Just barely dodging, Orochimaru managed to avoid the blades a la matrix. Kabuto, having not even half his skill, could only helplessly watch as his substitute was rendered in half, then quarters, then pieces.
Tsunade shook her head, suddenly realizing the creature had nearly killed Orochimaru and Kabuto. "What the hell?" She took a step back, though Jashin stopped her with what can be described as a look, though he technically had no eyes.
"I said only two people here I had any inclination to murder. You're not on the list, count your blessings. At any rate, keep out of this fight, I cannot account for accidently killing you."
Tsunade took a step back, before her face twisted in a deep frown. "You're telling me what to do? You don't even know that bastard; he's made my life a living hell today! So don't tell me who I can and can't fight, or I'll crack that smirk right off your face! LITERALLY!" Her knuckles cracked to emphasize her point.
A soft wind blew across the field. "Okay, fine, jeez, I was just giving you a warning. All you mortals look the same to me." He slowly marched over towards Naruto's prone form. "I'm going to need one thing though." Suddenly his entire arm disappeared into Naruto's stomach, rummaging around. "Nope…nope…not it…don't even know what that is…is that-YES, there she is!" Pulling his arm free, Tsunade wondered allowed what this thing inside Naruto's belly really was, and why Naruto's stomach had so much leg room.
Because it didn't look like it had the room enough to hold a scythe that big. The blade was huge, comprised of three blades, one major and two others breaking off below and above it. The three congregated into that circle, triangle symbol she'd seen before, attached to a piece of metal that fed into a curved handle. It ended in a wicked spike.
"Oh yeah, now it's a party." The skeleton spun the blade experimentally, before smirking. "Fight if you can keep up!" He was gone in a flash, a massive plumb of smoke kicking up behind him.
Orochimaru meanwhile, had been busy; very busy. Approximately four snakes reared there heads' back, a mass of coils as thick as buildings. "This should hold him." Orochimaru said none too confidently. Kabuto, for the first time in Orochimaru's memory, remained silent, not complementing his deviousness.
Jashin disagreed with what Orochimaru said.
However, the snake he was riding on rebuttal was fairly convincing. With speed Jashin had to admit was impressive, its tail had swung around and cracked into him, reversing his direction. Somersaulting in the air; Tsunade had to take a step back when Jashihn flashed into existence just beside her. He was there for an instant, the earth behind him splintering and shattering upwards behind him, his legs bent with energy.
She could have sworn he smirked at her before his existence in front of the distorted earth vanished, a sonic boom behind him.
The same snakes who made the rebuttal unfortunately could not refute Jashin's next point, finding itself suddenly headless. Unable to maintain the supersonic speed, Jashin materialized in the centre of the mass of serpents, the ground underneath him again splintering into pieces and rising up.
"KILL THEM!" Orochimaru spat from the farthest snake. Jashin just smirked as the first snake moved.
Tsunade, realizing she had been standing still the whole time, shook her head and took off after the god, only stopping to glance at the prone form of Naruto. Nodding, she took off.
The first snake to attack was not exactly the smartest of the group. With a resounding smack a bony uppercut sent it reeling upwards, the snake's eyes rolling into the back of its head. It wasn't over however, as sudden pain erupted all over its chin. If it could see below its chin it would have seen several sickles firmly imbedded in its lower jaw, chains linking from them into Jashin's wrist.
The skeleton gave no warning, simply wrenching hard on the chains. Despite several laws of physics in the way of it happening, the snake slammed head first into the hard ground, with enough force its jumbled skull bounced, allowing Jashin to slam it down into the ground a second time. This continued for several seconds.
With one good hard wrench, Jashin brought the very unconscious snake sliding forwards on its belly, jumping over it before landing on said unconscious body. He didn't remain there long however, as another snake trying to make him into food made sure of. Instead, it found its mouth full of its comrade.
A capitalist by nature, Jashin threw his scythe with unnatural skill, it imbedding itself into the roof of the creature's mouth and effectively pinning it closed.
The snake shrieked, though it was muffled. Jashin sensed it before the creature even knew it had. Yet another snake was setting to attack, no longer taken aback by how quickly its fellows had been dispatched. Rearing as tall as a skyscraper, its massive snout opened wide.
Rather then simply do something straight-forwards and effective, Jashin sought the most epic thing he could do in a situation where it was scythe-less. Reaching into itself, Jashin sought the course of action. It found it.
Tsunade, having just reached the mountain of snakes, couldn't help but try to lurch to a stop when Jashin materialized in front of her. Taken aback, she couldn't stop him as he sped past, grabbing her wrist. G-forces and inertia effectively sent her spinning around him, suddenly gaining about ten times her speed. With no warning he let go, both still suspended in the air.
Suddenly sling-shot at close to or over mach-1, Tsunade's keen senses immediately picked up her target. A snake's mouth was not her ideal place to start a fight. But as the saying goes, 'When in Rome.'
Cracking a fist back, her added speed multiplying its potential force, the first connected with its open maw. The resounding sonic boom caused the grass surrounding the field to bend down in a circular pattern. The shock wave was a sound of satisfaction to Tsunade. The now practically dead snake did not have an opinion, as it was unconscious before the sound could reach its ear-holes.
It wasn't over yet though, Tsunade suddenly kicking off its chin and running down its length, expecting another serpent. She was correct, two smaller ones rearing up in front of her.
Tsunade reared back her fist-
And was shocked to find the two underlings were suddenly upper-cutted by another snake. Turning in surprise as time continued at a standstill, it became apparent that Jashin had recovered his scythe, the edge acting like a hook, allowing with strength no one could possibly imagine, to swing the snake still attacked too it around, not unlike a whip. The tail of the snake it seemed; packed a punch.
Yanking his scythe out of his victim, Jashin saluted Tsunade, who just gave a bemused smirk, surprised at how easy it was to work with a monster.
Then at once, the fallen snakes burst into smoke.
The remaining serpents twitched around in confusion, left and right, trying to discern where there enemies were. The smells suggested they were everywhere at once, the smoke clouding both the view and the smells of the area. These thoughts did little to help the poor, helpless animals, as a typhoon of fists, scythes and carnage ripped into them.
The rapidly rising pile of bodies simply added to the thick blanket of death, a symphony of wailing hisses adding too the fear and confusion. Then from the dissipating clouds exploded Tsunade, standing atop Jashin's shoulders. The low to the ground serpents could only attempt to leap at them; suddenly smacked back by Tsunade's wildly swinging fists.
The cloud dissipated slowly, the creature with the bandana and ninja-hime stopping a fair distance away from the writhing mountain of snakes. Tensing to leap back into action, a cold and sharp hand on her shoulder stopped her. Turning, she looked incredulously at Jashin, who simply wagged a finger.
The snakes began to recuperate themselves (Of the few that remained), as Jashin reached into his large maw and ripped a tooth from it, causing Tsunade to wince. It grew back shortly, though moments after Jashin swallowed the tooth. Disbelieving this action Tsunade simply watched the god with a look of shock and slight disgust.
Ignoring this, Jashin purposely made a loud gulping noise (Despite not having a throat), and running through a single hand-seal that Tsunade didn't recognize. At this time, their opponents had regained stance and reared back too attack as a unified force.
With a surprising amount of force the arcane god (I'm starting to run out of things to call him by the way) slammed his hands on the ground, rearing its head back as dark miasma began to bubble out of its jaws. Without moving its lips, Jashin spoke.
"Yami…" ("Darkness…") The miasma crackled like electricity. The serpents reared forwards, a sea of fangs and mouths and slitted eyes. Tsunade took two steps back, unsure of what was happening.
"KIBA!" ("FANG!")
Like a bullet, the fang previously swallowed shot out, bathed in concentrated dark energy, a thin trail of the crackling miasma following it. And in the instant that it connected with the horde of snakes, an anomaly in the fabric of reality opened up.
The vacuum it created dragged the serpents wailing into the centre of the vortex, a dark mesh of electrical energy branching out. Those unlucky enough to be touch the energy disintegrated slowly, shrieking in agony. But as one, the doomed creatures all succumbed to the laws of the universe. With a 'whoosh' the vacuum sealed itself, a tiny marble of ultra concentrated matter falling into the centre of a large dirt pit.
Tsunade stared. She stared and she stared and she stared some more. Oh, and she didn't close her mouth, that too. Walking through the sandy like dirt, Jashin picked up the marble, examining it with interest. Still flabbergasted, Tsunade walked over, surveying the centre of the carnage.
"If you're wondering, my chakra happens to carry an already extreme density. With that in mind, and of course the few liberty's I have over space and time, I can concentrate the mass into something. Say a tooth for instance. With enough mass I can create a minute black hole, and VOILA!" He spun around indicating too the destruction. "Insta-snake-away!"
"…..huh…"
Turning, Jashin disappeared for a moment, reappearing in the exact spot with Naruto shrugged over his shoulders. "Can't leave without this guy." He indicated towards the blonde, who didn't move. In Jashin's other arm he carried the trench coat.
The silence was deafening between the two, without adrenaline and fear pumping through her veins, Tsunade was now much more aware she was standing in front of an entity who literally EXISTED to destroy everything and everyone.
Supposedly…
A note drifted in front of Tsunade's face. It read ad follows: "Dear Tsunade. Hope my snakes killed you, if not, will destroy you later. You should've healed my arms. Orochimaru. P.S. Seriously, WTF was that skeleton thing anyways? TTYL."
"Sooooo~oo….do'ya wanna go dancin'? Cuz' I got total freedom until this guy wakes up, and I reeeeee~eally wanna go dancin'."
Originally I was going to have Jashin and Tsunade fight Manda. But then the story sort of wrote itself, and I couldn't argue with it.
I. Worked. Hard. So. REVIEW!