What the...? I... don't own Naruto?

What is this outrageous blasphemy?

Enjoy.

First Person Kathryn!

A snore roused me from my comfy sleep and I rolled over, not bothering to open my eyes, and latched onto the sexy man at my side. Briefly running my hands over his body, I was satisfied with the fact that we were both lying correctly in the bed and neither of us rotated.

Half the time, we lay sideways on the mattress because we both are ridiculous when it comes to sleeping.

Anyways, running my fingers over the stitching on Deidara's chest, I snuggled into him. His snoring slowed and he wrapped his arms around me subconsciously, muttering my name sleepily. I smiled and kissed his chest before breathing deeply and preparing for more sleep.

That chance did not come.

The door banged open loudly and suddenly we were being bounced on.

"Mommy! Daddy! Wake up yeah!"

I smiled into Deidara's chest and opened one eye to look at my baby. Sanaa was bouncing on the mattress, her hair was brushed and she wasn't in her pajamas so Danna must have tended to her. Her face was alight with a smile achievable only by her daddy and her gorgeous eyes were sparkling.

I swear I have never seen a more precious little girl.

She's like the sunshine and it makes my life just looking at her cute little face. She could move cities with that endearing little smile and her eyes could melt hearts.

Don't tell me I'm biased.

She's perfect.

She was wearing a pair of black pants and a blue shirt that said "Daddy's Girl" in white letters. Alice had gotten it for her the last time we all came to Konoha. Sanaa had a green one before, but Danna had crossed out Daddy and wrote Danna instead. So Deidara set it on fire...

It was cute though:)

But Sanaa had her hair up in a ponytail with her bangs framing her face so she looked extra cute as her hair bounced.

Deidara grunted tiredly and snatched Sanaa out of the air. He pinned her to his person and rolled over with her in his arms. I saw his smile and that just made my morning that much better. "Sleep, un."

"No Daddy!" Sanaa said with a sigh, poking his chest in protest. "You have to get up! Sori-Danna said to get up. Icy's making breakfast too."

Deidara shook his head and made a show of getting comfortable. He took extra care to mess up Sanaa's hair as he nuzzled her head like a cat. "Don't care, un."

I smiled. Deidara was fully awake now but he was egging Sanaa on because he loved seeing her get excited. I don't know how anyone couldn't smile when Sanaa was excited since she was just so adorable. Danna gets annoyed because that's when her verbal tick comes out, but even his puppet face softens when she's riled up.

"Mommy! Tell him to get his big butt up yeah!" Sanaa stressed.

I feigned a snore.

"Mommy!" She whined, wiggling in Deidara's arms. "Sori-Danna! They won't get up yeah!"

"Up brats! Do not make me come in there!" Danna barked.

Deidara rolled his eyes. "Bite me old man, yeah!"

I glanced towards the doorway when I heard something and I paled a little at seeing the third Kazekage. "Uh… Dei…"

"Shit, un!" Deidara swore when he saw the ominous puppet and the poison clinging to its blades. "We're up Danna, yeah!"

The puppet disappeared with a poof. "That's what I thought you said. Sanaa, come here and we'll go to the kitchen so you can eat."

"Kay Sori-Danna!" Sanaa giggled. She kissed Deidara's cheek before kissing mine. She then hopped off the bed and ran towards the door. "Sori-Danna! Daddy said a bad word! And he messed up my hair yeah!"

I distinctly heard Danna sigh so I smiled and glanced at Deidara who was smirking a bit. "Morning sexy."

He grinned at me. "Hey beautiful, un." He leaned over and kissed me gently before getting up. "Wanna take a shower?"

I blame Deidara for being the cause of all of the perverse images in my head and I blame Alice for encouraging them in my younger years. I shivered at the mental images and smirked perversely. "I'll race you to the bathroom."

A mischievous spark leapt into his eye that Alice called his Inner Teenage-Pyromaniac and Danna called is Inner Idiot. His grin turned into a cocky smirk that made my heart beat ten times faster and a chuckle rumbled from his chest that sent butterflies through me.

"Hmm." He shot to the bathroom at the same time I did.

He's so freaking sexy.

First Person Alice!

The way Kathryn and Deidara walked into the room with content smiles forced a number of perverted scenarios through my mind and I had to shake my head roughly to get rid of the mental images that bombarded me.

"I'm not even going to ask." I deadpanned.

Kathryn's smile widened. "Wise move, Momma."

Hidan feigned gagging onto his plate while Sasori introduced his palm to his forehead.

"Not at the table." Pein ordered in his Leader voice because he drained about a galleon of coffee and he was in one of his moods where his moods and personalities flip-flopped every five minutes.

"It's a good thing you two got out here when you did." Kisame snickered. "Hidan and Zetsu were about to eat your portions."

"If I would have had to make more food, I would have been pissed. And I would have starved you both." I stated, petting Sanaa. She was sitting my lap because up until about five minutes before Kathryn and Deidara walked in, Sasori had been tending to his puppet because Hidan threw food at it.

"Where's Tibby, un?" Deidara asked.

"With Sasuke." Konan said between bites of toast.

Itachi glanced at her briefly before looking at Deidara. "Sasuke wanted to take him to breakfast elsewhere since we are leaving soon."

Deidara nodded, chewing an enormous bite of pancake slowly. He takes bigger bites than Zetsu does which is saying a lot. However, Hidan definitely takes the cake on the biggest eater. I think because he bleeds so much and yells so much that he needs all the energy he can get.

It must be a Jashinist thing.

"So." Kakuzu began, his eyes drifting towards our Leader. "When are we leaving?"

Pein glanced at the miser. "By noon. So we will be leaving within the next hour and a half."

"Fair enough." Kakuzu nodded. "Maybe you should go and get Tiburon, Alice."

I shrugged. "Sasuke will bring him soon. He'll be alright."

"Unless he decides to kidnap him." Konan said playfully.

"If anyone other than Kisame was to take Tibby, Sasuke would be the best." I said dismissively. "He wouldn't kidnap Tiburon anyway. Sasuke is afraid of me and Itachi when we're angry."

Kathryn giggled. "Who isn't?"

"I'm not afraid of Icy." Sanaa pointed out.

Sasori scoffed. "You haven't seen her angry, brat."

I kissed the top of Sanaa's head. "Pray you never do, sweetie."

"Pray?" Sanaa asked. "Is that what Hidan-oji does for Jashin half the time when he's not around?"

"Hell yeah it is!" Hidan scoffed as if it should have been common knowledge for a three year old. "Wait, what's the other half? What the fuck does that mean you little brat?"

"Kuzu-oji said half the time you're being an idiot. Tachi says it's his favorite part of the day because you're not around." Sanaa explained, not knowing that what she was saying was thoroughly pissing off Hidan.

Though, she did notice that the rest of us were thoroughly amused.

Deidara, Kisame, Kathryn, and Zetsu snickered. Sasori snorted into his hand along with Konan. Pein's lip twitched with amusement while Kakuzu and Itachi smirked. I just smiled and hugged Sanaa.

"I fucking hate all of you." Hidan snapped.

"What did I do?" The familiar, young voice of my baby asked. I looked to the door to see Tiburon standing in the doorway with Sasuke's hand in his.

"Tibby!" Sanaa greeted. She jumped out of my lap and ran to Tiburon, successfully glomping him. "I missed you."

Tiburon hugged her back, smiling a little. "I was only gone for a little while, Sanaa."

"Otouto." Itachi stated, his eyes landing on his brother.

Sasuke nodded. "Aniki." He looked at me before pointing down at Tiburon. "He needs to be grounded."

I sighed, mentally going through various scenarios that would cause Sasuke to petition for Tiburon's punishment. "What did he do?"

"He set traps for me in my apartment. I got out of bed this morning and was suspended in air. He then spent five minutes laughing at me until he cut me down." Sasuke deadpanned. "Once I was down, I had to dodge three more."

Tiburon snickered. "You have to pay more attention, Sasuke."

Itachi was thoroughly amused. His smirk was directed at his younger brother and it was obvious to me that he was holding in laughter. "He's right, otouto."

"Shut up, Itachi." Sasuke growled.

"Tiburon, did you say sorry to your uncle?" I asked.

Tiburon shook his head.

"Do it." I sighed.

He sighed before looking at Sasuke. "I'm sorry for catching you in a trap, Sasuke."

Sasuke patted Tiburon's head. "Hn." He looked at Pein curiously. "When are you guys leaving?"

"Within the hour." Pein stated.

My heart melted when Tiburon pouted and latched onto Sasuke's leg, but I was ready to go home. I was getting sick of staying in the hotel and I didn't like being in Konoha, knowing Sonido was around. But, just because I was ready to go home didn't mean I liked making Tiburon sad.

So, I sent Sasuke out with him so he could spend some more time with his uncle and say goodbye to the other idiots in Konoha. I took care of packing because Itachi's a man and men don't do silly things like that.

Why do you think I cook?

Because I like to?

Hell no. I cook because it's a woman's job.

Actually it's because everyone in the base is an idiot and none of them know how to cook more than like three things. As if I would conform to sexism. I would have been an awful trophy wife.

So, I gathered all of my shit, Itachi's crap, Tiburon's stuff, and Sable's things, ordered Itachi to store it all in his storage scroll of awesomeness before heading towards the gates of Konoha to begin our trek home.

Sable sat by my side in the massive gateway and she looked around the village boredly. I was currently listening to Itachi and Sasori discuss Tiburon and Sanaa's training with Kakashi. Kathryn was talking about dresses for Sanaa with Sakura and Ino while said little girl listened curiously, Deidara and Hidan were bickering, Kakuzu was boredly talking to Shikamaru and Zetsu, Kisame and Suigetsu were talking about their swords, and Pein and Konan were talking to Tsunade about something important.

"Mommy."

I glanced away from Kakashi to see Tiburon breaking away from Sasuke to walk towards me. I smiled at him and picked him up, hugging him close. "Hey baby."

He hugged my neck. "Are we going home now?"

"Yeah, we're waiting for Pein to give the go-ahead." I nodded. "Did you say bye to Sasuke?"

"Yeah." He nodded, glancing at Sasuke who was standing beside Kakashi. Naruto had popped up out of nowhere and had joined the conversation with way too much enthusiasm.

"So, have you ever thought about sending Tiburon and Sanaa to the Academy?" Kakashi wondered, glancing between Itachi and I. Itachi threw his thumb in my direction, knowing we had the same opinion on the subject.

Not only would I be fully capable of explaining our reasoning, Itachi wasn't exactly the most talkative of people in the world, so when he didn't need to talk, he didn't.

Plus, he wanted to mess with Sasuke and Tiburon. It was one of his favorite things in the world to do.

I shook my head, turning my attention to Kakashi. "There's no way in hell."

Kakashi cocked his head to the side. "Why?"

"I get paranoid when he's not in the same room as me or his dad." I stated. "The only people I'm completely comfortable with him being watched by are really just Kisame and Sasuke. I'm comfortable with the rest of the Akatsuki watching him, but that's because they are within walking distance from me. Konoha is further than just the other end of the base."

"What about Sanaa?" Naruto wondered.

Sasori shook his head. "Alice is still too possessive. As am I. Besides, they get more than enough of an education with us. In fact, it's probably more in-depth and intense because there are only two of them and so many of us to train them."

Tsunade who I realized had been both listening in on our conversation and discussing the same topic with Pein and Konan, looked around at me and raised her eyebrow. "But who are they affiliating with?"

"The Akatsuki." I said with a shrug. "Who else?"

"But even the Akatsuki have former villages." Tsunade pointed out.

I glanced at her. "Ame then. That's where Pein rules so that's where we're from."

Pein smirked a bit but didn't comment. Konan just smiled and shook her head.

"You could come and live in the village, Alice. So you could send them to school and allow them to make friends." Tsunade suggested.

I sighed. "While friends are all nice and dandy, I cannot. I want Tiburon to have friends, but I can't just come and live in the village. I am affiliated with the Akatsuki and so is my husband. We are required to stay in the base with the other members when not otherwise excused. Besides, I wouldn't want to just up and leave everyone. Maybe at some point, I'll give in and let him enroll so he can graduate. But as of this moment, he isn't going to the academy."

"I think you should send him." Kakashi shrugged.

I gave him a look. "You just want me to send Tibby because he's adorable."

Kakashi feigned surprised. "You caught me!"

I smirked. "You're a dork, Kakashi." When he smirked at me, I shook my head and turned my attention to Tiburon who was pouting because Itachi and Sasuke were messing with him. I'm pretty sure they were pulling on his ears and messing up his hair together. "Did you have fun with Sasuke, Tibby?"

Tiburon smacked Sasuke's hand when he made to rumple his hair and he looked at me. "Uh huh. Sasuke's lots of fun. He told me a bunch of stuff about you and daddy."

I looked at Sasuke and narrowed my eyes. "I have a feeling that I will want to smack you."

Sasuke shrugged, neither confirming nor denying my statement. "Hn."

"Mommy." Tiburon began, hugging my neck.

I looked at him. "What baby?"

"I want a little brother like daddy has Sasuke." He stated. "Can I have a brother?"

Itachi and Sasuke both snorted with amusement. I just stared at Tiburon, a little shocked by his question. "It's not that easy, Tibby. Babies don't just appear." I explained.

"Why not?" He huffed. "You said Jashin-sama gives babies to people who are… devoted to him. How come he won't give you another one?"

Kakashi raised his eyebrow at me in confusion, Sasuke face-palmed, Konan started giggling since she was listening in, Sasori chuckled, Naruto was making a disgusted face, and Pein was smirking at me in his stoic ways along with Tsunade.

I coughed a bit. "Well Tibby, you can't just ask the one true lord for gifts whenever you want. You have to give in order to receive. Remember that for when you grow up. Life isn't about getting things, that doesn't make you a happy person. What makes you a good, well rounded person is when you give something without expecting anything in return." I kissed his forehead. "You might get a little sibling when you're older. But it won't be for a while."

He stared at me, large, different colored eyes brightening and widening as he absorbed my words in order to understand them. I could see the gears in his head turn as he made sense of what I was telling him. Tibby had always been extremely intelligent despite his knack for getting into trouble. He liked to test his limits and learn from the consequences of his actions.

My little genius.

He's just like his daddy.

"Okay mommy." He nodded.

I smiled at him and kissed his cheek. "Besides, I want to spoil you for a while before I split attention."

Itachi rolled his eyes, knowing I would spoil my boy regardless.

"Is everyone ready?" Pein wondered, looking over us.

Most of his subordinates nodded quietly, Hidan used profanity, and Kathryn announced she wanted to go home with a smile. I just shrugged and hugged Tiburon when he pouted. He hugged my neck and rested his head on my shoulder, ready to go but wishing he could stay.

"Then let us go." Pein announced.

Konan sighed. "I'm so ready to go home."

"I'm just glad I don't have to pay for a hotel room any longer." Kakuzu grunted.

Sasori chuckled. "That would be your worry."

Kakuzu shrugged.

"You're a fucking cheap-ass Kakuzu." Hidan snapped.

Kakuzu looked at him. "And you're a dumbass."

Deidara patted Hidan's shoulder when he stuttered angrily. "The truth hurts, un."

Sasori rolled his eyes as he adjusted Sanaa in his arms. "You're no better brat."

"Danna!" Kathryn whined, latching onto Deidara. "Be nice to Dei."

Kisame snickered, walking over to me and Itachi. "You're all dorks."

"Tibby, do you want to go with me or Kisame?" Itachi asked.

"I'll go with you, daddy." Tiburon said quietly, reaching for Itachi.

I surrendered my baby seconds before Kisame hoisted me off the ground and swung me around to his back so he could carry me. I wrapped my arms around his neck after recovering from the sudden rush and kissed his cheek.

"Hey Kisa." I smiled.

He grinned at me over his shoulder. "Hey squirt."

I frowned at the degrading nickname and bit Kisame's ear. He growled at me so I growled back. A second later, Sable joined in. Kisame bent over with me still on his back to growl at her and she licked the length of his face, causing him to huff in slight disgust.

"You two are so strange." Kakashi pointed out, watching us.

"You love it." Kisame and I said in unison.

Pein rolled his eyes. "Let's go."

He shot off, his subordinates and partner darting after him obediently, all of us heading for home.

Yeah, kind of just a filler-ish chapter. It has its purposes, but it also is basically just here to eat up some time.

Fun Fact: Sound travels about 4 times faster in water than in air.

Answer: Kakashi. :) Second would be Neji.

QotC: Favorite of the Konoha 11?

So... yeah... there is a road near my house called Spike Road, and you can't drive on it because at the entrance to the road, there are road spikes to prevent people from driving on it. I think it's extremely amusing and ironic. :D

Has anyone else seen the leaked first episode of Avatar:The Legend Of Korra? I saw it and I was like ~~~C===3 everywhere.

I'll talk to you guys later. Right now, I'm going to go and kill my brother multiple times in the new Naruto Shippuden game that came out last week before he leaves.

Toodles.