Authors Note

Well, this chapter got out of hand! I was tempted to split it into two chapters but there just isn't a really good spot for that. Things are also going to start to get better from here.

Puffgirl1952- We're almost there! Only one more chapter!

StarAvengerWho- I've been there! Way more than I would like to admit honestly. My toddler always makes me pay for it the next day too.

Story

The first thing she felt was the soft grass under her fingers, the sun was shining warming her but the breeze kept her from being too warm. She opened her eyes and saw a meadow surrounded her. Had she died again and waking up in yet another place? As she turned her head some of the blades of grass tickled her nose making her sneeze. Sitting up she rubbed her nose to drive away the remaining tickle.

"Well, bless you Little Star."

That voice, she knew that voice but it wasn't possible he was dead. Her eyes flew open, she was looking into another pair of silver-blue that matched hers. He was sitting close by in that bright meadow around by wildflowers and a peaceful forest.

"Dad?"

"You've grown so much, how I have missed you." He gave her a warm smile thought there was a touch of sadness in his she didn't remember being there before.

"Am I dead?"

"Technically? No." He shifted so that he could sit with his arm around her shoulders.

"I don't think I understand."

"You have a choice to make. You can be dead if you want. You can go back to your life in LA. Or you can return to Thorin."

"What happens to Thorin if I don't want to go back?"

"He will live the rest of his life, alone. You saved him and his nephews the Line of Durin will go on. He will miss you but that was the price he agreed to pay."

"Price? For what? He's already lost so much, why should he have to pay any price?" Her heart ached just thinking about him being in any more pain or losing anything else.

"You get to chose what you want. Aule has agreed to give you this choice, but only once. If you return to LA you won't remember any of this. Not Thorin, not the adventure, and not the suffering Azog put you through." His eyes held a deep pain at the mention of the last one. "You will wake up on that day go on with life. You won't die for a very long time that I can promise you."

"And if I chose Thorin?"

"You will have a long road to recovery. Not just physically, what happened to you will always be a part of you in that world. Thorin will be there for you but only you know if that's enough. And you will have to let him in."

"And if I don't want to keep living will I get to stay with you?" Akiko messed with one of her lip piercings while looking up at her father through the curtain of her hair.

"Yes, Little Star, but I don't want that for you. You deserve life. A life that you chose. Someday we will be together again but I don't think now is the right time."

"Will I remember seeing you?"

"In time perhaps. But I don't think you will remember this right away. You have been through so much in a very short amount of time." He kissed the top of her head before leaving her to her thoughts.

She sat chewing on her lip thinking it through. She could see Krista again but as much as she missed her friend she had hated that life. She didn't know it at the time but looking back she knew she was miserable. But would dealing with the aftermath of Azog's rape be any better? In this place, it didn't weigh on her mind as it had done on Middle-earth. She had no doubt the memories and feeling associated with them would return full force if she went back. But there was Thorin. She didn't want to leave him. She knew there was only one choice that she could make. She made her way to where her father stood.

"I want to return to Thorin."

Her father smiled before hugging her tightly.

"I believe you are making the right decision. We will meet again my Little Star. But when the time is right. I love you so much. And remember to let him in." He kissed her forehead before he and the meadow faded away into darkness.

The first thing she felt was the bitter cold ice against her bare legs. The smell of blood and sweat was heavy in the air around her but there was also the scent of pine, of Thorin. She managed to pry her eyes open and found herself pressed into his chest. Everything hurt and the way she was being held didn't help.

"Thorin," it hurt to speak but she needed him to hold her in a different way. He didn't seem to hear her. She tried moving and only got a feeble twitch from one arm but that was enough.

Thorin was lost in his grief, though only minutes had passed he was sure she wasn't coming back to him. And how could he or anyone blame her? After he had failed to protect her failed to even remember her until it was far too late.

His thoughts were cut short as her arm moved slightly. Relaxing his hold enough to see her face he was met by the beautiful sight of her eyes looking up at him. Her lips moved but he couldn't hear what she said over Bilbo's sudden excited shout. He too had seen her eyes were open. Thorin leaned his head closer.

"My legs are cold."

He wanted to laugh and cry all at once. She was alive.

"Let's get you somewhere clean and warm."

She winced as he shifted her and stood. The others had finally made it to them. He was relieved to see both his nephews were unharmed. The elves were even a welcomed sight.

"Durin's beard, she's alive?" Dwalin surprise was echoed by the other two dwarves. They had all seen her fall. She shivered slightly and the big warrior pulled off his own coat to cover her up as it started to snow.

"Let's get back inside the mountain before this gets worse and turns into a blizzard." He could feel the way his One was shaking, though with cold or pain he wasn't sure.

The way down the hill was slow as he tried not to jostle Akiko. Every time Thorin was forced to shift her she would whimper. The dwarf had never seen her this weak and it frightened him.

At the foot of Ravenhill, the small group Thorin sent his nephews to find both Bard and Thranduil. Neither looked happy to be taking any time to see him but at least they were there.

"There is a blizzard coming we need to get these people into whatever shelter we can find!" The bowman looked stressed. "I really don't have time to argue with you anymore Oakenshield!"

"I did not call you here to argue. The mountain has more than enough room to hold everyone and it is sheltered."

Both man and elf look at Thorin in surprise.

"I was not myself before and wish to make that up to your people Bard. And I was rash and let old prejudices guide my choices in regard to the elves. My decision had tragic consequences." He glanced down at Akiko regret written on his face. "You have every right to want your gems back Thranduil. I will not keep them from you. Now we must make haste if we are to get everyone into the mountain before this storm truly starts."

Bard was in no mood to deal with the stubborn dwarf but when his nephew insisted he followed thinking it would be faster to just get it over with. Leaving Percy in charge of getting people together at least they were in competent hands.

"There is a blizzard coming we need to get these people into whatever shelter we can find!" He had to shout over the rising wind to be heard properly. "I really don't have time to argue with you anymore Oakenshield!"

"I did not call you here to argue. The mountain has more than enough room to hold everyone and it is sheltered."

To say he wasn't surprised would be a lie. After what had happened in the last few days this was not something he would have expected. The following speech had even Thranduil looking shocked. It was not an apology but he suspected that it was as close to one as the King Under the Mountian was like to offer.

Bard glanced down now more curious than ever at the person the dwarf was carrying. She had not been with them in Lake Town. However, the look on Thorin's face said she was important to him. He could only wonder as the dwarf turned and left him to gather his people.

He walked away listening as the orders were given to bring everyone into the mountain. One of the side halls ended up being big enough to hold everyone. Thorin made a bed for Akiko in one corner. As badly as he wanted one of the healers to check her over he knew there were those worse off that needed tending first. She would live they might not. He was pulled from his thought by the red-haired she-elf crouching next to him.

"I can tend to her if you wish. I have the training. And I can clean her up. She would probably be more comfortable."

He hesitated unsure as to how Akiko would feel knowing someone touched her while she was unconscious.

"She will not be the first victim of orc brutality I have treated Your Majesty. I know you do not wish to make her feel any more violated but if there are any unseen injuries it is best they are taken care of sooner than later."

He swallowed but nodded. A sheet was pined up to protect her from anyone else seeing. The elf had him help by holding one of Akiko's hands hoping if she woke and saw him she would panic less. She flinched and whimpered a couple times but never woke up. The elf was quick in her work.

Once she was clean and in fresh clothes Thorin had no choice but to leave her side and deal with other matters. Rooms were being cleaned out and the forges relit. They needed heat and comfortable places to sleep. The upper chambers were mostly untouched and uncontaminated, they were cleaned first. The wounded had first priority followed by women and children if they were not staying with injured family.

Akiko was placed in a room by herself. After everything else, Thorin thought she would want some privacy once she awoke. The elf, Tauriel he had finally learned her name from Kili, kept a close eye on her when he couldn't. As it was she was the one there when Akiko woke up.

Her first impression was of warmth, it surrounded her. There was also something soft under her. Slowly she opened her eyes and found herself in an unfamiliar room the only light coming from a flickering fire. Panic began to rise within her. Where was she? Sitting up she winced. It seemed the worst of her injuries were gone but the bruises and scrapes here healing at a normal rate. Someone had bathed her and put her into a soft nightgown as well.

The door opened and in stepped the red-headed elf Kili had been so taken with. She looked surprised to see Akiko sitting up.

"You should be resting," she moved forward slowly and looked like she was about to help Akiko lay back down.

"Don't touch me," The short girl flinched away from her. She didn't want anyone touching her.

"I will send for Thorin." The female elf backed out of the room giving her a pitying look.

Thorin was the last person she wanted to see right then. She didn't want to see the same pity in his eyes or worse. She felt dirty and unworthy to be here. She had thought healing Thorin would kill her. It would have been better than living with the shame of Azog's brutality hanging over her.

When Thorin came in she barely talked to him. She refused to look at him. He didn't try to touch her. She didn't know if that was better or worse. Did he now find her so repulsive or was he trying to respect her? She couldn't tell but he left quickly when another dwarf came with a message that he was needed. Limping over to the door she locked it and refused to open it for anyone. She didn't know how long she had been there but it didn't matter.

Sometimes Fili or Kili would come by or one of the others but no one stayed long outside her door. Food was left for her which she mostly ignored, only eating some after Dwalin had threatened to come in and feed her himself if she kept refusing it. She would mostly pick at it and eat a couple bites before putting the tray back outside.

Thankfully Erebor had a plumbing system similar to what she was used to and she had a private bathroom. She avoided looking into the mirror in the corner of her room and covered it with a spare sheet. The only reason she didn't let her fire go out was for something to do. One day her meal came with a small knife, she kept it.

The need to cut was different this time. She didn't want to find a temporary release like she used to. Akiko wanted it all to end but she couldn't do it. No matter how many times she held the knife to her wrist she couldn't follow through. She tried to find solace in reopening the ones on her thighs but it was a short lived comfort.

Staring into the fire one evening, she assumed it was even anyway the untouched meal next to her looked like it could be dinner. She had the knife again pressed to the skin of her forearm when a wave of anger hit her. She flung the knife at the wall but that wasn't enough. The plate holding the food was smashed. Anything she could lift was thrown across the room. She did even realize she was yelling while destroying to room until someone pounded on her door. Bilbo's voice called to her asking if she was all right and begging her to open the door.

The mirror lost its sheet in her rage. Catching sight of herself Akiko froze. She could barely recognize herself. She looked thin and worn. Her hair was one single matted mess. The bruises were a faded yellow making her look even more sickly. This was what Azog had done to her. She fell to her knees, not feeling the broken shards pierce her flesh, and cried. They were the first tears she let fall since waking up in this room.

Suddenly there were strong arms pulling her close to a broad chest. She didn't struggle or try to shrug them off, she just cried clinging to whoever the person was until she slipped into an exhausted sleep.

Thorin was trudging back to his room after another long day of helping put the mountain right. He planned on going to see if Akiko would let him see her tonight once he had bathed. So far she had been unresponsive too all but Dwalin and even that had only been to eat before he carried through with his threat of feeding her himself. Bilbo dashed around the corner ahead and looked relieved to see him there.

"Thorin! Oh, thank goodness I found you. Akiko won't open her door and I think something is wrong."

Thorin didn't waste a moment in rushing to her. Once outside her door, he could head the sounds of things breaking and her yelling.

"We need to get this lock open. Bilbo find Nori, and tell him whats going on."

It took longer then Thorin liked for the star haired thief to show up and Akiko had gone silent, that was a worrisome sign. The lock was quickly picked. Thorin motioned for the other two to stay outside. The room was dimly lit by the low fire, but he could still see the mess. Nearly everything breakable was smashed broken glass and pottery littered the floor. He found Akiko near the mirror on her knees crying.

Thorin bent and pulled her close. He quickly realized she was in a bad way. Leaving her alone until she was ready obviously wasn't working. He lifted her as she cried herself to sleep against him and carried her out of there and back to his own quarters.

"Nori I need you to find Tauriel. Have her come to my rooms and bring a medical bag. Bilbo go to the kitchens and help Bombur make a plate of food for Akiko. She will be moving to my rooms until such time as she can care for herself again."

Tauriel was quick to show up. Thorin had already seen the cuts on her legs and didn't want to explain those. The elf gave her a quick examiation, she paused for a moment but didn't say anything about the cuts on Akiko's thighs, and left Thorin with some supplies to treat the fresh wounds. He took his time cleaning and bandaging her and had just finished when Bilbo showed up with a basket of food.

"Bombur says this should get you through most of tomorrow. He recommends small but frequent meals given how much of the food she was sent was sent back to the kitchens. There are also lots of tea leaves in here and honey to sweeten it."

"Thank you, Bilbo, and thank Bombur for me too."

"Of course. We've all been worried about her but no one thought it would be this bad. Good night Thorin, and take care of her. Balin has already heard whats going on and has agreed to take over for you while she gets better."

As Thorin double checked her bandaged her thighs he was reminded of that night all those months ago when he had comforted her. Would she ever let him hold her like that again? Or was that relationship now lost to them? Azog had hurt her in a deep way and he could now see it wasn't just physical. He tucked her into the bed and made himself comfortable in a chair. He wasn't leaving her side again.

When Akiko woke she realized she wasn't in her room. This was somewhere different but there was also something familiar as well. She sat up trying to ignore the pain in her legs and looked around. Thorin. He was sleeping in a chair next to the bed, and by the looks of it, he had been there all night. She tried to slip out of the bed but was unable to contain the hiss of discomfort as the bandages on her legs pulled at the cuts. He woke with a start.

"Akiko you should be resting."

she kept her eyes down and clutched tightly at the blanket still covering her. Taking care of her had to be the last place he wanted to be right now. He stood up and walked to the fire there was a rustling sound before he returned with some food he pushed gently into her hand. She flinched slightly before taking it.

"Eat, please."

She took a small bite and chewed slowly. Thorin moved away again and returned with a cup of tea which he also handed her. He sat and watched her eat every bite, it was uncomfortable but she didn't say a word.

Thorin felt as his heart nearly broke when the small woman in front of him flinched at being handed food. She also wouldn't look at him and that tore into him horribly. There was a distance between them he had never felt before. He waited for her to finish eating and drinking her tea before he spoke again.

"Akiko, look at me please."

She kept her head down and tensed but her eyes flicked in his direction. He knelt next to the bed and slowly reached out for one of her hands. It was fisted into the blanket and a small whimper escaped her as he touched it.

"Oh, dear heart." He rested his own hand or top of her's gently. "I am so sorry Akiko."

"W-what?" She glanced at him again looking confused.

"I should have been there to protect you. I failed in my duty and you the one paying the price."

Her hand trembled.

"Tell me what you need from me, love. How can I help you through this?"

He saw her eyes were tightly closed and she trembled again before a sob broke through. He slowly sat next to her and pulled her onto his lap. She only resisted for a moment before leaning into him and starting cry. He was again reminded of that first night. Her pain poured out of her as she clutched his shirt in a death grip. For his part, Thorin rubbed her back murmuring words of comfort into her hair. Once she managed to calm down some he put his fingers under her chin and taped her head back.

'Please my love, look at me."

She shook her head eyes closed again.

"Why not? What must I do to fix this?"

"I don't want to see your pity for me Thorin." her voice was a quiet whisper. "Or worse."

"Love?" He couldn't think of what she could be talking about.

"How can you stand to hold me after what he did?" He voice rose a bit. "How can you want to look at me or even be in the same room with me?"

He didn't have time to answer before she continued. It was like a dam broke with her first question.

"He raped me Thorin!" She struggled out of his arms and was on her feet. There were tears in her beautiful eyes, but she was looking at him now. "He hunted me down like an animal and raped me! I couldn't stop him! I tried! And when he was done he tossed me to the ground like I was nothing! Then he spent days tormenting me, telling me all the horrible things he was going to do to me once he defeated you! He beat me just for fun!"

She was standing there, chest heading as if she had run a long distance. This anger was better than the depression he had seen in her so far. Thorin approached her and took her hand, she didn't pull away this time and she looked up at him.

"Yes, he hurt you. But you survived it. Azog did the absolute worst thing imaginable and you still beat him. You fought him and came out victorious. And when he thought he had beaten you, you injured him and save us. You have shown more bravery than anyone else I know. I admire you, Akiko Morris. I regret not being there to keep you safe but I do not pity you."

He let her absorb what he was saying before gliding his hand up her arms and pulling her into a tight hug. This time she hugged him back.