t e n .
Did I notice the look of pure pain and rejection on Emma's face? Of course I did.
Did I stop and tell her I was sorry and all I wanted was her? Of course I didn't.
It was indescribable, the look on her face when I told her I was going out with some "friends." She knew what this meant, it meant I was going out with girls. Divas. Models. Adults.
She tried her hardest not to let her pain show, and pulled her knees to her chest slowly.
"Have fun." She stated, her voice quiet and weak.
"I will." I said immediately, too quickly - her eyebrows raised in suspicion.
Before I left the hotel room, I stood in front of the door, facing Emma.
"Are you going to stay here, then?" I asked, although I knew she was.
"No." She surprised me by saying, my eyebrows raised. "I'm going to Jeff's room."
Oh. She's good.
"What for?" I snapped, my eyes narrowed.
"I dunno." Emma shrugged childishly, rolling her eyes.
"You don't know?" I asked, trying my very hardest to stay calm.
"I don't know." She repeated.
We stared at each other for a long moment, and my head thumped wildly inside my chest, my fingertips itched to touch her. I turned to face the door, putting one hand on the handle.
"Johnny?" She murmured, and her hand pressed into my arm lightly.
"Dammit." I cursed under my breath, closing my eyes tightly and leaning my forehead against the door. She tightened her grip around my arm, and I turned around willingly.
I opened my eyes and they locked with hers, and I studied her dark orbs, trying to figure out who this girl was. How dare this child come into my life and make me weak! She's nothing, I can control myself around her, I know I can. Except, one problem.
I was lying.
I could not, and would not control myself around her any longer. This has to stop. I need to get away from her, and I need to be close to her at the same time. How is it possible that the same girl that will destroy me will also save me? I didn't think this was real. It can't be.
And then, before I could stop it, before I could control it, she was leaning forward.
She was leaning toward me, finally. I closed my eyes when her body pressed to mine, and I opened my eyes back up immediately, not wanting to miss a second of this moment.
My eyes zoned in on her lips, her smooth pink lips, watching them as they moved toward mine.
"Don't go." I suddenly whispered.
Everything stopped. I ruined it.
Her body removed from mine, and my body was ice cold now. Her lips were no longer within inches of touching mine, and my lips burned with desire for her. I couldn't breathe.
"Emma.." I mumbled, frowning.
"This isn't fair!" She said, glaring. "You get a fiancee and to sleep around with whoever you want whenever you want, and I can't even go see JEFF?! What kind of bullshit is this, Cena?!!"
"Please, Emma. Don't go to Jeff." I begged softly, my eyes soft and my frown deep.
"No!! NO! It doesn't work that way!" She shouted, smacking my chest.
I backed away from her, still frowning, "Are you sleeping with him?"
"NO!! I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING WITH HIM! ARE YOU HAPPY??" She collapsed onto the bed, tears falling from her eyes. "Jeff never wanted me..he..he never will.."
I stepped toward her slowly, but she held a hand up. "Em."
"Go." She whispered, "Please, just leave."
"Emma.." I started, my voice stern.
"GO!" Emma yelled, looking up at me. Our eyes met again and her eyes were full of tears, of nervousness and fear. I sighed heavily, turning away from her.
"I'll be back later." I whispered.
"Don't bother." She mumbled, and I turned to look back at her.
"You can't tell me not to bother, Emma." I murmured. "I have to bother with you."
"Oh? Why?" She snapped, glaring at me again.
"Because I love you." I whispered, and slipped out of the room without waiting for a response.
"JOHN! Where the hell have you been, man?!" Were the first words I heard when I entered the hotel with Alexis Laree attached to my hip. My eyebrows pulled together as Jeff Hardy ran to me.
"You have to come with me. NOW." Jeff ordered, I pulled my arm free from his grip.
"Its Emma." He added quickly, then continued to walk away.
"What? Whats wrong with her?" I asked, I turned to Alexis. "I have to go."
I pecked her cheek quickly and followed Jeff, who was running down the hallway.
"Jeff! What is wrong with her?!" I almost yelled, grabbing his arm.
"You'll see." Jeff mumbled, opening the door to my hotel room.
A sad, desperate song was playing loudly on the radio, and I scrunched my eyebrows.
"Its been on repeat for hours." Jeff whispered, and slowly creeped toward the bathroom door.
"She refuses to leave." He murmured, pushing me toward the door.
I swallowed nervously, lightly touching my fingertips to the door and pushing it open. The first things I saw were Emma's clothes tossed onto the floor randomly. My body burned with desire.
"Emma?" I barely whispered, and moved into the bathroom fully. There she was.
Emma sat in the bathtub, fully naked, but her knees were pulled to her chest, one arm wrapped around them. I couldn't see anything I wasn't supposed to see. Although I wanted to.
Emma slowly turned and looked up at me, her eyes wet with tears, her fingertips of one hand pressed into her bottom lip lightly. She turned her eyes back to stare at the wall again.
"If this is what its like to be in love with you, I don't want any part in it." She barely whispered.
I shut the bathroom door lightly, leaning against it and closing my eyes. The aching in my heart was more than I could bear. I felt as if I was having a heart attack. Maybe I was.
"Emma.." I murmured, and slowly moved toward her.
"This isn't fun anymore." She whispered, frowning. "It just hurts."
"I'm sorry, Em." I whispered, reaching out and touching her cheek lightly. It was wet, either with the water in the tub or with her tears, I wasn't sure. I'd bet on her tears.
She leaned into my touch immediately, closing her eyes lightly.
"I didn't do anything with any of the divas." I whispered, she opened her eyes.
"You didn't?" She whispered, frowning slightly.
"Of course not. I was just.." I paused, sighing softly, "I was trying to make you jealous."
"It worked." She mumbled, looking away.
"Well I was jealous of Jeff." I admitted, she looked back at me.
"Nothings going on with me and Jeff." Emma stated sternly.
"Still, he knows you, Emma. He knows you the way I want to know you, every little flaw, every scar, every inch of your body. I want to know every single thing you've ever said in your life, and every stupid thing you've ever done. I need to know you." I sighed heavily. "I'm not sure you understand how scary this is for me, to be so attracted to you. I start shaking just from thinking about you."
Emma stared at me silently for a very long moment, breathing lightly.
She grabbed my wrist suddenly, and looked at my watch, then smiled softly.
"Its my birthday." She murmured, resting her head against her knees, looking at me.
"Happy birthday." I whispered, my eyes locked with hers.
Her eyes were falling closed sleepily, I smiled lightly.
"I want to get out." She requested, and my heart thumped harder.
thump. thump. thump..
I grabbed a towel from the rack of them, and opened it up for Emma. I made myself look away when she stood up and stepped into the towel. I looked down at her when she was covered.
"Did you mean it?" She murmured.
"What?" I asked, her expression didn't change a bit.
"When you said you love me." She stated, tilting her head slightly.
"Yes." I nodded, gulping.
"Are you scared?" She asked.
"Yeah." I say, and she puts her hands on my arms lightly.
"Don't be." She whispered, staring up at me.
And then her lips were on mine. They were pressing against mine so lightly I barely felt it. I wanted more, I needed more, I pulled her in and deepened the kiss. And then I pulled back.
It took every single ounce of strength in my body to pull back from that kiss, and it took even more energy trying not to kiss her again. My lips pulled down at the corners deeply, and I couldn't meet her stare. I was so embarrassed for pulling away like that. I was so scared to kiss her again.
Her hands cupped my cheeks, her tiny, tiny hands and they were so soft. I leaned into her touch.
Emma's lips touched mine once again, just as light as before, and it was killing me.
"Take me to bed." She murmured, and I opened my eyes.
Before I could stop and think, and step away from the line between us, I was nodding eagerly. I should have stopped myself from kissing her, I should have stopped myself from following her into that hotel room. I should have stopped myself from entering her, from making love to her, from making her moan and cry and sigh. I shouldn't have touched this pure and perfect child.
But I did. And at that moment I didn't care about anything except for her. Her tiny hands, and her perfect red lips, her smile. The way her body fit into mine like it was made for me.
I knew that I had crossed every line I should have never gotten close to.