Word's I Couldn't Say
Chapter 8: Maura's Weakness
What do I do now that your gone
No back up plan no second chance
And no one else to blame
All I can hear in the silence that remains
Are the words I couldn't say
Disclaimer: Do not own Rizzoli & Isles they belong to the creators nor do I own the lyrics to Word's I Couldn't Say.
Author's Note: Sorry for the long delay classes have started again so keeping me busy. Hope you enjoy.
Maura's POV
I am sweating so badly. It's so hot in here. I can feel Jane wiping my forehead and as she does I am falling asleep again. I want to stay awake Jane but you keep wiping my forehead making me so sleepy. I can hear you talking to me my Jane but I am so tired. I wish I can just wake up and feel better but my eyes are so heavy. I can hear you talking to me and I want to respond but I can't seem to move my body. I hear you tell me that you love me. I wish I can wake up so I can tell you I love you too but I am so weak what happened to me. Why Am I here? How did you get here? I'm sorry Jane I have to sleep now.
Jane continues to wipe Maura's forehead and realizes that she is asleep again. She silently hopes that she does not sleep very long. She knows that she is still very weak and needs to rest but Jane wants to talk to her so bad and to hear her voice. Jane decides to lay her head down and rest herself knowing she has so much to say when Maura wakes up the next time.
Three hours later
Maura: J….J…Jane
Jane jumps as she hears the small voice and realizing it is coming from Maura. She is now fully awake and smiling down at Maura. Maura tries to smile back.
Jane: Maura you are awake thank GOD she says as she leans down and places a kiss on Maura's forehead. Maura do you want me to get the doctor?
Maura: No please Jane. Help me to sit up some please.
Jane: Sure sweetie. That better?
Maura: Yes much better. Jane I am so tired but I want to talk to you. I have missed you so long Jane. Tears start to fall from her eyes.
Jane: Oh Maura don't cry sweetie I'm here now ok. I just want you to get better so you can get out of here OK. Jane wipes the tears from her eyes and places a small kiss on her cheek.
Maura: Jane I'm sorry.
Jane: For what Maura?
Maura: For leaving you and never telling you how I really feel. I was just so scared that you would walk away I just let listened to my brain not my heart. I wanted to call you but I didn't know what to say.
Jane: Maura, you don't get to do this OK. It's my fault I pushed you away. As I think back now I remember the countless times you tried to tell me how you felt and I dismissed what you where trying to say. Don't blame yourself for my foolish mistake. I have paid for that mistake many times over. I never want to see that look on your face like the one I saw at the airport that day. I have had over two weeks to think about what I was going to say to you when you woke up so please just listen OK.
Maura: I am listening Jane she smiles.
Jane: Maura I love you. I think I have loved you since we first met. I never believe that love at first sight was real until I saw you. I have always been afraid to tell you how I felt because I just was not sure what to do with all these feelings. I mean for one I have never gone out with a women or imaged myself with a women that was until you. It was never about sex or anything I just knew I loved you and that sacred the hell out of me. You broke me down into pieces you knew me better than I knew myself. I was scared of what other people would say about me that I would prove all the rumors to be true. I broke your heart and at the same time I broke mine as well. I let you walk away and all I had to do that day was call out your name and you would have turned around but I didn't. I let you get on that plane and I let ten years go by and I suppose if you had not gotten sick I would have just kept living this life I was living if you want to call it living. I was just existing Maura. I don't want to exist anymore I want to live. I want to live this and the rest of my life with you. I can't imagine my life without you. I have sat at this bedside for weeks praying you would wake up. I don't want to hide from you anymore. Tears that Jane has been holding finally spill and she let's them fall not caring to try to dry them.
Maura: Jane I want that too I don't want to waste anymore time. We have wasted so much. Jane I love you too I have always loved you. I don't want to be alone anymore. Jane will you hold me?
Jane: I thought you would never ask. Wiping her tears she pulls the bed rail down cautious of all the wires and pulls Maura In her lap. Are you Ok?
Maura: Yes I'm better than ever now you are here. I love you Jane
Jane: I love you Maur so much.
Jane holds Maura in her lap for what seems like forever and notices her beauty is asleep again. She does not want to let her go so she pulls the blanket around her and watches her sleep. Jane hears a knock at the door and enters Constance and Dr. Smothers.
Dr. Smothers: Well, it looks like our patient is feeling much better now. Dr. Smother's smiles Jane I think you just might have been the medicine she needed. Tell me how has she been since she woke up.
Jane: When she woke a few hours ago she had a panic attack. Suppose waking up and not realizing where she was. I clamed her down by talking to her until her breathing went back to normal. She used to have them when she was in Boston and I am sure you know it also happens if she tries to lie. She was sweating a lot and I put a cold towel to her forehead and she went back to sleep. In fact she just woke up about an hour ago. As you can see she went back to sleep. Is this normal?
Dr. Smothers: Well Constance and Jane it is going to be the normal for now until her body fully recovers and all the meds from the medically induced coma wears off. This is what is keeping her sleepy. I have her blood work from this morning and it looks so much better than it did when she first was admitted. We are going to keep her on the antibiotics for now. I believe that we can take some of the monitors off now since she is doing so well. I am hoping with the progress she has made that she can be released possible next week.
Jane: Next week wow so at least another ten days in here then. You know what's best I don't want her leaving until I know she is totally OK.
Dr. Smothers: Do you mind lying her down and let me examine her before I leave for the day.
Jane: Sure Constance and I will step out. She lays Maura in the bed and gives her a kiss and walks out with Constance.
Constance: So Jane how did it go.
Jane: It went well really good she has been sleep off and on but the last time she woke up we really got to talk. I told her I love her finally and that I was never leaving her again. She told me she loves me too she was trying to blame herself for leaving and putting the distance between us but I would not let her do that.
Constance pulls her into a hug. I am so glad you talked and she is feeling better. I thought for a bit we were going to lose her. Thank you Jane for coming and saving her life!
Jane: No Constance she saved mine.
Dr. Smothers exits the room.
Dr. Smothers: Well, everything looks good I want to start her out today on a liquid diet and make sure she can tolerate it as well as getting her out of the bed and walking. We are going to remove the catheter and let her go to the restroom on her own. We need to make sure all her organs are functioning properly. Otherwise I believe a full recovery will be made. Maura is awake now. I am leaving for the day so remember you both have my number in case you need me for something. Goodnight ladies.
Constance and Jane bid their goodbyes and thank you's and goes back into Maura's room.
Constance: It is so good to see you awake honey. She goes to the bed and gives Maura a hug and a kiss.
Maura: It's good to see you Mother. Thank you for calling Jane Mother. I can't thank you enough. Tears spilling once again. I can't seem to stop my nasolacrimal duct from over reacting.
Jane: Oh there is my Google mouth. She laughs pulling Maura into a hug.
. Next chapter will Maura be getting out of the hospital and is she staying in New York or going back to Boston. Love reviews keep them coming.