Hi guys! I'm super sorry that this took so long to post. It's been a very busy week for me, and this chapter was really hard to write. I'm honestly not too happy with the result, but I'm hoping you all will still like it (maybe it'll help to know that it's more than 4,500 words?).
Thank you to everyone who has reviewed thus far! It is always very helpful.
FYI, I am now capitalizing "the Team" whenever you could substitute it for "Young Justice." So, if someone says, "You are part of the Team" it could be "You are part of Young Justice." But if someone says, "We are a team" that couldn't be said as "We are Young Justice" without changing the meaning, so it's uncapitalized. Just thought I'd give you a heads up.
Enjoy!
Chapter 9
Conner stared down at M'gann as another shudder tore through her tiny frame, his arm tightening protectively in response. She had seemed so strong when she stormed into the room, whipping the rabid girl from his body with pure telekinetic force, her hair waving in an unseen breeze. Sure, she had obviously been disturbed by the girl's insane behavior, but she had also been amazingly fierce and unafraid. It just didn't make sense to Conner that she had burst into uncontrollable sobs a moment later.
At the time, Manhunter had looked like he wanted nothing more than to comfort his niece, but instead he sent them both out of the room, staying behind to deal with the still snarling girl alone. Picking himself up off of the floor, Conner had taken the sobbing Martian into his arms, guiding her as gently as he could to the bench outside the medical bay. There they had sat in a drained silence while M'gann continued to tremble and weep. Suddenly hyperaware of his lumbering build, Conner had awkwardly tried to comfort her as questions burned in his throat and tight panic scratched at his bones.
To say that M'gann's hysterical state alarmed Conner was a gross understatement. It terrified him. Miss Martian was strong and beautiful and courageous and compassionate, and although she had been a little prone to crying during the first few weeks of the Team, she had never broken down like this.
Now she looked crushed, destroyed in a way that frankly seemed too extreme for what they had just encountered. Worse yet, she still hadn't spoken to him, not since their initial talk over the communicator. In fact, she had barely looked at him at all, as her first attempt at a grin had shattered into a renewed influx of crippling tears. Conner had watched this needless gesture crumble, knowing it was M'gann trying to achieve her unrealistic perception of heroism, and had been overwhelmed by inexplicable feelings of grief and frustration. In a world that was constantly searching for ways to limit his power, nothing had ever made him feel so utterly useless -Kryptonite and inhibitor collars and mind-controlling genomorphs included.
It took the greater part of thirty minutes, but eventually her sobs quelled into softer sniffles. She still remained tucked into his side, with her legs folded up against her chest and her face burrowed into her knees, but her breathing was softer as her muscles unwound. Conner could feel M'gann's heart rate slow into a less frantic rhythm as it thumped against his chest, although his arm still shook every time her breath caught jaggedly in her throat.
The Kyptonian felt stiff as he sat with her, as if his brutish body couldn't quite accept the role of the soothing consoler. He wasn't sure what exactly he should be doing, and the growing silence began to feel paradoxically stifling and calming, isolating and nurturing. He had a dozen mathematical equations and battle strategies locked inside his brain, but those damn genomorphs had never prepared him for something like this, for something so…human.
Another tremor rocked M'gann's body, and Conner watched her (while at the same time not knowing if he should be watching her) take a deep breath. Satisfied that she was not about to be launched into a new round of tears, Conner let his eyes close for just a brief moment. He hadn't been particularly tired a few minutes ago, but with M'gann finally calming down and the last traces of adrenaline from the girl's attack leaving him, his body was starting to feel like it was coated in hardening concrete.
He was just about to doze off when he first heard her speak, so quiet that he thought he might have dreamt it. "Conner, I'm so sorry."
The boy blinked, forcibly expelling the sleep from his eyes. He turned his head slightly, twisting his neck to see if she had truly spoken. Her body remained in the same position, her face hidden under flaming hair and her own limbs, yet somehow he knew that he had heard correctly. Still, the actual words made no sense.
"What are you talking about?" Conner blurted thoughtlessly before immediately regretting the question's unintended harshness. Unable to soften their impact, he bit his lip, waiting for her response.
M'gann sucked in a shuddering gasp and Conner froze, terrified that he had just flung her into the throws of another crying fit. Thankfully, he felt her relax again as she exhaled a warm, steady breath onto his side.
"For this, this, this-" she began, but her words were clipped by another quiver as her voice hitched. This time, however, the action was different. It was…bitter, somehow.
"Breakdown?" Conner supplied tactlessly.
He felt her head bob in a nod against him.
"Don't be," he responded immediately, his hand squeezing her arm. "You were better friends with her than anyone, so I can understand if you're a little-"
"It's not that," she interrupted quickly, tensing like she was about to move away from him. The moment passed, however, and she remained tucked against Conner's side.
The boy blinked in surprise. Despite noticing the strangeness of M'gann's reaction, her friendship with the girl was the only explanation he had come up with. What else could possibly be bothering her so much? Conner looked down at her, wishing he could see her face and perhaps decode her evasive words. After all, he was no detective; that kind of stuff was more Robin's turf.
Unable to think of a better question, he finally asked, "It's not?"
"No," she murmured, sounding scared and hurt and worn and betrayed. "It was her mind." She grew quiet for a moment, shuddering in revulsion. "I could feel her, Conner. I don't know if it was my own powers or her's or some horrible combination of both but I could just feel her emotions all of a sudden without any warning." M'gann paused her rambling to tightened her hold around her knees. "God, it was terrible!" she confessed, her whole body shivering. "Her mind didn't make any sense at all! All I could feel was this- this wildness in her thoughts, although they weren't thoughts as much as- as compulsions. Like an animal." Her hands clenched into fists on her shins. "Like a crazy vicious animal!"
Conner sat motionless, letting the new information seep in. He recalled the girl's state from earlier that night, snarling and frothing above him, the rabid look in her eyes, the deranged way she had popped her shoulders in and out of their sockets-
And M'gann had been inside of that? Jesus Christ.
He opened his mouth to reply, but M'gann beat him to it. "But, Conner," she continued, her strained voice suddenly sounding louder in his ears, "beneath all of her- her insanity was something controlled, something purposeful."
He frowned, an inexplicable sense of fear washing over him. "I don't understand."
M'gann shifted, and Conner's sight was suddenly eclipsed by a fiery set of ruby eyes. His breath caught in his throat as he met her gaze, his arm suddenly hanging over loose air.
M'gann eyes burrowed fretfully into his, a whirlwind of fear and pain and determination. "Conner," she began, her voice begging him to pay close attention. "Underneath everything was this overpowering desire to touch Superman!"
l-l-l
Robin felt his body tighten with dreadful anticipation as he followed Batman to the medical bay. His excitement from less than an hour earlier had completely evaporated, pounded into a bleak nothingness by the latest turn of events. As he walked, one putrid thought continued to revolve throughout his mind like a corrupted merry-go-round. Like a depressed-go-round, he supplied mentally. Oh God, he wished that was funny, but no amount of backward-formations could change the facts.
She betrayed us, the thought whirled again. The girl he had saved, who he had brought to the Cave against orders, who they had welcomed into their home because she so desperately needed them to, who he had come to consider as a friend-
That girl had just attacked Conner, the Team, and almost everything they fought for. Dick had only felt this level of rage and guilt once before, but never as Robin, never since he had stopped playing the role of the poor, defenseless orphan. Becoming Robin was supposed to give him some control over his life so he that wouldn't ever have to feel that way again, so that he would have the power to not just stand helplessly by while life spat in his face and pissed in his shoes.
But here he was, and even with all of Robin's might he was still just as weak as the useless little kid watching Mary and John Grayson fall to their deaths.
And to think that just a few months earlier he had actually believed the he could lead the Team! Forget being the leader, he wasn't even sure he should still be on it at all. Robin had screwed up so much in just the last few months alone; how many mistakes did it take until his poor judgment outweighed his usefulness? How long until the Team kicked him to the wayside in favor of someone older, more mature, less…average?
As the Duo approached the medical bay, Robin could make out the forms of M'gann and Conner sitting on the outside bench. It didn't take long to notice the anger threaded tightly throughout Superboy's body, although one arm was kept carefully ginger as it hung around the distraught shoulders beside him. M'gann leaned slightly against the clone, her face burrowed into her hands and her knees folded tightly against her chest. Robin was shocked to see her look so small, all tucked away like she was stored up for future use. Such a brilliant, cheerful girl should never be reduced to something so beaten.
Wordlessly, Robin went to stand in front of his friends, leaving his mentor to meet Martian Manhunter in the med bay alone. Taking Batman's silence as approval, Robin watched regretfully as the medical bay door shut soundlessly behind the vigilante.
Slowly crumbling under the weight of his own guilt, Robin stood apprehensively in front of the budding couple. He desperately wanted to know the details of their ordeal, to have them recall everything that had happened as specifically as possible, but one barely restrained look of rage from Conner stopped the questions before they were ever materialized. In that look, Robin's worst fear was realized; Superboy blamed him.
But then again, Robin thought, crestfallen, why wouldn't he?
Conner continued to study the Boy Wonder unflinchingly, making Robin's skin twitch. Noticing the boy's tense presence, M'gann let her feet fall loosely to the floor, her body unfolding like an accordion. The quaking girl sniffled, rubbing at her eyes and nose before attempting her best "Don't worry, I'm actually fine" smile. The glassy grin did nothing to reassure Robin; all he could notice was her eyes, red and swollen and splintered.
"Miss M, are you okay?" Robin asked softly, as if the girl might shatter from volume alone. For all of her sensitivities, Miss Martian had grown into a resilient and formidable force since joining the Team. She hadn't broken down anywhere near this badly for some time, so what in the world had happened?
Embarrassed, M'gann opened her mouth to reassure her teammate, but Conner cut in before she had the chance. "No," he retorted sharply, his tone fuming under a barely retained calm, "she's not." The Kyptonian narrowed his eyes, something akin to resentment burning in the crystal orbs. "But you would know that if you had been here."
Robin felt his eyebrows slide up his forehead, sincerely surprised by the barely hidden accusation. He had expected to be blamed for bringing the girl to the Cave and trusting her so easily, but for not being there on such a random Tuesday night? Surely Conner couldn't be criticizing him for that! He was never allowed at the Cave on a weeknight -at least not while the Big Bat wasn't de-caped and on some international business trip. He had even warned everyone that Batman had him on house arrest until after he aced tomorrow's history test…or, judging by the clock hanging above the medical bay's door, today's history test. Robin took a silent breath, letting his calm nature coat his words. "I don't know what-"
Conner's nose wrinkled in the beginnings of a snarl. "Your communicator, Robin! Turns out it's more than just a fashion statement," he sneered, his lip curling. "I knew something was going down, so I made a distress call though my comm. M'gann was the only one to answer."
Robin's stomach opened into a pit, something cold and hard resting at its bottom far below his feet. He licked his lips, enough guilt washing over him to send his mind into a tailspin. "Conner, I'm so sorry," Robin conceded. "I had it on my desk, but I guess I was too focused on my research to notice it was going off."
Conner merely grunted, his eyes finally moving away from Robin. "Don't apologize to me," he deflected, his arm tightening around the still quivering girl. "I'm not the one who got telepathically force-fed a chunk of Crazy Girl's mind."
Guilt redoubled, Robin shifted his eyes to M'gann, forcing an apology past a trillion burning questions and to his lips. Before he was able to speak, however, M'gann shifted sharply away from Conner, letting his arm fall from her shoulders.
"Stop it Conner," she instructed, keeping her voice kind. "It's not Robin's fault. He couldn't have known this was going to happen."
Great, Robin thought dryly as he watched the clone's mouth fall open with surprise and betrayal, not only did I miss his call for backup but now I'm turning his maybe-girlfriend against him. Way to go, Grayson!
"No," Robin argued firmly, shaking his head. "Conner's right; I should've been here." And I shouldn't have trusted her in the first place, he added mentally.
"Yeah," Conner confirmed unwaveringly, straightening from his position against M'gann. "You should've."
Defeated, Robin looked away, wishing there was a way he could right his many wrongs…or at least phase through the floor so that he wouldn't have to stand before his teammates like a criminal before a judge. Unfortunately (and much to his annoyance), he remained frustratingly solid with no way to fix what he had broken and no way to dull the resulting shards.
M'gann was quiet after that, although Robin couldn't tell if she was agreeing with him or if she was just too worn out to debate it.
The long, heavy silence was broken a few minutes later by hurried footsteps, announcing the arrival of Kaldur'ahm. Robin held in a sigh of relief, offering a small smile as a greeting to the newcomer.
Kaldur returned the gesture halfheartedly, choosing to focus on his two benched teammates. "Conner, M'gann," he greeted solemnly. "Batman has informed me of the situation." He winced slightly, before dipping into a low bow. "Please accept my deepest apologies. I should have been here."
After taking the last few minutes to compose herself, M'gann's fake smile was much more convincing. "Don't worry Kaldur, it was really nothing!" she sputtered, her emerald cheeks turning rosy. "I'm really fine, and Superboy doesn't think she actually touched him or anything, so there's no need to apologize!" she chuckled nervously, her hand hovering above Kaldur's bent shoulder. "Please don't feel bad! It's not like I was here alone or anything; Uncle J'onn came with me once we heard his distress call over the comm link, and I'm sure you were taking care of something important! I mean, 'Hello, Megan!' or course you were, you're Aqualad…"
She faded off, a nervous smile on her lips, and turned expectantly to the silent boy beside her. "Right, Conner?" she piped.
Conner studied her face before turning away in a grunt. "Next time, just answer the damn comm."
Kaldur rose, a grateful smile on his face. "It will not happen again, Superboy," he swore.
"You have our word," Robin added, stepping in line with his leader.
Conner glanced between them, still looking plenty pissed, but nodded in acknowledgment.
After another slightly less uncomfortable silence, Robin couldn't hold his questions back any longer. "So, she didn't touch you?" he asked, although he wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer.
Superboy pressed his lips together, the tightness in his face returning. "I don't think so, but I can't be sure," he admitted. "She wasn't wearing her suit."
M'gann nodded in confirmation, resting a comforting hand on Conner's knee. "It'll be all right, I just know it," she maintained. "Once Uncle J'onn establishes a psychic link we'll know for sure. You'll see."
l-l-l
Robin rested his back against the wall, his body tight with unused energy. He had spent the past hour learning every detail about what had happened to Conner and M'gann, how the girl had tackled Superboy to the floor and had somehow projected her insane emotions into Miss M. It was disturbing as hell, especially when Conner had described her as a rabid animal. After having two months to get to know someone, how could Robin have gotten her so wrong?
Even worse was what M'gann had found underneath all of the girl's crazy semi-thoughts: the compulsion to touch Superman. In the tangled mess of her rabid mind, M'gann had described that desire as the eye of the storm –a bizarrely calm and orderly place in the center of incredible chaos. The Martian kept using the word "purposeful" over and over, but what did that mean? If she had such a specific purpose, why did she act so savagely? If touching Superman was her goal, why did she attack Superboy? Why not bide her time until she met the original Kyptonian himself? Why expose her true intentions so recklessly, so irrationally?
Another twenty minutes of bored silence oozed by, leaving Robin more than a little stir crazy. He was wasting time here! If he could just get to the Batcave's computer, he could actually find out who this traitor was. Not to mention he did have that history test tomorrow, and the flashcards he had made earlier were still sitting unused in his desk.
Robin groaned inwardly. As much as he hated to admit it, it was useless to be thinking about this stuff now. Both the flashcards and the Batcave were out of reach, so Robin was stuck waiting around for news he couldn't impact.
Not that he had any right to complain. Even though he had (unofficially) been forgiven for not answering Conner's mayday, this was still his fault. After all, he was the one who had found the girl, brought her here, and trusted her based solely on impulse and his naive faith in humanity. The least he could do was wait to see what disaster unfolded as a result.
Deep within his own thoughts, he was surprised to feel a strong hand clasp his shoulder. Robin turned his head slightly, his mind slowly coming back to reality, to see Kaldur crouching beside him. The Atlantean smiled tiredly. "Let's take a walk, my friend," he offered, rising to his full height.
Robin followed suit, trailing a few paces behind Kaldur as he strode away from the medical bay. He probably just wants to check in with me, Robin hypothesized internally, trying to ignore the slithering feeling of apprehension in his gut. I mean, it doesn't take a genius to see that I've been a little off my game lately. He'll probably just ask how I'm doing, call me out on my screw-ups and tell me to do better from now on. The Boy Wonder nodded to himself resolutely, clenching his fists tightly enough to feel his nails bite into the soft flesh of his palms. Yeah, that's all! Before I know it we'll be back in the hallway waiting for Batman and Manhunter to report on what they've discovered. He scoffed mentally as he followed Kaldur around another corner. Whoopee.
They continued on for several minutes, making their way easily through the labyrinth-like layout of Mount Justice. After passing the Souvenir Room and rounding several more corners, they finally stopped. Robin doubted anyone would be able to hear them here, not even Superboy.
An uneasy silence rang between the two teens for next few minutes, making Robin itchy with anticipation. Why was Kaldur waiting so long to begin? Robin had always respected the older teen's direct and honest character, his natural inclination against hiding his opinions or beating around the bush. The Atlantean had called Robin out many times before without hesitation or incident. Why was this time so different?
Desperate to kick off whatever conversation was about to occur yet still clinging to the hope that this time was no different from any other, Robin forced a friendly smile to his lips. "So, what's up Aqualad?" he chirped, hoping he sounded chipper instead of twitchy. "Something putting the 'dis' in your 'aster'?"
Kaldur turned to the younger boy, his solid eyes gazing unflinchingly into Robin's face. "Manhunter and I have been talking," he began slowly, his voice carefully level. The hero's stance changed minutely, but the subtle difference still gave Robin the impression of someone bracing for a storm while they watched the angry clouds roll in. Aqualad was preparing himself –but for what?
Robin stared expectantly at his leader, trying to calm his trilling heart. He needed to ask the obvious question, the one he both desperately did and did not want answered, but he couldn't seem to push the cumbersome words out of his throat. Instead, he managed to force, "Oh really?" through a nervous chuckle.
Kaldur nodded, keeping his eyes locked onto Robin's. If the acrobat hadn't known better, he would have thought that Aqualad was able to see straight though his mask; although for all the protection it was giving him, Robin supposed it didn't really matter anyway. "Yes," Kaldur confirmed, his jaw set. The Atlantean's next words were firm, the verbal equivalent of steeling yourself against a blow you know you can't return. "And we have come to the conclusion that it would be best for you to take a break from the Team."
Robin's mouth fell open, horror and betrayal gripping his chest. They were kicking him off the Team? His heart beat painfully in his ribcage and unseen tears swam in his eyes. He wanted to fight back, to demand an explanation and scream, "How could you do this to me?" but the words died in his throat. He knew why this was happening.
He had finally made one mistake too many. He had finally become more of a liability than an asset.
Clicking his mouth shut, he turned his face away from his teammate –former teammate- gulping desperately to clear his clogged throat. What should he say? What could he say?
"Oh," he wheezed.
"That's it?" Kaldur asked, sounding surprised. He positioned himself in front of the struggling boy, extending his neck to get a better look at the masked face. "I expected you to be angry."
Robin hunched his shoulders stiffly, turning his face further to the side. "What do you want from me, Kaldur?" he muttered bitterly. "I just want what's best for the Team."
Suddenly, the Atlantean reached forward, taking hold of Robin's shoulders tightly. The younger boy's face snapped forward at the unexpected contact, obviously startled. "And you think that the Team would be more successful without you," Kaldur concluded lowly, his face looming over Robin's.
Robin snorted self-deprecatingly, his grief turning into malice. "Well, apparently I'm not the only one!" he cried, bringing his forearms up in front of him and slamming them perpendicularly into Kaldur's. The Atlantean's grip slipped from Robin's shoulders, and he shuffled backward from the forceful break. Free from his grasp, Robin took a step back as well. "I mean, Jesus Christ, Kaldur!" the boy swore, fuming. "You're the one that's kicking me from the Team!"
Kaldur stared at the emotional boy for a moment, before shaking his head sadly. "No, I'm not," he confessed, his eyes watching Robin carefully.
Robin blinked, his arms falling from where he had unconsciously readied them to fight. "Uh…what?"
The teen pinched him lips tightly together, looking guilty but not regretful. "I needed to understand how you perceive yourself as a part of our team," he explained. "I apologize for using such deceptive methods."
Robin stared him, knowing he should really be angry now but instead only feeling relieved. "So I'm still on the Team?" he confirmed haltingly, uncertain.
Kaldur nodded. "Of course you are, Robin," he assured. "The real question is, why were you so willing to leave it in the first place?"
The Boy Wonder gulped, feeling more Blunder than Wonder at the moment. He leaned his back against the wall, wishing once again for the power to phase straight through it. "I thought you'd decided the Team would be better off."
Kaldur continued to focus on the boy, confusion seeping from his eyes. "But why?"
"Come on, Kaldur," Robin said dryly, staring somewhere over Aqualad's right shoulder. "I think it's pretty obvious that I've been off my game recently."
"I also missed Conner's distress signal," Kaldur pointed out, quickly decoding Robin's cryptic response. "Not to mention Kid Flash and Artemis. You are not alone in your mistake."
"But aren't I?" Robin countered, feeling guilt well up into his eyes and throat. "I was the one who brought her here! And then I trusted her too easily to delude myself into thinking I hadn't made such a big mistake after all."
Kaldur stepped forward again. "We all trusted her too quickly," he admitted. "We saw a child very similar to ourselves who needed a home, a family. We let our compassion blind us." The older teen grabbed Robin's shoulders once more, a tight unrelenting grip. "All of us, Robin."
Robin refused to meet Kaldur's eyes, choosing to study his shoes instead. "I still brought her here," he muttered bitterly. "Againt orders, against protocol."
"Robin," Kaldur began, his voice hardening, "You did what any hero would have done."
Robin looked up, trying to downplay the tension in the hall as he swept his bangs back from his eyes. "Yeah," he agreed deceptively, "and look where it got us."
"Clarity comes to water once traveled, my friend," Kaldur offered kindly. Seeing the boy's uncomprehending expression, the leader released him and elaborated. "It's an Atlantean saying. It means that the right choices are always clear retrospectively."
Robin nodded absentmindedly. "Here we say 'Hindsight is 20/20.'"
Kaldur smiled. "Then you understand what I am trying to say." He paused before adding with an amused chuckle, "For all your strengths Robin, you are no fortuneteller. You can't blame yourself for outcomes you couldn't have possibly foreseen."
Robin sighed, looking away from the older boy. After a moment he faced him again, a simple question sliding from his tongue. "Would you?"
Kaldur pressed his lips together tightly. "I might," he admitted softly. "But that doesn't make it right."