Monster Under the Bed

Disclaimer: "Merlin" is the property of Shine Television. I'm just borrowing for a little non-profit fun.

Trust Issues: Part II

Unhappily Merlin conjured a small fire and allowed himself to collapse for the night. As much as he wanted to press on, he was simply too tired. Tired, cold, hungry. He'd been following the sorcerer's trail for better than a day. He had no supplies, no horse, no proper bedroll and the only thing he'd eaten since leaving Camelot was what little edible vegetation that he'd spotted along the trail.

'Next time I'll have a plan,' Merlin promised himself. 'And a well-stocked saddlebag hanging over the withers of my horse.' But he knew himself well enough to know that it wasn't likely. People attacked Arthur or Camelot and he reacted, there was never time for a fully baked plan. At best Merlin had a goal, a rough outline of how he intended to achieve it and his magic to fall back on when everything went to hell.

Shortly after the second day of Merlin's absence dawned Arthur ordered his knights out into the snow for drills, citing the need to be prepared to defend Camelot under any conditions. Several hours and no small number of mutinous glares later it occurred to Arthur that training his knights to exhaustion wasn't the best plan if there was trouble on the horizon.

Arthur intercepted the out-going patrol to tell them to keep an eye out for Merlin in case his manservant/sorcerer had bitten off more than he could chew only to change his mind at the last moment. No matter how much trouble Merlin had gotten himself into, outing him could only make it worse. Then Arthur spent the better part of the afternoon pacing his quarters, trying to determine a course of action. That night, following a smaller dinner with their guests Uther asked Arthur to accompany him to the king's quarters.

"You've been distracted lately," Uther stated. "Lord Helmsworth's holdings supply a notable portion of Camelot's grain. I expect more from you in our dealing with him and the other major land-holders."

"I'm sorry Father," Arthur replied.

Uther waited for an explanation.

Arthur decided it was the time to confront his father about something he'd noticed years ago but had ignored because his conclusions had seemed almost treasonous. Now he needed to know because knowing could confirm what he suspected had been written out of Camelot's histories. It also had the benefit of not requiring mention of worry about his missing manservant, who was supposedly under Arthur and Gaius' personal observation. "I've been thinking about the last sorcerous attack. If Merlin hadn't thrown himself in the path of that spell..."

"The boy did his duty," Uther stated.

Arthur met his father's eyes squarely. "Too many of our victories against magic-users have come of luck or lucky intervention from people who should be non-combatants. I've been reviewing our strategies for combating magical threats. Perhaps my analysis is faulty, but there are missing elements from many of them. Our tactics seem to have been developed with the idea that we would have sorcerers fighting with us as well as against us. I've even seen battle plans that appear to incorporate some sort of flying unit."

Uther considered Arthur for a time. "You are correct," he admitted. "There was a time when Camelot had been deluded into believing that those with magic could be our allies. But I saw the truth and I've endeavored to see such lies scourged from our histories even as the practitioners of magic have been purged from our kingdom."

"How did you manage such successes against them?" Arthur pushed, hoping his suppositions were wrong. He had formed plans to secure Merlin's safety, but implementing them would mean more than just keeping silent about Merlin's magic.

Uther grimaced, clearly not happy with the subject. He glowered silently for a moment, then his expression settled into one Arthur was familiar with from lectures about the inner-workings of the kingdom. "There was a schism in their ranks," Uther explained. "Magic is evil and those corrupted by it have no loyalty even to each other."

'Liar.' Arthur thought but kept his face impassive. 'Merlin is nothing if not loyal. And Camelot's disputes with Mercia, Amata and Essetir have less to do with magic than with land.''

"The Sorcerer who usurped rule of this kingdom from your Great Grandfather was wicked even by the standard of such people. He slaughtered many of his magical brethren in order to steal their power for himself. His greed for power was such that even the High Priestess of the Old Religion and the Dragonlords turned against him. They joined their forces with mine to see him overthrown. When we emerged victorious, the forces of magic were at their nadir and so to buy time they falsely swore themselves to me."

Arthur felt his last doubts about doing everything in his power to protect Merlin shrivel up and die in a blaze of fury.

"But they put too much faith in their trickery," Uther continued, unaware of what was going on behind his son's eyes. "Once I realized the truth, I acted quickly and decisively. I was able to use those sorcerers who sought to maintain the facade of benevolence to weed out their less subtle brethren."

"And then you turned on those who still served you," Arthur stated. His hands itched for his sword, because In his mind's eye he saw Merlin, his loyal-to-a-fault Merlin as one of those sorcerers. They had trusted their king even as he used them as a weapons against his own kind and then, when their usefulness had been spent, Uther had put them down as if they were nothing more than rabid dogs. It only made it worse when it occurred to Arthur that Merlin truly was the spiritual successor to those long dead sorcerers, the latest, perhaps last, child of magic to put his faith in Camelot.

"I ended them before they could put their ultimate plans into motion," Uther corrected, confirming Arthur's worst suspicions. The only thing that kept the Prince's sword sheathed was the knowledge that his temper was one of the reasons Merlin hadn't trusted him. To himself Arthur swore that he would be the king Merlin believed him to be, a better king than his father had been. He wouldn't betray the trust placed in him.

The documents Geoffrey had given him showed Arthur the foundation of his idealized Camelot had been laid. Perhaps it had been done out of pragmatism to fight a universal threat, but it had been done. And then something had happened, according to Gaius it had been the actions of one sorcerer that had turned Uther against magic and his father's contention that 'to know the heart of one sorcerer was to know them all' made Gaius' words ring true. Something had happened and Uther responded by doing all that was in his power to bury that foundation beneath the ashes of the sorcerers he killed.

Rash action wouldn't see Uther's betrayal of his magical subjects rectified. It would take time and careful planning to see Camelot's foundation restored to what it could have been. Arthur sighed; it was going to take subterfuge. But it was his father's lies that made this necessary.

"We need new tactics, they won't be caught off guard again," Arthur stated bluntly, setting his plans to protect Merlin into motion. "I don't know enough about magic to combat it effectively and our current strategies are less than worthless without allied sorcerers. If I'm to keep Camelot safe I need to be able to consult an expert on the subject of magic."

Uther considered his son for a long time. "Talk to Gaius," he said finally. "Before I was enlightened about magic's true nature Gaius researched magical healing arts as well as scientific ones. He may not have the expertise in battle-magic that you seek; his studies were quite narrow, which likely saved him from magic's corruption; but he is both knowledgeable about magic and loyal to the crown."

"Thank you Father," Arthur said, hiding the satisfaction he felt behind a bland mask of mindless acceptance.

'This isn't working,' Merlin thought to himself, as he broke camp for his third day of trying to catch up with the other sorcerer.

He didn't have his magic book at hand or a prepared spell, but his recent stint as a child had reminded him that he didn't always need them. His magic worked on an instinctual level. Spells could save him effort by channeling his magic more efficiently, they were more certain because it was his conscious mind that defined them rather than his subconscious, but he didn't need them.

Merlin took a deep breath, closed his eyes and concentrated all his being on his need to catch up with the other sorcerer. He let the magic inside him bubble up and take form. A wind sprung up in the clearing around twisting leaves and dust into an ever decreasing spiral that slow gained solidity and form. Merlin opened his eyes to see what looked like very like a small dragon, barely larger than a horse if the wing-span was discounted, standing in front of him. The creature roared and bent one knee, inviting Merlin to mount it.

"Not exactly what I was hoping for," Merlin admitted, but he climbed aboard and the creature leapt into the sky. Merlin whooped with delight. After a few moments he directed the creature to follow the trail marked out by his magic.

"Now this is more like it," Merlin declared as the terrain sped by beneath them.

"I have my father's permission to consult you as an expert on magic," Arthur announced, interrupting Gaius' breakfast.

Gaius blinked at his royal visitor in surprise.

"In a few months I'll point out the advantages of having an expert on hand in the field. Merlin's the obvious choice: He's already apprenticed to you as a healer and I honestly can't remember the last time I left Camelot without him at my side," Arthur continued. "Of course you'll only be permitted to teach Merlin to combat magic, not to use it but it will safely explain his knowledge of the subject."

"It's a good plan," Gaius admitted.

"Don't sound so surprised, I've commanded Camelot's military for three years now, I do know a thing or two about making a battle plan," Arthur humphed. "Father's permitted this so that I will be better prepared to carry on his fight against magic, but I won't be used to forward his vendetta any longer. I will not allow my reign to be based on lies and ignorance. First I want to know how many others like Merlin are out there?"

"There is no one else like Merlin," Gaius said with a small smile. "But if you mean children born with magic? About a third of us have enough magical ability to develop expertise in it's use. It's a matter of study and practice, and most chose specific discipline to focus on. Before the Purge I had a respectable ability as a healer as well as a physician."

Gaius paused. "Then there are those born with so much magic that it bursts forth from them whether or not they make any effort to awake it. Approximately one in a hundred children are born like this. They don't study magic to gain strength so much as to channel or control the fires raging in their blood."

"While Merlin was little I overheard..."Arthur began.

Gaius' eyebrow rose at Arthur's admission of eavesdropping. "Yes, Hunith asked for my help when Merlin's magic became uncontrollable. The exercises, being mentally centered helped to prevent spontaneous manifestation of his magic. When magic is that strong in a person using it is a reflexive response."

Without warning Gaius knocked a jar off his table. Arthur lunged forward, catching it before it could shatter. Gaius nodded. "Your physical reflexes are superb, Sire. As would be expected from a knight. If I did that to Merlin, his first reaction would be to reach out with his magic."

"Even if he wanted to, Merlin couldn't stop using magic," Arthur realized.

Gaius shook his head. "He could try, but eventually he'd be surprised or in desperate need and would react with his magic, just like you would reach out with your hand to stop yourself from falling. It's safer and a more realistic goal for Merlin to train himself to react with subtle magic than for him to try to repress it all together."

"But less honest," Arthur muttered, even while he acknowledged the need for subterfuge a part of him still resented it.

Gaius gave Arthur a reproving look. "Ahh yes, honesty. Such a peerless virtue. If Hunith had been more rigorously honest Merlin would never have lied to you... He would have been drowned like an unwanted kitten before he spoke his first words."

Arthur flinched. "I do understand why he lied, but you can't expect me to enjoy being kept in the dark, it seems everyone has been lying to me," he said thinking of his father. "And now there's Merlin's most recent bout of secrecy- He should have told me the thief was a sorcerer! I think lies and secrecy have become so ingrained in Merlin, and in you, that you're incapable of trusting."

"I've grown old by exercising caution," Gaius replied. "The truth can be more deadly than a sword. Most of my friends and peers died, impaled upon it's blade. I would not see Merlin become yet another victim of carelessly given truths."

"I'm going to break Merlin of reflexive lying," Arthur declared. At Gaius' look he back-peddled a bit. "I know his magic has to stay a secret, I'm trying to help him keep it from my father remember? But lies and secrets can't be our habitual mode of operation. They have to be a conscious choice. It should be lies that are sparingly doled out as needed not the truth."

"Then change the laws," Gaius challenged. "Don't make it a crime to be born."

"When I'm king I will," Arthur stated. "But when I do I'm going to need Merlin to step forward. Right now, I'm not sure he has it in him to ever leave the shadows."

"Okay, you can go now," Merlin told the beast he'd summoned into being. "Dissolve back into dust or something." The small dragon-like creature gave him a friendly nuzzle that all but knocked the warlock off his feet. Merlin signed, he really should have learned the spell to de-animate things back when Valiant had been causing problems instead of just sneaking his dog statue turned flesh and blood into the royal kennels. He let his magic bubble to the surface, "Shoo!" he ordered, his eyes glowing gold.

The dragon creature looked at Merlin sadly, then turned and wandered off. "Make me feel like I kicked a puppy," Merlin muttered to himself. "But it's not as if I can sneak in with a mini-Dragon tagging along at my heels."

The sorcerer's trail had ultimately led him here, to a circle of standing stones and a gathering of people wearing mystica- looking burgundy cloaks that swept the ground and had deep cowls. Merlin decided he thoroughly approved of their fashion sense as he slipped up behind one man and used a rock to knock him unconscious. 'Bigger blind-spot than a knight with his helmet on,' Merlin thought cheerfully as he dragged the man into the bushes, tied and gagged him, then tried on the cloak. 'And just my size.'

Merlin had just begun to infiltrate the group when the ceremony reached a crescendo. Arthur's stolen laundry lay on an altar at the center of the gathering, in a carefully drawn circle, the leader's eyes flashed "Forbaerne!" he commanded. As smoke began to rise from the garments, he commanded "Abannan se agend!"

A vortex formed in the clearing before the altar. As the spell did it's work the leader spoke once more, "Let the Triple Goddess look upon what we do here and be pleased."

After leaving Gaius Arthur sequestered himself in the library.

"How did you find the document I recommended?" Geoffrey asked.

"Educational," Arthur replied then asked, "Why didn't my father change that law?"

"Because the charter was the start of his reign, it's signing marked the restoration of Camelot to it's rightful ruler," Geoffrey explained. "It's historical significance, for King Uther in particular, is beyond compare. To amend it would be all but unthinkable, particularly not when one could simply alter the interpretation rather than the text."

"Do you have any other recommendations?" Arthur asked and Geoffrey smiled.

Once Geoffrey left him to his research Arthur decided to attempt an experiment of his own. He resolved that for the rest of the day he would only use his left hand. Arthur wanted to know what it felt like for Merlin to not use his magic and after Gaius' explanation it seemed like a way to experience it for himself. Eventually Arthur had to give it up as impossible unless he took measures to restrain his right hand; it's use was simply too reflexive. To continue Arthur switched, allowing himself the use of his dominant hand. Even then he found he had to think about not using one hand constantly. Every moment, with every action he had to remind himself that he wasn't allowed to use his left hand. After an hour Arthur was irritated beyond belief, even as a self-imposed limitation it felt wrong to deny a part of himself.

In his training as a knight Arthur had spent years strengthening his non-dominant side, training himself to view every part of his body as a weapon. Even in a tourney, where strict rules of combat were observed he used his shield-arm to shove opponents off-balance. Given an opening he wouldn't hesitate to launch a kick. As a knight Arthur trained himself as a unit, sword and shield, brain and brawn, every part of him focused on a single goal. Merlin survived by dividing himself, magical against physical, what he was allowed to do verse what he could do. 'Maybe that's why he's so hopelessly clumsy,' Arthur thought. 'I can't teach him competence with a sword because he has to focus so much of himself on not revealing his magic. Merlin is never allowed to use all his resources.'

But magic... Magic always seemed like cheating. 'Only because Camelot eschews it,' Arthur realized. 'If Gaius can be believed a third of us could learn to use magic, that's more than are allowed to become knights under Camelot's First Law.' Still the thought of using magic in a battle struck Arthur as fundamentally dishonest, a gross departure from the tenants of honorable combat. Arthur thought back to his second meeting with Merlin. 'In retrospect it's obvious he used magic against me during that fight. There is no honest way an untrained peasant could have possibly held his own against a knight.'

Arthur felt a flush of mortification creeping up his neck. 'There was no way a peasant like Merlin should have been able to hold his own against me. Merlin didn't seek out that fight, he tried to walk away but I wouldn't let him.' Arthur closed his eyes and rested his head in his hands. 'Here I am whining about the unfairness of using magic, but I forced an untrained boy into a fight he couldn't possibly win just to sooth my ego. I didn't care about what was fair when I should have had the advantage did I?' Arthur sighed 'At least that time I didn't top it off by using my position to punish him for not being as easy to humble as I thought he'd be. That would have been beyond prattish.'

Arthur was about to reach for the next text when he felt what seemed like an enormous hand wrap around him and was snatched away. For several long moments the world was replaced by a swirling vortex of magic. When it cleared Camelot's library was gone, replaced by a weathered circle of standing stones. Over two dozen heavily cloaked figures surrounded Arthur.

The prince drew his sword with a flourish and set himself to fight, despite the utter hopelessness of the situation. A sudden movement drew his eye, one of the cloaked figures had apparently been in the middle of trying to shove his way forward when Arthur had been summoned there. Merlin.

Arthur's shoulders relaxed, he sheathed his sword and took a moment to make a more thorough survey of his surroundings. He nodded toward the smoldering pile of fabric, "I suppose this answers the question of what anyone would want with my dirty laundry," he remarked.

The sorcerers shifted uncertainly. Arthur's reaction wasn't in the least what they'd expected.

One of their number stepped forward and lowered her cowl to reveal the sorceress who had attached Arthur before. "What became of that boy who sought to protect you before?" she asked with a sneer. "Do his ashes already darken Camelot's walls, yet another child of the Old Religion murdered by a Pendragon?"

Merlin could see what Arthur intended and let his magic run free to support him. It swirled around Merlin, turning his robe a brilliant blue, setting him apart from the gathering as he took his place at Arthur's side. "I'm doing well, thanks," he said, deepening his voice to disguise it. "Now that I'm free of your brother's spell that is."

If the sorcerers had been unsettled by Arthur, Merlin utterly flabbergasted them.

Arthur gave Merlin a quick smile and tried not to squirm as Merlin's magic wrapped itself around him, changing his casual clothes into his full court regalia. "You might have warned me that I was going to be requested for an audience."

Merlin shrugged. "Sorry, if I'd known what they were up to I would have suggested going through the proper channels."

"This isn't an audience!" the group's leader snapped, feeling his control over the situation slipping away. "You, Arthur Pendragon, have been summoned to atone for all your family's sins against our people!"

Arthur met the other man's eyes calmly. "Since I've come to know… Emrys here I've begun examining Camelot's laws and history."

"Emrys!?" One of the sorcerers exclaimed, trying to get a better look at Merlin.

Arthur ignored him. "Among Camelot's founding laws it is written that any malicious act of magic is punishable by death. I am still trying to learn the source of my father's insanity that has caused him to interpret every act of magic as malicious. I apologize for his miscarriage of justice and will do everything in my power to prevent any further abuses of our law."

"You will do more than apologize," the leader snarled.

Merlin raised one hand, his eyes glowed within the shadows of his cowl. "No he will not," he stated. "I will not allow this cycle of retribution to continue. Not when there is finally a real chance to end it."

"Are you truly Emrys," one asked.

"The druids call me that," Merlin confirmed.

Arthur stepped away from Merlin. He turned slowly, looking at each of the sorcerers in turn. "I will uphold Camelot's laws," he said firmly. "Not the perversion that they have become. Tell your people that this is both my promise and my warning to them: When I am king those who would live in peace will have no reason to fear Camelot. But those who would attack us will wish it was my father they face."

"What could you do that your father hasn't already?"

Arthur glanced significantly at Merlin. "What do you think?"

Suddenly the air filled with a shining white mist, it swirled through the stones and around each person present before coalescing into the indistinct figure of a woman.

"Is this you?" Arthur whispered to Merlin.

The young warlock shook his head. "They invoked the Triple Goddess to bare witness when you were summoned… But I don't know what that means for us."

"The time of the Once and Future King dawns," the woman declared in a voice that was simultaneously young and old and that seemed to echo through their bones. "But the shape of his reign is still in flux." A tendril of mist reached out for Merlin and his enveloping cloak reshaped itself into his normal garb. "Emrys stands at his King's side, not only as advisor but also as a signal flame. His fate reveals the fate of all Children of the Old Ways."

Merlin fidgeted under the sudden scrutiny but Arthur put a calming hand on his shoulder and looked up at the figure. "You are right," he agreed. "Merlin is my sworn retainer, his well-being is my responsibility as the well-being of all Camelot's subjects will be my responsibility when I am King. That he has magic does not and should not change my obligation to him as my subject, or his obligation to me as his king."

"Remember your words today, Once and Future King," the woman declared. The mist lost form and streamed away, people in it's path scrambled backwards leaving an opening in the sorcerer's ranks.

"I think that's our cue to leave," Merlin said quietly. Arthur nodded and walked calmly through the gathering of sorcerers, Merlin at his side, out of the circle of standing stones and into the night.