The hazel orbs were startled to find another fresh stream of tears engulfing them with such fortitude. The strong intense hold of Jane's embrace had become the tipping point for the overwhelming ache that had taken home in Maura's chest these past weeks. The fact that her mind was once again able to register the all-consuming embrace of her best friend, the person she had grown to care and love so much over the years and that this just might be the last one she might ever have was in itself unbearable. Somehow, one look into those eyes had managed to bring all her barriers to crumble down; whatever rational arguments she had been fighting over these days to convince herself that she could live without having Jane in her life had essentially turned futile. She had no idea how to survive without her best friend, she just didn't know.

Another intense stream of tears broke out and she couldn't help but bury herself in one long tug into Jane's shoulders and cry without reservations. She could feel Jane's own breakdown swelling inside her, her own tears breaking free. Maura didn't try to disentangle herself to say anything. Jane didn't say anything either until she really found herself believing that Maura hadn't left and was in fact standing right there.

As Jane finally registered that Maura hadn't left her yet, she pulled back instantly to look into those glistening swelled orbs.

"What were you thinking Maura? What on earth were you thinking?"

Words choked in Maura's throat as she heard the pain in Jane's voice. She had no idea how to tell Jane everything, even after she had apparently found out. Will she ever find the strength to tell her and leave? Maura found it an impossibility right now.

Jane could see the internal clash in Maura's mind. She was on the verge of collapsing. Jane immediately set all questions and accusations for later and beseeched Maura with a gentle tug to come with her upstairs to her apartment. Maura didn't have in her to fight that, so she acquiesced and let Jane hold her with her arms over her shoulder to push her forward.

Jane pulled every ounce of strength in her to be able to see her best friend in the condition she was in, broken, exhausted and still fighting an inner battle. She carefully managed to get her still sobbing friend all the way up to her apartment, opened the door with one hand, while still holding onto Maura's fragile frame and then gently made her sit on her couch. She ran to get a glass of water for Maura and then she sat right on the table in front of Maura, holding her hands in her own. Maura's tears were still not willing to stop.

"Hey hey… sssshh.. Everything is okay Maur. You are okay. You will be okay. I am here." Jane stroked Maura's arms and back until she could feel the shivers fade. She pushed the glass in Maura's hands to drink some water from the glass that she was still gripping tightly and then instantly switched to sit beside her on the couch tugging her close.

Maura gave in to that comfort for the moment. She rested her head on Jane's familiar shoulders and let it all in. Minutes into the silence, when Maura had finally found the strength to rein in the tears, Jane spoke in a whisper. "Why didn't you tell me Maur? You were just going to leave me?"

The ache in Jane's voice was still echoing. Maura had to find words. "I had no choice Jane. I… I … I couldn't do this to you. I am never going to get better. And I… You would… I couldn't see you hurt."

"And you thought I could?" Jane wasn't unaware of the turmoil in Maura's voice. She was stuttering to find words. In all her seven years with her, she had never seen her falter like that. She almost could sense another breakdown eminent, so she eased up to talk some sense into Maura.

"Maura, don't you know me? Why did you even think that I would ever let you take this stupid path of isolation? You are my best friend Maura. There isn't anything in the world I wouldn't do for you. You know that. How was I possibly supposed to stay okay with you gone? And you didn't even think of Alex?" Jane's voice was low but firm.

"But I will be gone Jane. Everything you know about me, everything I am, it will fade away even before I die. I did think of Alex and I did think of you. That is why I wanted to just disappear from your lives while I still could hold some semblance of you all. I had no choice. I have no choice. I just can't stay here, watching myself lose everything, lose you and Alex, watching you both lose me…" Maura almost broke at the last phrase, a part of her still fighting over her decision. She was finding it harder and harder to draw strength from her already fragile mind. But she had to.

Jane turned to sit face to face with Maura. She had to make Maura believe, see it right. She pulled her in front of her, her scarred hands still shaking as they desperately tried to hold onto Maura. "Please don't say that Maura. You have a choice. You have the choice of letting us help you through this. You can't leave me like this. I cannot bear to leave you. Please, can't you see? If you think you leaving me like this will hurt less than seeing you not able to recognize me, then you are wrong. I will not make it without you Maur…" Jane found her own voice choking now, but she had to keep talking, she had to stop Maura from leaving, "Maur, you once told me that it takes courage to live for someone, please let me be your courage, and live for me; live with me, with us. Don't leave us and fight this alone. You know you don't want to. I know you don't. Please for once listen to your heart."

"I am listening to my heart Jane… I…"

"If your heart is asking you to leave me, then listen to mine. You believe in me don't you? Please listen to mine Maur, don't leave me…"

Maura suddenly couldn't trust her own rational arguments anymore. She had never seen her best friend plead in front of her like this. And this wasn't something she ever wanted to see. Even if her heart and mind were on the verge of a collapse, all she wanted was to set every fear and reason aside and give Jane what she wanted. She couldn't see Jane break apart like this. She couldn't.

"Okay…" a small voice came out from Maura, her eyes not meeting Jane's.

"Okay? You won't leave me?" Jane was still unbelieving although she didn't want to.

"No Jane. In all totality, I can never." Maura had looked in her eyes back again as she said that.

Jane still had to make sure. Her own heart was on the verge of a giving away. "No no no no no... Tell me plainly, are you still planning to leave me and everyone?"

Jane's eyes were glistening with hope. May be she could live for her. She could still find the courage to give Jane what she had asked. "No Jane, I will not leave you." Not until I am still me.