The Day Cloud Smiled

Her pride had been stung, but at least now she knew where they stood. She would accept her place in his life, and they would go back to the way they had been. It was enough for her. It would have to be.

To the casual observer, it may have looked like life as usual. They took up their normal roles at the bar and with the kids. Cloud fixed the endlessly leaking pipes, patched up the holes in the walls that invariably appeared where alcohol and aggression were combined, and cleared out the clogged lines of the taps. But something was missing. It seemed like a darkness followed him everywhere he went, and the small smiles he gave so sparingly were now absent altogether.

After a couple of months of this sullen Cloud, Tifa had to say something. She had silently watched him pushing mashed potatoes around his plate all through dinner, one elbow on the table, resting his head on his hand.

"Is it ok if me and Marlene go play?" Denzel asked after wolfing down his food with the usual gusto.

"Marlene and I," Tifa corrected absently. "And yes, as soon as you bring your dishes into the kitchen."

Denzel grinned and dashed off to the kitchen with his plate. Gathering her own plate and glass, Marlene followed at a more leisurely pace.

Tifa waited until she heard their footsteps pounding up the stairs. "You don't like the potatoes?"

Cloud kept his head parked on his hand but raised his eyes, his expression blank. "No, they're fine. I'm just not very hungry."

Tifa raised an eyebrow. "That, in itself, seems like a problem."

He shrugged. "Not really. I don't do very much anymore. I don't get as hungry."

Tifa tilted her head as she examined him. It was true; in the past, he had found it nearly impossible to sit still. But more than once over the past weeks, she had seen him sitting on the couch, staring at nothing. He didn't train, didn't play or joke with the kids, didn't say anything except the minimal required responses when asked a question, and otherwise just sat around. Since he'd been "dead" for months, he'd lost all of his regular customers, but he'd done nothing to try to start up again.

She tapped her fingers on the table thoughtfully. "Cloud, why don't you ever go anywhere anymore? Not that I don't appreciate having you around all the time…but you used to go crazy if you had to stay home for more than a day at a time. You haven't left the bar in weeks. You're a doer, Cloud. And lately…you're not."

He blinked once – he even blinked slower – but otherwise his expression didn't change. "Where am I going to go, Tifa? How would I go anywhere? Fenrir's a pile of mangled metal."

Tifa frowned. "So? You practically built her from scratch. You can't buy some replacement parts and fix her?"

"With what money?"

"We have money, Cloud. Maybe not enough to fix it all at once, but a little at a time."

Cloud looked down at his still-full plate. "No, Tifa," he said softly. "You have money. I have nothing. I…" His shoulders drooped even further. "I shouldn't be here."

Tifa slammed her fist on the table, causing the dishes to jump. The silverware clattered together loudly. He looked back up, startled, the dimmed light in his eyes flickering brighter for a moment.

"Damn it, Cloud, don't you dare do this again!" Tifa snarled. "You said you weren't going anywhere, and now you want to break your promise. Again. God! Every time I think you've learned, something happens to drag you down and we start this whole cycle over again!"

She stood up so fast that she knocked over her chair. She put her palms on the table and leaned forward, leveling him with fury. "Do you think it makes it easier on us when you just leave? Because it's not easier. Ever. We just worry because we don't know what's going on with you, we don't know if you're ok on your own, and we can't do anything to help you. It just sucks and you can't put us all through that again."

Cloud was looking away, a pained look in his eyes. Tifa schooled her expression and took a calming breath. As panicked as she was at the thought of losing him again, making him feel guilty was not helping.

She caught his eye and spoke more softly. "Cloud, why do you feel like you have to deal with all your problems alone? Families, real or not, they help each other. They get through things together." This wasn't the first time she'd given him this speech, but it had stuck for a while last time. Maybe he just needed to hear it again.

He sat up a little straighter, a spark of anger lighting him up. His blue eyes flashed brighter than she'd seen in weeks. "I know, Tifa, but it's not us helping each other. It's you helping me. Always. I just take, and take, and never give."

Tifa's hands tightened into fists on the table. "Oh really? Well then it's a good thing I've never gotten hurt. What would we ever do if I got laid up? What if I had to close the bar? Who would pay the bills and look after the kids and take care of me and sit by my bed every damn day until I got better?"

The spark fizzled out and he slouched back into the chair. "That was different. You were protecting Marlene. That was...it wasn't your fault."

"And what happened to you was your fault? It is the same. The only difference is that you hold on to everything bad, every shitty thing that's ever happened in your life, every mistake you've ever made, or think you might have made, or anything you could have changed but didn't. And you choose not to remember anything good you've ever done."

Tifa reached across the table and squeezed his hand. "Cloud," she asked softly, "how many people do you need to save before you're good enough for yourself?"

Cloud pulled his hand away and looked down. "I don't remember if it was my fault or not," Cloud said softly, completely dismissing everything else she said. "I meant that what happened to you was my fault. I should've been there."

Tifa scoffed. "No, you shouldn't have been there. You were where you were supposed to be – doing your job. And I was doing mine. It just happened. Life happens, Cloud. We can't control it, and we can't predict it. We don't know what effects our choices will have. All we can do is make our way through it the best that we can." She paused and met his eyes, lowering her voice. "As long as we help each other through it, we can get through anything."

She won't talk for anything. And I do mean anything, Strife.

Cloud jerked upright in his chair. Their entire discussion was wiped from his mind by the random fragment of memory. "Tifa…" he began, looking her over closely. "What happened when those people were holding you?"

Startled by the sudden change in topic, Tifa frowned. "You know what happened."

"I saw the chains they were using to hold you. The cuts and bruises…" he closed his eyes, remembering how much it hurt to see what they had done to her. "They were awful. I know they hurt you. But…is that all that happened?"

Pain, pain, go away, come again some other day…

Reflexively, Tifa pulled her legs to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. Her face was haunted, her eyes distant. "No…that's not all," she said softly, casting her eyes down. "But I don't want to…" she swallowed hard. "Please don't ask me to…"

Cloud's stomach churned. Moving faster than he had in a long time, he was around the table and at her side. Kneeling by her chair, he pulled her body to his. She stayed as she was on the chair, rigidly holding her knees, within his arms.

"Gods, Tifa, I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I didn't think about…" His voice shook.

Slowly, she let go of her knees and let him pull her onto his lap on the floor, where she curled into him and fought the flood of memories. One tiny sob slipped out before she slammed the door. She sat up with a gasp, wiping her face. "Oh. Shit. No. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—"

Tifa tried to stand up, to push herself off of him, but Cloud grabbed her hands, pulling her back down. "Hey," he said, drawing her eyes back to his. "We get through things together…right?"

She stared at him for a moment, then nodded slowly. She'd never expected to have her own words thrown back at her, but she was just as guilty of trying to handle everything on her own, wasn't she? How could she lecture him on letting them in, when she didn't let anyone in either? She sank down against his chest and let him support her. She let it come back slowly – the feelings, the memories, everything building up until it was an avalanche of hurt. Everything she had held back for so long was finally released. He rested his chin on top of her head and held her tight while the storm raged through her. Cloud felt completely useless. He didn't know what to say to Tifa, what to do to help her. So he said nothing.

Tifa clung to his shirt and let the pain wash over her, and out of her. The sobs wracked her body, and she felt as if she would have floated away if he had not been there to anchor her. Eventually, the tears died down to a trickle. And when she was all cried out, she felt different. She felt almost peaceful. Had she known it would be so cathartic, maybe she wouldn't have held on to it all for so long. But it was also exhausting, and her head was pounding. She wiped her face with his shirt – pointless, really, since it was already soaked – and sat up. She gave him a watery smile as his eyes followed her. How wonderful, she thought, that Cloud knew she just needed him to be there, not to say anything.

Cloud tipped up her chin, studying her big brown eyes, now red and puffy. "Are you ok?"

Tifa nodded tiredly. "Yeah. I'll be ok. I'm just really worn out now."

"Why don't you take a nap?" he suggested.

Tifa looked scandalized. Take a nap? There was far too much to do to before the bar opened to even consider wasting the evening. "No. I'll just get some coffee." She kissed his cheek softly before standing. "Thanks, Cloud."

Cloud watched her walk away. He was lost in his own thoughts. How much time had he spent wallowing in self-pity? He had been so focused on himself, on his own problems, that he hadn't even seen that she needed him. Was that what he had done before? All the times he had run away, he had told himself that he was trying to spare them. He wanted to protect them, hadn't he? Or was it just easier for him to tell himself that they didn't need him?

He stood up with a new determination. He had things to do.

Maybe it wasn't so bad. He squatted next to Fenrir, pulling at the crumpled metal to get a better look. Both of the front wheels were trashed, and the front axle was almost unrecognizable. The headlight and windshield would need to be replaced, and it would definitely need some body work. But the springs for the hidden compartments had been surprisingly hard to find, and at least that was all still intact.

He would need to get the metal pieces out of the way before he could see if there was any more damage inside, but now that he thought about it, he could probably find a lot of the parts. The wreckage of Midgar had been pretty picked over, but there was still plenty of scrap to find, if one dug deep enough. In fact, hadn't Denzel been a scrap monkey for a while, before he stumbled upon Cloud's phone at Aerith's church? He could help Cloud find some good places to dig through. Feeling better than he had for a long time, he pulled on his gloves and got to work.

"Denzel! You ready?" Cloud called up the stairs.

"Coming!" came the reply.

The little boy dashed down the stairs, sliding across the landing in his socks. He was practically bouncing off the walls with excitement.

"Wait for me!" Marlene scampered down the stairs behind him, her best dress floating around her knees.

"Umm, Marlene? Why are you wearing a dress?" Cloud questioned.

"It's to celebrate The Day Cloud Got Off His Ass," she said brightly.

Cloud couldn't help it. He laughed out loud.

"Marlene!" Tifa scolded. "Don't use that word."

Marlene blinked up at her innocently. "That's what Yuffie called it." Then she looked over at Cloud and tilted her head. "I can call it The Day Cloud Smiled, if you like that better."

Do I really not smile that often? …I guess not.

Cloud crouched down in front of her. "I definitely like that better. But Marlene, you can't wear that when we're digging through scrap."

The little girl crossed her arms. "Why not? I look like a girl. Girls can be tough, too. Yuffie says you're just being sexist if you say they're not."

Cloud looked up at Tifa, admiring her quiet strength. He smiled softly. "You're right, Marlene. Girls are very tough." He looked back down at her. "But your dress will get dirty and get caught on things and ripped. Your legs will get all scratched up.".

Marlene scowled. "I don't care. I'm celebrating."

"Ok," Cloud shrugged, standing back up. "You can celebrate all you want, but you can't come with us unless you put on some pants. And some better shoes," he said, looking at her dainty sandals pointedly.

"UGH! Sexist!" Marlene stamped her foot and then dashed up the stairs, skirt flying behind her. She was unusually mature for her age, and sometimes Cloud forgot she was only 7 until she did something like this to remind him.

Cloud looked at Denzel, unsure if she was throwing a tantrum or actually going to change.

"She's changing," Denzel assured him as he tied his own shoes. "She'll be right back."

In less than a minute, she was back downstairs, wearing worn-out jeans and tennis shoes. She seemed to have gotten over her frustration in that short time, because she was beaming up at him. She gave him her best salute. "Marlene Wallace, reporting for duty. Ready to scrap!"

Cloud ruffled her hair affectionately. "Much better. Ok guys, let's go."

When they reached the edge of the Midgar wreckage, Cloud looked to Denzel. "All right man, you lead the way. To start with, we need to find a pretty big piece of glass, and some scrap metal. And keep an eye out for a working headlight."

"Got it." Denzel nimbly climbed up a pile of scrap. Marlene followed behind, not quite as quickly but almost as gracefully. Cloud worked his way to the top, the scrap frequently shifting and sliding under his weight.

By mid-day, all three of them were filthy and hot. In contrast to Cloud, who was worn out and ready for a break, the kids were up and down the rubble, digging and sliding and calling excitedly to each other over each new treasure they found.

"Hey, guys!" Cloud called. "Let's head back and get some lunch."

There was a duo of "Awwww" from Denzel and Marlene, but they dutifully came running to catch up to Cloud, who was carefully picking his way back to the road, carrying the goodies they had discovered that day. They had found a rectangular piece of glass with only a few chips, large enough for the windshield. He could easily repair and reshape it with some high-level fire materia. They had also lucked out and found a decently large sheet of metal that Clould could use for most of the body work. Overall, he was pretty pleased with the haul.

When they arrived back at the bar, Cloud brought the scrap to the garage and went around the side to the back door of the bar. He entered through the kitchen and headed straight to the sink, scrubbing his hands and arms and face in the blessedly cold water. He would have liked a shower, but there wasn't much point since they would be going right back out after lunch.

Tifa came in the kitchen just as he finished drying his hands. She stopped and put her hands on her hips when she saw him. "Did you forget to put on sunscreen this morning?"

Cloud touched his hot face and had the grace to look sheepish. "Uhh…I forgot?"

She shook her head, giving him her best disappointed look. "Well, you should really stay out of the sun for the rest of the day."

He could have argued, but he latched on to the excuse gratefully. "Yeah, you're right. We'll have to go back tomorrow."

Tifa raised her eyebrows, surprised to hear him agreeing so readily. He was just so tired. All he wanted to do was crash for the rest of the day. But first – food and a shower.

The condensation collecting on the outside of the water bottle was cold in Tifa's hand. She was on her way out to the garage to check on Cloud. He'd been in there all day, and she still worried that he would get tired, although it had been a while since he'd shown any signs of fatigue in the middle of the day. He was definitely regaining his strength and stamina. She decided to see how he looked, and talk him into taking a break if he looked like he needed it.

Light flickered through the window of the garage door. She turned the knob and pushed the door open. He had his back to her, sparks jumping in front of him from the welder in his hand. His bare arms glistened with sweat where they weren't covered in dirt, and he was wearing a welding mask. She waited patiently for him to turn off the welder, and then touched his arm with the water bottle. He jumped from the cold shock.

He pushed the mask up on his head. "Shit, Tifa, you scared me." He wiped at the sweat on his face, smearing it with dirt from his hand.

She smirked, leaning a hip against the table holding his tools. "I didn't know it was possible to sneak up on you."

"Well, you know, the welder is loud, and the mask…" he gestured to the sides of his face, indicating that it was blocking his peripheral vision.

She held out the water and he took it gratefully, tipping his head back and draining half of it in one drink.

"Thanks," he said, replacing the cap. "So what's up?"

"Nothing. Just seeing what you were doing." She smiled. "Glad to see you wear a helmet for something. Will you wear one for riding now?"

There it was again, that slight curve of his lips that she cherished but saw so rarely. "Not a chance." With a sharp nod of his head, the face mask flipped back down.

[2 months later]

Cloud pulled into the parking lot of Seventh Heaven, cutting the engine. It was his first ride on the rebuilt Fenrir, and he couldn't remember the last time he felt so good. The gold and black metal reflected in the overhead lights. It was late, he knew, but he wanted to take Tifa out for a ride.

He pulled open the front door, ignoring the greetings from the regulars in the bar. "Hey, where's Tifa?" he called out to Yuffie.

She jerked her head toward the kitchen door. "Back there. Hey, tell her I need her help out here."

Cloud chose not to acknowledge her comment and pushed through the swinging door. Tifa was standing at the sink, cleaning up. He came up behind her and put his hands on her waist. She started as she turned around, not surprised that he was there – it really was nearly impossible to sneak up on her – but surprised that he was touching her. His eyes glowed with excitement and he grabbed her hands, still wet from the sink.

"Tifa. Come take a ride with me."

"I…um, ok, but I should finish—"

He ignored her half-baked protests and dragged her out. Yuffie tried to stop them as they passed through the bar, but he was on a mission and he wouldn't be stopped by the little thief, no matter how persistent.

He pulled her all the way out to Fenrir. He threw a leg over the bike and looked at her expectantly. Thrilled by the boyish happiness, she slid onto the seat behind him and put her arms around his waist, locking her hands together in front of him. His breath caught and he froze, suddenly very aware of her closeness. Swallowing, he turned the key and felt the engine roar to life beneath them. She's just holding on. What did you expect? Slowly letting out the breath he'd been holding, he flipped on the lights and pulled out of the lot.

He drove more slowly than usual, enjoying the cool night air blowing through his hair. He refused to entertain the thought that he wanted to prolong the ride and the feel of her against his back. He brought her up to the cliff that he would forever think of as Zack's cliff, cutting the engine twenty feet from the edge. "Come on, I want to show you something."

Reluctantly, Tifa released him and slid down to the ground. Cloud climbed down next to her and tugged her hand toward the edge. She stood beside him and looked out into the darkened valley below.

He pointed toward one of the bluffs. "Right there. See it?"

She squinted, looking for something unusual among the shadowed areas within the hills and plateaus. "Cloud, what am I looking at?"

He moved to stand behind her. He put his hands on the sides of her head, turning it to look the same direction as his. Then she saw it. "Oh, Gaia! Baby chocobos! Oh Cloud, they're so cute!"

Cloud slid his hands down to rest on her shoulders. Fireflies swirled around the chocobos, providing just enough illumination to make out their fuzzy little heads. They were struggling to push themselves over the edge of the nest, a competition among the siblings to see who could get out first. One finally pushed off of his sister's head, and then flapped and wiggled enough to flip himself over the edge. He slid down to the ground and then looked around in a panic, cheeping wildly. The mother scooped him up and deposited him back in the nest, and he immediately resumed the struggle to throw himself over the edge again. Tifa laughed in delight.

Standing as he was, with his head right next to hers, the smell of her hair, the enticing curve of her neck, the sound of her laugh, and the soft strength of her shoulders under his hands, Cloud's senses were overwhelmed with her.

"Damn it, Tifa," he whispered. "You make it so hard to do the right thing."

Tifa carefully turned her head enough to see him. His face was only inches away. She could feel the slight movements of his chest against her back with each breath. Like a frightened animal, she didn't want to ruin the mood and scare him off. "What's the right thing?" she asked softly.

Startled, Cloud removed his hands and took a step back, away from her. "What?"

She turned around to look it him. "You said it was hard to do the right thing. What's the right thing?"

He really did look like a frightened animal now, eyes wide, backing steadily toward Fenrir. "I didn't say anything."

She took a step toward him and he scrambled backwards faster. "Cloud, please don't…" She watched the walls come up again, and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

He turned his back to her. "We should go back. Come on." He climbed on Fenrir and started the engine. Tifa didn't budge. "Come on, Tifa. Let's go."

She folded her arms stubbornly. "No. Not until you tell me what you meant."

He swore and got off the bike. His eyes were hard as he walked toward her. "Stop acting like a child. We're going back." He reached for her elbow and she jerked away from him, expecting him to grab her tightly, but he barely brushed her arm and she pulled back with much more force than needed. A rock caught beneath her heel and she stumbled backwards.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion. Loose rocks skittered over the edge behind her. Her eyes grew wide and she threw her arms out, trying to regain her balance, but her heel slipped over the ledge and she tipped away from him.

He froze. He wasn't even aware he was moving until his hand locked around her wrist, and then he was pulling her back, away from the edge, away from the rocky drop to the canyon. He pulled her almost all the way back to Fenrir before releasing her wrist. It was hard to say who was more shaken from the close call. Her face was as white as a sheet, and he was shaky on his feet.

Cloud leaned against Fenrir, trying to hide his unsteadiness. "Can we go now?" he asked gruffly.

Tifa nodded solemnly. "Yeah. Let's go."

The ride home was significantly more subdued than the drive there. She held on to his shirt at his sides, not getting any closer than necessary. He drove even more slowly, still reliving those few seconds on the cliff, except in his mind, she slipped through his fingers. He watched her fall, over and over again, helpless and useless.

When they pulled back into the parking lot, Tifa jumped off while the engine was still running and hurried inside. Cloud turned it off and sighed. That did not go the way he had planned at all.

Tifa walked quickly through the bar area, ignoring Yuffie's desperate attempts to flag her down. Yuffie couldn't get across the room fast enough, and Tifa disappeared up the stairs without sparing her a glance.

Cloud came through the door next, wearing the same grim expression. Already having made it across the room, Yuffie was close enough to grab him. "Hey! What happened? What's wrong with Tifa?"

He shook her off and strode past. "I don't want to talk about it."

"But…I could really use some help out here…"

It was too late. He was gone. Yuffie put her hands on her hips. "Those two act like moody teenagers. Am I the only responsible person in this place?" she huffed.

"Hey Yuf. Another beer?" called the customer at the nearest table.

Yuffie perked up and smiled. "Coming right up!"