A/N Thank you for all your comments after the last chapter!

In this one, the trial begins, changing in a significant way the nature of MerDer relationship. There won't be a lot of legal stuff since I'm mostly ignorant in that field (my whole concept of the courtroom comes from TV shows and Perry Mason books). So please, let me know if I commit some embarrassing mistakes..

Enjoy…

PS I almost forgot, the rating of this chapter probably deserves M, so bear it in mind.

The courtroom would be perfectly silent if it wasn't for the sound of her heels reverberating in his ears, oddly mimicking the pounding of his heart. Derek gazed steadily at the floor. Any second now, Meredith's first question would reach his ears. He already went through hell and back recounting the one evening in his life he would like to erase from his memory. He felt that what was about to happen would prove even more torturous.

Meredith. Since the beginning of the trial this morning, he had to endure the sight of her sitting next to his father's killer, sometimes turning to him, talking to him. In those moments, the air died in his lungs, his blood boiled. It was a sacrilege.

She was good at what she did, no doubt. She was a good lawyer. The amazing observation skills that he had already had the opportunity to experience firsthand made her a great defense counselor. She reacted with reason and precision, always achieving the goal she indented, it being blocking the D.A. or exerting a desirous influence on the jury. And now it was her turn to cross-examine him.

The sounds of steps desisted. He slowly raised his eyes from the floor, catching her slender legs, a modest but elegant black skirt, her fingers intertwined as she stood in front of him, slightly to the side. He finally met her regard apprehensively, noting with a slight disillusion that he couldn't read her, at all. He wouldn't call her an oracle now, more like a sphinx, omniscient and keeping all her secrets to herself.

Appearances. However cool, collected and professional Meredith Grey seemed to be to everyone, Derek included, what was going on inside her could only be compared to an earthquake. She had known it was going to be hard but she never suspected how much. It was bearable until the moment Derek heavily took the stand. He was a mess. The frantic regard, the troubled breathing, the fidgeting. He looked like a wild animal run into a trap. And now it was her job, her obligation, to batter him even more.

"Mr. Shepherd," she started in a clear but gentle voice, "this day has been enough of a traumatic experience for you. It is not my intention to prolong it. I will just ask you a few more question, just to make the entire situation absolutely clear, and you will be free to go."

He gave a small nod. She felt cheap, almost dirty, using the ploy to make the witness relax and lose their guard.

"Mr. Shepherd, you stated that while you were loading your car, you heard gunshots. Worried, you made to enter the store. Is that right?"

"It is," he confirmed and looked somewhere else than her, anywhere else. He was afraid that if his eyes stayed on her too long, everyone would know what was going on between them.

"And then the man whom you later recognized as William Dunn blocked your way."

"Yes, I a… I almost crashed into him and I fell down."

"You said, Mr. Shepherd, and I quote, that "you will never forget his face". That it is always going to haunt you. I get from that that you took a good look at him. Brief, for sure, but it was enough to imprint itself in your mind, was it-"

"I must object, Your Honor!" the district attorney raised from his seat imperiously. "It's an outrageous attempt on the counselor's part to play mind games-"

"If I may, Your Honor," Meredith cut in quickly. "I am by no means challenging the validity of the witness' statement. I trust Mr. Shepherd's judgment and memory and I'm actually hoping they will help us get some facts straight."

"Go on, Miss Grey," allowed the judge with a nod while O'Conner sat down with a roll of his eyes. "Let's not overly dramatize, Mr. O'Conner."

"You are a doctor, Mr. Shepherd?"

"That's right." He blinked nervously, he had absolutely no idea where she was headed now.

"You are a renown surgeon with fifteen years of professional experience, including five at the position of head of the neurosurgery department. Your cases involve mostly accident victims."

Again, Derek confirmed the information with a nod.

"Please, speak, Mr. Shepherd," prompted the judge for the sake of formality.

"It's… correct. Yes."

"Now, Mr. Shepherd, when you bumped into Mr. Dunn in the entrance to the store, did you by any means suspect who he was, what he just did seconds earlier?"

Derek's eyes grew wide and his breathing once again became labored.

"Your Honor, this is not a correct line of defense," the district attorney objected instantaneously.

"Let me rephrase that question," said Meredith raising her hand. "Mr. Shepherd, how did Mr. Dunn look like when you found yourself face to face with him? You clearly remember his face, tell us how it looked like?"

Derek squinted at the district attorney and then at the judge who prompted him to speak once again.

When he looked back at her, straight into her eyes, she saw in his expression something that was not there earlier. A kind of fire, anger, betrayal. She knew she deserved. For a moment, she feared he was going to speak up. Not in order to answer the question but to personally reproach her. And that would be the end of everything.

"How dare you?" he muttered with a strangled voice.

"Mr. Shepherd," reacted the judge. "While I understand your anguish, I'm asking you to stick to the protocol and answer the question, nothing more, nothing less."

"His pupils were dilated, his face rigid, his movements uncoordinated," he recited hollowly. He already knew what she had in mind. A part of him was amazed how she led him on to that conclusion, another absolutely livid.

"These symptoms you have just enumerated," went on Meredith. "They are all symptoms of the acute stress reaction, aren't they?"

"Objection!" growled the attorney. "Mr. Shepherd is not here to give professional opinion."

"We have already established that Mr. Shepherd is a specialist. The question I addressed to him is by no means misdirected."

"It is not," agreed heavily the judge, "but in these circumstances-"

"I beg your pardon, Your Honor, but Mr. Dunn was subjected to no medical evaluation immediately after his arrest, which I regard as serious negligence in the proceedings."

"Very well, Miss Grey. Just this one question. Please, answer, Mr. Shepherd."

"Yes, it would suggest post traumatic shock."

"You thought he was a victim when you saw him, that he got injured, didn't you-"

"Objection!"

"I withdraw that!" agreed Meredith. "That is all on my part, thank you."

Usually, after making a point she felt a sense of satisfaction. Not this time. This time, she felt as if she had killed somebody. When she sat down at her place, she busied herself with her papers avoiding even looking in his directions as he stepped down heavily and made it back through the aisle to where his family was seated.

"Looks like you've just blown up your would-be relationship," she heard Cristina's voice in her ear when her friend leaned towards her over the bar.

A shiver went all the way down through her body when Meredith leaned her heated forehead against the cool windowpane. Even though her shadow blocked the light coming from the room behind her, she couldn't see much outside. Mother nature was lashing out, sending waves of torrential rain all over the world.

She had expected it to end like that. She had foreseen the pain. Yet, she had no regrets about Friday night. Would the pain really be lesser if she had had the will to sent Derek out? Doubtful. At least, she had a precious memory to hold onto, an intangible yet clear proof that she wasn't denied great passions in her life as she came to suspect. She had thought she was cursed. Even her own mother fell hard and fast once in her life, had a torrid affair at the workplace, broke her marriage… It ended badly, true, but Meredith was certain Ellis never regretted it, that the few months with the man she fell in love with were worth all the crap that came later.

She was shook from her confused musings by the sound of the phone and she moved to pick it up with a sigh. She thought she was done for the day. If it was work related, she would kill the person on the other end. Her forehead creased in a surprised frown when she read the ID of the caller. Derek.

Why was he calling her? It was all said and done between them. They were through, how could they not? The phone kept on ringing. She briefly considered ignoring the call but… maybe they needed a kind of closure.

"Derek," she said softly.

"We need to talk," he breathed. Even though he tried, he couldn't conceal the emotion in his voice.

"About what?" she sighed pinching the bridge of her nose. "Let's not hurt each other further and leave it like that-"

"Leave it like what?" he asked harshly.

"We knew what it was going to be like. We gave it a try. Now we know it can't exist. Do you honestly have any illusions left after today?" she tried to reason with him. She really wished he would listen to her for once, giving him more pain was the last thing she wanted.

"All I know is that we need to talk," he insisted adamantly. "I'm coming over."

"What? Derek-"

"I'll be at your place in fifteen minutes."

"Derek!" Too late. The line went dead before she had the chance to finish her sentence. She closed her eyes and let out a long shaky breath. the panic attack was short-lived though. She collected herself in an instant and with a completely cool head, strode to the guest room where her mother was staying.

"Mom," she said peeking her head inside. "That was the hospital. They say there was an emergency, they need you."

Ellis rolled her eyes with annoyance putting down her reading materials. "What hospital?"

"Mercy," Meredith lied on the spot. She knew it won't really matter that no one called for her mother. They would certainly be pleased to keep her as long as possible.

"I told them I'm not on their beck and call," grumbled Ellis but she got up to get her bearings nonetheless. "Now they're just milking it."

Meredith pretended to be busy in the kitchen trying not to appear too suspicious or eager to see Ellis go but she did nervously count the passing minutes. She knew better than to take Derek's promise lightly. Any moment now, he would appear on her doorstep, bumping straight into Ellis Grey. And then… all hell would break loose. She had enough problems with her mother already. She was chided by her since she came back from the court in the afternoon.

"I'm taking the key, Meredith, I probably won't be back soon."

Not even two minutes passed when she heard the frantic knocking.

"Did you meet anyone on the way?" she asked biting down on her lips in apprehension and ushering him inside. He was this close from coming face to face with her mother.

"No," he muttered off-hand, fixing his regard on her face, the force of it making her feel self-conscious.

"What did you want to talk about, Derek?" she asked pulling her hair behind her ears somewhat nervously. "You know the situation."

"I wanted…" he faltered.

She forced herself to meet his eyes and the silent spectacle of emotions she saw in them both thrilled her and scared her.

"I wanted…" he whispered again. "Damn it, Meredith!" he cursed and before she could even blink he was with her. She felt his hands on the sides of her face; his lips against hers, hard, hot, insistent, needy. Taking advantage of her bewilderment, he deepened the kiss with a stifled moan. His tongue took possession of her mouth, arrogantly, thoroughly.

It was the quickest decision she ever made yet one of the most conscious. Was she going to regret allowing it? Possibly. Probably. This contact, the most intimate they ever shared, was a highway to hell, in more than one ways. Yet, she would regret much more putting an end to this. No one ever clung to her like that in her whole life, no one kissed her with equal abandon. So instead of stopping the passionate madness still unharmed, she reciprocated the pressure of his lips and entangled her fingers into his raven locks.

Derek waited for no further cue. He was certainly not the one in control of his actions. He craved to be close to her since he met her but after today… he also wanted to have her, to possess her. To control her the way she controlled him in the courtroom.

His hands barely touched her torso when he caught the hem of her lavender sweater to pull it frantically over her head. Not giving her any reprieve, he pressed his mouth onto her pulse point while his hands instantaneously grabbed at her bra. He wanted her, nothing else mattered.

Any reservation she might had flew out of the window as she gave into her own arousal and excitement, the overpowering feeling that she was wanted and desired. Her fingers trembling, she fumbled with the buttons of his shirt. As his teeth dug lightly into the skin of her neck he helped her discard his own clothes to the floor, and groaned uncontrollably as he felt her full breasts under his fingers.

She let out a shaky gasp at his slightly rough grip but a shiver of wild longing shot through her organism straight to her core. As he pushed her further into the living room, he reached out for his next target – her jeans, accidentally pressing their middles together. Her breathing quickened at the feel of how much he wanted her. She let him steer her backwards and they bumped into the coffee table sending the case file onto the floor.

They stumbled onto the couch, the same one on which Derek had spent the night at her apartment. Meredith closed her eyes tightly, she was about to burn alive because of all Derek was doing to her. His hands were everywhere, possessive, relentless. Her own palms glided softly across his shoulders, his neck, his scalp. Molten heat pooled at her core when he dragged the last piece of her clothing from her legs, completely uncovering her. Her body spastically arched upwards at the rough feel of his jeans against the smooth skin of her inner thighs. She was on fire, yearning and uninhibited like with no one else before.

She blindly searched for his lips, she wanted more kisses, more caresses, more everything. Just as though he was reading her mind, he tore the rest of his clothing away and pinned her down the cool leather couch with the weight of his body. She cracked her eyes open just a little wanting to see what Derek was feeling, what was going through his head. He didn't catch her look, his regard was erring chaotically, following invisible paths on her skin. Sheer determination was written on his face, a tension that he desperately sought to relieve.

Her eyelids shut tight again as he pushed into her, making her gasp. A fleeting wince marred her features as she stretched to accommodate him but it was gone as quickly as it came when she felt the pleasure rebuild inside her. His initial movements were surprisingly slow, as though the warmth she enveloped him in woke him up. He relapsed into the passionate frenzy soon enough though, he couldn't help meeting her halfway when her throaty unrestrained moans reached his ears. Seconds before he gave into the orgasmic bliss, her world exploded with a thousand different colors.

Silence. For the last half hour they lay on the floor of Meredith's living room, where they fell sometime in the throes, in a complete silence. In stark contrast to their recent tryst, all physical connection was severed, not even a look passed between them.

An audible sigh beside her told Meredith his anger was over. She knew well enough what was going to make an appearance now – guilt.

"Why did you let me…?" he asked quietly, his body immobile, his regard fixed on the ceiling.

"I didn't let you anything," she shrugged, her voice absolutely calm. "I let myself. For now, I don't have any regrets."

"I used you," he muttered rubbing his forehead with frustration.

"What makes you think I didn't use you?" she asked straightforwardly, her eyebrow arched up. She rolled to Derek's side, propping her head on her palm.

He rolled his eyes at her disbelievingly but turned his head to look at her.

"You don't know me all that much, Derek," she stated simply, a trace of smile on her face. If anything, they used each other. "So don't feel bad. You gave me what I wanted."

"What is that?" he squinted at her curiously.

She gave him another smile instead of an answer. He couldn't resist any longer and he let his eyes wander along her bare form. In the whirl of angry sex, he didn't give much time to a full appreciation of her body. What a shame, it was a spectacle.

"You're beautiful," he whispered in attempt to at least partially make up for neglecting her needs earlier. To his slight surprise, when he refocused on her face, he noticed a rosy hue of blush on her cheeks.

"Thank you," she answered in a tiny voice.

"So… what now?" Derek asked with a quickening pulse.

"I guess it's a goodbye," she chuckled and swallowed hard to prevent her throat from constricting dangerously. Some things just weren't meant to be. She knew so many life histories that she didn't even feel disappointment.

Derek seemed momentarily torn between the realization that he should stand up and leave making the lives of both of them easier and the deep sense of unfairness. Finally, he scooted closer to her, and leaned towards her face brushing her arm tenderly.

"I don't want this to be a goodbye."

"Derek, you don't really think that," she smiled sadly.

"I-"

"Deep down, you despise me."

"I don't," he assured her fervently. "When I… when I walked out of that courtroom today I was livid, I thought I hated you as much as that man but… I can't. I couldn't even if I wanted to. The thought that I would walk out of here and never speak to you again scares me. I feel like there's nothing out there for me to go."

Letting out a small sigh, she lifted her hand to touch his cheek. He was being sincere.

"I'm sorry, Derek. So sorry," she whispered melting against him, wishing she had enough self-restraint to resist the temptation.

A/N As usual, I'm humbly asking for your opinions.

Chapter 11 should be up next week. Also, I've started a new lighter fic. If you feel depressed with BBAW, check it out.

And of course, Happy Grey's Day! After all the spoilers I've read and watched I'm so excited to the see the finale…

Em