Please remember, this is my first fanfic. I do apologize if there are typos, grammatical errors and malapropism, I try to catch them but inevitably some slip by. There may be a few more than normal this chapter I proofed at the airport while listening to my iPod trying to drown out overhead announcements.
As always the story and characters of Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer and no copyright infringement is intended with this story.
"I didn't expect to find you at my door this morning" James said as he stood in front of me with a smirk and his arms crossed over his chest.
"Yeah, I was in the neighborhood. I was hoping you had some free time…" I trailed off leaving the suggestion open to interpretation.
"Baby, I can make time for you. You want to come in?" James asked.
'Baby' really? Trying really hard not to roll my eyes I accepted his invitation.
"Your folks around?" I asked.
"Nope," James said as he continued walking leading me to his room.
As soon as we entered his room, James' hands were at my waist backing me up towards his bed. He had a predatory look on his face as he maneuvered me.
God this place is a sty, I hope I don't get a fungus just being in here. You wanted this remember. What I want is for the ache and loneliness to go away. You don't have to do this. Maybe not but I will.
James excitedly pulled my shirt over my head, unbuttoning my jeans and sliding them down my legs before I sat on the edge of his bed to undo his. I pushed them down as he stepped out of them. I scooted myself back on his bed as he followed me.
James immediately attacked my chest. There was nothing loving about his touch just pure lust. I bit down on my lip to keep from moaning out too loud as he suckled my left breast roughly before biting on the nipple and moving to the other side.
In response to the pain he brought to me I tweaked his nipple harshly. I felt more than heard his growl as he slammed his hips against me.
I tugged at his boxers asking, "condom?"
"Yeah, top drawer of the nightstand," James murmured against my skin as he trailed his mouth down my torso.
As he made his decent down my body he took my panties with him. I reached fumbling through the drawer beside me until I came up with a condom. I palmed it as James dove into my core.
James lapped at my nether-lips twice before attacking my clit. He immediately shoved two fingers into me pumping away aggressively. It was about this time that I realized James had a thing for biting as he bit down on my clit.
I yelped propping myself up on my elbows to watch him. While I couldn't see his mouth, I could tell he was smiling at me. Desperate to regain some control over the situation, I sat up as did James. I pushed him back gripping his engorged cock. Without warning I swallowed as much of him as I could fit, leaving my hand to encircle what was left over.
James hissed as I grazed my teeth along his shaft on my upward passes. I released his dick, with a popping sound before nipping at the thick vein underneath with my teeth.
"Gngh, fuck, I need to feel you. I want to be inside you, baby please I can't, I need you now."
I tore into the condom wrapper rolling it down his shaft expertly before positioning myself over him. I was planning on easing myself on to him but James grabbed my hips and impaled me. James moaned as he threw his head back. I recovered quickly from the shock of his invading cock. As I rode him as he matched me thrust for thrust.
"I want…ugh…I want…grrna…bend over," James eventually spit out.
I got on all fours with my ass taunting his dick until he grabbed hold of my hips pounding at me ensuring I would be sore. It was obvious he was not going to bring me to orgasm on his own so I licked my fingers and began rubbing myself.
"Are you…" James started to ask.
"Getting myself off? Yes, just don't stop yet."
"So fucking hot," James leaned over me licking my shoulder before he bit down hard as he came. I yelled out in pain as teeth bore down on my skin.
"What the fuck?" I asked.
"It's your fault, watching you touch yourself while I was fucking you was too fucking hot. Don't act like you didn't like it from the look of your fading bruises you like it rough," James said as he climbed off of me smacking my ass as he stood and walked out of the room.
The sex wasn't familiar, like with James. I was trying to fuck the loneliness away and he was…well he was just fucking and it was over quickly. I didn't feel less lonely; I didn't even feel sexually satisfied; I did feel shame.
What the fuck did I do? You fucked James. What was I thinking? You're on your own with that one. I grabbed my clothes and started dressing.
"I take it Cullen didn't satisfy you this weekend?"
My head snapped up to see James leaning against the frame of his door with a smug look on his face.
"Fuck you" I answered.
"You just did, but if you want another go…" James chuckled as he walked closer.
"It wasn't an offer," I spit out as I pulled my shirt on over my head.
"What, it's a legitimate question. He dumped Tanya to get into your pants; he even took you on your little date night, following you around kissing your ass at school before whisking you away for the weekend. I thought for sure he would have branded you with the Cullen crest by now." James said with barely veiled hate.
"What are you talking about? We haven't gone on any dates, and he didn't take me anywhere." I said standing toe to toe with James.
"You two sure looked cozy at the diner last week and I saw you leaving with the twat and the midget Friday so I know you went with him to Seattle. Let me guess, the good doctor and his wife put you guys up in a fancy hotel while they acted like one big happy Brady Bunch family. They are a fucked up lot if you ask me." James said.
"I didn't ask, you're the fucked up one; these people were your friends. How can you talk about them like this?" I asked disgusted at myself for having had sex with him.
"Do you expect me to believe that they didn't tell you to stay away from big bad James? I'm sure they have said worse about me."
"Actually they refuse to tell me what you did to make them hate you so much. If right now is any indication I don't blame them, you're a dick." I said backing away from him to find my shoes.
"And you're a slut. Don't go acting all high and mighty with me. You came to me. Look around babe, it may be Sunday morning but this isn't a church and you got exactly what you came for."
"Fuck you," I yelled as I pushed passed him to leave.
James was laughing as he called out after me, "anytime babe, you know where to find me."
I got in my car and sped away. I drove until I reached the edge of town before pulling off the road. I let my tears overtake me. As I sat in my car alone, again, I sobbed openly. I was pissed at James for being such a douche bag. I was pissed at Rose for not giving me a good enough reason to stay away from James. I was pissed at Alice for convincing Charlie to let me go with them this weekend. I was pissed at Edward for getting so close to me before crushing me. Most of all I was pissed at myself for fucking James, for not trusting Rose, for blaming Alice for something not at all her fault, and for having feelings for Edward that would never be returned.
Eventually I pulled myself together and drove back into town. I pulled up to Mocha Motion to get some comfort coffee. As I sat waiting for my drink there was a knock at my passenger window. Startled I looked up to see bright blue eyes and a warm smile. I tried my best to put a smile on my face as I leaned over to roll down the window.
"Morning Jasper," I said sounding like I had a cold I was stuffed up from my cry.
Japer's smile instantly faded as he took in my appearance, "Jasper opened the door and climbed in my car, "whatever you're having, you better make it two. You look like you could use a friend right now."
"Thanks Jasper, but you don't have too. I'm sure you were on your way to do something…" I trailed off at the end.
"Nonsense, so what are we having?" Jasper asked.
Shaking my head I took the drink handed to me and ordered another. I passed the coffee to Jasper.
"Wow that is tasty but strong. I guess I didn't really need to sleep for the rest of the week" Jasper joked.
I just laughed.
"What's in it?" Jasper asked.
"Four shots of espresso, hazelnut syrup and soy milk, the vanilla flavor from the soy milk and the hazelnut make it sweet; the espresso makes it the best latte ever." I replied.
When I was handed my drink I took a sip with a genuine 'aah' after. I set my drink in my cup holder and drove forward before asking Jasper, "what now?"
"Well there is a park just up the road we could go there, I'm here to listen so where ever you feel most comfortable," Jasper said.
Not really wanting to drive around a whole lot I drove to the park. We didn't get out of the car I just parked the car and picked up my drink. After I had taken a few sips in silence Jasper spoke.
"I listen a lot better when you speak out loud," he joked.
"I know, I just don't know what to say," I said look over at him.
"Just start at the beginning," Jasper encouraged.
"That's part of the problem, I don't know where it started," I said sadly.
"Does this have to do with yesterday?" Jasper asked.
"I guess in a way it does but no," I said realizing that I wasn't making much sense.
Jasper smiled, "ok, how about I talk first and you join in when you need to?"
"Ok."
"I know your upset with Edward; you were practically silent the whole way home as was he. You seemed fine when we went to bed Friday night, but you had shut down by the time breakfast rolled around. So what happened between then?"
"Nothing happened," I cringed as I said the words that reiterated what upset me so much.
"Did you want something to happen?" Jasper asked.
Damn, the blond bastard is more perceptive than I thought.
"Ok, here's the deal, nothing said today leaves this car, agreed?" I said waiting for Jasper to confirm.
"Of course."
"No, nothing happened and I didn't want anything to happen at the time. Things between Edward and I are so…complicated. We were finally getting along and actually talking without pissing each other off. We dosed off watching TV, when I woke up I was surprised to find myself in his arms. I was still processing that when he gave me that look," I said pausing.
"What look?" Jasper asked confused.
"He looked horrified at the idea of something happening between us. Granted I know I piss him off, but I didn't think I was that repulsive. I just…it hurt more that it should have to realize that he wouldn't want that. I guess I was pouting yesterday as I let it sink in that Edward wasn't interested. I'm embarrassed that I have feelings for him that he doesn't return, I am frustrated that I allowed myself to have feeling for him," I admitted.
"What makes you think he doesn't feel the same way?"
"Did you not see the look on his face when Em suggested that he had done something with me? We are all lucky he didn't vom all over the place?" I responded.
"Maybe you misinterpreted his response," Jasper offered.
"Maybe, but I doubt. The only reason he has been making an effort to get along with me is because Em demanded it of both of us," I told Jasper.
"I'm not going to argue with you but, just consider that you may be wrong. Maybe he was embarrassed that you guys were caught in what could look like a compromising position?" Jasper asked.
"That doesn't make it any better. He is sweet and caring with me when it is just him and I, but around everyone else he barely acknowledges my presence. Does he find me so unsuitable that he would need to keep his friendship with me his dirty little secret?"
"That's not what I meant, maybe he was embarrassed by the fact that you two were enjoying an intimate moment and the rest of his family was standing around watching like it was cable TV, maybe he was afraid you were going to get upset with him and pull away, maybe he was giving you space while you ignored him because you crushed him when you declared nothing will ever happen between you guys?" Jasper proposed.
"That's a lot of maybes none of which seem plausible," I replied.
Jasper shook his head at me, muttering about me being stubborn, "So is this whole debacle between you two what had you up early and crying today?"
"No, not exactly, I made a huge mistake," I stopped not sure I could explain to Jasper why I went to James this morning. Jasper just waited patiently as I tried to decide what to say.
"I know you all warned me that James was bad news but he had been pretty nice to me. I mean it's not like we talked a whole lot but he made me feel less lonely when he was around. We made out several times last week and it was nice to feel wanted. I couldn't sleep last night I just keep thinking about Edward and how we went from whatever we were to nothing in a matter of hours. Yes I was ignoring him yesterday but it's not like he tried to talk to me either, you know?"
"I'm confused is this about James or about Edward?" Jasper asked.
"Yes, because I am a dumbass whore apparently. I went to James this morning hoping to plug-up the hole in my chest and put an end to the feelings I have for Edward. I…we had sex. It was awful…not the sex…well that wasn't good either, but it was how he acted. After it was over he started saying things about Edward and the rest of you guys. When I defended you guys to him he called me a slut and I walked out."
"Bella," Jasper said taking hold of my hand.
"Don't 'Bella' me. He's right. I am. I only went to his house to have sex with him. I wanted to have sex with him for stupid reasons, hell I barely know the guy. I've probably talked to you more in the last twenty minutes than I talked to him in the entire time I've known him. I just wanted to…I needed to not feel how I feel, but it only made it worse 'cause now there is all this guilt and I feel like a slut. This isn't me," I couldn't continue talking anymore; the tears were back along with the sobs.
Jasper reached over and wrapped his arms around me, "shh-shh, it's ok, everything is going to be alright sweetheart. I know it doesn't feel like it right now but you're going to be ok."
"I don't believe you," I muttered through my tears.
Jasper chuckled pulling away to look at me, "it will, now take a sip of your energy drink."
I did as he requested using a napkin to wipe up my face.
"Better?" Jasper asked, I nodded my head before he continued, "the way I see it you have a choice to make. You can be honest and tell Edward how you feel or you can continue ignoring him."
"That's easy, I chose to ignore him," I said sounding like a petulant child.
Jasper rolled his eyes.
"Is it easy? Hiding your feelings and ignoring him is what led you to seek out James, is this easier?" Jasper asked brushing a tear away from my cheek.
"No, but I can't tell him how I feel, especially now after what I did. I wanted to be with James to put an end to the feelings I have for Edward but all it did was assure that we will never want to be with me," I said with silent tears running down my face.
"Why, if you two would just pull your heads out of your asses there is no reason you guys couldn't be together?"
"Really," I said sarcastically, "cause someone as beautiful and amazing as Edward, who could have anyone he wanted would totally go for the chick that fights with him regularly, the chick that the idea of being with her is repulsive before he knows that she just happened to fuck his ex-best-friend now enemy. I bet he has been wishing for a girl like me for years."
"I know you're upset but you're wrong. He deserves to decide for himself what he wants, and you owe it to yourself to be honest about your feelings. I'm not saying you have to run to him and profess your undying love, just tell him how you felt about yesterday. Let him explain his actions and tell his side of the story," Jasper implored.
"I don't think I can do that, at least not right now." Jasper continued staring at me until I conceded, "I'll think about it."
"I guess that's all I can ask, keep your head up kid."
I nodded at Jasper before starting my car and heading back to Mocha Motion to drop Jasper off.
"Thanks for listening; I really needed to get a lot of that off my chest. Please keep this between us, I don't want anyone else knowing about James or my feelings for Edward," I begged.
"I won't tell a soul, but please just think about talking to Edward," Jasper said as he got out of the car.
I stopped at the grocery store to get the ingredients for lasagna. I was determined to spend the rest of Sunday not thinking about Edward. When I got home I caught up on my homework before going downstairs to make dinner for my parents. After dinner I offered to clean the kitchen, Charlie gladly accepted as he plopped down in front of the TV.
Renee helped me silently for a few minutes before asking, "you want to talk about whatever it is you're avoiding?"
"Nope," I responded as I continued scrubbing.
Other than the occasional sigh from Renee we finished in silence.
I went to bed that night knowing that I would at least have to play a part tomorrow. I couldn't completely ignore Edward or Em might insist on group therapy. I was determined to stuff my feelings for Edward in a box and bury it.
That's exactly what I did. I talked to Edward as much as was socially necessary. I resumed eating lunch with the rest of the gang but always chose my seat as far away from Edward as possible. Jasper gave me meaningful stares often, but I always shook my head at him. I wasn't ready to deal with or talk to Edward, I doubted I ever would. Edward wasn't the only person I was avoiding. I made sure I was always with someone knowing that James wouldn't approach me when I was surrounded by his former friends.
Thursday night everyone came to my house for pizza and so that Charlie and Renee would get the opportunity to get to know everyone a little better. I don't know if I was glad or hurt when Edward had a lot of homework to get done for Friday and opted out. I was sure that wasn't possible seeing as we had all but one class together and I didn't have much. Guess I'm not the only one avoiding.
The guys had a bye this weekend so they planned a sleepover at Emmitt's house. I was not really looking forward to another sleep over with the hump happy couples especially since I couldn't turn to Edward for moral support. But I was playing a part, and it required that I would want to spend time with my friends.
I was surprised when Charlie didn't have an issue with me spending the night at the Cullens'. After spending time with Em he realized that he had nothing to worry about. Em saw me as his sister and is clearly devoted to Rose. Jasper is obviously in love with Alice and has eyes for no one else and I guess he assumed if Edward didn't even bother showing up he probably wasn't interested in me either.
As I drove to the Cullens' house Friday evening I couldn't help but dread what was to come. To prolong the inevitable I stopped for gas. While I was pumping, James approached me.
"What's the matter, don't you miss me?" he taunted.
"No, feel free to go fuck yourself," I answered putting the gas pump back in place to leave as quickly as possible.
"Aww, don't be like that baby. Whatcha' doing tonight?" James asked as he trapped me against my car with his arms on either side of me.
"None of your business, now if you'll excuse me I'm leaving," I said pushing on his chest.
"You know you're going to need me again, a girl like you can't go too long without. From the way things have cooled off between you and Cullen, I take it he wasn't interested in my sloppy seconds. I don't see why not, Emmitt didn't seem to mind," the smirk on his face as he said this made me want to puke.
"Listen fuck-face, leave me alone," I seethed at him as I shoved him again.
I got in my car peeling out as I drove away. Once the gas station was no longer in my rearview mirror I slowed and rolled down my window to allow the cold night air to calm me taking several deep breaths. By the time I pulled up at the Cullens' my cheeks were rosy from the cold but I was calmer.
Before I could knock on the door an eight-five pound bundle of energy rushed me. "Bella you're here, finally. What took you so long? You're freezing; did you walk all the way here? Come on I want to show you around, Rose is already up in my room we've only been waiting forever," Alice said while dragging me along behind her.
I didn't bother responding because I've come to realize Alice doesn't actually want answers when she is talking a mile a minute. During the rushed tour of the downstairs I waved at Emmitt and Jasper as they snickered at the whirlwind dragging me past them. Alice didn't stop till we were in her room.
From what blurred past me during my tour I could tell that the house was expertly decorated and Alice's room was no different. Rose was on the bed, she put down the magazine she was reading as I dropped on to the bed next to her. Alice had flitted off to the bathroom for supplies.
"You ready to be beautified al la Alice?" Rose asked.
"Not really, do I have too?" I asked attempting the Forks' puppy dog eyes.
I must not have gotten it right because Rose just laughed. Alice I watched with curious fascination as Alice brought out the enough beauty supplies to open her own Saphora.
Thankfully she didn't have the chance to start on me when Jasper walked into her room announcing dinner was here. Alice jumped on him demanding that he carry her downstairs.
"Of course my darling, Bella would you be a dear and grab Edward from his room," Jasper gave me a meaningful look.
"Um, ok but I don't know where his room is," I offered as an excuse.
"Upstairs the door on the right," Alice yelled as Jasper exited the room.
Rose had already left the room so I didn't have a choice but to find Edward. When I got to the third floor I hesitated outside of his room for several minutes. I could hear music coming from the room yet I knocked as softly as possible. When it didn't seem like he had heard me I knocked again more forcefully. Still nothing, I cautiously opened the door.
As I walked in I saw Edward lying on a couch with his eyes closed. I couldn't help but snort at the familiar guitar opening of Puddle of Mudd's She Hates Me. I couldn't help but smile that we had a theme song that matched our relationship so perfectly. I could easily replace all the 'she's' with 'he' and it was perfect. I walked over to the stereo turning it off, he sat up immediately when the music was no longer filling the room.
"Sorry, I knocked but I guess you didn't hear me. Dinner is ready," I said turning to leave the room.
"That's it, you ignore me for a week and that's all you have to say," Edward said seeming angry.
"I haven't been ignoring you, I have made it a point to speak to you every single day this week," I said without making eye contact with him.
"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't realize it was so tortuous to talk to me or spend time with me. I thought we had moved passed that last week, you didn't seem to mind my company last Friday night. I guess I'm only good for a distraction when your real friends are too busy for you," Edward spat at me.
"Screw you, you're the one that acted all repulsed by me," I said before I had time to think. Immediately I regretted saying anything. I turned toward the door to make my escape.
"Wait, what are you talking about, I didn't do anything," Edward said closing his door trapping me in his room.
"No, no, no. I can't do this and I won't hurt Emmitt by bringing all this to the surface, just leave it. I came up here to tell you dinner was here, I've done that and now I am leaving," I said opening the door.
"No of course you wouldn't want to hurt Emmitt, but you don't have a problem hurting me," Edward said under his breath.
I wouldn't have heard him if I wasn't passing right next to him as he said it. I cringed at the thought of hurting Edward before regaining my composure.
"You would have to care for me to hurt you," I said as I continued my retreat. I'm a coward. Of epic proportions. And rubbing it in is helping me how?
I ran down the two flights of stairs slowing just before I reached to voices in the dining room. Emmitt pulled me into the seat next to him, "Eat up shortie, you'll need your strength when I kick your ass tonight."
"It's good that you have goals Shrek, but maybe they should be more realistic," I teased.
"Whatever, if I'm Shrek you're Donkey," Emmitt said.
"You're not the first person to call me an ass," I laughed.
I saw Esme trying to hide her laugh behind her glass, but her expression quickly changed as a sulking Edward took his seat on the other side of her across from me. She gave him a sad reassuring expression as she patted his arm soothingly.
He didn't say a word as Esme picked up his plate and began serving him from the various takeout cartons. I continued exchanging jabs with Emmitt as he ate polished off all of the would-be leftovers. Every time I looked over at Edward he was pushing his food around his plate but it didn't look like he had actually eaten anything.
When dinner was over I helped Esme clear the table and started rinsing dishes.
"Sweetie, you don't have to do that. Go play," she ordered.
I couldn't help but smile at the suggestion, it made me feel like a little kid again, "Really you're doing me a favor by letting me help, Alice scares me."
We both laughed at my admission.
"Fair enough, but you realized she will get you eventually even if it is in your sleep," Esme warned.
"I guess I'll just have to sleep with one eye open," I said as we continued to work.
"You know he has been just miserable all week," Esme said.
"Huh, who's miserable?" I asked.
"Edward, you two should really - " Esme was cut short by Carlisle.
"I think that is something for them to figure out on their own, love, leave it be," Carlisle said with a pointed glance at Esme.
"I know, I'm sorry Bella I just hate seeing him like this," Esme said looking sad and dejected.
I really am an ass. These people welcome me into their home and lives, maybe I need to work harder at pretending. Maybe you need to stop pretending all together and oh I don't know…BE HONEST!
"Why don't you join everyone else and I will help my beautiful wife finish up in here," Carlisle suggested.
"Um ok," I said awkwardly as I left the kitchen.
"Ok Bells, how do you want to be dominated; x-box, ping pong or Chutes and Ladders?" Emmitt asked.
Laughing I replied, "Chutes and Ladders, really? Why not Hi Ho Cherry-o?"
"Isabella this is a serious competition, a little decorum please," Emmitt said in with a matching serious tone.
I was still laughing at Emmitt when Alice spoke up, "There will be no games until girl-time is over."
I groaned, "Emmitt if you ever thought of me as your sister you will save me from the pint-sized terror."
"I'd love to sis, but frankly she scares me too," Emmitt whispered back.
"Funny, now get moving," Alice said as she pushed me back up the stairs.
We sat around Alice's room letting our masks set while once again trying to convince me to go to homecoming next week.
"I'm not going Al," I said with finality.
"You don't need to have a date; you could just go with us. It will be fun, this is the first dance that we will all go to together, but that won't happen if you don't go," Alice argued.
"I am not confident enough to go stag and I'm not crashing your couple-dom."
"You could always go with Edward, he doesn't have a date either," Rose suggested.
I was glaring at Rose while Alice squealed with delight, "That's perfect."
"No. Not perfect. Not happening and we are not talking about this anymore," I said.
Alice bit her lip obviously wanting to say more. After we washed the crusted masks from our faces we moved on to nails. Filing and buffing I noticed Alice and Rose exchanging glances.
"Alright, spit it out and it better not be about homecoming," I demanded.
"What are you talking about?" Alice asked with faux-innocence.
Rolling my eyes I pointed between the two of them, "What's with the looks?"
"It's nothing…we were just…you guys looked so cute together…and then you…and he's been so grumpy…" Alice babbled.
Rose interrupted her incoherent half statements, "Oh for crying out loud, what happened with Edward?"
Alice was looking at me sheepishly while Rose waited for my response.
"I already told you Rose nothing happened."
"Bull shit, you can't even look at him and he wouldn't be all emo if nothing happened," Rose said.
Before I could answer Emmitt barreled through the door announcing, "Girly time is over, it's my turn with Bella."
With his announcement Em threw me over his shoulder and walking out of the room. I have never been more thankful for Emmitt in my whole life. He saved me from a very awkward conversation.
"Thank you, a million times thank you!"
Emmitt laughed as we bounded down the stairs.
"You owe me one kid," Emmitt said as he dropped me on the couch, "So have you decided how I am going to kick your ass tonight?"
"Well because I wouldn't respect myself in the morning if I played Chutes and Ladders it is between x-box and ping pong."
"If you choose x-box I will even let you choose the game," Emmitt offered.
Scanning the stacks of games I smiled, "deal."
"Right on Smurfette, so what's it gonna be?"
"Gargamel, I think a Guitar Hero challenge is in order," I smirked.
I heard Edward snort from the other couch as Emmitt clapped and rubbed his hands together. "Jasper get some paper, you will keep score. We will each play the same five songs, Jazz will note our score and number of notes missed. In the end when the score is tallied I will reign supreme again."
After great debate we finally agreed on a single version of the game, Legends of Rock with our set list to include: The Rolling Stone – Paint it Black, Poison – Talk Dirty to Me, Beastie Boys –Sabotage, Pat Benatar – Hit Me With Your Best Shot and Pearl Jam – Even Flow. Emmitt was sure of himself as he gave me a quick tutorial on how to play.
Everyone was gathered on the couches as we took turns playing each song. It was a rowdy affair with everyone cheering us on and singing along. After the first song I could see the worry in Emmitt's eyes. I couldn't help but smile as I took my seat. Emmitt looked adorable as his tongue was poking out of his mouth while he bit down on it in concentration.
In the end I beat him by three notes and fifteen hundred points, it was close.
"Get your butt to the basement, ping pong now," Emmitt ordered.
My snicker escaped me.
"Maybe you should give it a rest, try again another day," Esme said as she consoled her giant baby.
"Fine but we're not done you hustled me," Emmitt pouted.
"You said it was my choice, it's not my fault you assumed I had never played before," I said as I tried to hide my smile.
"Em, don't be a sore loser. You only suggested the x-box because you thought it would give you an advantage over her, she bested your attempts to best her," Carlisle said laughing.
"Whatever," Em said sitting down next to rose so that she could comfort his ego.
"Everyone go change, Across the Universe will be starting in T minus ten minutes," Alice demanded.
"Alright kids, we'll see you in the morning, be good, and Em don't burn the house down," Esme called over her shoulder as she and Carlisle walked up the stairs.
"Or break anything," Carlisle finished.
"one time…never forget it," Emmitt was muttering as he got up.
I noticed that Edward had not yet gotten up but to chicken to be left alone with him I jumped up and ran up the stairs before Jasper and Alice could leave the room.
When I returned to the living room Alice was sitting on Jasper's lap with a bowl of popcorn. Edward was sprawled out on the floor in front of the couch. I was trying to plan my seat when Emmitt came running down the stairs with Rose slung over his shoulder. He really is a caveman.
He threw her down on the couch before climbing in behind her pulling her into his arms. I took a seat on the floor on the far end of the sofa where Jasper and Alice were sitting. I sat hugging my knees next to Edward's socked feet.
Shortly after the movie started I looked around the room to see Emmitt and Rose doing god knows what under a blanket and Jasper and Alice staring at each other longingly. Edward was lying on his side with his head propped up on his hand.
I stayed staring at the sleek angles of his jaw and the smooth feature of his face that was illuminated with a bluish tint from the TV. His body stretched out was long and lean but his shoulders broad and through his thin t-shirt I could make out his muscles. He was wearing a pair of pajama pants slung low on his waist showing off a hint of his iliac furrow. I licked my lips; it is easily the sexiest part of a man's body, certainly on the man before me. My eyes slowly traveled up his chest again.
I couldn't help the smile that preyed upon my face as I watched him mouth the words singing along to The Beatles. He must have felt me staring at him because he his green orbs met my gaze. Our eyes were locked I couldn't break away from his penetrating gaze, I felt exposed as if he was trying to look deeper beyond my eyes. As I felt the blush rise to my face I finally looked down. I didn't have the guts to look up at him.
I felt him nudge me with his foot as I tentatively raised my eyes to see him smile at me before turning his attention back to the screen. I couldn't help the smile that took over my face. I was such a girl sometimes.
As Jude was deported Emmitt and Rose snuck upstairs, Alice and Jasper quickly followed wishing Edward and I a good night after making Edward promise to show me to my room. I was beginning to see a pattern.
I was still sitting in my original position when Edward moved to sit beside me. He didn't say anything instead he just mimicked my position. I tried to ignore the fact that the hotness monster was sitting right next to me, so close I could feel the warmth radiating from his body. I wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch him but I wasn't willing to risk the rejection that would inevitably come with daybreak.
Refocusing my attention on the movie I found myself singing softly to Hey Jude. I felt him staring at me, embarrassed I looked over at him. For the second time tonight I found myself pulled into those eyes.
"I love your blush," Edward said as he gently drew a finger down my cheek. I didn't answer, I didn't know how to answer; instead I continued staring into the deep green emeralds. I was still processing the residual tingling sensation where he trailed his finger across my skin.
As All You Need is Love cued the end of the move I closed my eyes breaking our connection. I need to stop now, it will only hurt in the morning when remembers it's just me. This is all about proximity, he is lonely and I am here. It's not about me it's about a warm body, he doesn't want you.
After reminding myself that I finally spoke, "it's pretty late I think I will head to bed."
"Sure just give me a minute to turn everything off and I will show you the way," Edward responded getting up.
"You don't need to do that I'm sure I could find my way," I said quickly.
"Don't be silly I promised Alice and your room is right across the hall from mine so I'm going that way anyway," Edward informed me.
With all the lights turned off it was dark in the room, I felt rather than saw when Edward joined me at the bottom of the stairs. His hand felt warm and that nagging feeling I had been carrying around with me since last Saturday was gone. Without a word he took my hand and led the way. When we got to the third floor he opened the door opposite his flipping on the light.
"So here you are, the bathroom is right through that door he pointed across the room, there is a small linen closet in there with fresh towels. If you need anything you know where to find me," he finished with a smile.
"Thanks, I'm sure I'll be fine."
Edward nodded at me cupping my cheek as his thumb grazed my cheekbone. I couldn't help but lean into his touch my eyes closing with content. The loneliness I felt all week dissipated along with the ache in my chest.
"Good night Bella, sleep well," he whispered as he pressed his lips into my forehead.
I felt my knees go weak; I wanted nothing more than to wrap my body around his. In the moment I felt like he wanted me too, but I was not willing to enjoy his comfort tonight only to have him appalled by me tomorrow.
"Good night Edward," I forced the words out refusing to open my eyes they sounded cold even to my ears.
With a sigh Edward released my face and walked away. With every step I heard him take the loneliness and ache returned. I allowed myself to open my eyes as I heard his door close. Finally letting out the breath I had been holding I instantly missed his presence. I welcomed the feeling as I wrapped my arms around myself, I did the right thing. It was the only way to protect my heart from further destruction.
I slid down the door hugging my knees to my chest while I cried. After a few moments, determined to pull myself together I wiped away the quiet tears that spilt over my cheeks, I pulled myself together. Grabbing my toothbrush and toothpaste I opened the door to the bathroom to find Edward spitting into the sink.
"Sorry," is said surprised to find him in the room.
After rinsing Edward smiled, "its ok I probably should have mentioned it was an adjoining bathroom."
I nodded looking to the open door to his bedroom, "I was just going to," I held up my toiletries, "I'll come back in a few minutes."
"Nonsense, I'm about done and there is another sink. I don't bite I promise," Edward said smiling at me through the mirror.
I cringed at the mentioning of biting, it reminded me of another reason why I would never be with the god-like creature before me. I looked away focusing on my eyes on the sink as I brushed my teeth. I could feel Edward watching me. As I finished Edward handed me a hand towel.
"Thanks," I muttered into the towel.
"Why do I always feel like I say the wrong thing with you?" Edward asked leaning against the counter.
"Right back at you," I said finally looking at him.
Taking in my appearance Edward took a step closer to me, "were you crying?"
"No, my eyes leak late at night," I responded turning away.
"Why do you do that? Why won't you let me in?" Edward asked almost pleading.
"I…you don't really want in. You say you do now, but as soon as the sun comes up you'll give me that look. I can take that look again and you're right to feel that way," I said staring at his chest because I couldn't bring myself to look into his eyes.
I listened as he took several deep breaths, but the silence was too oppressive so I turned to walk out of the bathroom.
"Stop, I'm not letting you walk away this time," Edward said clasping on to my hand. "Obviously I missed something huge between us. I'm not letting you go until you at least explain to me how we got here."
Sighing in defeat I spoke slowly without turning around to look at him, "you have no idea how aghast your face was when we woke up Saturday. It made it clear we were on very different pages. I…I can't…it's too much. I can't look into your eyes everyday and pretend I don't have feelings for you, feelings that aren't returned and shouldn't be. I'm not trying to be a jerk I'm just treading water here."
I tried to pull my hand out of his grasp but he only tightened his grip, "Bella."
I didn't turn around or acknowledge him in anyway. I just wanted to get away, I felt exposed.
"Bella please look at me," he begged.
Stubborn as ever I stayed frozen in place. Edward walked around me bending his knees so that he was at my eye level; he used his free hand to lift my chin.
"You're wrong, you couldn't be more wrong," he said in a soothing voice as he wiped the tears from my face.
Even though I wanted to believe him I couldn't. He seemed to see the doubt in my eyes.
"Bella, I meant what I said; I think you are amazing and beautiful. I crave your company. Even if you're ignoring me I still want to be around you. Nothing makes me happier than seeing you alive with laughter, I wish you would let me be the one to make you laugh but as long as you're happy I'm happy. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since the moment I met you. Last Friday I enjoyed the best night of my life and it was all because you let me hold you. I have never felt more complete than I did with you in my arms watching you sleep," Edward declared never once breaking eye contact with me.
"Why then, why did you look at me with such disgust in the morning?" I asked as the tears were falling down my face. It really didn't matter that I had it all wrong. It didn't matter that we could have had a chance if I had only talked to him before running to James. I fucked up.
"And you call me a sensitive Sally, I was worried about you. I know they are a lot to take in and I'm used to them. We didn't exactly talk about what was happening between us I didn't want to scare you off announcing my feelings for you in front of the whole family. I didn't want to do it in a bathroom either, but I can't, no, I won't let you walk away," Edward said with determination.
Edward licked his lips as he reached for my face. He drew me in at a painfully slow pace. His eyes fell closed as his lips met my own. The kiss started soft but when my brain registered that I was finally kissing Edward, my free hand gripped his shirt pulling him closer to me. Edward let go of my other hand wrapping that arm around my waist eliminating any space between us. When he released my hand it found its way to the back of his neck weaving my fingers though his hair.
Our lips began to move together with greater fury, I opened my mouth inviting him in. I felt the groan in his chest as our tongues met and began caressing. The kiss was intense and sensual, everything I hoped for but nothing I deserved. Tears continued to fall as I realized this would probably be our first and only kiss. My lungs were screaming for air but the rest of my body didn't want the kiss to end.
Edward eventually broke the kiss resting his forehead against my own. We were both struggling to capture our breath.
With a smile on his face and his eyes still closed Edward whispered, "wow, you have no idea how long I've wanted to do that. It was worth the wait." He peppered my face with light kisses opening his eyes as he got to my tear stained face.
His smile faltered as he asked, "why are you crying?"
I fucked it all up before it even started. I'm a slut. I'm a coward. I slept with James. Any of those would have been an acceptable answer but I couldn't form the words. Instead I made yet another mistake I reached up on my tiptoes and pressed my lips to his.
"Stay with me," Edward said against my lips.
"Mmhmm," was the only response I could produce. It was enough; Edward swung me into his arms bridal style and walked me into his room.
He placed me gently on his bed before crawling in beside me. Ignoring the nagging feeling that it was going to hurt so much more when he rejected me later I poured every ounce of feeling into our kisses. At least when he walked away I would know that I had this one night to show him how much I cared about him.
As our kisses slowed, Edward began talking into my neck as he places pecks along my collarbone and behind my ears.
"Please don't shut me out again…tell me you won't run away again…just talk to me, give me a chance," Edward pleaded.
I could feel the tears again, "shh, just hold me." I couldn't promise him what he was asking for just like he couldn't promise he wouldn't walk away if he knew what I did last Sunday.
"As you wish," he quoted as he rolled over on his back drawing me into his arms.
I felt warm and safe, I felt complete, I felt something I hadn't felt in a long time, I felt like I was home. Breathing in his scent my eyes fluttered closed. As I drifted off to sleep, I felt Edward tighten his arms around me kissing the top of my head, "Thank you, sweet dreams."
When I woke up I was still wrapped up in Edward's arms. I lifted my head from his chest to find his green eyes watching me with amusement.
"Morning sleepy head," he smiled.
"Morning, so last night really happened?" I asked.
"Yes and I am unbelievable happy that it did," he said kissing the top of my head.
"Mmm," I smiled as I rested my head on his chest again.
"So, I was wondering how you want to approach this with everyone else?" Edward asked.
"Uh, I don't know. What do you suggest?"
"Well its not like it is possible to keep a secret from them for too long. If it were up to me I would go shouting from the roof tops that you're my girl."
I stiffened at the suggestion and he noticed.
"Or not," he said sounding dejected.
"It's not that, it's just…maybe we could ease them in to it, you know see how this goes before we go making any grand proclamations from atop structures," I said shyly.
"As you wish," Edward conceded.
"Shall I start referring to you as Wesley or the Dread Pirate Roberts? Had I known the secret to having you argue with me was kissing I would have done it a long time ago," I teased kissing his chin.
"I think Dread Pirate Roberts has a certain ring to it, as for kissing if you want to remain on my good side I suggest you kiss me properly," Edward said pulling me up.
I was more than happy to oblige. It started innocent enough but as our lips moved together fluidly I pulled his lower lip into my mouth sucking it lightly. He moaned with pleasure before rolling me over on my back attacking my neck. I felt like my whole body was on fire. The whole thing was very PG other than the fact that our bodies were pressed together without an inch of daylight between us.
Edward had just moved back up my neck mashing our lips together. I hummed with appreciation as his tongue met my own. They danced, caressing each other.
"Edward have you seen Bella, she's not…Oh my god!" Alice screeched.
Edward pulled away resting his head on mine. "Alice, can you give us a minute?" Edward asked with a smile playing at his lips.
"Oh my god, yes, sorry. Does this mean you're going to homecoming Bella?" Alice asked.
"Alice," Edward and I said at the same time.
"Sorry," Alice squeaked as she backed out of the room.
"Well so much for easing in to this," I groaned.
"I told you there are no keeping secrets around here." Edward kissed my nose, "we should probably go face the music before the rest of them come to sneak a peek for themselves."
Happy Halloween! I hope you get all the treats you want this weekend. I hope you enjoyed the chapter, even if you didn't feel free to share your thoughts. Thanks for reading and please review.