A/N: Well, at least we got to 18. me is sad. when me is sad, me no write. You're only hurting yourselves by not reviewing!

Disclaimer: LotR isn't mine. If it was, I'd be a millionaire.

****July 1, 2003. Chapter re-posted because HOBBITS DON'T WEAR SHOES!!!! thanks for pointing that out, Feathers of wind!****

Home Sweet Home

Chapter Ten ~ Mountains High and Snowballs

Soggy shoes, frozen toes, shivering cold, and frozen nose. You'd think it couldn't get any worse, because Nicole had already gotten to the extent where her thoughts began to rhyme. But it can get so much worse... and it did, when she found a patch of ice and saw her reflection.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" Nicole screamed and covered her face with her hands, hyperventilating. "Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!"

The traveling men stopped and stared at her, wondering what sort of tragedy had befallen Nicole now. She had been complaining for days about the snow and the cold and her cold, and she didn't get any cheerier when they decided to go back down the mountain and go through caves instead. The only men of the Fellowship that could stand to talk to her and endure her whining were the hobbits, but even that wasn't fun because Pippin still seemed to be infatuated with her. So naturally, it was he who asked her what was wrong this time.

"My hair! Oh my beautiful, lovely hair! It's horrible!" she wailed, running her fingers through it, trying desperately to make it look decent again.

"What's wrong with your hair?" asked Legolas, unintentionally bringing attention to himself.

"It's tangled and messy and ugly and ruined!" she replied. "I don't get it: your hair is perfectly straight and shiny, and mine is all grit and grimy!" She stopped as she realized that now her sentences were starting to rhyme too. She moaned and pleaded with the group. "C'mon guys, look at how bored I am. Can't you see I'm suffering? I need something to do, or else I'll kill all of you!"

They winced as they realized that Nicole really was rhyming and very badly at that. They look at each other in attempt to find a remedy, but the best they came up with was knocking her out, but no one really wanted to carry her after that.

"How 'bout I sing you a song?" Pippin asked. The hobbits panicked and quickly clamped their hands over his mouth.

"Trust me, you don't want to hear Pip singing," said Merry urgently.

"It's not a pretty sight," agreed Sam.

"You could sing...," mumbled Pippin through their hands. Suddenly everyone was agreeing and once more forcing her to sing.

"How does this help me with my bad hair day?" she grumbled while mentally finding a song that would suit the occasion. Unfortunately, none had anything to do with hair, so Nicole looked at the geography for some inspiration. Hehehe... I'd say that this is a mountain that's high enough... ok, see Nicole, you're so bored you even make lame jokes. Ignoring her mental speech to the best of her ability, she told them a bit about the song, deciding to sing it in Westron this time.

"Ok, it's a song about two people being really far apart," she explained. "And they're saying that no matter how far apart they are, they will still be able to reach each other. Or something like that, I dunno. Whatever, I'll sing it once for ya'll, then I get to teach you!"

They weren't too happy about being lectured on the art of singing by a girl who knew next to nothing about it, but it was better than listening to her complain all day, so they agreed. The words to the song, as best as Nicole could remember them, were,

"Listen Baby...

Ain't no mountain high
Ain't no valley low
Ain't no river wide enough baby

If you need me call me
no matter where you are
no matter how far (don't worry baby)
just call my name
I'll be there in a hurry
you don't have to worry

'Cause baby there
Ain't no mountain high enough
Ain't no valley low enough
Ain't no river wide enough
To keep me from getting to you babe

Remember the day
I set you free
I told you you could always count on me darling
From that day on
I made a vow
I'll be there when you want me
some way somehow

'Cause baby there
Ain't no mountain high enough
Ain't no valley low enough
Ain't no river wide enough
To keep me from getting to you babe

No wind,
No rain

Or winter's cold
Can stop me baby
'cause you are my goal
(if you're ever in trouble
I'll be there on the double
just send for me)
ooo baby
send for me ooo baby

My love is alive
Deep down in my heart
Although we are miles apart

If you ever need a helping hand
I'll be there on the double
just as fast as I can

Don't you know that there
ain't no mountain high enough,
ain't no valley low enough,
aint no river wide enough to keep
me from getting to you babe

Don't you know that there
aint no mountain high enough,
ain't no valley low enough
ain't no river wide enough to keep
me from getting to you babe"

They listened to the song, but were far more interested in Nicole's actions, because while singing she had started to dance and throw snow around like a mad woman. Gandalf didn't mind so much, because he was used to parties. Aragorn was kind of indifferent on the matter.

"It's definitely a performance I've never seen before," he commented. "And you have a very interesting way of dancing." He meant the disco spins and grooves that Nicole had been displaying.

Legolas, however, didn't look happy at all with her song. He didn't need to say it, but it was clear that he thought that Nicole had ruined the joy and expression of song. Nicole read his facial expression and resisted adding the comment I'd like to see you singing a disco song and pulling John Travolta moves. In truth, she would have loved to see the Elfin prince being degraded like that, because it would be great for blackmail. Instead, Nicole began teaching the intro to the others, first making them sing a scale to see what range they were.

"Do See Me Fee," Pippin cleared his throat "-- Tea DEEE!!!!!!!!" The last note was so absurdly high and off key that Nicole had to force herself to keep from wincing.

"Um... okay, that was.... very good Pippin," she said and he smiled brightly. "But the notes are Do Re Mi Fa So La Ti Do. How about you try again, and uh... just try to be more natural, and I'll sing it with you this time." That was the kindest way Nicole could think of to tell him that he was horrible. The second time he sang, with her help, every word was a second behind hers and the notes were still too high. She decided the only way to drone out his voice was put him with a huge group of people. Pippin seemed pleased with his singing and even happier when she assured him again that he was 'a good singer'.

The rest of the hobbits were decidedly better, and Nicole found that Sam would be especially good for a solo.

"Hey Sam, remember the part at the beginning where I was trying to sing kinda low?" she asked. Sam nodded and hummed a bit of the part because he couldn't remember the words. "Yeah, that's it. I think you'll sing that part," she said, and moved on to the other five members of the company.

Gimli's voice was so low that Nicole had to think a while about which part he would sing the best. "You know what Gimli? I really think that you could be a great trombone player," she said, and then had to explain what a trombone was. Luckily for her, Gimli didn't think of it as an insult, rather as a compliment.

"Ay, these lungs have the strength to blow the mightiest horns I can find," he said, thumping his chest, looking like a short ape in snow. Hmm... a short ape in snow... that's actually a very good comparison.

Boromir was stubborn and didn't want to sing at all. "I am not a musically talented man. The best I can do is blow the Horn of Gondor," he insisted.

"Oh come on, you can't honestly be that bad," she said, then moved a bit closer and said in an undertone, "you can't be any worse than Pippin." Nicole raised her voice again and began whining. "C'mon, Borry, dear! Please??? With sugar and strawberries and twinkies and chocolate and... more sugar? Pretty super please?" She made the saddest face she could, but got no reaction from him. Aragorn reacted instead.

"Borry?" he laughed. "That name could unmake a man's reputation."

"Huh?" Nicole replied. "What did that mean? And don't laugh, cuz you're Gorny.... no, that doesn't sound right. You're Ary.... that doesn't sound right either. Whatever! I'll think of a name for you soon enough! In the meantime, how about you sing?" If Nicole thought that Aragorn would be stubborn too, or if he sounded really bad so that she could embarrass him, she was sorely disappointed. Aragorn was an excellent singer, even though his voice was more solemn than the song required.

"Humph! Fine, be that way, with your stupid voice and vocal chords," Nicole mumbled huffily. "Anyway, if you just loosened up you could sing the song better. Moving on to the next victim--" Nicole turned to Gandalf "--let's wind up those lungs! Your turn, Gandalf."

He chuckled. "My dear girl, if I could sing that song with such spunk and performance as you did, I would consider myself highly accomplished."

"So what you're trying to tell me is that you aren't at all interested in joining my oh-so-fabulous, traveling, singing, and dancing group?" she asked him, a bit ticked off. Gandalf nodded and looked apologetic. "Well, alright. I thought maybe having you in this lovely group would get us a wider aged audience. Hey, whatever floats your boat." She turned to Legolas. Oh yeah... the final victim. This is going to be so much fun! Stupid snobby prince getting all tangled up in disco dancing, trying to sing disco classics... I wish I had my camera with me. "So, we're left with the final contestant in Middle-Earth Idol to audition. Show us what you got!" Nicole exclaimed with a flourish of her wrists, very much like she was presenting something (think Wheel-of-Fortune's Vanna White).

Despite the grand entrance that Nicole had provided for Legolas, he simply gave her a harsh look and remained silent. They all looked back at him, most of them scared because the prince looked murderous. Nicole just looked straight at him expectantly. The silence stretched out again, complete with angry glares from Legolas, before he turned away and scanned the horizon for no apparent reason. Nicole got the distinct impression that she had insulted him. But I didn't even do anything this time! Oh, who cares, Nicole? He's just a stupid snob. A second voice popped up, this one turning her anger into disbelief, sadness, and confusion. But he seemed so much nicer in the books and the movies and all those fanfics. I don't get it, I thought I'd get along with everyone, since this is where I supposedly belong. The angry voice took over again. Just shut up and get back to the real world! Nicole forcefully stopped her mental conversation and turned her attention to those people who actually wanted to be in her group.

She counted up the people that actually wanted to sing with her, a total of six, including her. Then they thought of a name for themselves. Among the suggestions were Four Hobbits, A Guy and A Girl, The Traveling Amazingly Talented People Who Sing, and The FANSPaMs, all of which were thought up by Nicole, the last one being a jumble of their initials.

"Why do we need a name if we aren't going to be performing anywhere?" asked Merry, who then received a glare from Pippin, who thought that Nicole would take the question as an insult.

"Well... um... that's a good question," Nicole said, stalling for time. "If we have a name, then we're more of a group... but then we don't need to be a group because we don't have any gigs..." she trailed off into silence. Nicole tried to ignore the stares of Pippin, who was enraptured by her beauty, she supposed, and the stares of Merry who still hadn't had his question answered properly. Maybe, if I just talk to myself, they'll forget me... but then what about the group? Which doesn't really exist, but still: we need practice! Do you concur? "I concur!" Nicole proclaimed gleefully, realizing a moment too late that the rest of the group had been in the middle of a discussion about the mines. "Whoops... sorry. But it's true!"

"As we were saying before that interruption," Legolas said, complete with yet another of those lovely glares that were becoming more and more popular. "We should reach the mines by tomorrow evening and then---"

"Really?" Nicole said, interrupting him again. "So that means no more snow? No more cold? No more sneezing? WHEEEE!!!!!!" Nicole started to jump around, occasionally picking up a handful of snow and yelling "HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!" She managed to celebrate for maybe two or three minutes before one of her handfuls of snow accidentally hit Boromir's head. Faster than you can say 'snowball fight', Boromir scooped up some snow and whipped it at Nicole, laughing.

"EEK!" she yelled and dove behind Gimli for cover. The snowball hit Gimli instead, so in retaliation, Gimli threw a snowball at Boromir. Now, not many people know this, but Gimli isn't known for his expert aim. His snowball hit Aragorn. Half a second later, it was a full out snow fight that had even Gandalf lobbing clumps of snow at the hobbits. The only one not involved in this powder-fest was Legolas. Nicole spotted him on the outskirts on their group, doing his looking-off-into-the-distance-because-I-have-super-duper-Elf-vision thing again. She hefted a ball and took aim, trying to hit Legolas' hair so that she wouldn't look so bad.

The disturbance of the air close to his head must've alerted Legolas of the incoming snowball because he spun around and hit it with the back of his hand so that it slammed into the ground. Nicole tried very hard to look not guilty while being on the receiving end of another glare. It could've been her imagination, but she thought she heard him mutter really quietly, "Child." But nobody else noticed and the snow fight raged on.

Until Merry got vengeful. At one point, Pippin had managed to body check him into the ground and shove snow into his jacket. Merry chose to get back at him by getting a particularly large snowball and throwing it at Pippin. Let's just say that no one knew that Merry was that strong. The snowball hit Pippin right in the head, full force. He keeled over, and the thud of him hitting the ground made everyone else stop in their tracks. Everyone ran up to him, except Merry who shrank back. Nicole was closest to him since she was sneaking up behind him to deliver a hit to his back. She knelt by his side. The best way to describe his condition was dazed-drunk.

"Whoa, buddy, can you hear me?" Nicole asked, shaking his shoulder. "That was quite a hit." She made a mental note to congratulate Merry later. The entire Fellowship crowded around him. Nicole took a page out of a cop's book, and said, "C'mon people, give him some air." They stepped back.

Pippin looked at her amazed. "Angel?" was the only word his confused mind could form at the moment. From his point of view, Nicole's hair was covered in snow and the sun was shining right behind her, making it look like she was shining or glowing. He probably couldn't recognize her at all, or so she hoped. Nicole rolled her eyes as the rest of them laughed at her. None of them could ever picture her as an angel, neither could she.

"Stupid hobbit," she muttered under her breath. Pippin smiled lopsidedly at his "angel" and fainted dead away. "Maybe we can lose him in the Mines."

A/N: OMG! I started this chapter in... May, I think... And I just finished it now... it took forever, cuz I had finals and shopping and summer and learning and packing and all that other fun stuff. VERY SORRY!!!! I beg on my knees for forgiveness. Oh yeah, disclaimers:

(1) LotR isn't mine.... if you thought that it was, I'll consider that a compliment.
(2) the song is Ain't No Mountain High Enough, and it belongs to whoever sung it first. I think it's Marvin Gaye, but I'm not sure.
(3) twinkies: as much as I love them, they aren't mine either.

I think that's it. Anyway, I'm gone for two months (July to late August), so no updates. But I'll write chapters up so hopefully in September you guys will have at least two new chapters. Review! ~m~