After dinner, Soda and Pony and I cleared the dishes while Darry and Uncle Pat sat and talked in the living room. We washed and dried the dishes in silence, and I could tell Pony was about to have a complete breakdown if he didn't get outside to have a smoke soon.

"Pony, just go outside. Me and Scout'll finish up." I was glad Soda had sensed his anxiety as much as I did.

"You sure?" He was just asking to be polite. He wanted out.

"Just go, Pony," I said.

"Man, that kid's an addict," Soda said when he had left.

I agreed, but didn't speak.

"Hey, you did a great job with dinner," Soda said. "I'm sorry about being a wiseass before, about getting us sick and all."

"Don't worry about it. It's okay." I knew he hadn't meant to get me upset.

"I'm glad you told me," he said, "about Darry, I mean. I'm glad he finally let some of it out. He just holds everything in, you know?"

"I know," I said. "We're just gonna have to all help out when we can, though. He needs us, but he'd never admit it." I put the last dried dish away and turned to Soda.

"I guess we're supposed to get lost," he said. Darry and Pat were still talking in the living room.

"Let's go outside," I said. Soda followed me out the door. Pony was in the back yard with Ben. This time they both were smoking.

"I don't know," Ben was saying, "I guess you're right."

"Right about what?" Soda grabbed Pony's cigarette and took a drag. He only smoked when he was upset about something, and there was no doubt he had plenty to be upset about at the moment.

Nobody answered right away.

"What, were you guys talking about us?" Soda asked.

"No… well, kinda, I guess," Pony said. "I was just saying to Ben that maybe it's better that we don't have any other family besides Pat. I mean, then we might have to decide about who goes where. This way it's just simpler. We stay together."

I didn't like the thought that there could have been another option besides us staying together. Soda spoke my thoughts.

"Pony, we woulda stayed together no matter what. We're family."

"I'm just glad it's so straightforward, that's all I was sayin'." I wondered how straightforward Pony would think it all was if he had been the one to find Darry sobbing in bed. But I said nothing.

Ben came over to me. "You doin' OK?" he asked. He threw down the cigarette and stomped it out. He knew I hated the smell.

"I don't know," I answered. He hugged me again and I allowed myself to lay my head against his chest. He had gotten so much taller over the past year. We used to be so much closer in height. Kevin was big, almost as tall as Darry, so I guessed Ben was at the beginning of a big growth spurt. My nose was at his chin height. We all just stayed outside in silence for quite a while.

"What time is it, Ben?" Soda asked. Pony and Soda always depended on other people to know the time.

"Almost ten," Ben said.

"Scout, maybe you'd better get to bed. Tomorrow's gonna be a tough day." Soda was looking at the silhouettes of Pat and Darry talking through the living room window.

"Not just for me," I said. "Why should just I have to go to bed?" Sometimes I really hated being the youngest.

"You're right," Pony seemed to want to avoid an argument. "We should probably all go in. Right, Soda?"

"Yeah," he said. "Come on, Scout." He pulled me back from Ben. I was a little annoyed; I had liked the feeling of leaning on Ben. "Good night, Ben," he said.

"'Night, guys. 'Night Scout. You hang in there."

I'll try, I thought.

Back inside, the three of us presented ourselves to Darry and Uncle Pat, momentarily interrupting their conversation. They had a pile of paperwork in front of them, and Darry looked completely ragged.

"We're gonna turn in, Dar," Soda announced for all of us. "We'll see you in the morning, Uncle Pat."

"'Night boys. 'Night, Scout," Pat looked each of us in the eyes. I went over to hug him as the boys headed into their rooms. I just needed to feel that adult touch again. "Thanks for coming," I whispered in his ear.

"Of course," he said. "You know I love you guys. You get some sleep, OK? You're my girl, right?" Pat had four boys. I was the only girl in my generation.

"Okay," I said. I knew I wouldn't sleep.