Mitch confidently struts onto the stage to no fanfare

Mitch: my beloved audience, please hold your applause

No one was applauding anything

Mitch: well, it is now time for us to bring out everybody's favorite cannibal, David

Two heavily armed security guards push along a gurney with David on it, he has been strapped into it very tight and has a bite mask covering his face, and because it's better to be safe than sorry, he is also wearing a strait jacket

Mitch: let's not waste any time here, this guy gives me the creeps, so here is our first question-

Ellie: can you wait a second?

Mitch: alright

Ellie gets up and kicks David in the shin, he howls in pain

Ellie: you may continue

Mitch: ELLIERILEYLOVERS has the first question for David, why are you so f***ing sick? And were you trying to r*** Ellie?

A censor bar appears over Mitch's mouth as he announces the two obscenities

David: hmph, argh, grrrgh

Mitch: oh my, it appears his bite mask is a little too tight and I can't be bothered loosening it, but I think I might be able to translate for him, can you repeat that Davey boy?

David: hmph, argh, grrgh

Mitch: David says that he is not sick, despite all of the cannibalism, he has a clean bill of health. And about Ellie, he claims he was tenderizing the meat, wow, that is really creepy Davey boy

David: rrrr

Mitch: David also told me to never call him Davey boy again or he'll turn me into soylent green

Mitch: Cass87 asks Joel, What was your reaction when you found out that you were going to be a father?

Joel: it wasn't pretty, my girlfriend and I had been on bad terms and I reckon I may have broken up with her soon if she hadn't told me she about the pregnancy, we argued for hours over what we were gonna do with the baby, of course I'm glad that we decided to keep it, because Sarah is the one thing I ever got right in my life

Mitch: don't beat yourself up, you Definitely got the beard right

Joel: that too

Mitch: from a Guest, David, Why are into teen girls and what makes Ellie "special"? What will you do if you have met Joel? Where's Henry?

David: blargh, urgh, zargh

Mitch: David says something very disturbing about teenage girls that I can't say with this rating. He says if Joel got in his way, he'd have him butchered right in front of Ellie, now I highly doubt that, I reckon this guy

Mitch points at Joel

Mitch: would put David's nose where his ear used to be, and choke him to death with his own hair

Joel: you're goddamn right

Mitch: and lastly, David asks me who Henry is, well I'm not going to tell you David, but I will tell all of you reading that I honestly didn't think Henry was popular or interesting or important enough to be a regular panelist, perhaps a guest appearance down the road if he gets enough fanfare

Mitch: our next question is also from a Guest, Joel, what was childhood like?

Joel: that's not very specific, but I'll try to answer anyway. Childhood was fairly normal for me, I did okay in school, had guitar lessons every Monday afternoon, went hunting with tommy and our dad every month before he fell off the wagon, pretty uneventful

Mitch: our final question comes from Wolfblood109, Sarah, what was it like to have to shop with your dad?

Sarah: well like just about everything else, we would often disagree over what to buy, unless it was coffee, love of coffee seems to run in the family

Mitch: it appears so. I think it is time for a new tradition ladies and gentlemen, at the end of the episode, I will ask YOU a question, how about that?. Anyway, our first question for the readers is what is your favorite video game that isn't the last of us? So many choices for me, there's bioshock infinite, mass effect 2, final fantasy 7, the uncharted series and the walking dead series, I'll have to say a tie between all of those. Good night everybody