Divided We Fall
Chapter 10 Malnutrition
A/N: Hee hee...
"You realize it's one O'clock in the morning right." A blond haired and green-eyed young man in his twenties flopped in a chair in Warner's office exhaling from exhaustion.
"I'm aware of the time." She said dryly opening the case file that had suddenly became entirely too interesting to her. "We've got a problem." She informed him.
"Yeah," He yawned, "It's called lack of sleep."
"Donavan," she pointed at him with her pen, "You've begged me for three years to let you in on a good case…this will make you or break you, do you want it or not?"
Donavan arched his brows, "What stiff is so intriguing that it'll make my career."
Warner's eye grew downcast, "When I tell you this…it's between you and I or I'll have you're job understand?" She asked firmly.
He starred at her, never before had he gotten such a sternly serious lecture from the woman who, even in the circumstance of death, always had a smile, " I understand," he found himself interested, "Just between you and I, what do ya got?"
"How about this?" she asked handing the case file to him, "What do you see?"
"Charred remains," He furrowed his brows and flipped through the pictures, "looks like some type of bag…maybe diaper bag." He flipped to the next, "What is this?" He starred at the photo, "Two adults and an infant?"
"Possibly, the infant is a give me but the adults are a little harder to pin point age, could be teenagers." She suggested.
"So what gives…why am I here this late looking on this when I could be vomiting liquor out of my body at a bar?"
She stared at him, "Please," she smacked her lips, "You were studying weren't you?"
He smiled and felt himself blush, "Yeah."
"Figured." She chuckled then grew serious, "About five months ago…two parents who happened to be NYPD officers had their home broken into and their seven month old son kidnapped…there was a car accident and their son was subsequently killed."
"I remember that." He shook his head; "The media put them through hell."
"Yeah." She remembered reading the headlines and felt herself take a deep breath. "I got that file," She motioned to the file he held, "On Christmas, with this note." She said handing it to him, "What do you think about it?" she asked seeing if someone who wasn't a detective would come to he same conclusion.
"Sounds like someone's going to have a mutiny on their hands." He smiled, "I'm not sure I get what it is you need from me."
"Why would someone want to torture these two detectives?" she asked purposefully, not telling him she was a personal friend to Elliot and Olivia.
"Maybe the newspapers were true…didn't the mother shoot two or three people on the job? Maybe she was stressed and flipped…or maybe the husband flipped, I remember reading one of the papers that said he had a pretty nasty temper."
Warner exhaled trying to be patient, the young man was simply brainstorming, questioning if and how the crime occurred, that was his job and he didn't know Elliot or Olivia, had he, he would know they were good people. "That wouldn't explain why someone would send me this file."
"Well, what do you know about the accident?"
"Nothing really, we weren't' allowed to handle any aspect of the case…I don't understand why someone would want to deliberately hurt them by bringing the case back into the light just when it seemed to die down."
"Maybe." She furrowed her brows, "I want you to research this…tell me everything you can…starting with who sent me that file."
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January quickly melted away producing February and Olivia found herself wide-awake, unable to sleep and unable to determine why. There had been no nightmares, no uncomfortable sleeping position. In fact she found her self, smiling at how perfectly she and Elliot's body formed against each other. Reluctantly she slid carefully out of his embrace and got out of the bed. She pulled the covers back up over Elliot's body and kissed him softly on the cheek before disappearing into the kitchen to make some chocolate and read a couple chapters from her book.
Deciding that the book was becoming increasingly boring by the nano-second she closed it and rested her head against the couch. She found it funny that even with all the time off that Elliot and she had…neither one of them ever slept through the entire night. Too many years of waking up in the middle of the night programmed their bodies to automatically do it and it was the most irritating thing she knew of.
Olivia gathered her cup of chocolate and walked down the hall averting her eyes from the nursery as she ran her fingers across the door; it was the same motion she'd done every time she walked by that door for the last eight months. However, this time she stopped and stared at the door, at the dark path that her fingers had created over time. She did the math in her head and smiled sadly knowing Isaac would have been fifteen months old…walking…playing…asking for juice.
Olivia rested her hand on the doorknob and closed her eyes before entering the nursery by her self for the first time since learning of Isaac's death. She opened the door and could pick up the trace scent of her son, even now. The baby powder and lotions she used after his baths. She ran her fingers over the railing of his crib, taking note that there was no dust…anywhere. She furrowed her brows and then realized that Elliot made it a point to come into the nursery everyday and must be keeping it clean as well, although, things were still in the same spot as they were when they last saw Isaac.
She stopped when she saw a teddy bear that wasn't familiar to her. Retrieving it from the crib a tear escaped as she read the tiny card attached to the bear like a tag in a clothing store, "Merry Christmas Isaac, Love, Mom and Dad." Elliot had remembered their son's Christmas present while she tried desperately to erase the fact that she wouldn't be sharing Christmas with her complete family. She sat in the rocking chair slowly and realized she would never be with her complete family, but wasn't that just another chapter to her life?
She took a small blanket off the back of the rocking chair and clutched it in her hand as she thought about memories she would never have of her son. There would be no first day of school, no first grounding. She would never see him dressed up for prom or walk the stage for high school graduation. She would never know what he became after college. He would never know the joy of being married…of having his own children.
The sobs tumbled out of her small frame like thunder stomps through the sky and in an instant Olivia Stabler was broken and ashamed, crying desperately to have her son back, if only to say goodbye.
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Elliot's eyes fluttered open at a noise he couldn't make out until he turned and realized Olivia wasn't in bed. He looked at the clock noticing the early hour…or late hour, depending on how you looked at it. It wasn't until he heard another Labored sob of his wife that he jumped quickly out of the bed seeing a pale light with figures dancing against the hall wall coming from the nursery. The door was open and he never left it open knowing Olivia couldn't handle even looking inside.
He saw his wife weeping bitterly in the rocking chair she once held their son, whose blanket was the only thing she held tonight. She had turned the light that Casey bought for her on and he remembered how much Isaac had enjoyed tracing the figures with his eyes as they swarmed around the room.
"Olivia." He spoke as softly as possible.
Without hesitation she rose out of the rocking chair, still weeping, and rested her hands on his chest allowing her body to be totally consumed in his embrace, "He's not here." She sobbed loudly, painfully, as she buried her face into his chest further.
Elliot stroked her hair and kept his arm around her small frame, taking notice, that she was the one loosing weight now and it wasn't like she had a lot to loose. He thought back over the last few weeks and took note that she wasn't sleeping well, her eyes had dark circles around them, she rarely ate, and if she did she spent the night puking in the toilet. He sighed and kissed the top of her head, "I know, Liv."
She sniffled and finally managed to wrap her arms around his waist, "Seven months is too little…it wasn't enough." She let out another sob, effectively breaking Elliot's heart.
"No. It wasn't." he agreed with her, he'd had more than one conversation with Providence about the time factor…just a little more time was all they wanted…to hear his first word…to see him take his first step.
"The house is so empty without him." She whispered through her tears then let out more sobs. He closed his eyes and held her tighter as she broke in his arms.
"Cry Olivia. Tonight, I got you."
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Two weeks later Elliot found himself waking up before his wife. He smiled seeing her sleep but he could also see the stress on her face, the puffiness under her eyes. Her rib cage was starting to show through her skin with the increased weight loss. He wondered if he had done this to her. Wondered if his drunken binges that forced her to look past the pain of loosing Isaac so she was strong for him, brought the once strong, Olivia to the fragile creature next to him.
The months since she came back home to him had been good them in spite of the sadness that overshadowed Olivia, the nothingness that consumed her. They'd made it a point to make love to one another at least once a day, but even when he felt her body contract around his, even as he heard her call his name into the atmosphere, felt her lips caress his, and her hands search his body; he could also feel there was something within her, a desire that he couldn't fill…a desire to have her son back.
Olivia was falling and he didn't know how to catch her.
Elliot ducked his head settling his lips against her sleeping mouth. Cupping her cheek softly he nipped at her bottom lip tugging gently to slide his tongue over her teeth. He felt a small smile creep over her lips as she stirred into wakefulness. She parted her teeth giving him free access to her mouth as she slid her hand up his chest and behind his neck deepening the wake up call and moaning gently in protest as he pulled away in separation.
"Hi." He whispered, smiling at her closed eyes and full lips. He ducked in and kissed her lips gently sipping softly from her lower lip.
"Hi." She took a deep breath and opened her eyes, "Mmm, beautiful thing." She smiled resting her head on his chest and absently drawing shapes into is abdomen.
"What is?"
"Waking up to you." She said, "It's better every time I do it." She smiled kissing his naked flesh and slowly drawing her tongue along the contours of his flesh, caressing him with her lips and tongue as she kissed his body, shifting hers to cover him. She made her way north stopping to place soft kisses on his nipples and smiling as his breath hitched under her touch.
"Like that?" she smiled.
" I like that." He whispered and grinned feeling her mouth make it's way over his collarbone and along the center of his neck, "I really like that."
"Yeah?" She whispered into his neck, "Well," she nipped at his jaw line and rubbed herself over his hips feeling him react to her, "Is there anything else I can do for you?"
Elliot grinned and rested his hands on the small of her back, "Are you forgetting something?"
Olivia furrowed her brows and raised her head from his ear to look at him, "What?"
"Are you forgetting something?" He repeated stroking her along her spine.
She thought for a second, it was a weekend, she didn't have to be at the gym, anniversary was a no, and his birthday wasn't do for awhile, "No, I don't think so."
He chuckled and kissed her lips, "We have a wedding we need to be at in less than two hours."
She exhaled and groaned letting her forehead fall against his chest, "I forgot."
"I can tell." He smiled.
She kissed his shoulder but could feel him decrease against her, she protested with a low groan and looked up to smile playfully at him as she rubbed her body against him again, "I don't suppose you'd be up for a quickie?"
"Olivia." He kissed her mouth gently, "What's wrong?" he asked sincerely knowing that she had literally become insatiable. Yes, he could bring her to orgasm but there were times when it seemed almost meaningless to her as if she were filling the hole left by Isaac's death with the high of an orgasm. He didn't mind making love to his wife, so long as it was healthy, but he was watching her literally melt in front of him, dropping from a sexy hundred and thirty pounds to what he guessed was a worrisome one fifteen. He wanted her to face the pain not use a substitute. He'd done it with alcohol and found it almost destroyed his marriage.
"Why would something be wrong?" she smiled kissing his chin.
"Olivia," he brushed her bangs away form her face, revealing sad eyes that she hid away from him, "I've made love to you every day since you've come home…sometimes more than once a day." He chuckled softly then lowered his voice, "Why do you need it?"
She shook her head and sat up on his hips, "Do you not like having sex with me?" she furrowed her brows.
Having sex. That's the first time you said that. He thought to himself noticing the rawness in her voice. He furrowed his brows and stoked her thigh lightly; "You know that nothing makes me happier than being inside of you."
"Then what's the problem?" she smiled and kissed him along his neck, "Have sex with me."
"Olivia-"
"Elliot." She sat up, "Did I do something wrong?"
"No."
"Then what is going on?" she asked slightly irritated he was shutting her down.
"That's what I'm asking you Olivia…what's going on." He whispered.
Seeing her eyes well up he pulled her back down over his body and embraced her tightly, "I love you." He spoke softly tracing her spine with his fingers feeling the unhealthy bony structure against her skin. He was almost shocked when she spoke with out him prodding further.
"I don't know what's wrong with me." She whispered into his shoulder.
"You're not eating." He kissed the top of her head.
"I'm never hungry."
"You work out too much." He reminded her.
"I need that time…I need to see those kids to get through the week." She whispered.
"We haven't visited Isaac's gr-"
"Shh." She covered his lips, "Don't say that, I hate that word." She shut her eyes trying to shake the word from her mental vocabulary. No mother wants to admit that her son has a grave.
"We haven't visited Isaac together." He said offering his edited thought.
"I can't."
"Don't shut him out, Liv." He whispered and felt her choke back a sob.
"It hurts too much to remember."
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"Alex made a beautiful bride." Paul smiled untying his tie.
"She did." Casey agreed walking effortlessly to him and kissing him through a smile, "Should I be worried?" she teased.
"Hey," he laughed interlacing his hands with hers, "I said she made a beautiful bride…but I have a the most gorgeous bride right in front of me." He grinned.
"Suck up." She smirked.
"Oh yeah." He embraced his hands around her swollen body. "How's this spine of yours feeling?" she asked drumming his fingertips along her back.
"Well, it's pretty damn good if I do say so myself." She smiled feeling his lips on her cheek, "I was walking pretty good at the wedding don't you think?"
"Walking…I could have sworn you were waddling." He snickered massaging her belly.
She shook her head and smiled at his remark, "Just so long as you remember that you did this to me."
Paul looked at her seriously, proud that he had been given another chance to have a baby with her, proud that he and gotten his wife pregnant. He kissed her again, "I'd never forget."
"Well, if we don't think in the next five weeks…we're gonna forget to give our son a name." She chuckled, "Can you lower me onto the couch please…if it's not the spine…it's the belly, I'll be so glad when he comes." She laughed, and wrapped her arms around him as he lowered her to the couch. "Do you love me?" She smiled mischievously.
"You know I do." He laughed furrowing his brows at her question.
"Love me enough to rub my swollen ankles?" she laughed.
"Ah…I knew there was a catch." He sat slowly and draped her feet over his lap, "So what do you got for names?"
"George." She spat out trying to hold in her laughter.
"Absolutely not." He chuckled rubbing her feet gently.
"What do you have?" she arched her brows and started to laugh when he pulled a small notebook out of his shirt pocket and opened it with a smile, "I got all sorts."
"I don't believe it…you and that notebook, you should have been a cop."
"Too nerdy…the perps would hurt me." He shrugged.
Casey nudged his abdomen with her toes and spoke softly, "That's not what Elliot told Olivia."
He bowed his head absently rubbing her feet, "I'm sorry Case."
"For saving our friends' marriage?" She asked, "Don't be."
"I don't like to fight, he swung at me."
"Hey." She nudged him with her feet again, "I'm not upset…it's kinda sexy."
"Really?" he grinned, "In that case, I hit him twice you know?" They laughed together freely then got down to business.
"Number one." He smiled reading his list, "Jonathan."
"Nathan." She smiled knowing her list was memorized, that's what lawyers do, memorize fact and figure.
"Sebastian." He countered pulling a pen out of his pocket to which she rolled her eyes.
"You took a pen to Alex's wedding?"
"I took it in case I met a guy with an interesting name." He assured her.
"Oh, were you planning on dating said guy?" she arched her brow and grinned; happy that she and Paul were able to play with one another like a dating couple. She knew it was cliché but she fell in love with him each morning she woke up next to him.
"And give you up?" He shook his head, "Please…no contest Toots."
"Not naming him Toots." She laughed.
"I was calli-"
"I know. Paul?"
"What?"
"No…I mean, what about naming him Paul."
"No!" he barked, surprising both of them at the sudden out burst.
Casey sat up slowly, "Come here." She whispered nuzzling against him and resting her hand on his abdomen, "What just happened? Where did you go?"
He swallowed hard and rested his hand on her thigh, "I don't want him to take after me, I don't want him to have my name." He whispered gruffly.
"What?" She cupped his cheek with her hand and brought his face to hers, "Why?"
"I don't want him to be weak Casey, I don't want him to be some nerdy guy that people tease and make fun of…I want him to be strong, an athlete, smart…good looking even." He removed his glasses folding them softly and placing them on the coffee table.
"Paul," she whispered his name sweetly and kissed the corner of his mouth suddenly realizing the duality of his statement, "Don't you know how handsome you are?" she smiled searching his eyes, "How sexy you are?"
He rested his head on the back of the couch and exhaled hoarsely, "Kids are cruel Casey."
"You were teased." She whispered. She'd known the man for years and he never said a word. She winced at all the times she'd called him a nerd or geek, but in her defense he was a hot nerd.
He bowed his head again, uncomfortable with what was coming, "When I was a freshman in high school…" his voice grew quiet not wanting to finish.
"It's okay to tell me." She assured him resting her head on his shoulder.
"I was captain of the math team…that's the sign of a true nerd." He tried to smile but couldn't, "long story short, I spent a week in the hospital after being jumped by a group of jocks." He swallowed and started to shake his leg up and down, a nervous habit she hadn't seen him do since they'd gotten back together.
"You're an incredibly intelligent person Paul."
"Sometimes smarts are worse than bad looks." he countered.
"You still feel inadequate?"
"I hate myself for what I did to you, for-"
She covered his mouth with her palm and shook her head, "No…we don't talk about that unless we're at the counselor's office." She reminded him, "I don't hate you for that," she whispered and lowered her hand to his thigh claming his leg back to stillness, "I fell in love with you Paul, because you were a great guy that made me feel like I was an amazing person." She traced the contours of his body's muscles as she spoke, "I think you have an amazing body now, but that's not why I love you."
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why do you love me Case? Can you tell me? I need to hear it."
"I love you," she said with a smile as she covered his hand, "because you are smart, you have this incredible passion for a discipline that I can't even grasp. I love you because you've stuck by our friends even when Elliot was harsh to you…you showed your self compassionate, I'd rather have a compassionate husband that are heartless jock." She whispered, "But I love you, because…you loved me first…and you kept loving me, even when I was unlovable." She smiled and kissed his cheek, "I don't care what anyone says…you are the hottest piece of meat I've ever seen." She chuckled and whispered in his ear, "I love you."
Paul smiled sheepishly and opened his notebook again, "Okay, crossing off Jonathan, adding Nathan and putting a question mark on Paul."
Casey smiled knowingly, "What else you got, Gorgeous?"
"Addison."
"Oh, I like that." She raised her brows, "Put a star by it." She suggested.
"Asterisk."
"Huh?"
"It's not a star…it's an asterisk, it indicates one's propensi-"
"Sweetheart?" she cut him off.
"Yeah?"
"Just make sure we know we like that one." She laughed, he was such a nerd, but he was her very sexy nerd and he didn't even realize it. "Can I run something by you."
"As long as it stops in front of me." He laughed hard then stopped when he noticed she wasn't, "Yeah, that was a bad joke." He blushed.
"Is that what that was?" she smiled feeling his hands on her feet again, "Bradley."
"That's my number nine, I think." He smiled flipping through is note pad and marking it with an asterisk…not a star. "Was that what you were running by me?" he asked flipping back to the first page.
"No." She said through a yawn, "I was thinking if we could ask Olivia and Elliot if we could have his middle name as Isaac."
"Oh…tricky."
"That's what I thought…think that might be too hard?"
"Maybe."
"I just want them to know that we loved him too, like he was ours you know?"
"I know." He whispered letting the tear fall before he could turn away. Casey looked at her husband trying to be a macho tough guy and hide his tears…he never could play that part since they'd come back to each other.
"That's what this whole thing about you're name is really about isn't it?" she asked softly taking his hand into his, "You think you're weak because we couldn't stop Isaac's kidnapping."
He shook his head affirming her speculation, "I'm so sorry Casey." He tried to wipe his tear, "I tried to keep him safe, I really did." His tone was increasing, speech gaining speed. "The knife, and the-"
"Paul," she took hold of his hand and placed it on her belly, "I hope our son grows up to be exactly like you…someone who would have laid down his life for his friends' son, it's rare to find someone like that. Someone who stood by his wife knowing she may never walk again, or freely make love to him again…you're an honorable man Paul…don't doubt that because you couldn't control a circumstance…life isn't a science lab honey, we can't control the variables here." She kissed his cheek, "Don't ever let me catch you doubting yourself again." She smiled against his cheek.
"Jedidiah?" He asked with a smile and glassy eyes.
"To Star Wars sounding." She frowned.
He crossed it off his list and flipped the page as she offered another name.
"How about Nicholas?" she smiled.
"Oh, now I like that one." He grinned and wrote it in his notepad…with a star next to it…not an asterisk. "What about Thomas?" he asked, but when he received no response he looked over to see that she'd fallen asleep, pregnant and beautiful as ever.
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Her voice was faint as she called for him, but it was loud enough to wake him up out of his sleep. "Olivia?" he called out rubbing his eyes, ridding them from sleep and flipping the comforter back. He'd hoped that March would be nicer to her, but in fact it was entirely more ruthless. She rarely ate, and when she did she simply vomited it back up. Too weak and entirely too exhausted to keep up her gym routine Elliot had called Ricky and asked that she have some time away to which the man happily obliged and offered his help in anyway possible. Elliot wondered just how many people this woman that he married had touched during her life that they would willingly help her at the drop of a hat.
Her voice was labored, low and pained "Elliot…please, I need you."
He moved quickly to find her kneeling over the toilet in her own vomit, her pasty white skin a bleak resemblance of the goddess he'd proposed to, yet that's what she still was to him. He pulled a hand towel from the towel rack wondering how many times between morning sickness and this that he'd made the motion. He tossed it in the sink turning on the warm water to let it soak the rag while he kneeled beside her.
Elliot cupped her cheek in his hand and looked at the nothingness that he saw in her eyes, "What's going on in here, Baby?" he whispered resting his hand on her heart feeling his own tears fall as he helped her sit on the closed toilet lid. "Can you tell me?" he asked pulling her vomit-stained nightshirt overhead and looking at the skeleton she'd become. Her once strong, sexy shoulders were bony, fragile and slumped.
"What's happening to me, Elliot?" she tried to cry but her body had nothing to produce, nothing to surrender.
"I don't know, Liv." He answered honestly reaching behind him and retrieving the towel, ringing it out and washing her gently, knowing that lately, because of the weight loss her body ached and she was sore. Her stubbornness prevented him from taking her to the doctor immediately and while she seemed to be doing better for a week or so she quickly plummeted into more dire circumstances.
Elliot remembered the words she spoke over him when he was disheveled in this very room, "Olivia," he smiled softly, "you're gonna beat this, I love you." He said softly tangling his hand in her hair and stopping instantly.
"What is it?" she labored out the question.
Elliot brought his hand down, opening it slowly and staring at the tendril of hair that had fallen out. She looked up at him and cried tears that pained her body to produce, she grabbed for his chest and sobbed in his arms, "Please help me."
He moved quickly into the other room and grabbed a shirt from the dresser drawer and her track pants that were lying on the foot of the bed. He returned to her and slid the shirt over her body as gently as possible hearing her moan from the pain of touch against her bones. "My teeth." She whispered trying to straighten the shirt out.
"What?" He furrowed his brow, "What's wrong with them Liv?"
She force a small laugh, but her chapped lips, limp hair and half opened eyes told a different story, "I need to brush, please."
"Liv, we need to go to the hospital."
"Teeth." She shook her head softly, "Please."
He exhaled and prepared her toothbrush only to realize she didn't have the strength to use it, "Open." He whispered softly sliding the toothbrush into her mouth and gently brushing her teeth. When he was finished, he wiped her mouth softly seeing the blood coming from her chapped lips.
"Rinse." She murmured.
"You're a pain in the ass Benson." He groaned reaching for the Listerine and pouring a small amount in a cup.
"You love me." She whispered knowingly. She still loved it when he called her by her maiden name.
He kneeled in front of her and brought the cup to her lips, "Unconditionally." He smiled seeing her take the green liquid into her mouth.
"Spit" he encouraged her holding the cup in front of her.
Weakly she let the liquid fall from her mouth. He wiped her lips softly and helped her with her pants. "I'll get you're shoes." He informed her and returned just as quickly as he left, slipping on socks and tennis shoes, careful to leave them loose on her feet that hurt her constantly.
"Up you go." He smiled helping her to her wobbly feet and almost loosing her to gravity before she leaned into him.
"How did you even get out of bed?" He whispered.
She chuckled barely audibly but he felt it against his chest, "Carefully." She smiled then coughed against him.
"Let's go." He whispered picking her up into his arms mentally guessing her weight to be just over a hundred pounds…if he were generous. He walked quickly out of the room taking the afghan from the foot of the bed and draping it over her as he walked out of the room. He felt for his shoes with his feet as he held her. Cramming his naked feet in, he found him self crushing the backs of both pairs. She slid his hand equally as blind over the counter until he came in contact with car keys.
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"I'm glad I married you." Robert whispered into Alex's ear as he held her.
"Really? Baggage and all?" she smiled.
"Absolutely, it's been a good first month of marriage don't you think?" he smiled and nuzzled her softly along her jaw, kissing her tenderly.
"Yeah, except this guy in my bed, wakes me up in the middle of the night…just to make love to me."
"Really? Sounds like he really loves you…really wants you." He smiled lacing his hands into hers and pulling them over her head as he hovered his body over hers.
"Well, I don't know," She teased him, "Maybe if you can tell him to do that thing with his mouth again, I can better assess the situa-" she gasped feeling him slide against her, "or…you could do that, and we're good." They both laughed then quieted feeling his tongue walk along her milky flesh.
"Spectacular." He whispered over her flesh causing the goose bumps to rise at the difference in temperature. He made his way back up her body kissing softly as he moved over her until he got to her lips. He ran his tongue over her lips and pulled her hips into him as he rolled onto his back effectively making her the woman on top. She smiled hungrily for him as she rose up on her knees and lowered herself onto him moaning in contentment as she felt him fill her up to overflowing. They wrapped they're hands together for leverage as he began to thrust upwards causing her to rise.
Then the phone rang.
She puffed out her cheeks and buried her head in his chest, "Who is calling in the middle of the night?"
"Angry bill collector?" He smiled thrusting inside of her softly, making her giggle as she strained to read the caller I.D.
"Elliot's cell phone." She muttered and reached for the phone.
"You're answering it?" He asked almost shocked.
She smiled and moved over him again, "Don't make a sound." She laughed and shifted pulling him on top of her. "Not a sound." She smiled and answered the phone.
"Better be good Elliot." She bit back a moan as Robert moved quietly within her. He smiled over her as he moved knowing that making love to his wife while she talked to someone on the phone was the most erotic, and naughty thing they'd done…so far.
Just as he was about to increase his speed she gasped and thrust out her hand to his chest, not from pleasure, but from whatever Elliot was telling her on the other side of the phone. He stopped moving immediately and waited as she hung up the phone resting it just above her head, "We have to go." She told him softly.
"What's wrong?" He asked withdrawing unsatisfied from her.
"Olivia is in the hospital."
"What!" He bellowed, "What's wrong?" he asked jumping out of bed and tossing her the clothes from the floor.
"He said she's really bad…I knew she looked like hell when we came back from the honeymoon. I told her to go to the doctor, Damnit." She barked at no one in particular. "That woman has to be the most stubborn person I've ever seen."
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Elliot watched quietly and counted the I.V droplets sustain his wife. Severe Malnutrition, smooth move Stabler. He thought to him self softly as he looked at her tired and fragile body. He scoffed to himself realizing that the love she had inside of her for her son, a love she couldn't express in his absence, was systematically killing her.
"Mr. Stabler?" the doctor stood at the foot of Olivia's bed startling him from his thoughts.
"Yes?" He whispered, "Can you tell me how she is?"
"She's gonna pull through, there's no doubt, but-"
"But what?" he furrowed his brows, and stood to his feet.
"It's gonna be hard for her Mr. Stabler…are you familiar with starvation?"
"She didn't starve herself…she couldn't hold her food down, she's been under a lot of stress." He protested in her defense.
"Sir," The doctor rested her hand on his shoulder, "We know that…we could tell when we scoped her trachea, and by the fact that she's still very much alive…almost three months huh?"
"Yeah." She shook his head softly, "I wanted to bring her in but," he smiled softly, "The woman can be stubborn."
The doctor smiled, "What kind of stress are we talking about here Mr. Stabler?" The doctor asked poised to write.
Oh, well, let's see, He thought to himself, her husband was an ass and pushed her away while he boozed himself up every night, oh and that's after our son died. "We lost our seven month old son about nine months ago." He whispered.
"My guess would be Post Traumatic Stress." The doctor sighed grasping Olivia's wrist and taking her pulse as she talked. "She'll be home once we get her electrolytes stabilized, probably tomorrow night." She smiled softly.
"How do I keep food in her?" he asked softly taking hold of Olivia's limp hand and starring at her, whishing she'd wake up just so he could look into her eyes. He kicked himself for being so selfish when he knew she needed her rest.
"You're gonna have to start her out slowly," She advised him, "Her body has literally eaten away at it's self for nourishment, start her out on Pedialyte, go to Ensure within a day or two, jell-o, pudding and soups by the end of the week…work you're way up from there slowly. She'll need exercise to regain her muscle mass, start her with slow walks nothing big and move from there."
The doctor handed him a sheet of paper that he hadn't realized she'd written her monologue on. He thanked her politely and folded it tucking it safely in his pockets, "She gets cold easily. Can she have another blanket?"
"I'll bring you one." The doctor smiled, "She's gonna be just fine, once she gets the stress level under control her hair will stop falling out and her lunch will stay in." she snickered "But in all seriousness…she's gonna need to talk to someone."
Doctors have the stupidest humor. He thought to himself as he forced a smile, "Thank you." He kept up the act until she walked out. He turned to see that Olivia's eyes were partially opened and a weak smile was on her face.
"El?"
"Yeah, Honey?"
"Doctor's," She swallowed hard trying to moisten her throat, "have the stupidest humor." She chuckled producing a small coughing fit.
"Rest Liv…no talking, here." He said providing her with a small cup of water he held to her dry lips. Stoic Olivia Stabler, helpless.
"Here you are, Sir." The doctor smiled returning with the promised blanket, "You have some friends waiting in the hall." She informed him softly and then noticing Olivia was awake. "How are you feeling Mrs. Stabler?"
"Like crap." She whispered, "Probably look it too."
The doctor smiled at Elliot, "I see what you mean now." She laughed and checked the monitors and I.V. "Your stubbornness will get you home early Mrs. Stabler." She smiled at Olivia and turned to disappear from the room.
Elliot unfolded the blanket over her, "Fresh out of the oven Liv." He informed her feeling the warmth from the blanket.
She looked at him with sunken eyes that tried to spark but was lacking fire, "Toasty." She muttered.
"Can I lay next to you?" he asked her softly and gently positioned himself next to her when she shook her head yes.
"Can I hold you?" he asked not wanting to hurt her.
"Please." Her raspy voice ripped through him like a cancer destroying any hope of strength he had. He fought to keep his composure and switched to humor.
"You know Liv." He said happily as he stroked her face with his knuckles, "We've had what? Four hospital stays in two years…our insurance premium is gonna go through the roof." He chuckled seeing her eyes spark even if it was for a faint second.
"El?" her voice was barely audible.
"Yeah?" he whispered kissing her softly on her nose.
"I'm sorry," she cleared her throat, "that I scared you." She closed her eyes softly then opened them feeling his fingertips on her cheek.
"Liv," he said through a boyish grin, "we really need to talk about that stubborn streak you have."
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"Elliot." Robert called from the hall, "How is she?" he asked giving him the standard three pat hug before releasing him.
"She'll be fine, severe malnutrition…I feel like an ass, I should have drug her down here." He shook his head then looked around, "Alex with you?"
"Ladies room."
"Oh." Elliot muttered before he sat down in the hall.
"Alex tells me Olivia is pretty head strong, don't blame you're self for doing what she asked you to do…she probably thought she was sick with the flu or something, Alex gets like that sometimes, she looses weight and wont eat." He offered his words but could see Elliot wasn't absorbing them.
"Elliot!" Alex chirped from the hall, "How is she?"
Elliot shook his head and smiled, not at the fact that she was in the hospital, but at the fact that Olivia Benson Stabler was the most stubborn sonovabitch he'd ever seen. "That woman is gonna give me heart attack before I'm fifty."
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Two weeks after being released from the hospital Elliot found himself driving her back in the middle of the night. I'm really starting to hate hospitals. He thought to himself as he merged carefully onto the freeway and accelerated.
"How far are the contractions?" Olivia asked sleepily looking in the vanity mirror and then whishing she hadn't.
"Two minutes, I hope we make this." He chuckled, "Casey's always been obnoxiously early, I think the kid is inheriting her traits." He chuckled.
"Hey Elliot." She smiled looking at him.
"Hey Olivia." He called back to her as he switched lanes.
"I stepped on the scale last night."
"Really?" He looked at her briefly before returning his gaze to the road and then back to her, "What it say."
"One at a time please." She laughed softly.
"Corny…that was so corny." He shook his head.
"Your smiling though." She pointed to the curve in his lips.
"Yeah, because of the corniness of that joke." He laughed putting on the blinker and exiting the freeway. "What it say Liv?" he asked seriously as they waiting at the red light.
"One fifteen." She smiled, "I gained eight pounds in two weeks." She chuckled.
"You know?" Elliot teased her tickling her gently, "I thought you were starting to look like a chunky monkey."
Olivia arched her brows in surprise, "Chunky Monkey huh?"
"Maybe I like chunky." He teased her remembering their snowball fight on Christmas.
"Green light." She announced with a smile, "I was starting to miss my boobs." She joked with him.
"Excuse me?"
"Oh don't pretend you didn't notice." She smiled and rolled her eyes, "I was a carpenter's dream Elliot." She giggled and pointed to an empty space.
"I don't think I brought change." He said as he slowed the mustang.
"I got it." She assured him.
"Need help getting out?" he asked knowing she was still weak.
"Um, could you stand by my door just in case?"
"Your wish, is my command." He grinned stepping out of the car as she opened the door to her side and withdrew her own form of payment from her glove box knowing he was going to have an aneurysm. She stood slowly, gained her balance and then shut the door, smiling as she walked to the meter and put the small paper sack that she penned "OUT OF ORDER" over the meter.
"Olivia!" he shrieked with eyes like quarters, "You can't do that."
"Apparently I can." She said pointing to the paper sack and smiling. She extended her hand for him to take it and when he did she grinned, "Don't be such a law abiding citizen."
"Are you encouraging me to break the law Detective?" He asked smiling as they walked through the hospital doors.
"No," she smiled and leaned up for a kiss, "I'm telling you to not be such a wuss."
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"Alright Mrs. Novak," The doctor smiled at her, "You're ready to deliver."
Paul stroked her hair softly and smiled as he held her hand, "This time tomorrow…we're mom and dad." He whispered to her.
"We haven't decided on a name and we never asked Olivia and Elliot." She said just before groaning and forcing herself to breath correctly.
"Got to push Casey." The doctor encouraged her, "Push now!" He instructed.
Paul thought she would break his fingers she clutched him so tightly, "Casey, honey, my fing-" The look she gave him shut him up. "Go ahead and squeeze." He plastered a smile on his face as he heard his knuckles pop.
"I can see the head." The doctor exclaimed happily as if it we're his son she were giving birth too.
"Casey," a nurse asked from holding up a mirror, "Would you like to see?"
"Do. Not. Put that mirror anywhere near my body!" Casey scolded through clenched teeth as the doctor yelled at her to push again.
"Hardest push right here Casey, let's go, real strong honey." He encouraged her stepping back and taking a blue pad from the nurse, "Push Casey!"
Paul watched his wife bare down with her knees up in her chest, her face bright red, teeth locked together, she was beautiful. Although, he wished his son would just come out so he could retrieve his hand from the clutches of this woman who was almost making him weep in physical pain as he saw his fingertips turn white. Then again she was squeezing a watermelon through a lemon…he could cut her some grace at the moment.
"One more Casey!"
"That's what you said on the other push!" she yelled tossing her head back on the pillow in exhaustion.
Paul wiped the sweat from her face pushing her hair out of her eyes and kissing her gently, "One more Case."
Casey rolled her eyes, "I'm going to kill you." She barked out of breath then took a deep breath and bore one last time feeling the release from her loins that indicated new life. She smiled and rested her head hearing the gentle cry fill the room.
"And," The doctor said with a broad smile as he stood "We have a baby girl!"
"What?" Casey and Paul questioned in unison, they hadn't even considered girl names.
Paul stammered, "The ultra sound said boy."
The doctor laughed, "Just kidding, a little doctor humor." He smiled, "Would you like to cut the chord to you're son?"
Paul smiled and Casey could have sworn she saw every tooth in that man's mouth as his tears streaked his face and he gently cut the chord, officially bringing their son into the world. The doctor whisked him away quickly.
"Hey!" Casey yelled suddenly, "Where are you taking him?" her voice broke as she clutched at Paul's shirt, "Paul, where are they taking him, I need to see him."
"Casey," He whispered her name softly, not fully understanding what not having him there when Sara was born did to her, "They're gonna clean him up and bring him back, that's all, I saw him…ten little fingers…ten little toes." He kissed her sweaty forehead and embraced her tightly.
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"Elliot, Olivia, come in." Paul said sticking his head out the door and motioning for them to come into Casey's hospital room.
"When do I get to see my nephew?" Olivia grinned as she approached him.
"Under one condition." He said softly.
"Wow, El, he's bribing us with the kid." She smiled, "Good work."
"No," He blushed, "Casey is feeling a little blue and tired, tell her she's beautiful will ya?"
Elliot rested his hand on Olivia's shoulder, "Will do, man. Now step aside and let us see that kid." He smiled and ushered Olivia into the room allowing her to sit in order to not tire her out.
"Wow!" Elliot smiled, "Casey…you look radiant."
She smiled, exhaustedly but he still saw her eyes light up.
"Yeah Casey," Olivia winked at her, "You're a hotty."
"Shut up you guys." She laughed and then grew serious looking at Olivia, "I'm still ticked you didn't tell me you were in the hospital."
"Casey, come on." Olivia smiled, "You were about to explode with that baby…trust me when I tell you, we were doing you a favor."
Casey rolled her eyes but smiled, "Are you okay?"
"Yep…gaining weight with all the Ensures Elliot shoves down my throat…nasty." She shuddered remembering how the vanilla ensures tasted if they were left out too long.
Casey laughed, "Want to hold him?"
Olivia smiled so big Elliot thought for sure he'd be able to park the car in her mouth, he hadn't seen that smile in a long time and it still looked sexy on her. "Do you really have to ask?" She swallowed the lump in her throat and Casey passed the baby boy to Paul and Paul laid him gently into Olivia's arms. She laughed. "Casey, this kid doesn't look like either one of you."
"I told you Paul." Casey snorted.
Elliot leaned over Olivia's shoulders to see the tiny boy with blond black hair and infant blue eyes. "Well…you got a name for this kid or do we have to call him Noname?" Elliot teased.
"Well," Paul cleared his throat and visibly tensed as he laced his fingers with Casey's, "We uh."
"Oh, Paul." Olivia shook her head, "Tell me you have a name for your son…tell me you didn't actually forget to pick one out?" She smiled.
"No, we have a first name picked out-"
"It's the middle name we wanted to talk to you two about." Casey spoke softly pushing herself up in the bed.
Olivia looked up at the two and took note of their defensive posture, "Don't you dare name him CrackerJack…that's wrong." She teased trying to get them to relax. They just had a precious blessing bestowed upon them, no need for angst. "Come on guys, spill what's the big mystery."
"Olivia," Casey started softly, "Paul and I, we…we loved Isaac like he was our own and we wanted you're blessing to give our son you're son's name as a middle name."
Stunned silence except for the gentle rooting from the nameless boy in her hands searching for food, "Barkin' up the wrong tree kid." She smiled at him and motioned for Paul to take him.
Olivia looked up to see if Elliot was equally stunned and when she saw the wet sheen in his eye she knew he was.
"We want Isaac to never be forgotten, even to us but we understand if it's too mu-"
Elliot spoke through a harsh whisper, "We would like that very much." He said looking down at his wife who was shaking her head affirming his words.
"Well then," Paul smiled holding his son proudly so that Elliot and Olivia could take a look, "Say hello to Addison Isaac Novak" he kissed his son gently and returned him to his mother's arms.
Olivia stood slowly seeing Casey's exhaustion, "We're going to go…Alex is on her way though." She smiled and kissed Casey on the crown of her head, "Good job mom." She smiled again and kissed the crown of Addison's head, "Good by Addison Isaac."
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"You!" Donovan smiled walking cockily into Melinda Warner's office, "Are going to love me!" he said pointing to himself.
"Don't be so sure." She exhaled, "Three months ago I asked you to find an answer…I can assure you, I do not love you…especially when I don't get the answer."
"I sense hostility." He furrowed his brows.
"You're gonna sense unemployment if you don't get the led out of your as-" she stopped when he produced a piece of paper holding in front of her as if he were a ten year old producing an 'A' paper. "What is that, I don't have time for you're cute games." She snapped tossing her pen on the desk and rubbing her eyes.
"Are you always this grumpy when people give you good news."
She glared at him then smiled sarcastically, "Only when it comes from you."
"Flattery will get you-"
"Fired, if you don't tell me what the hell that paper is for!" she barked standing and leaning over her desk.
Donovan looked at her seriously, "That hurt."
"Donovan!"
"Alright, alright, look at the paper." He said handing it to her to which she snatched it in frustration.
She exhaled in frustration, "It's you're review from last year…what the hell do I care about that you weren't even here then."
"Mean." He shook his head and opened the file she had given him and retrieved the note she was sent on Christmas. "You're exactly right, I wasn't here last year, I was at the Queens office."
"One nerve left Donovan." She warned him.
"It's a specialty paper Dr. Warner…they're identical." He smiled.
She snatched the papers up into the hands again and inspected them with her naked eye determining that the color was the same, the weight of the paper seemed accurate enough and the linen seemed to be a consistent pattern on both pieces. "This could be anyone's paper…a coincidence." She tried to poke holes into this story but she had the gut feeling he was right.
"That's what I thought too so, I ran the sample through the data base and they match…which led me to go back to the office in Queens and tell them you needed a copy of my review and that I had lost it-"
"You used my name without asking?" she asked incredulously.
"Yeah…you might get a call, sorry." He shrugged his shoulders.
She couldn't help the smile, he was cocky, but he was good too.
"Ta Da." He smiled producing a replica of the review he'd previously given…direct match right down to the lot number, which means all three of these papers have come from the Queens medical examiner's office."
She looked at the third piece and shook her head, "Good work."
"Why thank you," he bowed his head, "It's nice to be app-""
"Shut up." She shook her head, "It's good work, we got the 'where from' now we need the 'who from'." She muttered to herself in a brainstorm trying to remember if she knew anyone there that would send her this file.
"What if I told you I know that 'Who From'" He smiled looking down at her.
"How?" She furrowed her brows.
He reached across the desk and flipped the original review over and pointed to an ink blotch on the back, "The man who instructed me when I did my internship there printed this out inside of his office," he turned the note over, "Same ink blotch, same spot." Seeing what he was dong she turned the copied review over in her hand.
"There's nothing on this one."
"That's because I saw the secretary print this out at the reception desk…not the office."
"It's not conclusive." She shook her head.
"No, but this is." He smiled retrieving a newspaper clipping, "The medical examiner, the man who printed that riddle, spilled the beans that other M.E.s were selling unclaimed bodies."
"Do gooder?" she asked.
"I think so." He smiled, "Can I say I'm appreciated?"
"If that's what helps you sleep at night." She smiled.
"Sweet heart, I got no problems when it comes to my bed." He smiled and tilted his head to one side.
"Donovan?"
"Yes…I know…I'm pure genius." He grinned.
"Do you want to see this case through?" she smiled folding her arms across her chest.
"Absolutely."
"Then don't ever call me sweetheart again."