Chapter Ten:

"So, Olivia, what's the occasion?" Casey plopped onto the couch next to Olivia, eyeing the detective with a mixture of concern and curiosity. She was half way through a bottle of expensive wine from Alex's liquor cabinet and looking very sorry for herself. Her journey from the front door of Alex's apartment to the couch had been slightly wobbly as well, and Casey almost offered a steadying hand for her elbow, choosing to let her be at the last minute. She knew better than most how stubborn Olivia Benson could be.

The detective sighed. "Anyone ever tell you you're nosey, Novak?" she mumbled, folding her arms irritably over her breasts and staring down at her lap.

The redheaded attorney sighed right back at her. "Yeah, a time or two, but I bet you've been called worse." She gave Olivia a tight smile. Perhaps calling on Olivia this late wasn't such a good idea, even if the detective had extended the invitation in the first place.

"What's the occasion of your visit?"

"You seriously don't remember asking me to come over when we talked on the phone this morning?"

"Alcohol," Olivia slurred, tipping the wine bottle in a waving salute. "It makes me forget things..." Except the things I really need to forget, her mind added bitterly. Like blonde hair and blue eyes... missing Alex...

"And you're drinking alcohol because...?"

Olivia's eyes narrowed and her tone immediately became defensive. "Because I had a really shitty day, all right?" Even though she rarely used alcohol to numb emotional distress, Alex's absence had left her unbalanced. "I sent off your boxes to the forensic analysts, so there's nothing I can do to help you until they get back to me, which makes me feel like a lousy friend... I'm no closer to figuring out who Gambel's trophies belong to, and I'm not even supposed to be working until Huang shrinks my head... I'm useless. And the love of my life is half a world away..."

Even though Casey didn't understand half of what Olivia was rambling about, she knew that she was intruding on an extremely private moment. The redhead quickly reevaluated her approach. Maybe friendly banter wasn't the best way to go. What Olivia needed was a sympathetic ear. "Hey," she said, putting a friendly hand on the brunette detective's shoulder and squeezing gently. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Wanna know the worst part?" Olivia said bleakly, blinking her dry eyes and setting the bottle of wine on Alex's coffee table. The television murmured from various expensive speakers around the living room, but neither of them was paying attention.

"What's the worst part?" Casey asked, not sure she wanted to know, but understanding that Olivia needed someone to talk to.

"This is the anniversary of her fake funeral... and..."

Casey let out a soft gasp. "And..."

"You know, when she was dying, when I felt her blood pouring out between my fingers – God, it covered the back of my hands, it was everywhere... my biggest regret was never telling her I loved her... I tried to tell her. She said once that she remembers my voice before it all fades out. She remembers me saying 'sweetie' and telling her to hang on..."

Completely surprised at Olivia's sudden, uncharacteristic verbosity and unsure how to react in this emotionally charged situation, Casey was nonetheless heartbroken. For the first time, she saw exactly how much Alex obviously meant to Olivia. Unlike the rest of the squad, she had not seen the two interact together except on one or two occasions. Then, they had been distant, formal, almost painfully so. Now, the feelings of love and loss were written clearly on Olivia's face.

At first, she had been planning to admonish Olivia for drinking. Usually, the older woman was very responsible with alcohol, particularly considering her painful family background. Now she understood. She'd let it slide tonight. Olivia so rarely indulged, and it sounded like she was having a really terrible day... week... month...

She decided that the best thing she could do was talk about Alex. "You know, she hated me when she came back. Accused me of trying to steal her detectives away from her. Little did she know that she is irreplaceable."

Olivia smiled faintly. "Yeah... she'd already stolen my heart. Major felony right there. Got her twenty five to life."

"Oh, so you're a clever drunk," Casey drawled, finishing off the wine that remained in Olivia's glass and leaving behind a lipstick print. She decided it didn't matter. Olivia had already had more than enough, and now she was here to limit her alcohol intake.

"Depends on what I'm drinking. I can be clever, moody, horny, or all three."

"Well, let's hope you're not the last one," Casey said quickly, not as accustomed to the sexual banter that Olivia, Alex, and Serena had inherited from Abbie Carmichael like some kind of contagious disease.

"No," Olivia sighed, reclaiming the bottle of wine and wagging it at Casey, whose face was just a little blurry around the edges. "Now I'm mostly just moody..." Of course, the horniness was also a problem, but she was not drunk enough to let that information slip. Although it was not affecting her at the moment, the past few weeks had been difficult. Being apart from Alex was torturous, and watching Abbie and Serena dance around each other did not help. "I'm glad you stopped by," she admitted softly. "Abbie and Serena are out on another date. Abbie keeps taking her out because if they stay here they'll start going at it, and she's got chivalrous notions of wanting to wait."

"Do you always talk about your friends that way?"

Olivia shrugged. "It's the truth."

Casey noticed Olivia's eyelids drooping and decided to be responsible. "Hey, we can talk about my case some other night, okay? Why don't you get some sleep. Do you mind if I take the couch and stay over? I really, really don't want to go back to my place this late..." She left the rest of the sentence unspoken, not wanting to acknowledge the uncomfortable and possibly dangerous situation that she found herself living with. "I'd feel safer here with a badge and a gun a couple of rooms away, even if the officer in question is – slightly incapacitated."

"Big words," Olivia hummed contentedly. "Sounds like Alex..." Perhaps if she was feeling a little more chivalrous, she would have offered Casey use of the bed, or even suggested sharing, but it didn't feel like her bed to give up... not without Alex. All she wanted to do was curl up in that physical reminder of their relationship, the place where they had made love so many times, where they had held each other and whispered promises and adorations.

So she didn't, and Casey understood. "You're more than welcome to stay the night. Sorry I'm a terrible host."

The attorney smiled. "It's okay. Maybe I'll make you some eggs and toast in the morning."

That reminded Olivia of the first time she had stayed over at Alex's place, filling her with more bittersweet longing. "Thanks, Case," she said, her throat tight with tears, "that'd be... nice."

...

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"And back to the busy workday," Olivia said, squinting at her laptop screen. She had awoken an hour earlier, and after a brief but refreshing shower, the effects of the alcohol and her sob session on Casey Novak's shoulder had been temporarily scrubbed away. Still, her longing for Alex remained. The redhead had been a godsend, making her breakfast and then slipping away after assuring Olivia that she would keep in touch. Abbie and Serena were still out doing God knew what, and she had the apartment to herself for a little while. Not wanting to brood and definitely not wanting to stop in at the precinct with the threat of George Huang hanging over her head, she decided to get some work done at home for the first half of the day.

Blinking to clear her head, she focused on the unread e-mails in her inbox, debating whether to get up and make a fresh pot of coffee. That just reminded her that she would only need to brew enough for one, which made the loneliness creeping in around the edges of her heart burn even more fiercely.

That is, until she saw the sender of the third e-mail on the list. Alex. So far, they had been pretty good at sending e-mails and texts back and forth. Alex's reception and schedule was occasionally unreliable, as was Olivia's, and so actual face-time over the computer or in-person phone conversations were rarer than she would like. When they could not reach each other, they settled for leaving short, sweet messages of affection that remained in both of their thoughts for the rest of the day and bolstered their courage. And balancing a long-distance relationship, even a temporary one, did take a lot of courage.

This particular e-mail came with a video attachment. Curious, Olivia clicked on the 'Download' button. Groaning when the estimated time next to the download link read 5 minutes, she went back to checking the rest of her e-mail, deleting two offers for discounts on male enhancement pills, three claims to lower her auto-insurance premiums, and an e-mail stating that she had won the Australian lottery. Although her work e-mail was usually secure, a few spam messages still slipped through.

She skimmed a few more work-related messages before checking on the downloading file from Alex. To her surprise, it was already done. And just in time, she thought, clicking eagerly on the link, excited at the prospect of seeing her lover's face.

To her surprise, she saw the back of Alex's head instead, her hair pulled back in a loose bun. Obviously just having started the recording process, her blonde lover was walking away from the camera and over to her iPod station. Although Alex's torso was blocking the view, Olivia guessed from the movement of her right arm that she was scrolling through the list of songs. Finally, she turned around and Olivia gasped.

Alex was wearing a white tank top, nipples clearly visible through the flimsy fabric, and a pair of soft looking, dark red panties that revealed her gorgeous legs. Olivia was so entranced that she did not even notice that the camera's setup gave her a full view of Alex's bed. Looking a little shy, Alex stopped and waved at the camera. "Hi, baby. I heard through the grape vine that you've been feeling kind of lonely lately, so I wanted to send you something special. I love you, and I wish you were here... I really, really wish you were here..." Reaching over to her iPod, she pressed the play button.

As the silver strains of a solo flute curled from the speakers like smoke, Alex walked over to the side of the bed, putting a deliberate sway in her hips and giving the camera – and Olivia – a very nice view. She reached for something on the nightstand, and Olivia's throat went dry as she watched Alex slide her familiar but oh-so-incredibly sexy glasses onto her nose.

"Oh God," Olivia mumbled, still staring at the screen, "she is not. She is not."

But apparently she was.