The Nerve of the Man!

The crossword and a fresh cup of tea… what could be better? Life is good. Camille had an early meeting in town and he'd gotten to actually sleep in. SLEEP IN. Lovely. Later, he hopes to take care of some home chores that needed doing… but right now, tea and a puzzle. Double lovely.

He is so engrossed in a particularly tricky double, or perhaps, triple entendre that he doesn't notice her check on him before she slopes off with yet another library DVD in her hand. A friend has recommended it to her with very specific instructions for the second segment of the movie… and it is just as bad as she'd been led to believe! The nerve of some people! Her outrage leads her straight to her husband for confirmation of her umbrage.

"Richard!" Her sudden entrance makes him jump a bit. It usually does.

"Yes, my love?" The crossword is held up like a shield.

"I must strongly protest the actions of certain people in certain movies!"

He gives her a blank look before he slowly stands and puts his back to the wall, "M… movies?"

"Yes, movies! When I sit down for a bit of light and frivolous entertainment…" here she gives him a look that he manages most manfully to misunderstand, "… I do NOT expect to be winked at!"

"Oh, ah, um… winked at? By whom?" He swells up a bit in indignation, "Has someone been flirting with you? A married woman? MY wife? Did you shoot him?"

"No, I did not shoot him! The very idea! But something must be done about actors flirting with their viewers! It ought NOT be allowed!"

"No! Indeed! Of course not! Can you be a little less obtuse and perhaps more to the point?"

"Well, there I was, watching, trying to follow the convoluted story line, which was a bit like unravelling a case… so many points of view… so many interconnecting links that lead to other clues and…"

"Please, Camille. In plain English?"

"Well, I'm trying! Felice told me to watch for a particular scene, which I watched… and then… he did it!"

"Did what?"

"He winked at me. Such a saucy wink, too! He had no right!"

"Who? The actor?"

"Yes, the actor!"

"The actor winked? Was there anyone else in the scene with him?"

"Well, yes, his daughter in the front seat of the car and his awful wife in the back ignoring them both."

"Well, obviously, he was winking at the daughter."

"No, no, no. I could tell. This wink was shot out into the cosmos to send a dart right through my heart."

"Oh, a dart. Well, well, well, look at the time. I must get on with my chores. I'll come back for tea a bit later, shall I?" He resolutely approaches the doorway, a man on a mission.

She is blocking the door, "I don't think so. Felice told me to watch this movie because…"

"Because?"

"Because… this actor…"

"Oh, Camille… not again!"

"I can't help it! I'm a sucker for a certain type of man and THIS one…"

He snaps his fingers, "Half a mo! Isn't Felice the one who described me as 'ages older' during the Rene fiasco? Isn't SHE the one who made every reference to 'older men' and 'cradle robbers' at your Bachelorette Party? Why is SHE suddenly such an expert on 'a certain type of man'?"

She gives him a blank stare that he recognizes very well. He has caught her out on something. It isn't often that he gets the upper hand and he likes to keep it as long as he can. "Camille?" he frowns.

"Well, you know how ladies talk…" He shakes his head, giving her a stern look. "Well, we do… just like men talk…" He tips his head and raises his eyebrows. "Well, like MOST men talk… and I may have let slip a hint or ten that maybe an older lover is just the thing! I don't really remember… it WAS my Bachelorette… AND the last time I had too much wine. I'm much more circumspect now. Your secrets are safe with me!" She imitates zipping her lips.

He gives her a disbelieving look, "Uh HUH! And if my secrets are so safe, why is Felice recommending movies to you?"

"Well, it might be because she is on the hunt for someone a bit older too… in fact… so is Nicole… and Danielle. Felice was watching this movie with her niece and the actor caught her eye and she thought I'd appreciate his attributes and…"

"Ah, yes. This ac-TOR. This so-called 'secret signal' to his viewers. Is there any use at all in my saying that perhaps the actor was winking at his kids at home… or his own lovely wife… or MI5… or even the Russians?"

She is now angling him deeper in the room, "None at all. Felice was right, the movie is over, and WE'RE just getting started."

"But, darling, there's so much that needs doing around here. I'm not home enough to get it all done."

He is in her clutches now, such soft tender caressing clutches, "Yes, there's a lot to be done… and no, you're not home enough… but you get everything done that really needs doing."

"Oh, good, so glad I'm holding up my end of the bargain."

"Which bargain is that, Mr. Green Eyes?"

He whispers into her ear as he lays her down onto the divan, "To have and to hold…"

"Oh, that bargain. Yes, you are certainly a man of your word."

"I am that. Now, tell me ALL about this man who has caught your fancy. I'd like his name, please."

"His name? Um, 'third one from the left', I think? He doesn't really have a name, not like you."

"Mr. Green Eyes, was it?"

"Yes, that's one. There are others."

"I want a full and complete list of each and every one!"

She spends all afternoon telling him the others.

END

End Note: can anyone help me with 'Sardines' (1995), 'Passion Killers' (1999), 'The Blind Date' (2000)?