Chapter Notes: Sorry it's been so long again. I was hoping to write some more of this story in advance before I posted this chapter, but writer's block is still giving me trouble, and other stuff cropped up to keep me distracted. I have another chapter written and ready, but I don't know when I'll post it.

I get ready for school as slowly as I can. The way I figure, the slower I go the longer it'll take me to get there, and the longer it'll be before I face the Watchers. Of course, the downside is that I have to spend longer thinking of the ninety-five ways the meeting can go wrong, which really doesn't help matters at all.

The other downside is that being slow means being late, which will just get things off to a bad start. The Watchers are stuffy and British, and I doubt any of them have ever been late a day in their boring lives.

I just can't help the worry building up inside me. It was already there before, but Spike's words last night have permanently engraved themselves into my brain. He said that things are gonna come to light that I need to be prepared for. And apparently, they're bad enough to warrant him not fighting me last night, obviously wanting me to keep up my strength.

And then there's the thing with Giles and Lydia, and wanting them to research previous Slayers who have taken the test. Why does he need them to research this? What does he think that'll achieve?

There's also what Lydia said yesterday; that only one other Slayer has survived the test. But they hadn't even looked in the other diaries at that point, so maybe they found more. Part of me isn't so sure, but I have to hope. I can't think about what it could mean if I'm the only one who survived besides Nikki Wood – the same Slayer who Spike killed.

I finally arrive at school and make straight for the library. I already told the others what's going on, so they know not to converge in the library like usual. The last thing I need to worry about is my friends hearing something they shouldn't. And I don't think the Watchers would appreciate them hanging around and listening to information they'd no doubt deem 'private'.

When I enter the library I find Lydia and Giles already there, talking in hushed voices. There's no sign of the other Watchers yet, but it shouldn't be long now.

Both Watchers turn when I enter, and I try not to make eye contact with Giles. I'm still mad at him, after all. He'll have to do a lot more than he's already done if he wants to earn my trust again. But I notice the look of regret, sorrow and shame all rolled into one, which I guess is another step in the right direction.

"Buffy," Lydia addresses me. "Travers will be here shortly."

"Whoopee." I place my bag on the table and take out the three diaries I borrowed. "Here."

Lydia takes them and hands them to Giles, who'll no doubt start reorganizing them in that over-the-top manner he always does. Why does he insist that every book has to go back to their correct place? "You found them useful?" asks Lydia.

I nod. "Eye-openers." When I see Giles about to open his mouth, I beat him to the punch. "If you say 'I told you so' I'll break your glasses. And while Spike may have done some bad things in his past, it's at least expected from him. He's a vampire. I expected him to be the villain of the week – not my Watcher. I still trust Spike more than you right now."

Giles closes his eyes with a sigh. "You are at full strength now. No doubt he will want to finish the job himself." He takes his glasses off and begins to clean them.

"I thought the same last night. Until he told me he doesn't want to kill me."

One of the lenses of his glasses pops right out, but Giles doesn't notice. He just stares at me with wide eyes and his jaw hanging open. "It's a lie."

"Spike is a terrible liar," says Lydia. "He has even admitted it on several occasions. So if he says that he does not want to kill you, Buffy, then he means it. But that is out of character in itself; why would he not want to kill you now that you are at full strength?"

I take a seat. "He told me about how he killed those two Slayers," I say. "He said that it wasn't about the moves or what he did to win; he took advantage of something he calls a death wish. He says that every Slayer has one." Giles goes to open his mouth again, but once again, I stop him before he can speak. "They do. Being a Slayer is hard, so it'd make sense that they'd want their lives to end. They kill all night long, bringing death to every demon they face…until they want it themselves. I know it's true because I've thought about it myself; I've wondered what it would be like to just let it end."

"Buffy-"

I hold up a finger and Giles stops talking. "I've thought about it. That's all. But Spike says that I don't have a death wish. My family and friends are enough to keep me alive. He said…he said I'm the best Slayer he's ever met. He wants to fight me still…but he doesn't want to kill me."

Giles and Lydia can only stare.

"It is unprecedented," Lydia finally says.

"It shouldn't be possible," says Giles.

I shrug. "That's what he said, and I'm pretty sure he's telling the truth. If he wanted to kill me then he would've tried last night. He had the perfect chance, but he didn't take it. He could've just fought me last night but he didn't, either; he said I need my strength for today, and that…some things are going to come to light." I look at the pile of books that Giles has started sorting through. "Are those Watcher diaries?"

"Yes." He nods. "I still cannot understand why Spike, of all people, would insist that we look through these. The test has been carried out, however invalid it became, and I highly doubt Travers would want to conduct another now that you are in the know, Buffy."

"There has to be something we have missed," says Lydia, joining Giles by his side.

I dare to ask, "Did any other Slayers survive, other than Nikki Wood?"

The silence says more than words could.

"Not many Slayers lived to the age of eighteen, anyway," says Lydia. "But yes…those that did were killed during the test. Nikki Wood is the only one who did not, and only because her Watcher did not issue her the suppressant, like I said before."

Giles finally notices that a lense has popped out of his glasses and proceeds to try and fix it. "A vampire he may be, I highly doubt Spike would go through the trouble of all this if there is nothing to find. It simply doesn't make sense. But what is it?"

"Bloody hell. I thought you Watchers were smarter than this."

The voice cuts through the tension of the library just as my vamp senses tingle, and we all turn to the top level to see Spike, obviously having just come out from the back. How he got there I don't know, probably through some clever vampire sneaking technique.

"How on earth did you get in here?" Giles is the first to demand, asking what I'm thinking, only I'm thinking it in a nicer way.

"Not important," he says. "You should really consider gettin' a witch to do some mojo on the school to stop vamps gettin' in. I know it's a public place, but any old vamp can wander in and snack on the unsuspectin' teens in attendance. School's already hell enough for them."

"The Hellmouth is right below us," I supply with a smile.

Spike looks down at the floor as his eyebrows rise. "So that's what that is." He begins to descend the stairs furthest away from the window and the harmful rays of the sun.

"If you're not going to tell us how you got in here, then please at least tell us why," says Giles. He doesn't look panicked now; just annoyed.

"Thought you might want some backup for the inevitable fallout," Spike replies.

"What fallout do you speak of?" asks Lydia.

Spike's eyes meet hers and he smirks. "Lovely to finally meet you in person, Lydia. That photo doesn't do you any justice."

Lydia blushes and looks away. Giles promptly takes his glasses back off and lets his head fall in his hand.

And I'm left confused in the middle of it. "Wait, what?"

"Mentioned before that I knew her," says Spike. "See, at the Watchers Academy I have my own little…fan club, so to speak. Mostly consisting of women – and a few men, from what I recall. And while she was at the Academy, your lovely Principal was co-leader. She was in charge of sendin' me fan mail, which included pictures. Some of which lacked clothes." He leers.

Lydia's blush deepens, instantly confirming the truth.

So…Spike has fans? At the Watchers Academy?

Including my Principal?

And they sent him naked photos?

If only Faith was here now. It definitely explains Lydia's obsession with him. I thought maybe the reason she knows so much about him was because of that thesis thing she had to write, but now I'm realizing that maybe she chose to write the thesis on him because she had a crush on him.

But honestly, I don't blame her. Spike is sex on a stick.

And oh my god, did I really just think that?

Spike's chuckle isn't helping me send my blush away.

Giles thankfully ends this…whatever it is before things get out of hand. "Can we please get back to the matter at hand? What do you mean by 'fallout'?"

"You won't know what I mean until you figure it out," says Spike. "Thought you would've done by now, but obviously you need me to spell it out for you. What are the similarities of all the Slayers who faced the test?"

"They died," I tell him.

He rolls his eyes. "Know that. What else? Think back to everything you read, Watchers. What did all those Slayers have in common?"

"They were…rash," says Giles.

Lydia nods in agreement. "They did not always listen to their Watchers. Sometimes they made their own choices and their own calls."

"Every Watcher described them as out of control and rebellious," Giles adds. "Very much… They were all very much like Buffy."

"And it's the reason they all lived longer than the average Slayer," says Spike. "That other Slayer tried to attack me the other night. She was ridiculously easy to subdue, and the reason for that is because she was usin' Council taught tactics. Her moves were predictable and old; traditional. Against the average fledge that would work, but against a more powerful demon like myself… Well, had I wanted to I could've killed her then and there. The Slayers who obey die young. The Slayers who don't… Well, they live longer – and the longer they live for, the more they start to question the world around them."

"Question?" I send him a confused look.

He turns to me. "Why do you let me live, Slayer? Even now at your full strength? Why did you defend me against your Watcher?"

I start to see what he's getting at. "Because I realized that you're not a mindless killer. You chose not to kill me."

"In other words, you used your brain and made your own call," says Spike. "That other girl didn't even ask the question; she saw that I was a vamp and she attacked without thinkin'. Many a Slayer has died attackin' demons when they shouldn't have done, and they paid the price for it."

"What is your point?" asks Lydia.

Spike points at his head. "Think. Both you Watchers know that when you first introduce a Potential or Slayer to the world of demons, you tell them they're all evil, and that they all need to be killed. You Watchers train your Slayers to kill without question; you point out a demon, and she slays it. Wash, rinse, repeat. But then some get older and they think that some of the demons shouldn't be killed; that some are peaceful and can be left alone. They start refusin' to take orders. The two of you seem to encourage this with Buffy, but what about the other Watchers? What do they think about all this?"

"Wesley was not happy at all," says Giles. "He said it's not the way it's supposed to be. I believe he reported back to Travers about it."

Spike nods. "Now here's what ties it all together. Imagine you're one such Watcher; your Slayer is, by your own admission, out of control. She's not killin' the demons you want her to kill because she thinks she shouldn't. She's startin' to question your words that demons are incapable of love. She's usin' her head and openin' her eyes. But you don't want that; you want her to continue stakin' wherever you point like a good little Slayer. You realize that the problem continues to grow the older she gets. So you decide to get rid of her, but since she's a Slayer, you have to do it carefully. Disguise it as something she wouldn't see comin'. Turnin' eighteen is a big deal anywhere in the world. So you create an unbeatable test in which her powers are taken and she's forced to fight an enemy she cannot hope to defeat. It's something you know she'll never survive. Problem solved; she's dead and gone, and you get a new Slayer who follows orders like you think she should."

Everything is silent.

I stare at Spike, unable to process what he's just said.

Both lenses of Giles's glasses pop out – but like before, he doesn't notice.

Lydia can only stare in horror.

Out of all the scenarios I imagined, I never even suspected this. The Watchers Council are supposed to help Slayers. I may never see eye to eye with them, but our goals are the same: to save the world and protect the innocent from vampires and demons. That's how it's supposed to work.

But this…

I can't comprehend this.

The Watchers Council wants to kill me.