Charles Xavier: Gold

In a world such as this, can dreams be dreamt?

Can questions ever be fully answered?

I sit here alone, waiting for those answers.

I haven't actually typed in years. My mind works in such ways that my thoughts race faster than my fingers. No matter how hard I try, I fail them.

I fail myself.

I fail…..

Scott, my son, I've lost you, and I know I can never regain your trust. Your brother, regardless of his recent activity, should have been revealed to you years ago.

But

I made a decision, the only decision I could have made at that time, to never tell you of his existence.

And I've questioned myself since then, and I still do as I type this.

Was I right?

So many students, so many parents entrusted their children with me, and they now rest in cemeteries.

So many lost, how could I ever forgive myself, and why would I ever expect them to forgive me.

Logan, the proud Wolverine. He came to me recently, and as expected, demanding answers.

How can I deny him once again, when I've denied him for this long

My X-men as scattered, and my very species are fragmented to a handful, and how can I not blame myself for this.

Was there something I could have done, A decision I could have made differently?

Had I chosen wisely for not killing Magneto years ago? Jean would still be….

Here…if I had

But, the dream, the morals I instilled into my students from Jean to those fallen children, I would be going against that.

And I refuse to ever lose sight of the dream, of the answers so sought after.

The tea in front of me is cold, has been for a very long time, and no one has questioned me. I didn't intend to drink it when I ordered it, The warmth under my chin calms me, my headaches have grown worse by the day.

I can hear the thoughts on the air like a hundred kinds of fragrance, All lost in a world of despair, desperation, and most of all fear.

But I digress

After what was called M day, they are afraid of what could possibly happen to them. As if, the loss of Mutants cursed them and gave them an even worse idea of their own future.

Humanity feeling loss and hopelessness, after Mutants have practically become extinct

Life, is not always without its own Irony

Scratch that, I apologize for that comment, It had such sarcasm attached and I know that I did not mean it, Erik would have, but I…I just don't know what I'm suppose to believe, or feel anymore.

A Civil War painted a blood shaded line between the countries heroes, and in choosing to stay away, the X-men weren't a factor.

What would I have done if I were still headmaster of the Mansion, if I were still the leader of the X-men?

They were my children, yet those heroes have assisted in our time of need multiple times

What would I have done? I have yet to fathom what would have happened if I chose to intervene

This would be the first time I've written anything about this, and I hope that I do not regret this.

Black bolt

Namor

Tony Stark

Reed Richards

Doctor Stephen Strange

And myself, Charles Xavier

Had no right doing and meeting the way that we did, and with the small number of times we did agree to meet, we changed the way the world has existed for the past few years

And we couldn't have been more wrong to do so

May god help us for doing so, But after the world was nearly taken over by the Skrulls, I don't believe even he would have mercy on us. We, not just Tony Stark is to blame for that invasion

And I have hardly slept since I heard of their arrival

I leave this for all those with whom, I have wronged, made the wrong decision, and have not, and may never be able to make up for

Bruce banner, My friend, I should have done more to help save you

Moira, I miss you, I didn't deserve you

Lilandra, My love, Words cannot describe how I feel for you and your race

Logan, in time, you will find yourself, just do not lose the man you have gained

Jean, the phoenix shall rise again, may I be privileged to see it

Ororo, the Queen who sits on the throne, you deserve every second of it

Scott, My son, if I can still call you that, One day, I will try to earn back your trust

And to all my students, The world won't always hate and fear you, unless you give them a reason to…..

Sincerely,

Charles Xavier

Charles inhaled the smell of the stale and cold coffee, bitter, but still soothing. Leaving the coffee shop he chose to leave his laptop on the table, along with the discarded cup. The golden rays of the sun shone through the grey clouds, coating his face, and a smile of sadness painted itself onto him.