Foss parked the van in their usual spot off the road and they got out. Declan carried the case containing his Glock and Foss carried the duffel containing their ammunition and ear muffs. They didn't speak as they walked along the path through the trees and brush until they got to the clearing they used for target practice.

Foss put the duffle on the ground and pointed to the log they usually sat on at the end of practice, "Let's sit down for a moment first."

Declan nodded and sat down, still holding his gun case.

Foss asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Talk about what?" Declan asked.

"You've been quiet all day," Foss said. "Rescuing Jessi was tough. You had to see and do a lot of things that you haven't had to face before. It's understandable that it would bother you."

"I've been playing it over and over in my mind," Declan told him. "I can't stop thinking about it."

"I had to shoot him," Foss assured him. "There weren't any other choices."

"Of course you did," Declan said. "He was going to kill Jessi." He paused for a moment and, reluctantly added, "That's not the problem."

"Then, what is?" Foss frowned.

"I didn't," Declan said. He looked into the distance and added, "All that practice, all your drills and when it counted, when Jessi's life was on the line I didn't shoot."

"I had the lead," Foss said. "I was already shooting."

"I had a clear shot," Declan said. I had stepped to the side and had a clear shot while he was firing at you. I had chambered a round and I was ready to fire and I didn't."

"What happened?" Foss asked.

"When I was standing there, it was a man, not a target. It felt wrong," Declan sighed heavily. "I knew we had to, I wanted to, but I didn't."

"It is wrong," Foss assured him. "It's hard to kill someone, even when you know you have to. Especially the first time you do it."

"It gets easier with practice?" Declan frowned.

"Yes and no," Foss explained. "It gets easier to do, but you still have to live with the consequences. Ian Grimes is taking his turns in my dreams." He shook his head in memory and added, "It's quite a crowd."

"So what do I do?" Declan asked with a hint of desperation. "I can't kill someone just to get practice."

"No, although in war sometimes that's how it happens," Foss told him, "if you live though your first engagement, of course." He looked at Declan in thought for a moment, "The problem is that while you knew in your head," he tapped him in the head for emphasis, "that it was the right thing to do, you didn't know it in your heart." Foss tapped his chest. "If you were pinned down in a fire fight, you would get past that in a few seconds. Of course we didn't have seconds to spare. That was your first time in combat."

"Do you think it would be different if it happened again," Declan asked.

"Well, I certainly hope it doesn't," Foss admitted. "But, yes, you've seen it through. Your reactions would be different another time. It might help to visualize Grimes when you're shooting targets. Work through the process so that your heart understands what must be done."

"I have to learn to kill people," Declan said grimly.

"You don't have to do this," Foss said. "It's my job. I just asked you to help watch monitors. I thought you would find it interesting to learn to shoot. It was a reward for the boring times, but once I started I wanted to really train you."

"No, it has to be done," Declan shook his head. "You said it yourself. Keeping them safe is important. What if you hadn't been there? Jessi would be dead now. If someone comes after either of them I don't want to freeze, I want to be ready."

Foss looked him in the eye, "You will be." He clapped him on the shoulder then stood up and suggested, "Let's get some practice in. Load up and I'll set up a drill."

Declan sighed and stood up, some of the dark mood passing, while he was getting his Glock out and inserting a clip he asked, "What's the drill for today."

Foss thought for a moment, "Especially in view of this discussion, I think it would be a good idea for us to replay the scenario we faced the other day. I'll have you move down the trail and I'll put up a target. Then I'll join you and we will run along the path with you in the lead and when you see the target you'll fire." He shrugged, "It might help to imagine Grimes as the target. Remember him standing there."

"You fired on the run," Declan observed. "That wasn't what you taught me."

"It probably wasn't the best strategy," Foss agreed. "If I didn't hit him, I was planning on grabbing him. You can try both." He got the ear muffs out of the bag and handed a pair to Declan. He instructed, "Put these on and go about a hundred feet back up the path. I'll join you when we are ready to go."

After Declan left the clearing, Foss put the target on one of the trees, making sure that there was a hill behind it to catch errant shots, then he went to join Declan. "Let's go," he said.

They ran down the path with Declan in the lead, when Declan first saw the target he fired then he went to his knee, braced the gun and fired three more shots. Foss walked over to the target and brought it back. "Two hits," he said. "That's very good. I think that going to you knee is your best strategy."

They did it several more times with similar results until Foss said, "That's enough. I think any more will just start to get sloppy."

"I can do it again," Declan said with determination. "I want to get it right."

"I know," Foss nodded approvingly, "But that's enough for today, let's sit down." They went back and sat on the log. Foss said, "How do you feel?"

"Better," Declan admitted. "I thought I'd let you down."

"You did everything I asked you to do, and you did it well," Foss assured him. "It was my job to take out Grimes."

"This time," Declan said.

"This time," Foss agreed.