EPILOGUE
Chloe rode up to the top floor of Lex´s building with her stomach tied up in knots. On more than one occasion she felt tempted to press the stop button and get out of the lift, but the need to see Lex in an environment which wasn´t the cold chrome business atmosphere of his office or the artificial surroundings of a political rally egged her on. She just wanted further proof that what she had glimpsed that night at the ball and the previous day at his own office hadn´t been just a figment of her imagination, a concoction to justify her behaviour of an hour ago, when she had argued with her best friend- the man who had once meant the world to her.
Her heart was hammering and her hands were gripping the strap of her handbag tightly when the private lift dinged and the doors opened on Lex´s floor.
¨Chloe, what an unexpected surprise! What brings you to my doorstep this time? ¨ smirked the billionaire.
¨I´ve watched the press conference. I´m glad you decided to turn them in, ¨ responded the reporter, stepping into the hall.
¨Let me assure you I was tempted not to, ¨said Lex sobered, holding Lilly´s bottle in his hand.
¨What´s important is that you didn´t, ¨she answered quietly, looking at his blanched knuckles.
¨Don´t get your hopes too high, Chloe. I´ll never be a saint like your friend in tights, but at least I´m not a hypocrite. I´ve killed people, Chloe. ¨
¨I told you yesterday I´d understand if you... ¨started Chloe.
¨If I had Dr Emerson killed, ¨Lex cut her off with a wry smile.
¨Did you? ¨she swallowed the lump in her throat.
¨In your heart you know the answer to that, ¨he responded gravely as the baby´s whimpering was heard from the other room. ¨Excuse me, ¨he added, coming into the living room where he had left the baby carrier.
¨May I? ¨she asked when her eyes fell on little Lillian.
¨You want to feed her? ¨responded Lex, observing the faintly-veiled emotion in Chloe´s hazel green orbs.
¨Would you let me? ¨she murmured.
¨Sit down on the sofa, Chloe. I´ll hand her to you, ¨he told her, unfastening the straps which were holding the baby safe.
In the meantime, Chloe divested herself of her jacket and set down the bag on the coffee table, leaving Chance´s daily planner where Lex could see it.
¨Take her head like this, ¨he explained to the blonde reporter as he laid his child in her arms. ¨Have you ever bottle-fed a baby? ¨
¨I promise I won´t drop her, Lex, ¨she smiled softly when she read the parental concern on his face.
¨I know you won´t, ¨he responded, boring his steely blue-grey eyes into hers. ¨Here´s the bottle. Make sure you keep it in this angle so that she doesn´t suck in air, ¨he added, lowering his gaze to see his daughter latch to the tit and suckle with enthusiasm.
¨Poor soul, you were hungry, weren´t you? ¨she murmured warmly. ¨You were right, Lex; she´s beautiful. ¨
¨Well, I´m biased, ¨he smiled, grazing the baby´s cheek with his hand.
¨How could someone want to abandon you? ¨Chloe choked as she focused her eyes on the innocent creature, feeling a sudden empathy with her. ¨Did you know my mum walked out on me and my dad, Lex? ¨
¨Chloe, ¨began the billionaire torn by the pain he saw reflected in her eyes.
¨How bad is it? ¨she cut him off, taking him by surprise.
¨How bad is what? ¨he repeated with a frown.
¨Lilly´s condition. How bad is it? ¨she answered, meeting his suddenly cold eyes. ¨Lex... ¨
¨Why are you here, Chloe? ¨he interrupted her, his body coiled up in tension. ¨What is it that you want? ¨he added bitterly.
¨If people knew you were a victim just like them, then... ¨
¨Then what, Chloe? They´d feel sympathy for me? I don´t want anyone´s pity, and I won´t let you or any ambitious journalist use my daughter to advance his career, ¨he snapped at her, taking care not to raise his voice for the baby and Alex´s sake.
¨Do you think I´d stoop so low? ¨asked Chloe with glassy eyes.
¨No, of course, not, ¨he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. ¨I´m sorry, Chloe. This is a delicate issue. ¨
¨I understand, Lex. I´m sorry I´ve asked. It´s not my place... ¨
¨She´s deaf- compeltely deaf. Doctors say no surgery´ll correct her inborn defect, but I´ll never give up trying to find a cure. They wanted to kill her- Lana and Emerson. They´d even scheduled the abortion procedure without consulting me. ¨
¨I´m glad you stopped them in time. She´s lucky to have you as her dad, ¨she whispered, locking her eyes with the placid grey-blue orbs of Lex´s daughter.
¨I don´t know about that. I had one lousy role model. Who´s to say I won´t be as bad he was?¨
¨You won´t, ¨she said passionately.
¨I don´t deserve so much blind faith, Chloe. ¨
¨You love your children, Lex. ¨
¨Sometimes love´s not enough. I´ve got too much baggage, Chloe, and no matter how hard I´ve tried to fight it, I´m still a Luthor. ¨
¨We are who we choose to be, Lex. There´s no thing as predestination. ¨
¨Are you positive about that? ¨ he asked enigmatically as his eyes lowered to the coffee table.
¨Take it. It was Chance´s, ¨ she said calmly, cleaning Lillian´s mouth with the towel he had given her.
¨Why would I be interested in his daily planner? ¨he asked coldly, taking the baby from her arms to help Lilly burp.
¨I thought you might need it for closure. ¨
¨Closure? ¨
¨You might have paid for your wife´s real name to appear on that passenger list and concoct some story to explain the world why she was sitting next to your campaign´s PR representative, but we both know why they were together on that plane. I understand the need for a cover-up to protect your children when they grow up. Don´t dare deny it, Lex; you didn´t do this to salvage your reputation as a candidate to the Senate. Just don´t try to sell me the same lie. You know me better than that. Did you know they had an apartment for their secret rendez-vous? ¨
¨I´m not interested in the sordid details, Chloe, ¨he responded coldly. ¨Let me put her to bed. ¨
¨You knew it, didn´t you? It´s not in your nature to leave stones unturned, ¨she said as he came back to the living room.
¨Why are you doing this, Chloe? ¨he asked with concern in his voice.
¨Because I need to understand, ¨she sobbed, getting up of the sofa.
¨There´s nothing to understand. Take it from someone who´s always looking for answers. We can´t help what´s in our nature. ¨
¨That´s bullshit, Lex. That´s what you tell yourself not to accept the truth, because it hurts. Well, I´ve never hidden behind that excuse to turn down whatever chance to be happy life´s offered me. I can´t pretend not to feel anything... I need to understand ... ¨ she choked, ¨to find out what´s wrong with me. To understand why every man that´s ever meant something to me has ended up with Lana Lang, ¨she finished, the tears welling up in her eyes.
Lex looked at the beautiful woman in front of him and experienced a sudden clench in his gut. They seemed to have gone back in time; he could picture Chloe eleven years younger asking a very similar question. The pain her voice then had been the result of an adolescent crush turned awry, but what he heard now was the despair of a woman who thought she ´d never be loved.
¨I can´t ask Clark because he´d never want to hurt me. Chance... well, asking him is impracticable. That leaves only one person, ¨she wiped the tears off her face, ¨you, ¨she murmured softly.
Chloe´s words rattled him in a way he´d never thought possible. Could it be he had misread her all those years ago? Could it be for once in his life his feelings for someone hadn´t been unrequited?
¨Lex, say something, ¨she laughed amidst tears.
¨There´s nothing to say, ¨he answered collected, walking to the wet bar to pour himself a drink.
¨You´re the only one who´d tell me the truth without sugar-coating it, Lex. Why did you turn me down that summer? I know you felt something for me. Why did you throw it away and start pursuing Lana?¨
¨I can´t give you the answer you want, Chloe, ¨he responded, controlling the tremor in his voice behind a snifter.
¨What was it she had that I don´t? ¨she asked with anguish in her voice.
¨Don´t do this to yourself, Chloe. ¨
¨Tell me, ¨she insisted, grabbing him by the arm.
¨I´m not doing this, ¨he said through gritted teeth.
¨Lex, ¨she pleaded him.
¨Stop torturing yourself. Lana could never hold a candle to you. Chance and Clark were stupidly blind. ¨
¨Does that make you stupid as well? ¨she said with the ghost of a smile.
¨There´s nothing wrong with you, Chloe. I count myself lucky to have had you in my life all those years ago. As to my being stupid... it´s one way to see it. It wasn´t my intention to hurt you, Chloe, ¨he responded emotionally, placing both his hands on her shoulders- a gesture which reminded her of the morning she went to him and he promised to protect her from his dad. ¨I´m sorry. If I had known... ¨ he swallowed the lump in his throat.
¨Would you have acted differently if you had believed me instead of arriving at the conclusion I was just offering you consolation out of pity? ¨
¨Maybe not, ¨he confessed. ¨Everything I did was just to protect you. ¨
¨From whom? Your dad? ¨
¨You deserved better. You still do.¨
¨Deserving has nothing to do with it. Why did you marry Lana? If there was someone who knew what she was like, it had to be you. You were a worldly man and we were just a bunch of immature kids. ¨
¨I recognised myself in her. ¨
¨You chose her to be your wife out of a twisted need for punishment? ¨
¨There was a time I thought I loved her. I believed if someone could love me, it had to be her. ¨
¨For all your cockiness, you surely have one low self-esteem. You should stop this nonsense of being undeserving. Screw your dad!¨ exclaimed Chloe, thinking how ironic it was to be the one speaking to him about feeling insecure. ¨Lana Lang could have never loved anyone but herself, Lex. She was the most self-centred human being I have ever had the misfortune to meet. You, on the other hand... you´re a walking contradiction. Half the times I don´t know what to make of you. You´ve done many questionable deeds in your life, still... You used to be there when we needed you without expecting anything in return.¨
¨Don´t try to pass me as a selfless philanthropist, Chloe. ¨
¨I know you aren´t Mother Theresa, but you shouldn´t deny that part of you I know it still exists. ¨
¨You´re talking about a time in my life when I thought things could be different. A lot of water´s run under the bridge. ¨
¨You can be selfless, Lex. I´ve seen you with your kids, remember? ¨
¨Even monsters can be good to their children. ¨
¨That sounds like something Clark would say. Are you trying to scare me away, Lex? Because, if that´s the case, I´ve got news for you: I´m not giving up on you. ¨
¨What about Clark? ¨
¨Clark can sometimes be too much like his old dad. ¨
¨Do you understand the cost of being around me, Chloe? Are you ready to be looked down on or openly hated? Many people would stop talking to you. Your objectivity would be questioned. ¨
¨If people can´t see what I do... screw them. You´ll prove them wrong. ¨
¨You´re being naïve, Chloe, if you think I can change or that the world will suddenly approve of someone whose surname they´ve hated for decades. ¨
¨We aren´t our parents, Lex. The fact that my mum walked out on me doesn´t mean I´ll repeat the pattern with my own kids. Your father having abused you for kicks doesn´t mean you´ll be a parent like him with Alex and Lilly- you aren´t, and that proves there´s still goodness in you. Don´t turn down the chance to be happy. ¨
¨I don´t know what happiness means, Chloe. I wish I could learn for my children´s sake. They deserve much more than what they´ve had so far. ¨
¨Let me teach you then. Give our friendship another chance, Lex, before it´s too late. Regardless of what you or the world might think, you aren´t lost yet. ¨
¨It won´t be easy, Chloe. ¨
¨Nothing´s ever come easy in our lives, but I´m willing to try if you are. Friends? ¨
¨I hope I won´t regret this, ¨he responded, taking her warm hand in his.
¨Your worries show you´ll make your best not to let me regret it, Lex, ¨she smiled, holding his steely blue-grey eyes.
¨Thanks for your vote of confidence, Chloe. It means a lot to me. ¨
¨You´re deserving, Lex. Don´t let anyone make you believe the contrary. ¨
¨You should listen to your own words of advice, Chloe, ¨ he smirked.
¨I promise I´ll work on it too, ¨she beamed.
The skies, which had been overcast when Chloe had driven away from Clark and Lois´ house, were starting to clear. There were still some black clouds looming on the horizon, but the sunrays were fighting their way through. Although Chloe was aware they had an arduous battle ahead, she had faith it´d be worth it. Lex would still be the complex contradictory man she had met all those years ago, but she´d at least get the satisfaction of knowing she could make a difference in somebody´s life.
Gabe had been an extraordinary, loving father to Chloe but she had missed a mother figure growing up. Seeing Lilly so small and defenceless- abandoned by her mother just as she had been- and so dependant on a father who had always been hungry for affection, touched a cord in Chloe´s heart. The reporter hoped she could bring some light into the lives of Lex´s children too.
Chloe experienced the need to be needed for her own sake, for reasons other than her research and computer skills, and she felt this would be as much Lex´s chance to be happy as hers. He had accepted her back in his life, and she had let him enter hers again with open eyes, ready to embrace both his darkness and his light. What was still good in him was struggling to survive and Chloe promised herself she´d make sure it stood a chance. They were friends again. Only time would tell if they had ever been destined to be something more.
THE END
A/N: The sequel, Rebuilding, is already up and complete. Simply consult my profile to find the story on this site.