disclaimer: It is now October and you lucky people in America have got Season 3 but did you the little recognised fact that I am now the proud owner of the first five minutes of each episode. And yes, I am now being counselled for my problem with lying. We all have vices, it just happens mine isn't Vicodin!

a/n: My goodness people. I am so so sorry. Time flies when you're not having fun. I had a few weeks of exams and just was away on holidays for a couple more with no internet access and I just remembered I am being nasty so here goes another little chapter for you. Once again, much apologies.

Chapter 10: Elementary, my dear Wilson

3 seconds... 4 seconds... 5 and in he came with a grin from ear to ear. "House, how are you going? You seem abnormally pleased with yourself." Wilson tried to keep a straight face and failed miserably – House was better at poker.

"So do you buddy! Score with Cuddy did you? I knew she liked girls better." Wilson frowned then realized he had the upperhand and smirked as he pointed his finger at House.

"Me score? No way. But what about you? The nurses seem to think you were having a bit of fun with our sweet, young immunologist. I almost didn't believe them but I happened to walk past this room with Cuddy..."

"Just happened to. Right, sorry, continue. Where did my manners go to?" He motioned Wilson to continue relaying his discovery to House.

"Well I looked in and..."

"Oh goddamn it. I knew Ingrid was yours but those hands. God, they massage well. I feel much more relaxed."

"Ingrid, hey? Then why did I see Dr Cameron walk out of this room so happy?"

"I always make people happy. I actually gave her a lollipop. And it was Cameron? My bad, I thought it was Ingrid – she was probably wondering why I kept screaming Ingrid when she touched my..."

Wilson smirked and jabbed his finger at House's face. "Yeah right. Cuddy and I saw you Greg. You kissed her."

"Oh god, you're like a voyeur or something. Go spy on Chase. I heard he's getting it on with a nurse from pediatrics... you know Charli, Cathy."

"Jessica." Wilson told him.

"Oh crap. Well I was close."

"House, you can't just screw with her feelings, you know?

"Yep. Sure do. I went on Dr Phil last week and he told me just how to get in touch with my emotions and the 38 steps to having a more fulfilling life. I'm up to 5: have sex with someone nearly half my age."

"So mature House. So what do you plan on doing now?"

"Oh buzz off Oprah."He made a sweeping motion with his hand for Wilson to leave him alone. He couldn't even tell his best friend exactly what his intentions were, partly because his mind was still up in the clouds somewhere and he was having trouble with his thinking process. House shook his head. "You heard me. If I start feeling depressed or have a brilliant thought I'll call you, okay? Are you actually employed by this hospital to follow me around and tell me what my deepest, darkest feelings are because that is all you seem to be doing."

Wilson tilted his head. "I know what I saw House and you weren't just pecking her on the cheek; I just can't believe you would get involved with her. I mean, the age difference is one thing but she is totally different than you."

House smirked. "Wilson, I can put up with your Greek-chorus style moral conscious thing. What makes you think I can't manage that from Cameron? Besides the reward for listening to her is much better than anything you can offer. I won't go into it though because I wouldn't want you to have an inferiority complex."

"I haven't had three wives for nothing House."

"Three wives haven't left you for no reason either."

Wilson ran a hand along the back of his neck. God, Greg was so frustrating sometimes. Actually, scratch that. He was frustrating most of the time. He walked out of the room; he was going on a date with Jenna. She had been his divorce attorney from the split with Julie and they had been together for a week now.

House rubbed his hand along his forehead as a droplet of sweat slowly moved past his cheek. Hell, he had no idea what to do. He had kissed Cameron, as Wilson had so rudely pushed in his face, and he had no idea what she expected from him. Did she want a promise ring? Flowers? A box of chocolates? He rarely even got that kind of thing for Stacy and they were together for close to five years. He didn't even love Cameron and there was absolutely no way he was going to make her think he was. Time for a new tactic: when Wilson and Cuddy were there they would be together but as soon as they left he was not even going to speak to her unless it was to diagnose a dying patient. It wasn't very mature or a cunning plan but he had to do something quickly before he fell... before she thought he liked her in a more than professional way. He sat down and took a Vicodin. His leg hurt.