Disclaimer- I do not own these guys, sadly.

So, I'm back! Sorry about the long wait. I had wanted to get his up on Friday when my brother left but the trip to the airport took longer than I expected and then I had a hard time writing, so sorry. It's here now though. It's an okay chapter in my opinion, better the further you get through it. Just wanted to say thank you for all those who read, favorited, followed, and reviewed, and PMed this. I love those that and the reviews and well everything about you guys, you're awesome. Also, I am happy to say this is chapter 10. I never thought I'd get this far with a fic. Makes me proud.

Please drop me another review or PM. Enjoy.

The Triumph

Arthur had never felt so lost, so broken, so confused. Merlin was Emrys. Some days, that thought hit him like a punch to the gut. Other days he wanted to hit himself because it was just so obvious. Merlin was always at the races 'Emrys' was. Merlin went to the dinners and the galas. He knew all the concepts and feels and works of a race. Merlin was never in the stands at the races this year. He was never in the stands at the races 'Emrys' was in. it made Arthur feel a fool. But no one else seemed to have connected those dots either.

Then, on rare days, Arthur just wanted to know why. He wanted to hold Merlin as the wiry man explained everything and then, then put this past them. He wanted so desperately to have his arms around the other man, to feel that warming comfort that always accompanied Merlin. He tried to deny those days. It didn't really work. Not with Merlin everywhere.

The paparazzi were having a field day with the identity of the unmasked racer. His face was plastered everywhere they could find room on a damn page. It was part of the reason why Arthur wasn't seeking the raven-haired man out. There was one picture of Merlin running around a practice track, sweat dripping down his forehead. Another was him smoking, a series of smoke rings out and steadily disappearing in front of him. At least a handful of him lounging atop his car in various positions, a few of him asleep. There was one, one that made Arthur bite his lip, of Merlin still wet from what Arthur inferred to be a shower.

That's when the blonde realized Merlin was at his apartment. He finally mustered up the courage to go there and Merlin was no to found. It was obvious he hadn't been in his apartment for weeks. Someone had, but that someone wasn't Merlin. The shoes were lined up by the door, Merlin left them haphazardly all over the place. The papers on his counter were lined up and stack neatly, Merlin just kinda let them fall when he threw them. Merlin wasn't exactly an organized person, or at least he wasn't. He could've been for all Arthur knew.

Arthur walked hesitantly to Merlin's bedroom, easing the door open. The sight he was greeted with was shocking. The bed was empty, but that wasn't what made Arthur stop and just freeze as a revelation hit him. Merlin had withdrawn before that last race, from his friends and family, but apparently from his home as well. The sheets were rumbled, curling up at the bottom two corners and the comforter was twisted over itself. A bed only looked like that, when Arthur slept in it. Merlin hadn't slept in his own bed since Arthur had last stayed there just about two months ago. The knowledge hit Arthur somewhere in his chest but he forced it aside and all but fled the apartment, chest heaving in, he didn't know what. Not really. He was so lost.

The pictures showed Merlin, blank face, almost like he was thinking deeply, contemplating what was happening, what was going around him. They showed that he was eating again, his clothes didn't look like they were hanging on an empty frame. The circles under his eyes, had all but disappeared. They were still there, just barely. A hint of purple under surprisingly bright blue eyes. Bright because he was on the verge of crying. The photographers only caught Merlin at moments where he seemed almost at peace. They didn't catch what happened mere minutes after the pictures were taken. If they had, the world (Arthur) might have seen how Merlin really was. Mid-run he collapsed on the ground, shuddering violently, head shaking, tears pouring from his bright, blue eyes. His hand was shaking as he took a drag on his only relief anymore, his cigarette, before it fell from his hand completely and he just stared at it unsure of what to do next. What to do period.

Merlin was broken. The obvious rejection from not only Arthur but everyone he cared about, aside from Gwaine and Lancelot, had caused the poor, fragile man to snap. He was brittle and he snapped. Snapped in so many pieces, pieces that scattered to the wind, Merlin didn't think he could piece himself back together in the end. Humpty Dumpty really couldn't be put back together again.

The one picture though, the one that made Arthur stop and think, was such a simply one of Merlin. He was sitting on the hood of his car, on leg dangling towards the ground over the side while the other was bent and pulled to his chest. He had his cheek resting against his knee. In his hand, which also dangled towards the ground, was his helmet, the one he had thrown so violently after the charity dinner, and it stared at it with such a saddened gaze. It made Arthur's chest hurt even more, but he wasn't going to talk to Merlin. Not yet. Everything was still too confusing. Too painful.

The tears in his mother's eyes. The ones, streaming down Arthur's face silently. The sneers. The tears the ran down his own face. The gasping pain in his chest that took him by such surprise. It hit the worst that first day, the day of the reveal. The day Merlin told the truth, the full truth. What a joyride that was. Merlin found himself standing at the base of the stairs in the office building, tears racing edidn't know by who, he collapsed onto his 'bed' meaning his couch and slept for three days. It was one of the best sleeps of his life, even if Arthur hadn't been present.

Merlin went through the motions after that. He trained and ate and slept and then repeated, like the cycle was an old record on a broken loop. Repeating. Repeating. R-repeating. R-r-r-repeating. Repeating. It worried Gwaine a tad bit. It worried Lance too. But the two knew better, they knew Merlin. This is what he did. He slipped into a cycle, a rhythm, a habit, and went along with it until he was better and came back. He always came back.

Lunches were quieter affairs now. Merlin never showed up, but they didn't really expect him to. Arthur always held an inkling of hope that he would, but Merlin never did. It made sense, in some deep, twisted way that was their relationship, but it hurt. Arthur was good at burying hurt. Something he had in common with Merlin, oddly enough. The group just kind of looked at one another, each waiting for another to say Merlin's name. It always broke the spell. Or Gwaine's. The man was gone too and as equally twisted, it hurt Arthur too.

"So, who would've guessed." Percival said, breaking the pliable tension.

"Yeah. Who would've guessed that someone you were so close to, could be such a stranger. A liar." Arthur muttered, biting back his anger. That's what did for Lance. A slap against the table had all of them staring intently at the normally peaceful man, who looked so angry. So angry. Even Gwen was startled.

"Are you all really doing this?" He asked sharply and most of them visibly flinched. It didn't stop Lance.

"You knew?!" Arthur demanded, angry, so angry, and hurt. The hits just kept coming.

"I did. I knew before he entered the American circuit." Arthur gaped at him.

"And you didn't say anything?!" He sputtered and Lance's eyes narrowed dangerously.

"No. Merlin wanted to stay a secret until he was ready. I honored that."

"You honored a lie?" Morgana exclaimed, breaking into the conversation. She too was sounded by Merlin's omission.

"I did. Because it had honorable intentions. Merlin knew that if you guys were aware of his career, you would only look at him in worry and fear. Fear that he would die too. That he would be just like Balinor. Merlin didn't want that, for any of you nor for himself. So he raced secretly because let's face it, that man is addicted to racing. He can't stay away. He won't until the day he is six feet in the ground." Everyone flinched and Arthur forced away the image of a too young Merlin, lying cold in a coffin, waiting to be put into the ground.

"Merlin told you because he didn't want to lie anymore. He didn't want to have to hide who he was, who he has always been. And he only did that when it was physically harming him. The attack from Cenred. Those bruises were gnarly and painful to look at." Arthur sucked in a sharp breath, he hadn't fallen at all. He replayed the fight in his mind, flinching as he realized it was Merlin who took the beating. "That lie also caused him to stop eating, to stop sleeping. It turned him into a zombie because he couldn't confine in you. In any of you. Because of this, this right here. The backhanded comments he can't defend himself against. The worried looks you throw at each other. This is what he wanted, but he did it anyway because he felt you deserved the truth. And I refuse to sit here and watch and listen to this. This, this is beneath you. Beneath you all and I refuse to participate."

It was easily the worst scolding Arthur had ever received and he felt thoroughly chagrined. They all did, even poor Gwen who had kept mostly silent.

"Where are you going, Lance?" He looked at her softly, warmly.

"I'm going to spend time with Merlin. He needs it. And I can't sit here any longer. I'll see you at home." He gave her hand a quick kiss and the whole scene amazed Arthur. That Lance could be so angry, and at her at little bit, but he still loved her. He still spoke affectionately to her. He didn't walk away without a glance backwards. It Arthur's already battered heart ache. Ache for something he hadn't realized he was missing. And part of it was his fault.

The race had come so quickly. Merlin was surprised to realize that fact. It seemed like it was yesterday when Arthur had seen him without his helmet on and had punched him. Merlin didn't really know. He had lost all track of time after that last race. He could barely tell you what day of the week it was. So he had been thoroughly surprised when Gwaine asked him if he was packed.

"Packed?" he was utterly confused.

"The race, it's the day after tomorrow. You said you wanted to spend the night before there. We're supposed to be leaving in the morning." Merlin had no idea. He scratched the back of his head.

"Really?" Gwaine nodded, a worried look creeping onto his face.

"I'll be ready. Can you do me a favor though?" He asked. Gwaine, cautiously nodded before Merlin sighed in relief and told him his request. It wasn't anything terrible or even worrisome, which Gwaine was thankful for. He really was.

Arthur stood by Balinor's grave, checking his watch every few minutes. He had expected Merlin to show up. He always showed up at Balinor's grave before a race. Something that had made more sense to Arthur after finding out Merlin was Emrys. He glanced down at his watch again, turning around in a circle impatiently. A cold voice stopped him.

"What are you doing here?" It was Gwaine. Not Merlin. Gwaine was holding a bouquet of flowers. Dragon flowers.

"I was hoping to catch Merlin." Arthur admitted. Gwaine gave him a look of something like understanding with a hint of what might have been pity.

"Merlin's not here. He's already in Boulder for the race. He didn't want to come here because of the press, so he asked me to." Gwaine's originally accosting voice was softer now. He was one of the few who could always see past Arthur's facade. He could see that Arthur was nervous, that Arthur was hoping, so desperately hoping to catch Merlin before the race and Merlin had gone out and thwarted him yet again.

"Oh." Arthur sounded so broken. He and Merlin was so alike some days it was painful to see, see how parallel the two were. They were similar and yet opposite, counterparts and then the same hand on a clock.

"I'm sorry." Gwaine said and Arthur looked up sharply from where he had been studying his feet. "I really am." Arthur nodded, understanding what he was saying. The man was sorry about having to lie to them for so long and about Merlin. Well, he was and then he wasn't. He was sorry, because they were his friends, or at least that's what he'd like to believe. On the other hand, he wasn't. He would almost always side with Merlin because Merlin had done a lot of things for Gwaine, including dragging the always happy man out of his stupor of mindless drinking and hopping from place to place without a reason.

"It's okay. I would've done the same." Arthur said, moving out of the way so Gwaine could place the flowers down on the grave for Merlin.

"I'll see you at Boulder, I guess." Gwaine nodded.

"I normally don't say this to the competition, but good luck. You're gonna need it." He gave a grin and Arthur couldn't help but return it.

"I am." He replied with a nod before he headed out, hands stuffed in his jacket pockets. It was raining again. It always seemed to rain when he was at the cemetery. He shook his head, fighting a grin, a real, one he hadn't had in a while, at the thought of Gwaine telling him good luck and that this would be the first real race against Merlin. His stomach and heart clenched a tad bit at the that, but his heart also started to race because this next race with Merlin, this was the real deal. The real deal to see just who Merlin Amrbosias was, and what he could do.

Merlin rolled his shoulders a bit, clenching and then releasing his hands. This was it. He was finally here. The last stop, the final challenge. He was ready. Beyond ready. He lit a cigarette, inhaling deeply letting the nicotine rush come over him.

"Those things are going to kill you." Gwaine muttered and Merlin threw him a look.

"I know." He took an other hit, the end flowing a bright red and Gwaine rolled his eyes. Merlin smiled around the cancer stick before standing up and heading outside of his garage, trying to hide his involuntary flinch at the loud increase in screams form the fans as he appeared.

Arthur was watching Merlin's garage, odd how it was no longer Emrys this and Emrys that, but Merlin this and Merlin that. The man in question appeared. He was wearing his normal racing suit, tight and blue and silver. The colors made sense now. He wasn't wearing a helmet, his hair pressed flat against his head, blue eyes bright, face full, he looked relaxed. He looked like Merlin again. Happy, content, confident, full of life. This was the Merlin he missed.

Merlin dropped the rest of his cigarette and stomped it out under his foot. He was wearing his ratty converse again and Arthur couldn't believe he hadn't noticed them before. When Merlin moved he realized why he hadn't noticed the shoes. Merlin was fit and those pants were tight.

He watched unabashedly as Merlin moved from his garage entrance to his car. Merlin moved with a renewed grace and Arthur found himself mesmerized by the man once more. He never realized just how good Merlin looked in his racing suit and just how natural it was. But then Merlin knelt down, resting on the balls of his feet and pressed a hand against the track, head bowed down. His lips were moving, as he spoke wordlessly. That's when it hit Arthur again, sending him reeling. He was accosted with imagines of Emrys at every other final race the man had attended. He knelt down and whispered a prayer or something, hand resting against the pavement before standing up and essentially waxing everyone else.

He reeled at the imagines and forced them away. Merlin was a champion racer. A winner. A ruthless driver who had never backed down from a challenge. He looked back up to catch Merlin's eyes, seeing the hint of pain and remorse flicker across his face before the wiry man turned away and reach for his helmet and gloves. Arthur frowned and forcibly grabbed his own helmet, trying to ignore Merlin. It didn't work. Merlin invaded his thoughts again and Arthur turned to watch.

Merlin pulled the helmet down over his mop of black hair, tightening his gloves before he fluidly hauled himself into his car and Arthur realized he should do the same. This was a race after all and Merlin was his competition.

"You got his M." Gwaine said as he hooked up his headset and took his seat, a nod to Leon.

"I'm not worried, Gwaine." Cocky bastard. Gwaine thought with a smile before he shifted in his seat and waited for the race to start. He was nervous enough for the two of them. The race started and it seemed like everyone was out to not win, but ensure that Merlin did not. He got trapped by two racers, giving Arthur the front spot. Merlin couldn't get out for the rest of the practice lap and that pissed the man off, if his low growl of frustration was anything to go by.

"Relax." Gwaine ordered, receiving a sigh from Merlin.

Merlin gave a small grin of triumph as one of the other racers slipped up and he slipped through the hole narrowly, speeding up quickly to catch up to the other racers. This was his race. They were not going to take it away from him by being blockers so that he didn't win and neither did they. He ground his teeth as he fought for every inch of ground. He finally pulled away from the pack, moving closer to Arthur with several other racers hurrying to catch up to the leader.

"This is starting to piss me off." Merlin muttered as he swung around another corner pulling up close to Arthur, hands tight on the wheel. He had lost precious time because of the idiotic racers around him and instead of being cozy in front with a steady lead, he was fighting Arthur for the front spot. That's when it happened. Merlin miscalculated and he knew it. That's what he got for thinking in an instinctual setting.

His tires lost traction and she spun slightly, Arthur pulling ahead effectively. Merlin yelled in aggravation as he fought to regain control of his car. It took a few moments. A few precious moments. Now he was fighting for second with a blonde racer, and not the one he liked. Morgause.

"Leon, what happened?" Arthur asked suddenly, hearing the squeal of tires. His heart sped up as he thought of Merlin spinning out of control, crashing, and then dying.

"His tires lost traction. He's fine. Just lost control for a moment, but he's fine." Leon repeated, reassuring not only himself but Arthur. They were both at their wits end with Merlin being in the race and that, that right there, scared the shit out of both of them.

"He's okay. He's okay." Arthur repeated like a mantra as he sped around a corner.

"Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!" Merlin shouted, a fist hitting the wheel as he hugged a corner tightly to pick up time and distance.

"Watch it Merlin. I get that you messed up, but focus. Morgause is closing in on you in a way I don't like." Gwaine stated, forcing Merlin to stop getting upset at his slip up. One that could have been worse. Merlin noticed what Gwaine did. Morgause was pushing towards him, forcing him closer to the wall. Merlin could see her smirk. He threw back his gears and pulled back behind her sharply, heading to the outside. It effectively shocked her and Gwaine.

"I'm not dealing with this. Not now. Not again." Merlin growled as he changed gears again and spurring the car forward in a rushed manner. He pulled up suddenly beside Morgause. He inched closer and closer and closer until she either had to back away like he did, run up against his car or the wall. She decided to pull back.

"Merlin." Gwaine warned.

"Not now, Gwaine." He snapped as he swung around a corner pulling closer to Arthur. "I have a race to win." Gwaine didn't say anything else. The stunt Merlin had pulled was dangerous and it had Gwaine on the edge of his seat.

Merlin let his eyes close for a second, shutting out everything. He was thinking and it was starting to cost him this race, the race he couldn't lose. The sounds were there, the smells, the high. This was what racing was supposed to be. Not thought, never thought. Thinking complicated it and that was not something he could allow. He didn't realize he had his eyes stilled closed until he realized he was going around a corner. He smiled. This was what racing was.

"You doing okay, M?" Gwaine asked. He didn't receive an answer but maybe that was how it was supposed to be.

Arthur bit back a gasp as Merlin swung past him, tires screeching and engine purring loudly. Somehow he ended up going from second or third to passing Arthur like it was an everyday occurrence.

"What did I miss?" Arthur asked as he willed to move faster and tried to find a way around Merlin.

"Well, Morgause put him in a pickle. Forced him against the wall and he retaliated. Forced her there before he just came out of no where really. Pissed Gwaine the hell off." Arthur gave a small smile. It must have been something big if Gwaine was noticeably pissed from a distance. He just tired to keep up, to find a way to get past the man who had come out of no where.

He didn't catch up. Merlin was in too much control, so far in his element, there was no catching up. It was a fact Arthur was pissed at. He had never done this bad in a circuit in his entire life, and he was in second. What made the wound to his ego though was that Merlin was first. He clambered out of his car, watching as Merlin hauled himself out of his.

Merlin pulled his helmet off quickly and almost painfully. He was seething and threw his helmet to the ground, startling everyone around him as it cracked and bounced. Gwaine was startled, he moved to Merlin, ready to ask what was going on when Merlin stormed past him. He stormed past everyone, ignoring the curious stares, the glares, and the overall looks. He ignored Arthur and Leon too.

Arthur looked after Merlin, scrambling after him. He was curious as to what had Merlin so angry, it seemed to radiate from him. Arthur saw Merlin's target. Cenred. Arthur wondered worriedly if this was some sort of revenge about the way he treated Arthur when they were together because Merlin had been a furious man after that incident.

Cenred broke away from Morgause, watching Merlin in an amused manner. He obviously wasn't expecting what happened next. Merlin's arm pulled back quickly, connecting with Cenred's jaw instantly. Arthur gasped with just about everyone there. Cenred fell back to the floor and there was suddenly a circle around the two, like it was some petty high school fight. Merlin went in for another punch when Gwaine surged forward and grabbed his arm.

"He's not worth it Merlin." He muttered. Merlin, still seething, pulled his arm free but didn't move to hit the other man again. His rage was easy to read on his face. The sun hit his eyes in such a way they looked gold, a gold fire in a way, and Arthur was worried the man would get carried away. Cencred looked up at Merlin, wiping blood from the corner of his mouth.

"To think I never thought you would hit back." He said cockily and Merlin's eyes narrowed dangerously.

"This is over." He started in a low, cold, and dangerous voice. Arthur froze, he had never heard Merlin sound like that. "I got over you attacking me." Arthur flinched as he remembered the brutal scene. "Even if it was because I refused to take me helmet off. I let it go when you had Morgause go after the people I care about. I let it go when she decided to threaten me by trying to use my identity against me. I could even get over this latest stunt." He paused, flexing his hand. "This is over." He repeated.

"Why, is little racer Merlin threatening me?" Cenred asked, cocking an eyebrow. A dark smile crossed Merlin's lips.

"No. This is a warning. Come after me or those I care about again, and you will regret it. A warning hold a promise, a threat does not. A threat leaves room for question. There are none here, do you understand me?" Merlin asked, eyes cold. The brave look on Cenred dropped and was replaced by apprehension as he stared up at Merlin. Morgause gave a small smirk. Merlin caught it.

"Don't think what I said doesn't hold true anymore." He warned lowly and she froze. "You two would do best to leave me alone. I'm not someone you want to mess with." He told them both. It was true. He had the power and the money to make anyone's life a living hell. They both, nodded pale-faced. Merlin turned on his heel suddenly, the other racers and pit crew members parting for him like the red sea. Gwaine watched after him.

"Gwaine. What was that about?" Arthur asked as the crowd dispersed after that.

"Cenred attacked him at the first race this year. Then he had Morgause come after you in the race on Balinor's track. Then when they figured out his identity they planned to use it as blackmail but Merlin didn't back down. He turned the table actually. And then, she went after him again this race. He snapped. And for good reason to." Gwaine murmured before walking away. It clicked in place for Arthur, hearing Merlin's words repeat in his mind. He was one of those Merlin cared about.

Merlin walked up onto the stage, seeing his mother smile brightly at him. He grinned and held back the tears that threatened to spill. She moved to hand him the trophy and ring. He set the trophy on the ground, pulling his mother into a bone crushing hug. The hugs. God, he loved the hugs. She returned his hug just as warmly.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He whispered into her hair over and over again, clinging onto her tightly. He hadn't hugged her like this is so long. He had missed it.

"It's okay, Merlin. It's okay." She told him warmly, rubbing his bag they way she did when he was a child. She was crying too but was glad to have her baby back. Everyone was too wrapped up in the mother-son moment to see Arthur hurrying away. The scene hurt deep inside, missing his dead mother, the connection he had with Merlin so many years ago. He just needed some time to think. And to think he needed to stay away from Merlin for just a little while.