Meredith sat on a stool in the kitchen. She had called Addie over an over again. It seemed okay. Liam seemed okay. But that didn't keep Meredith from worrying non-stop. She felt sick as she thought about her son somewhere else. She felt sick as she thought about how he was feeling. She wondered if he thought that he abandoned her.
Meredith placed the spaghetti on the table. Derek should be home soon. And yet the doubt she had was showing it's ugly head. She was seriously doubting that he was coming. She just didn't have faith in him anymore. She was so close to giving up on him it wasn't even funny. Just as she began to pick at her salad, she saw his blue headlights coming up the drive. She was in shock. She quickly wiped off her fork, pretending that she had never started without him. She quickly stood up in shock.
Her stomach knotted a little as she waited for the garage door to shut. She was afraid that this would all explode in her face. She was afraid that he would be in a sour mood from a long day at work. She started to wonder if she shouldn't have planned anything at all. She winced as the door opened and he walked in.
"Hey!" Meredith said quickly as she looked up at him.
"Hey." He returned with a smile as he walked in and pecked a kiss on her cheek.
He looked worn. He didn't look like her Derek. He didn't look like the fun-loving, caring guy she married. He looked like a worn down old man. He had the weight of the world on his shoulders and it was more than apparent. It broke her heart to see him so exhausted.
"Looks great." Derek said with a smile as he sat across from her.
"Thanks." Meredith returned with a soft grin. "So how was your day?"
"Busy. I had a meeting with the board. They denied my request for the robotic arm." Derek said with a sigh.
"Oh... I'm sorry." Meredith returned sympathetically.
"I'm really not surprised. Seattle Grace just isn't there yet." Derek explained. "But I will keep trying." He said with a nod.
"That's good." Meredith returned.
In the back of her head, she wondered. Did trying mean more hours? Did trying mean that he couldn't come home to tuck his son in for bed? Did trying mean that there would be another five months before sex? She didn't like trying. She would never admit it, but she was hoping for failure. She was hoping he would give up.
As she sat there, she didn't know what to say to him. They needed their fire back. They needed that spark that had come so naturally to them when they met. Her eyes watched him as he ate his dinner. This just wasn't fair.
"Dinner was great." Derek said with a smile as they cleaned the table together.
"Thanks." Meredith replied with a sigh. "Why don't you go take a shower. I'll clean this up."
"Are you sure?" He asked as he looked up at her. "I can help."
"I'm sure." Meredith agreed. "You go relax. I'll be up in a bit." She furrowed her brow when she heard Derek yell.
"Where is Liam?" Derek asked in a panic as he rushed down.
"He stayed at Addison's." Meredith said with a smile.
"At Addison's? Why?" Derek questioned as he stood there.
"I thought we needed a night." Meredith explained. "I called her. He's okay. Go take you shower."
"Are you sure you are ready for that?" Derek asked as he looked into her sad eyes.
"Yeah... Yeah, I guess." Meredith said softly as he walked away.
Meredith quickly went to work on the dishes. She wanted to get up to their room. She wanted to see him. She wanted to spend some much needed time with him. She quickly put away the clean dishes and flipped off the light. When she walked into their room she saw Derek in his pajama pants and a tee shirt, reading a book in their bed.
"I'm going to take a quick shower." Meredith explained quickly.
"Okay." Derek replied with a warm smile.
Meredith quickly showered. She had all these plans. As she climbed out and dried off, she looked at herself in the mirror. She wasn't sure how she was feeling about herself at the moment. She was losing her confidence around him. It was a confidence that she never thought she would lose. She smeared on her strawberry flavored oil and pulled in the satin nighty that she purchased earlier in the day. She slid on the tiny matching g-string and took in a breath.
Her face dropped as she looked at him. He was asleep in their bed. All her frustration boiled over as she looked at him. She groaned loudly and clenched her jaw. Nothing. Not a movement. Finally it came out.
"You have got to be kidding me!" Meredith yelled as she put her hands on her hips.
"Hmm... Oh." Derek moaned as he opened his eyes. "I fell asleep." He said as he tried to get his bearings.
"No shit." She said quickly. "We need sex. Period. We need sex." She said as she walked over to the bed.
"Oh... Honey." Derek muttered as he looked at her. "You look great."
That was not Derek. You look great. That was pathetic. That was the most uncreative word in the english language that he could have used. It was not even close to the truth. Sexy. Phenomenal. Breathtaking. Those were more suitable. Great. That was pathetic.
Meredith sighed as she climbed in the bed. She wanted more than to turn him on. She wanted to make him feel like they used to. But it didn't seem like it was there. There was a smile on his face. But it was faint. It was halfhearted. Meredith felt her heart sink as she threw her leg over him and straddled his lap.
"This isn't us." She moaned as she rocked her hips gently, attempting to turn him on.
"I'm sorry... I'm just so tired." Derek said with a frown as he ran his hands over her hips.
Derek looked at her. She was radiant. But he was so tired. He didn't have the energy to stand up. And now she wanted this. And if he wasn't so damn tired, he would want that too.
"I need you, Derek." She moaned as she ran her hands down his chest. "I need you so bad."
Derek was tired. Exhausted. He was near the point of passing out. He had worked hard all day, trying to get home for her. But now that he was home, he couldn't stay away. He looked into his eyes. Sex was not in his plan. His body was too tired to do it. He moaned when he realized his cock was not participating. This was not good.
"Oh...Derek..." Meredith moaned as she ground her mound into him. She laid her head back and let out a faint moan.
Meredith didn't get it. There was no rise. Derek was the man with the steel erection. He could get it up, anytime, anyplace. He had a never ending sex drive. They had been almost sex crazed for so long. And now it was a mess. And now there was noting. Tonight, he was placid. She worked harder. She kissed him deeply on the lips. She moaned. She cried out his name. Nothing. She felt the tears prick her eyes. She couldn't take it. She felt sick.
"You- You don't find me attractive anymore!" She cried out as she climbed off of him.
"Mer!" Derek said quickly.
"No! Just... No." She cried as she ran into the bathroom and shut the door.
Derek laid there in shock. Now this- This was really bad. This was catastrophic. This was not good. This was pure hell. Torture. He had just hurt her more than he had ever. He shot her self worth to hell. He shot her down. And he couldn't help her.
He felt nauseous. His body hadn't cooperated with him. His body didn't care that it was breaking his wife's heart. This was not where he thought they would be. He thought they would be living that happy, perfect life. And they weren't even close. He looked over as he heard the phone ring.
"Hello?" Derek asked as he answered the phone.
"Derek? It's Addison. I'm really sorry to both you. Is Mer there?" Addison asked in desperation. Derek could hear his screaming son in the background.
"Um... Is Liam okay?" Derek asked in a slight panic.
"He's- He's- I need to talk to Meredith. Please." Addison said quickly.
"Okay. I'll get her." Derek said softly as he climbed out of the bed. Derek could hear her crying as he walked up. It broke his heart into pieces. "Mer, honey?"
"Go away! I can't look at you. I can't do this right now." Meredith said with a cry.
"Mer... I'm sorry. I- Addie is on the phone. Something is wrong with Liam." Derek told her as he held the phone.
"What?" Meredith asked in a panic as she opened the door and ripped the phone from his hand.
"I-" Derek started before Meredith slammed the door shut on him.
"Addie... What's wrong?" Meredith asked quickly.
"He won't eat Mer. He will not take this bottle, period." Addison said quickly.
"Shit. He wouldn't take the bottle this morning. I don't know what its going on. I'm on my way." Meredith said quickly.
"I'm so sorry, Mer. I didn't want to call. I know you and Derek-" She started quickly.
"You weren't interrupting anything. Nothing at all." Meredith grumbled as she looked in the mirror. "I'm on my way."
Meredith didn't say as word as she walked out of the bathroom. She tossed the phone on the bed and walked into her closet. Derek stood there and looked at her as she pulled off the nighty. She looked amazing. A little too thin for his liking, but still amazing. She didn't acknowledge him as he stood against the door.
"Where are you going?" He asked as she pulled on a pair of jeans. She ignored him as she pulled a sweater over her head. "Meredith... Where are you going?" He asked again.
"To get Liam." She muttered as she pushed by him and walked out.
"I'll drive." Derek said as he followed behind her.
"I'd really rather you don't go." She told him as she grabbed her purse.
"I will drive." He said as he pulled the keys out of her hand and slid shoes on.
"Fine." She growled as she looked up at him. "Fine." She seethed again.
They both climbed into the car silently. Meredith did not want to talk to him. She wanted to toss him out of the car and watch him roll in the rearview mirror. That was the closest thing she could think of to pure joy. To see him suffer, would make her all the happier.
"I'm sorry, Mer." Derek muttered as he looked over. She pulled her hand away as he tried to grab it.
"I can't do this, Derek. I have no idea what to do. But this- I cannot. We're done." She muttered.
"What do you mean we're done?" Derek asked in shock.
"With that. I won't ever try. I can't take the pain. That part of us is over. I don't know how to fix any of it. I have no idea where to go. I'm not important anymore." She said frankly.
"Mer... You are so important to me. I don't want to do this. Quit talking that way." Derek said quickly.
"I want you to be a father. That's all. You and I- I love you. But I am do tired of being disappointed. If you aren't attracted to me, I can deal with that. I went without sex for six years. I just want you to take care of Liam. He is your son. You need to put him first. There isn't enough time for both of us. So put your energy towards him." Meredith said with a frown.
Derek pulled up to the gated community and rolled down the window. After a quick conversation, the gates were opened and he pulled Meredith's Jeep through and began down the road.
"Meredith... Tonight was- I didn't want to do that." Derek said quickly.
"Oh! I see." She said as she turned her head away and began to cry.
"No. I wanted you. I didn't want to have that problem. My mind is just not connecting with my body." Derek pointed out.
"Of everyone, I never thought it would be you. I never thought you wouldn't be able to get it up." Meredith said with a frown.
"Thanks. Thanks a lot. As if that is a problem I want to have." Derek said frankly. "Please don't do this, baby... Don't give up."
"You are making it so hard not to." Meredith muttered as he pulled into the driveway.
Derek didn't even get a chance to speak before Meredith was out of the car. She was running. She was literally running to the house. Derek was worried about his son, but at the same time, he was worried about his wife. He didn't like the way she was talking. She acted like it was over. And they couldn't be over. They were Meredith and Derek.
Meredith ran up the sidewalk in a panic. She was worried about her son. She only got more antsy as she neared the door. She wondered just how long it had been since he had eaten last. As she approached the door, it opened.
"Oh my god..." Meredith said with a frown as a crying Liam looked up at her. "Oh, Leelee, mama is so sorry. I will never do that to you again." Meredith said quickly as she kissed him on the head.
"He has to be starving." Addison pointed out.
"I need to nurse him." Meredith said with a nod as she walked over to the sofa.
Derek approached the door. He was forgotten. It was abandoned. No one to let him in. It was like he didn't matter. He ran his fingers through his messy hair and opened the door. It felt cold. Like he wasn't welcome. Like he didn't belong.
Meredith rushed to the sofa with Liam. Her mind wasn't thinking about anything but her son. She quickly lifted her shirt and he greedily took hold. He was being rough. Her heart was breaking, just looking at him. Not only did she abandon him, but she starved him too. She stroked his head and let a tear fall as she looked into his eyes.
"Hey Derek." Addison muttered as she glanced up, seeing him there.
"Hey, Addie." He said with a faint smile.
"Mark." Derek muttered as he looked over, seeing Mark come from upstairs.
"Hey, Mer..." Mark said, completely ignoring Derek's existence.
Derek clenched his jaw. They were friends. And now all of the sudden, out of nowhere, he was treating him like shit. He wasn't going to take it. There was no reason for it. He wasn't playing these games. He quickly followed Mark into the kitchen.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Derek asked as he looked up at him.
"I'm not even wasting my time on you." Mark muttered as he poured himself a glass of water.
"What? Where the hell did that come from?" He asked in shock.
"It's bullshit, Derek. This crap you are pulling. It's wrong. And I'm tired of watching it. I want nothing to do with you. You hurt her over and over again. And who has to pick up the pieces? Addie and I. And there shouldn't be pieces to pick up. You're a fucking asshole. And I am done with you." Mark said with fire in his eyes.
"Fuck you, Mark. This is none of your goddamn business." Derek said as he got up in Mark's face.
"No, Derek. It is. That's your problem, you stupid fucker. Are you blind? You don't deserve her. She mopes and pines. Why, I will never know. You do not deserve that woman. You don't. I hope she leaves your ass and takes the kid." Mark said with a smirk. "Maybe she will."
"You asshole. You- Why would you care? Do you want her? Don't think I don't see you look at her. I know your game, Mark. You can't- Meredith is mine. She is my wife." Derek spat loudly.
"Get out!" Mark said quickly. "Get out of my house. You are not welcome here. Get your ass out." Mark yelled as he got in his face.
"Fine." Derek growled as they were not to nose.
"I'll be in the car." Derek yelled to Meredith as he walked out the door.
"What happened?" Meredith asked as she looked up at Mark.
"Apparently Derek doesn't like to hear the truth." Mark said with a shrug.
"Mark! I told you not to say anything! Thanks." Addison said loudly.
"No... This is- Mer you deserve better. You're young and beautiful. You deserve better. He- You just deserve better, okay. And you shouldn't wait forever. Not for him." Mark told her as he walked away, shaking his head.
"Mer..." Addison said as Meredith pulled Liam away from her.
"No... I should go." Meredith said with a nod.
"He's not mad at you. He's just-" Addison tried to explain.
"It's fine, Addie. It's okay." Meredith muttered as she walked outside with Liam and his things.