"Let me ask you a question," Marc asked, "since you'll be moving onto level 2 tomorrow. Why did you abuse"
This was after the meeting. Marc and Beck were talking privately.
"Honestly," Beck said, "I don't know. I don't have the answer to that
"I know the reasons I told myself. It was for her own good. I care about her. I want her to be better. I want to her to make something of herself. She has so much potential. I want her to do whatever she wants to do with her life and she can't do that messing around the way she is. She has to learn to be responsible. She has to learn to be honest. There were so many reasons I told myself.
"The truth is that she wasn't the one who was messing up. She was trying to deal with a lot on her plate and I just made it worse. I was doing the same things that I would get mad at her for doing and then excuse it in my mind. I was the guy. I was the one in charge in the situation because I was the guy. I had to do what was right
"Here's the thing though. I wasn't doing what was right. I got mad for EVERY reason under the sun. Sometimes it was what I thought was valid. Other times it was because she broke a string on my guitar or ate too much of something. What I should have done was talk to her about why I was concerned or upset about the behavior she was doing.
"I hit her because I was angry. I hit her because it seemed to work. I hit her because I didn't know what else to do. I insulted her because I thought it would make her see things my way. I was insistent because I thought she needed that leadership.
"But I wasn't being a leader. A leader leads with respect. I was hurting the people I love. I was hurting my friends too indirectly because they were seeing Jade hurt. They were hurting for her. I got mad at Tori one time also for doing something that I MYSELF WAS DOING
"I think it all started to come to a head when I said something to Jade that I should NOT have said. She had gone through a difficult time and I was really mad when I spoke and instead of taking the time to calm down I said something I should not have said.
"That was one of the times I apologized. I took back what I said before any damage could be done but almost a year of abuse had already done more damage then I could possibly imagine. I was no better then-"
"No," Marc interrupted, "You are better then the person you are thinking of."
"How," Beck asked
"Beck you accepted responsibility for your actions. You didn't try to excuse what you did. You accepted the fact that you messed up and that you had to stop doing what you were doing"
"Okay," Beck admitted, "That is something good that I did but I still abused her"
"Yes. You can't go back to the past and change that but as far as I know she's forgiven you"
"She has. How she has I haven't the foggiest idea. but she has which means that I'm blessed"