Hey, Larka here with the next chapter! Thanks for the reveiws and the favorites.

Chapter 9.
AN: Stop flaming ok! I didn't read all the books!

Luke: Woah, seriously? No way!

Larka: We can tell.

This is from the movie ok, so it's not my fault if Dumbledore swears!

Larka: But he didn't swear anywhere! What movies are you watching?

Luke: I don't think she watched any of them

Besides I said he had a headache!

Larka: That's irrelephant!

And the reason snap

Larka: Snap?

Penny: Snap! Crackle! Pop! Rice Crispies!

doesn't like Harry now is cause he's Christian and vampire is a Satanist! MCR ROX!

Larka: You really didn't read the book or watch the movies. It explains the dislike between Harry/Vampire and 'Snap' just fine. And since when is 'Snap' a Christian?

Luke: More importantly, who the hell is the "Snap" person?

I was so mad and sad.

Larka: Oooo! Enoby made a ryhme!

I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me.

Luke: What was that supposed to be? Forgive him for? Or believe he was?

I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco.

Larka: That's one dirty tree.

Luke: They did the tree? When did the tree come in? When they put the llama in the microwave?

Penny: Yes, I'd bet if you'd look closely enough, you will still see that poor poor little lama. Pobrecito

Then all of a suddenly, a horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose

Larka: And did I mention he didn't have a nose?

(basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was…

Larka: Insert Darth Vader theme song.

Voldemort!

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice

Larka: Why should you be scared? You CAN'T DIE!

but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away.

Larka: They need to come up with some better curses.

"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him.

Penny: Insert ridiculous amounts of laughter from PotterHeads all around the world.

Larka: That's Hermione's cat. Although it does make sense. Cat's are the guardians of the underworld in Egyptian mythology. Voldemort should be scared of them because he doesn't want to die.

Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream.

Larka: I guess the cat got his eyes.

I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped.

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!"

Larka: One.) What's up with the whole 17th century speak? Two.) How does he know Harry changed his name?

Luke: He probably stalks all of them.

I thought about Vampire and his sexy eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden.

Larka: Joel Madden is being used as her playtoy. I feel sorry for whoever he is.

Penny: Joel Madden is the lead singer of My Chemical Romance and he looks nothing like Daniel Radcliffe or Tom Felton, thank god!

I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up?

Larka: I would have thought of this waaaaaay sooner.

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back.
Voldemort gave me a gun.

Larka: They've got wands!

"No! Please!" I begged.

Larka: Sense you don't seem to be Imperioused, you still have you free will.

Penny: Wait! Hold up! He hands you the gun and you're begging for your life. I repeat you have the gun!

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!"

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.

Voldemort got a dude-you're-so-retarded look on his face. "I hath telekinesis." he answered cruelly.

Larka: How does Telekinesis help him to know what's going on at Hogwarts?

Penny: Ha, that makes no sense. Slow clap for Enoby

"And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.
I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods.
"Draco!" I said. "Hi!"
"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit)

Larka: No.

Luke: Insted of a cross, because she's goffik, and oh-so clever. It's a pun, get it? Because she's a Satanist? These are the jokes people.

between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.

"Are you okay?" I asked.
"No." he answered.
"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled.

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out.

Larka: While you walked? Is that even humanly possible?