Twenty minutes I found myself at their table again. "Everything going well over here?" I asked with a big smile. Konan returned my smile with an even bigger one. "Yes! I've finally gotten my ring!" She was so full of joy. I couldn't do anything better than congratulate her when she showed me her gigantic rock of a ring. The only way this night might become any worse was if this was a family party.

Deidara asked for plain vodka with ice. Konan was happy with her wine and water, but wanted a piece of cake. Yes, I felt that I disliked her at that moment for being able to eat cake and look so good. I attended my other tables and went to see what Deidara had wanted to meet for.

He stood impatiently outside the bathrooms. "We can't do this, not now." He just gave me a blank stare. He didn't agree at all. "She's just…" I let out a sigh. "Your fiancée thinking everything is fine and that you don't want to fuck your waitress." That made him smile. "You're right on!" I couldn't believe him. "Why are you doing this?" He shrugged. "She's evil." This caused me to roll my eyes. "Yes, she looks like the daughter of Santa and Snow White! There you have your devil seed!" I didn't want to raise my voice, but I had too. He wanted to say something, but I cut him off. "This is sick! I can't do this, it's me or her!"

(Time skip to when Deidara had ran away, yes… I am that evil)

Everything had been so empty without him. The worst thing was not knowing. I didn't know if he was dead, or he could be a rich oil baron in some other country for all I knew. I used to make up small daydreams shortly after he had run away. He had gotten rich and came looking for me. He would take me to his giant house with too many rooms to count. I would spend my days by the big pool we had in our beautiful garden. Then we would get old enough to get married and have children.

I was much better than reality. Him having taken an overdose probably dead molding somewhere, never to be found. I didn't want to accept that he was dead. I wouldn't realize that he was gone forever. Might have been because it didn't feel like it, you know how you sometimes can feel stuff like that? It didn't mean that he was rich looking for me, it didn't even mean that he was safe. And who knew, I doubted I would ever see him again.

I found out that thinking about him would only make it worse, so I found ways to stop. I got too drunk to remember that I had been thinking about him. I would get so drunk that I passed out senseless. I wanted to try heroin, I truly wondered what was so great about it. I had promised him to never try, it would be like playing with fire after you got burnt anyway. So I didn't do it.

Being alcoholic barely got me through school. It was hard, but I somehow made it. If it was my hard work or me being willing to do whatever it took wasn't something I needed to wonder about. I remember what my mother used to say when I was younger, your body is just the container of your soul. It's your soul you need to worry about. What is your soul? It isn't scientific, is it? This is what being hung-over does to you. Don't try it at school children.

I was so proud that day I started at the university. What I wanted to do with my life? I wanted to study society. I wanted to know how common every weird little thing was. I wanted to map people want put them I charts. It exited me, it was so funny. Even though, I would never finish my studies.

I was 19 the day I found out that I was pregnant. I thought I had found the love of my life, abortion wasn't something I even considered. I now wanted to be one of those stay at home mothers. Being dependant on her soul mate to provide her and their children with everything they needed. I had no idea how much he had brainwashed me. I had never wanted this, I had been a feminist to the core. God, I had never even wanted children.

I wanted to graduate, earn money, have no commitments in my life and try to find Deidara somewhere. In reality I was 19, would never graduate, stay at home mother, unhappy and soon to be married to Hank. The worst name ever.

Long chapter, or maybe not now that I looked over it. Anychapter, I hardly ever find time to write. Too much homework, and I'm failing math, oh yes! I hate my school, big time. It's two at the night and I have church tomorrow so no more writing for me. F my life. If you want me to update some of my other stories remind me to save the last chapter of it in a review. I always forget, and I can't remember exactly where I ended things of. Hope you still love me, even if I'm bad at finding time to write. Me is sorry, I love you, you love me? : (