I can only apologise for my absence and not delay you any longer. A full explanation is at the end. Thank you to IriaAngel for the tip on getting around the error messages!

For Rachael and Cheynee

Chapter 10

Lily Evans may have been an early riser, but that didn't mean she liked waking up. Quite the opposite. Letting go of that pure peace of a deep sleep felt like such a crime to her. Like telling a child there's no Santa. Just plain mean.

This time though, something was different. There was the most amazing scent in her nose that she welcomed consciousness for letting her experience it. Burying her face deeper into her pillow, Lily stretched a little, trying to shift to a more comfortable position.

When she realised she was not alone she froze. A strange arm tightened around her waist, and her pillow expanded with a deep breath and its heartbeat thumped steadily against her ear...

Ok, so she was pretty certain it wasn't a pillow at this point.

Her entire being began to tingle. Every area of her body which was sandwiched against that of James Potter's sleeping form instantly losing that heavy limbed feeling that comes hand in hand with first thing in the morning. Somehow they had managed to both end up lying on their sides, bodies facing each other and James' torso twisted in such a way that she was able to rest her head flat upon his chest, whilst still having his knees curled up towards her.

Her knees were curled up too... and one of his legs was threaded between hers.

Seriously attempting to ignore the strong thigh wedged not too far from and all too tempting place, Lily rubbed her blurry eyes with her free hand, before looking up at James' face. She had to bite her lip to keep from bursting out laughing.

His mouth was slightly slack, his hair in even wilder disarray than usual and since he'd neglected to remove his glasses, they were extremely lopsided. One lens was actually resting over his eyebrow. Reaching up, Lily straightened them carefully, trying not to wake him. Now that she was more aware of her surroundings, she deduced it must still be rather early; the fires embers still glowed softly and barely any pale light was seeping through the gaps in the windows curtains. Every now and then the light would dip as the school owls flew by, returning from their nightly flights.

Shivering a little in the cold air, Lily pulled the soft blanket up over her shoulder, pressing closer to James form. He produced enough body heat it was like sleeping beside a radiator. She froze when he shifted, pulling her tighter to him, but all he did was mumble softly before returning to deep sleep relaxation. Huffing, Lily squeezed her lids down, trying to slip back into a blissful comatose state, even though she knew from years of experience it was a futile mission.

Although saying that, with the soothing rise and fall of James' breathing, the soft thump thump thump of his pulse, Lily found herself relaxing further down, into a delicate trance of semi sleep.

A light rumbling sound met her ears and she clenched her teeth.

"Don't. You. Dare."

She cracked her eyes to slits, glaring at Tigger as her snuffled the blanket at her feet.

"I won't get you anymore Minxy Mice," she hissed, knowing of his love of the edible chase giving cat toys. "If you so much as twitch-"

Too late. Tigger burrowed his way under the blanket and Lily screwed her eyes shut.

But she didn't feel the usual assault on her toes.

James twitched. Lily opened her eyes and watched, mirth bubbling as he snorted and jerked awake, thrashing.

"Hey – what – ow! Merlin's sagging OW!"

Tears of laughter rolled down Lily's cheeks and she clutched her sides as James dazedly ripped the blanket off his legs to reveal her kitten, clawing and knawing playfully with his sharp little fangs through James' threadbare socks.

"You sneaky little beast!" James said, sounding slightly impressed as he peeled a protesting Tigger off his toes. "Just as Evans stops ripping me to shreds you take over? Just brilliant!"

Wiping her eyes, Lily tried to stem the rising laughter. "He clearly knows its a serious job. Someone needs to keep that ego in check."

Watching James deposit Tigger unceremoniously onto the floor, her breath caught a little when he stretched his arms above his head; his spine arching in a pleasing way. After a worrying number of cracking noises from his various joints, Lily was bounced a little as he flopped onto his side to face her. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he grinned sheepishly.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi yourself."

An awkward silence ensued. Lily would've loved to burrow back close to James' body, but with both of them fully awake, her usual nerve seemed to have taken a holiday. A total Gryffindor sissy girl. Pathetic.

"What time is it?" James asked, looking around.

"Dunno," she shrugged. "I was too comfy to move and check."

Ah yes, when courage abandons you just acquire verbal diarrhoea, same effect with extra humiliation.

When James cocked an eyebrow at her blush she huffed.

"Potter being a good pillow is not something to be cocky about."

"Are you calling me fat?"

"I didn't say that did I? Do I sense self esteem issues?"

"Not at all. I seem to remember you were much more interested in my physique than me Evans."

Her cheeks boiled and she glared at his lack of tact. It had been a long time since she'd felt so agitated for no good reason like this, not since a good eighteen months ago. But James pointing out her feelings in that way caused the red mist to descend.

"Git!"

"Witch."

"Urgh you're a total idiot!"

"Is that so?"

"Yes! You're just a stupid, Quidditch playing, prank pulling, ignorant, smart arse! And you're freakishly tall!"

Giving his shoulder a push to roll him over had no effect. Lily huffed at his smile.

"Move. I want to be up."

James hazel eyes twinkled behind his glasses. "No."

Lily's mouth dropped open in outrage. "Move!"

"No."

"For Gods sake do you live to rile me up?"

"Oh definitely."

Growling in frustration, Lily shoved with all her strength, trying to vault over him.

"You're such an idiot!"

"And you're gorgeous."

That froze her. In a flash, the connection she'd felt to him the night before, after baring the ugly relationship she shared with her sister, came flooding back. She looked down at him from her position of straddling his thighs. James' eyes were staring at her in total adoration, just an edge of heat darkening the intensity of his gaze. Unable to move a single muscle, Lily sat there as he sat up, bringing them face to face and so close her vision of him blurred.

Emotions jumbled and entwined inside her gut and her chest. Her heart beat out a frantic rhythm. From excitement? Terror? Anticipation? Honestly if her brain had have been working she still wouldn't have known.

Fight or flight.

They remained there, unmoving for what felt like an age. Slowly, Lily felt the gentle brush of his fingertips pushing a lock of her hair behind her ear.

"Finished ranting now?" he asked softly.

"Yes?" she answered, although not entirely sure.

"Certain?" he breathed.

His nose bumped hers. Lily closed her eyes. Nodded.

Tap tap tap.

Lily jumped so badly it was more like siren had sounded behind her rather than the noise undoubtedly made by an owl's beak on glass.

"Lily?"

Flight.

Without a conscious decision, fear overflowed her stomach and she clambered off his lap, cursing internally at how much her legs were shaking beneath her.

'I'm sorry,' she said, wrapping her arms over herself.

James stood up, handing her his jumper. Snatching it, Lily pulled it over her head immediately, uncomfortable with how much skin she was showing. Out the corner of her eyes she saw James ruffling his hair but missed his expression.

'Lily-'

'I have to go,' she said, terrified of what he might say.

Her feet had her running for the door, the portrait shutting behind her silencing James' calls of her name.

'Lily?'

James stood frozen by the fire, in two minds whether to chase her.

Damn it.

The tap tap tapping at the window caught his attention again and he scowled. Stalking to the window he threw it open and a school owl flew straight to the table. The letter was in its beak rather than tied to its leg so the bird simply dropped it onto the smooth mahogany before escaping out the window once more.

It was with unseeing eyes and a brain of sludge that James closed the window, sitting numbly on the sofa. What was it that had made Lily bolt like that? She had seemed fine, if a little nervous when he'd awoke. Was it the way he'd moved in on her?

No. She'd nodded her assent so James knew she'd wanted what he did. He'd never felt such excitement, almost static in the air in anticipation. If it weren't for that interruption...

James picked up the letter off the table.

Lily Evans.

He knew that writing and his blood boiled. In a mindless haze he tore the letter open.

Lily,

You have to know how much I miss you. I cannot stand the thought of you cavorting around with those Marauders. You can never know how sorry I am for what I said to you; I will never forgive myself. I'm begging for your forgiveness. Know that I will do anything to earn it.

Severus.

James didn't scoff or snort in derision. As much as it pained him to admit it, he felt for Snivillus. He despised him, as sure as the 'pure blood' that coursed through his veins, he knew he hated Severus Snape. But to have Lily, then lose her?

James couldn't imagine a worse punishment.

Didn't change the fact that Snape deserved it though. The only thing that had kept James from practically disembowelling that slimy bastard when he called Lily that was the fact she was standing right there. Not to mention that he imagined Lily's infliction would be much more painful.

And now he was begging for forgiveness? He would do anything? Kneasle shit would he! Lily's cutting ties with the greasy git hadn't stopped him licking arse and helping lead those Muggle born abusers had it? James knew Lily would never accept Snape while he carried on with those... James hesitated to think of them as people.

But if she was to forgive him?

Not a moments doubt entered his head when he hurled the letter onto the dying fire.

"All right Evans what gives?"

Inside Lily cringed but kept her face impassive as she tipped the required ground beetles into her cauldron.

"What do you mean, Black?"

Sirius sighed in frustration, tossing his dark fringe out of his eyes.

"You've not chewed me for my lack of work all week,' he said pointedly. 'You're quieter than I think I've ever seen you. And you've stopped talking to a certain head boy as much as before. Which in and of itself shows you find something more important than your head duties. So, what gives?"

Lily frowned in annoyance, shooting him a glare. "That was ridiculously profound coming from you."

This brought a twinkle to Sirius' eyes and a smirk that reminded her of another dark haired Gryffindor.

"Impressed?"

Lily fought the involuntary twitch at her own lips, turning back to their cauldron. "Never. Chop those roots for me?"

She heard Sirius sigh as he set to work with the silver knife she handed him.

"You can talk to me you know Lily," he said, startling her.

Bemused, Lily blinked at him for a moment.

"You've never called me that before."

"Yeah, well things change," Sirius shrugged, turning the flame down beneath their simmering potion before dropping in the freshly cut ingredients.

"I'm starting to realise that... Sirius."

"Took you long enough," he cheeked and Lily felt her cheeks flush. "Look, not going to lie Lily, this year you seem a lot more... fun."

She snorted. "Thanks. What was I before?"

"Uptight," Sirius informed her. "But with good reason. I get that whole routine of keeping up a front. Helps with the onslaught."

There was really no need to clarify that he was talking about the whole Blood Status thing. Lily shifted a little, before shrugging. It was odd that he seemed to have such a good read on her, since they'd hardly been on speaking terms before this year.

"My point is," he continued, ignoring her discomfort. "That now Lily's fun side is making more frequent appearances, and seems to like the company of the aforementioned Head Boy, it makes one wonder why you've suddenly gone into hiding again."

Skin squirming at the interrogation Sirius was smoothly delivering, Lily went on the defensive.

"Is this you asking Black or is this you prodding me for answers so you can run off and tell James?"

"Prongs is confused - "

"And what kind of a name is Prongs anyway? Stupid nickname doesn't make sense."

"Look woman, will you stop harping on and let me finish?"

"Mr Black?" Slughorn said, bouncing over to their table looking surprised. "Miss Evans, is there a problem?"

"No sir, no problem, just a difference of opinion over the amount of brewing time required," Lily answered smoothly, rolling her eyes at the Professor. "Black here was just annoyed he was wrong."

"Ah well few have your superior knowledge Miss Evans," he said with a wink. "Be sure to listen to her Black."

As soon as he was out of hearing range -

"Teachers pet," Sirius muttered.

Lily stuck her tongue out at him and he rolled his eyes.

"Good liar though."

"Aww Black you'll make me blush at this rate," she teased.

"Well all I have to do is say the name Jam-"

"Stop it!" she hissed, her cheeks instantly beginning to burn.

"You're making my best friend miserable," Sirius retorted, sounding annoyed now. "If you were getting some kind of twisted enjoyment out of leading him on with blushes and coy glances I'm going to give you an earful. If you weren't, I want a reason why you're avoiding him, and a decent one."

Lily tried to breathe deeply but the air was thick with suffocating potion fumes. She loosened her tie, unbuttoning the top button of her shirt. Her eyes drifted across the dungeon to James' desk, drinking in his expression. Usually a ghost of his most recent smile could always be detected on his face, even when he was totally focused on what he was doing. Today though, and everyday that had passed since she snubbed his offers of tutoring and head duties, that echo of happiness in him was absent.

And she cursed herself for being the one to take it away.

"I won't tell him," said Sirius quietly. "If its something making you look that unhappy, I won't breathe a word to anyone, on my honour."

Lily sniggered a little. "On your honour?"

Sirius smirked. "Fine then on your honour. Better?"

"Much."

She was silent for a moment and she appreciated Sirius' patience. It was enough to make her speak through the pangs in her stomach. Her eyes fixed on the bubbling potion.

"I'm terrified of being vulnerable," confessed Lily softly. "I've never had anything resembling these sorts of emotions before. Its scary and confusing and to be honest I'm not even completely sure how I feel. I know I like him. But what didn't occur to me was the implications of getting close to James. I'm wholly aware that he will expect us to be an item. Share... well everything, in the way couples do. Trust, secrets, intimacy..."

To his utter credit, Sirius didn't say a word, as though sensing she wasn't finished. Sneaking a glance at him, Lily saw he was frowning in contemplation of her words. He was really listening to her problems. It made Lily somewhat ashamed of her prior judgements; clearly foolhardy actions were deceiving.

"I'm scared that I won't be ready for all that. I've already had one friend break a trust that couldn't be resolved. It stays with you, niggling all the time. And as much as self preservation wants to keep me from heartbreak, I'm more worried about the outcome of James' feelings in all this. If I can't get passed that fear, I'll just be getting his hopes up."

Sirius nodded at the end of her admission, before throwing her a sidelong glance, a smile pulling at his mouth.

"And the physical side of things?"

Though her face heated spectacularly, Lily managed a chuckle.

"You're a typical bloke. No that doesn't frighten me per say, but I wouldn't want to move too fast. That's never worried me, I trust James."

Rubbing his forehead slowly, Sirius looked at her strangely.

"Let me get this straight. You trust Prongs not to shag you senseless, but you're scared of being open with him about feelings? But despite that fear of openness you've just told me, one of your most despised Marauders up until a few months ago, about your worries?"

With a swallow, comprehension lit off like a firework in Lily's mind.

"Er... yes?"

The bell rang through the castle and Sirius grinned at her as they packed away.

"You have more Gryffindor bravery than you think Evans," he commented, slinging his bag over his shoulder. "Trust it. There's a reason Prongs feels so much for you Lily. Don't shy away from the personality everyone loves about you."

As he turned to leave, Lily impulsively reached out and grabbed his hand. Sirius started.

"Thank you," she said, feeling the load on her shoulders melt.

With a roguish grin, Sirius gave her a little mock bow before sauntering to the door, giving Alice a pat on the bum as she passed him.

"Black I'll hex you're hands off!" she called after him. "Ready Lily?"

With a smile, Lily caught sight of James leaving the classroom.

"Yeah, I think I am."

I would like to begin by saying how sorry I am for my lack of updates, I was horrified when I realised it had been 7 months since I'd produced anything for my lovely readers. There were several notably large changes in my personal life which sparked off my inability to write, to be honest I started to just drift through life for a few months, waiting for the fog to clear out of my head. Things kept being piled on and I ended up having to focus my energy on getting back to a happy medium in my life, establishing new relationships with people and getting back to myself. Now that road is beginning to run smoother, I've rekindled my love for this story and for writing in general. Needless to say I will not allow myself to slip up again and I'm committing myself to at least fortnightly updates from now on.

I would like to thank all my amazing readers, everyone that has left me reviews and especially those who left me messages. You all make this worthwhile.

Dreams are to be followed and life is to be enjoyed. I'm going to take the time to make sure that happens.

PS I took time out to visit london in November and was lucky enough to meet Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, Tom Felton, Evanna Lynch and Imelda Staunton. However the main man didn't linger long enough with the crowds to complete the set so thats on the cards for July!