R+R

Chapter Six

Sirius entered the front room with a tray of tea. He had paused to think on the way from the kitchen and realised that this was absurd, making tea and sitting in the living room as if an old friend had just popped over. They were being so civilised, so twee. He had no idea what else to do. So Sirius brought the tea, made the tea and served the tea.

"I'm sorry about my mother," He muttered as he passed a cup and saucer to Scarlet.

"Are you also sorry about this tea set pattern because it's equally offensive." She joked.

"And equally her."

They smiled at each other and Harry saw the visible spark pass between them. Chemistry was being reignited. As the more time went by Scarlet was becoming the bright, witty, confident woman Harry had seen in Sirius' memories.

They were referring to the portrait of Walburga Black that had, of course, screamed insults and outrage at the 'mudblood' that was in her house.

"Anyway it was nice to finally meet her." Scarlet was trying to be sincere, and failing. She sipped her tea quietly and the three fell into a slightly uncomfortable silence. "So here it at last, your family home." Sirius nodded. "And I understand you've been staying here, using it for the Order?"

"Staying... kept here more like. I'm a wanted man remember." He did not sound bitter but exhausted, as if he were physically tired of the house.

"You must have been going mad. You hate it here."

"No madder than 12 years in Azkaban sends you, darling."

Scarlet look empathetic and questioning but did not ask anything, instead she put down her tea and sat up straight as if preparing for something.

"So I guess you want it then?" She asked. "The whole ugly story?"

"Dumbledore said it was thrilling." Harry murmured, speaking for the first time since Sirius had re-entered the room.

"Maybe thrilling to hear, not so thrilling to live through."

Harry looked away ashamed at his lack of tact.

"Don't feel bad Harry, she was never forthcoming with information."

"I'm trying Siri..." Scarlet warned in a tone he recognised so completely, she was telling him to back off.

"If you don't want me to be here I can leave..." Harry offered.

"No I need you to hear this too, to understand why I haven't been here. I didn't abandon you Harry." Scarlet stated.

"No! I don't think that for a second."

"I do." Sirius stated with equal certainty as his wife.

She scowled. The 'don't start' message had clearly not got through or was immediately ignored, more likely.

So, with the gaze of the two men she loved most in world fixed upon her face and searching for answers, she began:

"After you left me that night to find Peter I started to bleed and I... I didn't know what to do. I wasn't thinking straight I was so consumed with grief and fear for you and for you Harry. I didn't go to the hospital like I should have..."

Reminiscing memories of that terrible evening and the loss of her child brought so many emotions. She had blocked out the events for so long she thought they may be difficult to recall, grey, as if the details had faded into the back of her mind. They hadn't. She could remember every insignificant detail as if it were yesterday, crystal and painfully clear. Barely into the story and she was crying.

"I just wanted comfort. Everything was suddenly unbearable, even breathing hurt and it was like there wasn't a safe place in the world. I knew I wouldn't be able to find you Siri so I went to only other person that could offer any solace at all. My mother. I hadn't seen her since the wedding, you knew how she felt about magic and you and the fact we were bringing a magical baby into the world. She thought we were tainting God and producing the devil's heir or something. But I knew she'd help me and she did. She took me to the hospital but it was too late for our baby girl..." Scarlet was sobbing but refused to stop. "When I woke up they said they had already taken her away to be prepared to be buried. They w... wouldn't even let me see her. I don't know how long I'd been out but it was many days and when she came to see me she brought me The Daily Prophet and it had you... you r picture."

She took deep shuddering breaths and regained some control. Neither man interrupted, knowing she needed to get it out in one hit.

"My mother took great joy in telling me the story, how'd you killed those muggles and betrayed James and Lily and I tried, I tried so hard to get her to believe the truth but she said I was... delirious or confused or something. I was so weak from the miscarriage I couldn't leave. It was like she'd gone mad. She looked deranged or brainwashed by that sadistic cult. And she said I deserved, that our baby deserved..."

Sirius clenched his jaw in contained anger.

"That it was our punishment for defying God with dark magic and... and you killing those people. She actually believed our baby deserved to die, I knew she was wrong. Even through the grief and pain and separation I knew she was wrong but I thought it was my fault. That I'd failed my daughter."

"No!" Harry almost shouted, causing both his godparents to jump. "It wasn't your fault! That gargoyle was manipulating you to feel that way!"

"Harry..." Sirius stopped unsure of how to continue.

"When I was ready to be released she started talking about this place, retreat I think she called it. Said these women would help me feel better and cleanse all the evil out. I wanted to go. I agreed to it."

Scarlet was crying again now as the full force of the revelation hit her. Sirius and Harry did not understand, yet. Scarlet had agreed to her imprisonment for all of those years, she had walked into it willingly. She did abandon Harry.

"There were nuns but it wasn't a convent it was an... an asylum... it was hell on earth. All the women screaming all day and all night... screaming to go home... screaming for their children, their dead children. I thought they were mad. But I became them. Just another screaming mad woman in an asylum. The more I fought the more they punished me, firstly by taking my possessions and then stopping my meals and showers. I still fought. So... so after I don't know how long, it could have been weeks or years. Finally they had had enough and took me to the solitary wing. I remember thinking it was so peaceful there. No screaming. No noise at all. That was because the people were sedated most of the time and barely feed. They were dying, bit by bit, just giving up."

"You don't... you don't have to go on..." Sirius whispered as wiped at his eyes. She nodded mournfully.

"Yes I do. I was sedated and it made me begin to forget. I welcomed that. Isn't it awful? I wanted to forget your face and the feel of my daughter kicking and the sound of Harry's laughter. It was like staring into a black hole day after day. Finally I found the comfort I needed and it wasn't my mother but... numbness... nothingness."

"How did you escape?" Harry asked.

"Eventually I became their perfect inmate and did everything they said. Believed everything piece of shit theology they shoved down my throat. Renounced my evil ways and praised the Lord for salvation. They let me back into the rest of the horror house and even gave me back privileges, not that I used them. One treat, if you'd performed a trick particularly well, was to read the paper. Not the Daily Prophet of course but muggle news. It had exploded with reports of the British Prime Minister being called away in a time of economic crisis. They disappearance was suspicious and I knew it must have something to do with the Wizarding World. Then one of the new inmates, fresh blood, so innocent, she told me that 'notorious mass murderer' Sirius Black had escaped."

She looked briefly at her husband but found it too hard so returned her eye line to the coffee table.

"The bottom of my world fell out. It was like I'd hit a wall that was blocking all the memories and I'd hit it with such force it had come crashing down and the memories came flooding into my parched mind. The damn had been broken. I knew I had to escape... somehow. It was like a whole new surge of life, that I'd been revived. I was still weak but I started to only pretend to take my daily pills and hide them in my room. I didn't know how it would help but at least my mind was my own again. Once my roommate found out she begged me to give her the pills, so she could end it all. She'd been... tor... tortured by Voldemort in the War and it had left her... scarred. Shunned from society she had come there to find acceptance and instead they'd blame her for all that had gone on and mocked the death of her husband as justice. She just wanted to join him. So I did give her them and she over dosed and the place erupted in chaos. Whilst everyone was distracted I went to toilet and climbed into the ceiling. I crawled alone until I found the only part where the stench of stale piss and despair had not seeped through the cracks. Their staff room. Of course it was empty, all hands on deck at the helm of the crisis so I took a uniform and they're ID card."

Sirius smiled, he couldn't help it. Despite the horror he had just heard and the anger and anguish being played out in his heart, he smiled. Scarlet Black, his wife, was brilliant.

"They didn't even see me. I just walked out the door. Then I ran, just ran until I found somewhere I recognised. I got to Hogwarts and to Dumbledore."

She took a deep breath and visible relaxed. Harry rushed forward and hugged her fiercely.

"Thank you for telling me. I'm... I'm so sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry about. I came back for you, as much as I did Sirius. You're my family."

"And you're mine." Harry beamed. "I have a proper family. I..." He looked round room trying to think of an excuse to leave them alone. "I'm going to make more tea!" He sounded much happier at the prospect of making tea in the early hours of the morning, than anyone ever had before.

As he left Sirius looked across at his wife with a new found respect and reinvigorated love. She sat in the chair in front of the window and the moon shone behind, she looked glowing.

"So the biggest arse goes too..." Sirius looked at her with all the guilt and regret shining in his eyes. "I had no idea."

"Just how I have no idea what it was like in Azkaban all those years."

"As far as the screaming and pain goes... pretty similar. Come here," She rose and came to stand over him. He looked her up and down, studying every element of her being. Her knees trembled and when they finally gave way he pulled her down onto his lap. "I love you." He said as if it were the most simple thing in the world. "I've always loved you. I've spent the last 14 years loving you and thinking I'd never be able to tell you."

"I love you too." She whispered.

"I know things are complicated. They're different and everything is so messed up. All I know is today has been the best day of my life and I have spent way too long being apart from you and never intend be apart from you again. So wife, do you fancy still being my wife?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

From the kitchen Harry heard a sound he had never experienced before. His godfather was laughing. Not the demented laugh of an insane escaped prisoner but the laugh of a fulfilled and contented husband.