Omg is anyone still reading this? haha
I wonder if i should put it on archive of our own
Operation:Infiltrate Akatsuki!
2.0
Chapter Ten
Of Black Cats and Broken Noses
Sweat pours down my face as I struggle to complete another set of push-ups. It's been around four hours since I'd began working out, and although exercising usually provides me relaxation and a cool head, I can't help but think of last night. Specifically eight hours ago, a little after midnight. More specifically the moment when Deidara tried to pulverize my internal organs.
I steal a glance at him as I stand, abandoning the push-ups in favor of the less taxing yoga. He's sitting against a tree, legs crossed and eye meeting mine. This has been his permanent spot since I started. With a frown I turn my back towards him and bend my body backwards, farther and farther until palms meet soft earth.
Now he's up, legs quickly moving towards me through my upside down vision.
I'm expecting some kind of lewd remark about the position I've contorted into. From the second he collapsed on top of me in pleasure induced exhaustion until now, not a single word regarding the situation has escaped his mouth. I never expected things to be so awkward, especially so soon. There's a certain shame I feel, having done what I did, and the faint throbbing pain between my legs serves a reminder at how easily I gave my first time away.
Deidara grabs my legs by the ankles as I lift them off the ground, preventing them from connecting with his face.
"I'm hungry," he says, breaking the morning long silence. "Let's go, hm."
I hop to my feet and fold my arms, squinting at the back of his head as he walks away.
"That's all you're gonna say to me?"
He stops in his tracks, turns. "What?"
"Y-you..you—"
Deidara raises his visible eyebrow and mirrors my pose, folding his arms. With a smirk, he says, "What? You wanted flowers, Shiori? A romantic decoration of rose petals and candles, hm?"
I can feel my face heating up all the way to my ears at his words. What did I expect? For one thing, I don't expect to feel as cheap as I do. He takes a few steps closer to me and puts a palm on my cheek. I avert my eyes, staring at his shirt rather than his face.
"All it was, Shiori, was sex, hm. All it will be is sex."
I hate the way he sneers my name out, like it's some kind of horrible insult. How could I ever be attracted to someone like him? One thing I remember, though, is how he aggressively forced me to call myself 'his.' What does that mean? And if I'm really to be held here for as long as I fear, why can't it mean what I want it to? With a warm face and quiet voice, I whisper, "But you said I was yours."
He frowns, eyebrow furrowed in a troubled expression. "I know what I said. And you are mine. Mine to have my way with anytime I want. I told you this already, hm."
Still, I hate how gross it all sounds. I may as well be a prostitute, trading myself for protection from every other man in the hideout. I agreed to it, but still. I don't want to feel as dirty as I do.
"Are you falling for me, Shiori, hm?"
"No! Of course not, Deidara. I would never."
He scoffs, as if offended. "Well excuse me."
We walk in more silence, this time it's much welcomed. I bite my lip and stare hard at the soft ground, trying to convince myself to abandon every single pathetic ounce of confusion stirring around in my head. Ever since I knew what sex was, the perfect ideal day when a girl loses her virginity was hyped up as a grand romantic affair. And now it feels as if my brain can't handle the fact that I lost mine in such a sleazy manner. While it felt good, the seconds after everything came to a stop was instant regret.
Even eight hours later, there is regret.
Another scoff and, "Just like a virgin, hm."
"Excuse me?"
Rolling his eye, Deidara replies snidely, "Suddenly you want a relationship and romance, hm. Emotions are inconvenient, stupid, you need to get rid of them. It'll be much easier for the both of us if you just accept it as is and keep moving forward, hm."
"What do you know, you're only 19!"
"And how old are you?!"
"Just because I'm younger than you doesn't mean I'm stupid. I don't know why you pretend like you're anything but a fucking nerd."
I make sure to sneer 'nerd' in the same manner Deidara says my name, poking a finger into his chest for extra effect. The look on his face turns from astonishment to irritation and I take a step backwards, bracing myself. Instead of hitting me like I expect, he inhales and exhales slowly, as if he's trying to restrain himself from pouncing on me.
"I hate you," I spit angrily, standing a bit on my tiptoes so we're completely eye-to-eye. He pushes his forehead to mine, headband cool against my sweaty skin.
"You didn't hate me when I was fucking you last night, hm."
And with that, something happens inside me. Like a small, inaudible 'POP' from deep within my body that has me enraged, and has his nose bloody. I go in for another punch but he's faster, sweeping my legs from underneath me and pressing his forearm against my neck. The blood gushing out of his nose is running down his face like a river, staining his teeth a ghastly red.
He presses his forearm harder into my neck, and I can't breathe, but I don't care. I'm seeing too much red to care. All of the pent up anger and fear and anxieties are spilling over into a boiling explosion, and all I see is red. I don't want to be here. I want to be home. I want my team. I want my family. I want Ayame.
I don't want to be wrestling an S-ranked blonde bitch boy that can't understand that normal people have emotions and sometimes act accordingly.
Too fatigued to fight properly, I'm in no place to react quick enough when his fist flies towards my own face. There's a sickening 'CRACK' and a howl, and suddenly I'm holding my broken nose with both hands. But I'm still angry, so so angry.
When I launch myself at him again, he quickly sidesteps me, hands grabbing a fistful of my damp hair. I reach blindly behind me to try and grab his, but it's out of my reach. Even as he's dragging me through the dense forest, I insult him in every way that I can. I know he won't kill me, because of the immense amount of effort he's spent trying to make me ready to be used by the Akatsuki proper.
He mumbles something about me being a 'dumb bitch' and shoves me away, quickly removing his cloak with one swift movement. Then, he's on me again, forcing me to my knees with my arms twisted painfully behind me.
"I'll let you go when you're ready to behave, hm," he says, ignoring my grunts of pain and tugging my arms farther.
I manage to spit out a "F-fuck you," through the blood pouring down my face and when he pulls again, I'm seeing stars. My shoulders are popping painfully, and I'm sure if he pulls even a centimeter more, my arms will break.
We stay like that for a while before he lets me go, only to shove my face down into the dirt with one hand. And it's almost instantly, my anger is gone. All of the rage and violence is replaced with shuddering breaths and big gloppy tears mixed with blood.
"You're here," he growls. "Deal with it and just stop. No one fucking cares about you, Shiori, they fucking sold you like a piece of meat. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and just do what you're fucking told, hm."
It's the first time I've ever heard Deidara curse so much in one sentence, and oddly enough, it makes its mark. I suppose there is a little truth to his words. How could my family and friends allow this to happen? Of course I didn't protest much, being that I'm an unobservant idiot, but what's their excuse? His hand comes off of my head and I slowly lean up, face caked in mud and shoulders shaking with sobs.
"I didn't mean to break your nose, hm."
By the time food is in front of them, Shiori has stopped crying. She refuses to sit next to him in the dark restaurant, opting instead to plant herself three seats down the bar. The owners of the noodle joint nearly passed out on the floor when the two of them walked in, silent and faces caked in dried blood. They took orders with shaky hands and now stand stock still behind the bar, watching.
Shiori's outburst is still playing back in Deidara's mind, and he can't for the life of him understand why she's so upset. Sure, he supposes it sucks that her village leader betrayed her and sold her like a cow, and yeah, maybe not seeing her friends and family is a bummer. But still, she's here, it's happened, and the only thing to do is to move forward.
Honestly, they weren't told much about her long-term purpose when they were sent to retrieve her, and Deidara wonders just how long before she won't be useful anymore. But, he supposes that the same can be said about him.
He steals a glance at her. She's staring pitifully at the bowl of pork ramen in front of her. She hasn't even picked up her chopsticks, and her hands are gripping the wood of the bar so hard it looks like her nails will splinter.
With a heavy irritated sigh, he slides his bowl closer to her and moves himself three seats down. Her eyes flick over to him for a second before settling back down on her uneaten food. Her nose is a swollen red growth on her face now, another ugly addition to her bruise riddled body. Deidara honestly didn't intend to break it, just bruise it like she had done to his. It's a bit crooked, but she refuses to let him set it back straight. Apparently a bent nose is the least of her worries.
"Why aren't you eating," he says, his question more like a command.
She shrugs and continues to stare into her bowl. When her lip begins to tremble, Deidara rolls his eyes. He can't handle another hour of her weird shuddery crying.
"Eat."
Shiori rips apart her chopsticks with enough force to break the top halves off of them, sending the splinters flying over the counter. Everything she does lately seems to be out of anger, he notices, like some kind of vain attempt to irritate him. It does, but he won't tell her that. Her angry eating is splattering broth all over the bar and the sound of her slurping is driving him insane, so when he rolls his eyes for the hundredth time and grabs her hands, she stops.
Without looking at him, Shiori faces the trembling cooks and says with a mouth full of food, "Another."
Deidara squints at her and lets her fingers go, trying to figure out what her problem is. But when he finally asks, she flinches.
"Are you upset that you gave your virginity to me, hm?"
She bites her lip and stares into her empty bowl as if it holds the answer. So that was it.
He orders himself another bowl before resting his head on one arm. "Well get over it," he says, voice low. "At least I showed interest in you, hm. Virginity as a concept is useless. Just fuck and be fucked, hm."
She starts to glare at him; both eyebrows pointed straight down, but otherwise stays silent. Her mouth attempts to move into a smile but she forces it back into a straight line.
"Did anyone try to sleep with you back home?"
He's trying to break her, and he wonders if she's figured it out yet. He's been trying to push her over the edge the second she came to the hideout but all she's done is teeter over the line between. Shiori's too emotional, too weak, but she has potential. Too bad it's hidden underneath miles of self-loathing and stubborn teenage girl…mess.
Shiori refuses to answer his question, instead giving him an impressive view of her middle finger. He's tempted to just snap it right then and there, but with a big inhale and a big exhale, he doesn't.
Then she smirks, and his eyebrow twitches in irritation.
"Just let me set it, hm."
"Don't touch me."
"You're such a child."
"Bite me."
The horrible swollen mess called my nose throbs like it has its own heartbeat. The pain is a steady slow pulse that spreads through my entire head, before retreating back into my nose. I regret not putting more force into my fists when I punched Deidara in the face; he of all people deserves an off center nose. We walk towards the hideout with splotches on our faces, the blood dried and flaking off. It itches, and I silently dread washing my face in fear of irritating my nose even more.
As we near the boulder that conceals the entrance, I have to take a break, steadying myself on a nearby tree.
"Do you have any painkillers?" I ask. I suddenly feel nauseous, every bit of the delicious food in my stomach threatening to come back up.
Deidara continues to move towards the boulder without a word. The dry branches and leaves crunch underneath his feet. With a few slow blinks I drag myself behind him, the world tilting this way and that.
Without thinking, I follow Deidara down the hall and to the door to his room. He slowly opens the door and turns to face me. A small purple splotch is forming across the bridge of his nose, dainty and near unnoticeable. I want to spit. Of course Deidara gets the small bruise and I get the giant red swollen mass. Like I honestly needed anything to aid my plain face in turning into a horrible mix of lumps and marks.
"What?" he says, backing into the room. I go to follow, but he shuts the door until only his irritating black rimmed eye stares back at me.
"Do you have any pain—"
"No."
"You're lying."
He goes, "Of course," and slams the door in my face. I stand there, dumbfounded, wondering how someone so ugly could be as handsome as he. I hate him. I hate him so much I want to sneak into his room and shave his head.
I'd do it too, but the fact that he'd still look okay stops me from it.
With a yell of irritation I stomp around the quiet halls until I find my cold dungeon of a room. I'm grumbling as I slam the door and lock it, and I'm still grumbling when I undress. I throw the clothes into the corner and rummage around the dresser for something to wear. It'd taken a while, but Deidara finally assumed that me stealing his clothes would prove a problem. He had gotten me more clothes, but failed to get me any more underwear—forcing me to go commando on more than one occasion. I'm honestly not surprised; it's obviously some kind of perverted stunt.
Sweaty clothes gone, I take a leap of faith and move to the door connecting our rooms. I turn the knob and the door surprisingly swings open. I'm met with a small noise of irritation from the darkness.
"What do you waaant, hm."
And he calls me a child. I flinch as my bare feet meet the chill of the floor and move forwards into his room. I reach around blindly until my palms meet what feels like a lamp and pull the cord.
Warm orange light floods the room, revealing Deidara huddled under his covers like a little kid.
I roll my eyes and say, "It's not my fault you forget to lock the other door. Can you please give me painkillers?"
He makes a huffing noise and slowly pulls himself out of bed as if he's stuck to it, shoving me out of the way with one arm. I try and ignore the fact that he's wearing nothing but underwear and stare daggers into the back of his head.
It's when he finds a small bottle of pills that my stupid mouth spits out a stupid question.
"Why are you so mean to me?"
He pauses for a second before turning around, bottle in hand. His visible eyebrow furrows as he takes my hand and shakes two pills into it.
I open my mouth to ask again but he rolls his eyes and makes another huffing noise. "Go wash your face, Shiori, hm."
"Not until you answer me."
And that's how our millionth stare down begins, him squinting at me and me squinting right back. It lasts a whopping 3 minutes before Deidara's hand attacks my face. There's a small 'crick' and tears pour from my eyes. I would have rather endured a crooked nose than to have to be subjected to more pain.
It sends me to my knees. The nausea returns, and I'm almost 87 percent sure vomit is going to be all over Deidara's feet soon. He must predict this turn of events, because he grabs me by the back of my sweatpants and half-drags me into the bathroom. I press my cheek to the toilet seat, thankful for its cool touch, and try to ignore the fact that Blondie's butt has been on it. Well, mine has also, so I suppose that makes it better.
My stomach lurches as a dry heave passes through me. I squint my eyes shut and reach around blindly for something to grab onto. The world is spinning violently now and I can't figure out if this is because of the pain or my exhaustion. Another painful dry heave sends my head into the rim with a soft thunk, followed by the grossest sound I've ever heard come out of my mouth.
"HRAUGGH."
The grossest sound Deidara's ever heard come out of someone's mouth bursts out of Shiori like the vomit that follows it. This can't all be because he set her nose, no one has that low of a pain tolerance. So as he watches Shiori dry heave into his toilet bowl, he thinks. And thinks. And thinks.
Then.
"I told you that pork looked funny, hm."
The pork in her pork ramen had an odd gray tint to it, but of course since Shiori seems to be going through her rebellious phase, she happily indulged in two bowls. And now she lies in front of him, a complete wreck on the bathroom floor.
"HRAUGH."
Disgusting.
Still, he can admire the beginnings of the muscles in her back as she grips the countertop above her. It has taken a little bit of coaxing, but underneath a fine layer of laziness and junk food is an athletic build. After a few minutes, she seems to be done, reaching a shaking hand up to flush the toilet. He doesn't even want to think about the state of the bowl now.
"Are you done?" he asks, slowly approaching her back. All she does is emit a strangled sounding cry in return. With a heavy sigh, Deidara retrieves Shiori's girly little toiletry bag and sets it at her feet. When she groans and stares up at him with her irritatingly large gray eyes, he rummages around the medicine cabinet in search of nausea medicine.
He feels like a parent of an idiot child. Of course he'd rather just let her stew in her poor eating choices, but thinking logically, her being sick longer than necessary is not worth it. She's almost ready to be used as a mole, and he can't be bothered waiting four days for her to slowly recover from whatever bacteria is swimming around in her stomach.
Shiori manages to drag herself up to the vanity to brush her teeth, pushing several items onto the floor in the process. Deidara sighs again, stepping behind her to read the labels of the bottles in his hands.
A string of random sounds and groans brings him to attention.
"What?"
"Why can't I have my own bathroom?" she asks, rinsing her mouth out. It's truthfully something he wonders with disdain every time she comes barreling into his room to use it.
"Because," he begins, opening a small red bottle. "The room connecting to mine does not have one, hm. And that's where you happen to be staying. You're welcome to move rooms somewhere else, hm."
Shiori opens her mouth to speak again but Deidara foresees the impending irritation and tips the bottle into her mouth. He uses one hand to hold her mouth shut and the other to replace the bottle back into the cabinet. "It's gonna burn, hm."
The second he says it, her eyes widen. As the medicine begins to take effect, she grips the countertop again. Deidara uses the time to run his hands up and down her arms, admiring the way her small muscles ripple underneath her skin. She gets goosebumps immediately, much to his amusement. She's wearing just a pair of dark gray sweatpants and a black top that covers nothing but her chest. Unfortunate sizing of her breasts aside, he lazily trails his fingers down her stomach—he can see the beginnings of abs!
Too bad her face looks the way it does; she'd almost be sexy.
I can tell he's insulting me in his thoughts somehow, what with the way his eyebrows suddenly furrow together once his eyes land back on my face.
Annoying blonde guys aside, I place a trembling hand to my burning throat. I'd think it poison if my gurgling stomach didn't immediately calm down. My body is still completely wrecked, though, and I know that if Deidara continues his hell training on me I'm not going to make it. With a final shuddering breath I brush Deidara's lecherous hands off me and exit the bathroom. My steps are slow and shaky; the world is still spinning like a fair ride.
I'm almost to my room when a moment of clarity stops me right in my tracks. My room is depressing and barren and cold, whereas Deidara's room is less depressing and less barren and warm. I cringe at the thought, but I force my body to turn around and face him.
"Can I sleep in here tonight?"
Instead of answering me like a normal human being, Deidara just stares at me from the doorway of the bathroom. He stares and stares, unblinking, with his irritating black rimmed eye as if I'm suddenly supposed to develop telepathic powers and read his mind. He can't honestly expect me to put out, unless he's fine with the possibility of me throwing up on the top of his head.
My stomach lurches as I take a step forward. I'm flashing my most perfect puppy dog eyes at him, hoping in vain that I can somehow convince his mean heart to chill out for once. I go to jut my lip out in a pout but I'm interrupted by a light snort of amusement.
"You're something else, hm," he says, turning the bathroom light off. I watch as he flops down on his own bed and buries himself in his fluffy comforter. All I have on my bed is an uncomfortable sleeping bag. How much negligence will I have to deal with before this is all over?
Deidara seems to be having a conversation with himself, looking me up and down multiple times. When his eye finally stops back on mine, he's found an answer.
"Turn the light off and shut the door."
It takes me a minute, but I manage to cross the floor and shut the door to my room. Apparantly I take too long in doing so, because when I finally manage to drag my feet to the drawer, Deidara has long since turned the light off. After my eyes adjust to the dim blue light emitting from the clock, I see the white of Deidara's eye staring at me.
"Why are you so slooooow, hm," he goes, pulling my arm. My head throbs as I land roughly next to him.
It's honestly surprising the amount of heat that can radiate off of a human body. With a sudden twinge of embarrassment, I turn so my back is facing Deidara, relishing in how warm his bed is. While the previous night's experience in Deidara's bed was nothing but sweaty heat, tonight's experience is a comforting warm embrace. Not having a sweaty guy passed out on top of your equally sweaty body makes all the difference in a good night's sleep. "Are you going to be the little spoon?"
My eyes shoot open. "What?"
"You don't even know what a spoon is, hm?"
"You eat with them..?" I really can't understand this line of questioning. Either way my blood boils when the deep sound of Deidara's laughter emits from behind my head. It's times like these when I curse my limited couple slang knowledge.
"Is it a sex thing?" I ask, bundling myself deeper into the covers. "I don't want to have sex today."
He doesn't answer, leaving us in silence. Then, an arm snakes around my waist and I stiffen. Oddly enough, there's no attempt at tugging down my top or a wandering hand trying to worm its way into my pants. Just two warm bodies pressed together in the dark.
It's weird and oddly domestic for someone like him.
Part of me wants to say something and another part of me wants to shut up and avoid being kicked out of the bed. 'Stupid Shiori' wins again, and I prepare a snarky remark to totally destroy Deidara when something causes me to stiffen again.
It's not because of Deidara's hands, however, but rather a pair of bright yellow eyes staring at me from the darkness.
The surprised squeak that comes out of my mouth catches Deidara's ear and he leans over me, hair tickling my face.
"What is wrong with you?"
"Nothing!"
Ayame's eyes are still there, staring at me. My thoughts are running a mile a minute, desperately wishing that he's smart enough to go away less Deidara sees. The last thing I need on my plate is a botched escape plan, even if said escape plan is a futile effort.
When I blink, Ayame is gone, and I briefly wonder if he had been there at all. The last time I had food poisoning I hallucinated quite a lot, and pairing that with my exhaustion, it's not that farfetched an idea.
Behind me, Deidara finally relaxes again, his head hitting the pillow. The sound somehow convinces me to relax as well, and I pull the covers back up to my nose. I can't shake the feeling of being watched, though. That dumb cat has to be in here with us, I just know it. The way the hairs on the back of my neck are standing on end, and the goose bumps prickling on my skin. My eyes dart around the room. Despite the fact that Ayame is my stupid cat friend, I'm struggling to suppress the panic bubbling inside me. He knows that I hate when he surprises me like that.
"God dammit Shiori..I'm gonna kick you out, hm."
I take a huge shuddering breath, trying to calm myself. Nothing's working the way it should—my hands won't stop shaking and my chest can't stop rising and falling. I feel Deidara's hands roughly turn me onto my back.
He peers down at me in question and asks, "What's the matter with you? Are you having a panic attack, hm?"
Probably. Most likely. Over something stupid as seeing my only savior's eyes. Ayame had really spooked me, and I make a mental note to not give him any fish treats if I got out of this.
"If you don't shut up I'm kicking you out."
I shoot Deidara a glare before turning back on my side and clamping two hands over my mouth. No way would I let Ayame ruin my first night's sleep in a warm bed since my kidnapping. So to aid my quick relaxation I shut my eyes and think of my little twin monsters. I wonder what they're doing and if they miss me. They look up to me like I'm some kind of superstar, when in reality I'm just a bumbling mess of confusion and anger. I make another mental note to tell them to never become ninjas.
They'd be such cool shinobi, though. Twins are an amazing, odd, phenomenon. I can't imagine what they could do in the field. I'd be their biggest fan; maybe we could even be a trio.
Thinking of my brother and sister does succeed in calming me down, but it also unfortunately causes a few tears to leak from my eyes. The fluffy pillow smells like Deidara's shampoo and my brain makes mental note number three: ask him to lift the ban so I can use his hair products again. I bury my face into his pillow, inhaling wonderful mint, and wonder if I told my family I loved them before I left.
I didn't.