Chapter 10: Dead-Looking Void

I was in the forest again. The forest where the cat named Miss killed me. Now that I think about it, it looks a lot like ShadowClan territory. Almost an exact replica, but not quite. The trees are a little different. And it's darker. A lot darker.

"Cat." A voice purred in my ears, "Come here." A she-cat's voice. A voice that sounded like Joann, but not quite. I looked around. The she-cat was no where to be found, "Caaaaaaaaaaaatttt..." She droned out my name.

I growled. I don't like having cats hide from me. Especially when they're calling my name in suspicious manner.

"Come here." She was closer now. The voice sounded like it was right next to me. I spun around, looking for the slightest hint that someone, anyone, was in this strange forest with me.

Then the she-cat walked right in front of me. It was horrifying. She was black, white paws, white tail, and blood covered her. Her eyes were blue, but soulless. There was no life in them. When she turned her face to look at me, I saw her face was completely hollow. Her mouth and nose was replaced by black. A void. The rest of her was like that too. Any place that didn't have fur, was a void. I stared at her. This is what Joann looks like now. In her state of rest. With all of her broken pieces together. Half together, half void. Dead. Gone. Never to be heard from again.

But she spoke, once more. Something that made me wonder if she was watching me, waiting for me to die. Wanting to get revenge. Two words. That was all my dead heart needed to feel like I had some form of hope to see her again.

"I'm waiting."

I woke, quite calmly for a cat that just had a nightmare. I debated on calling for Cloudbreeze, but decided against it. That she-cat was crazy when it came to healing. If I mentioned just the slightest pain, she would bombard me with leaves and berries and weird things that I hadn't heard of. Besides that, all I could think of was that dream. If that dream, that crazy weird dream that I just had, meant anything it meant that Joann was waiting for me to find her. It meant that some part of her was alive. that some part of her either wanted to forgive me, or kill me. I would be fine with either. As long as I get to see my sister again, whole, I'll be just fine.

"Cat." Sunwind came into the den where I had been staying. The stupid medicine cat den. With its herbs and other nasty-smelling stuff. I watched as Sunwind's nose twitched in annoyance when she walked in, "Hollystar wants to talk to you." I nodded, and headed toward her den, because I obviously know where it is, "The big rock," Sunwind whispered, "Don't do anything stupid."

Now, I would've thanked her, but I really did know where Hollystar's den was. I might not have been that interested in the Clans before, but I did do a little research. I know exactly where everything is in each Clan. I know how to get to their camps, once I find a certain landmark, and I know where each specific den is. And it's actually quite easy to pinpoint everything in ShadowClan.

The warrior's den is the biggest, because they have the most warriors. Bloodthirsty warriors that don't kill unless they need to. (I never really got that. If you're bloodthirsty, they why not just kill? Much easier that way.) The apprentices den is the second biggest, because apprentices are a big part in getting warriors. The medicine cat den is the third biggest, because with all the wars ShadowClan gets into with other Clans, they need the space. The queens den is the fourth biggest, because kits are also important for warriors. And the elders den is the smallest, because elders suck. They do nothing but tell stories and complain of fleas in their pelts. Only the oldest cats are even allowed in the elders den. If you suffer a life long injury, too bad! You still have to be a warrior. Find a way around it.

Anyway, I went over to Hollystar's den, and just walked in. I never believed in asking permission. She was sitting calmly in a bed of moss, scratching lines of the wall. Five, was all that I counted.

"It seems that you have healed from the drowning incident." Hollystar mewed as I sat down against a wall, "Now the question is," She looked me straight in the eye, "are you willing to join ShadowClan? We could use a cat like you. Someone who's not too afraid, too cautious, too reckless, or too quick to decisions. All of my warriors are at least one of these things. We can't afford to have another. Once you learn to control yourself when you're angry, you can learn to control the other aspects of yourself. Once you've mastered your abilities, then you can teach other cats the same skills you have."

I debated this. I had just killed my sister, after killing hundreds of rogues, after Sunwind found me and lead me to Hollystar who came back to life after I killed her, after having a dream about dying, after finding out that I might just be cursed with a weird voice in my head that causes me to go psycho. On top of that, Sunwind has a mysterious scent that I keep pointing out because it might just be important for you to know what it is and I need help figuring it out myself. And through all of that, I think:

Hey, maybe I should try something else that could prove interesting in my life of killing other cats for fun!

So I say, "Sure, why not. It'll be fun."

And to that, Hollystar looks at me like I'm crazy. Like I just got run over by a monster that wasn't even moving and then I came back to life trying to eat some weird fishy thing that smelled like crow-food run over by everything that could possibly run over something. (yes, I know, long sentences are long. Just deal with me here. Possibly the biggest moment of my life, besides the thing that happens almost a moon after this. He. You'll have to wait before I tell you though.)

"You're serious?" Hollystar asked. I nod. She tilts her head, "You're. Serious." She asks again. I just nod again, "Joining ShadowClan will certainly not be fun. It will be work, hard work. Work that could get you killed someday."

I sigh, "Exactly why it would be fun." Seriously, I almost drooled when she said 'get you killed'

"You...are a strange...cat." Hollystar murmured.

I smiled.

You know, I just realized how much I've been smiling lately. Not because of killing some cat. But because of actually being happy. That never happened before. I can only wonder why. I don't really like being happy. It makes my chest feel like air. Like, I'm being attacked by the happiest cats in the world, and they're slowly repairing the heart that had been frozen solid and buried. I don't like it at all.

So then, after I had smiled, I put back my little guard of emotions. I put on a blank face and stared at the wall. Hollystar stared at me.

"I will have your apprentice ceremony at sunset." Hollystar mewed.

I silently groaned. I don't like long enduring ceremonies that will most likely involve a name change. Oh well, at least I won't be stuck with Cat anymore. That's a plus.

Okay. Poll time. What should Cat's apprentice name be?

1: Flamepaw

2: Darkpaw

3: Cat

4: Deadpaw (yes I know, weird, but he has a basically dead heart. That's why this is an option)

5: Other (what name would you choose?)

I silently await your suggestions.

-Moon