Chapter 10: Veronica
Veronica hated hospitals.
She despised the constant cacophony of beeping machines, groaning patients and squeaky gurneys being wheeled through the halls at all hours. She loathed the arrogant doctors who blithely reported devastating news as if ticking off baseball scores. And she gagged at the stinging smell of disinfectant that couldn't quite dispel the odor of death.
But most of all Veronica hated the fact that Logan had been lying prone on a narrow hospital bed in the Intensive Care Unit for two agonizing days.
She'd been by his side nearly the entire time, leaving briefly only after her father promised to stay with Logan, insisting she go home and get some rest. When she stripped out of her clothes and saw the blood staining her t-shirt and jeans, she'd heaved into the toilet until the only thing left in her stomach were the tears she'd swallowed.
Now, Veronica searched Logan's too pale face for some signs of consciousness – of life. His usually strong, virile body seemed frighteningly frail amidst the sterile, institutional hospital blankets, with tubes and wires hooking him up to machines and his entire left side swathed in white bandages.
The rise and fall of his chest was barely visible, and Veronica was appalled by the faint, erratic beeping of his heart monitor. She clasped his cold hands in hers, willing him to get better.
After hours of surgery, a doctor had finally emerged from behind a pair of swinging double doors looking for Logan's next of kin. Keith was still trying to locate Trina, but it didn't really matter. Logan had listed Veronica as his person to call in case of emergency on his health insurance forms. She burst into tears when a hospital social worker calmly explained the situation. As she sobbed in her father's arms, she thought, Logan deserved better kin than a faithless ex-girlfriend who was responsible for him getting shot in the first place.
The doctor's prognosis hadn't been encouraging. The bullet entered Logan's back near his shoulder blade, piercing one lung and lodging perilously close to his heart. An artery had been severed and he would've bled to death if there had been even the slightest delay getting to the hospital. He was in a great deal of pain, controlled only by the morphine dripping into his arm. The surgical team had managed to remove the bullet, but it was still touch-and-go whether Logan would live.
Tortured, Veronica kept going over what happened in the Hearst administration building again and again in her mind, wishing she'd done things differently.
After their last bitter fight, she'd lain curled in her bed, his angry accusations ringing in her ears. But instead of going to him the next day to explain, to try and assure him that her feelings for him were genuine, she'd avoided the uncomfortable confrontation and broken into the Hearst administration building, looking for Glory Pembroke's student records.
She had expected all the offices to be deserted, so she was startled when she heard the telltale creak of an opening door followed by a woman's voice calling her name. At first, it didn't occur to her to be frightened by the sight of Morgan Kennedy coolly walking towards her. She was more worried about coming up with a story convincing enough to explain why she was pawing through confidential files in the middle of a Saturday afternoon. Even after she saw the glint of metal, it was several moments before she realized the assistant dean was pointing a gun at her.
Too late, Veronica began to understand her deadly mistake as the older woman spat a bitter tirade of unrequited love, lust and unbearable shame. No one even knows I'm here, she despaired, desperately searching for a way out. She thought she'd imagined Logan's anguished cry, until he suddenly appeared out of nowhere. In the instant before his body hit hers, she was struck by an absurd thought. He's like my very own knight in shining armor.
But in all the fairytales she'd ever read the white knight never got shot.
He had literally rushed in front of the bullet meant for her. Veronica didn't scream until she felt the sudden jerk of Logan's body. It took all her strength to fight back the panic when she realized the growing dampness already seeping through her shirt was blood – Logan's blood.
After she helped him crawl into one of the inner offices, she did what she could to stop the bleeding, pressing her rolled-up jacket against the gushing wound. But Logan pushed her away, telling her to run, as if she could ever leave him to face Morgan Kennedy alone. Even as he lay bleeding on the floor, the always impulsive, brash and fiercely protective Logan was still trying to save her.
Praying the heavy, metal desk would protect him long enough for her to get help or disarm Morgan Kennedy, Veronica slipped through a door to the adjoining office and cautiously peeked out into the outer reception area. In one hand, she clutched the sharp-edged, glass globe – the only weapon she'd been able to find. From her vantage point several feet away, she could see the assistant dean fire a second shot into the locked door.
Somehow, above the blast of the gun, Veronica heard Keith's rapidly approaching voice shouting for her and Logan. It distracted the crazed woman only momentarily, but it was long enough for Veronica to lob the heavy trophy at her. With a crack, it struck Morgan Kennedy on the side of her head and the woman's unconscious body fell to the floor with a thud.
Veronica grabbed the gun, yelling at her father to call for an ambulance, as she ran into the office where she'd left Logan. Her jacket was drenched in his blood, which had begun to pool on the floor around him and Logan's barely open eyes were unfocussed. Tears streamed down her face as she kneeled beside him, grasping his limp hand in hers.
"Logan, my dad is getting help. Please, just hang on. I – I just need you to stay with me, okay?" she whispered.
But Logan was already unconscious.
"Veronica. Honey, go home. I can take over for a while. You can come back and see Logan in the morning," Keith said gently, giving her a small hug.
She nodded, reluctantly releasing Logan's hand. "I just don't understand how he figured it out. How did he know who the killer was? That I was … in danger?" she wondered out loud for the hundredth time.
With a sigh, Keith shook his head and tightened his arms around Veronica. "I don't know, honey. You'll just have to ask Logan when he's better."
If he gets better.
She choked back a sob at the dark thought, frantic that merely thinking such a horrible thing would make it a reality. Veronica glanced at Logan one more time before picking up her bag and leaving Keith to watch over him. But instead of going back home to the empty apartment, Veronica drove aimlessly through the streets of Neptune trying to burn off two days' worth of restless energy, until she finally ended up at the Neptune Grande.
She swiped her key card and shoved open the door to Logan's suite, shocked by the sight that greeted her. The living room was in total disarray. A stack of boxes were piled neatly against one wall, while several others were tipped over, their contents scattered across the floor and on the couch. Papers were everywhere and for a minute, Veronica thought someone had broken in until she realized he had probably made the mess.
"Logan, you'd better get your scrawny ass back here ASAP, 'cause there's no way I'm going to pick up this mess," she muttered out loud in the empty suite.
But curiosity won out. Veronica righted the boxes and began carefully organizing what appeared to be Trina's adoption records, contractors' agreements, invoices and receipts. Logan must've been going through these just before he came looking for me, she thought. Frantically, she sifted through every sheet of paper until she spotted the scrapbook, which lay open on the couch, the photo in front of the library plainly visible. She lifted the book and something fluttered to the floor.
Veronica bent to pick up the small piece of paper. After a quick examination, she suddenly understood what had sent Logan racing after her that horrible day. While she'd been recklessly pursuing Glory Pembroke, certain she had the killer, Logan accidentally stumbled on to the truth. He'd gone searching for her, heedlessly ignoring the danger. Only, unlike Veronica, he wasn't interested in solving some case. Logan risked his life to save hers.
Wracked by guilt, Veronica was tortured by the thought that Logan might die without ever knowing she loved him.
After all, how could he possibly know? Veronica had been running from love ever since Lilly died, stingily doling out her affections to only a handful of people. She'd given her body to Logan, but always, selfishly withheld her heart – the one thing he truly wanted. She didn't trust the vagaries of love. She'd seen firsthand what twisted and mutated actions it inspired, and had vowed long ago never to be consumed by the wasted, traitorous emotion. And with the exception of her father, Veronica hadn't uttered those three little words to another soul. Not Duncan and certainly not Logan.
But Logan had somehow wormed his way into her heart, despite her best efforts keep him at a safe distance. Although Veronica tried to deny it, for months, some part of her had known she had fallen in love with this reformed bad boy whose heart beat fierce and true.
Her feelings for Logan made what she had with Duncan seem like puppy love. She didn't know when it had happened, but Logan had become everything to her: he brought passion and heat into her life, along with comfortable companionship. Logan knew her as no one ever had – and loved her anyway.
So she ran.
Logan had told her he loved her and she'd responded by turning away and picking fights. She'd broken his heart by giving in to her insecurities and fears of being betrayed and abandoned. Instead of following her heart, she'd listened to Weevil of all people, letting him stir her doubts until the warring voices within her manifested into nightmares.
Too late, she realized her terrifying dreams hadn't been about what Duncan and Cassidy had done to her at Shelly Pomroy's party, or even about the campus rapist. Each nightmare had been triggered by fleeting thoughts of love that set off alarms within her very soul. Her subconscious was protecting her from falling in love and becoming vulnerable to heartache. In the end, Veronica had betrayed Logan before he could hurt her.
Veronica ran from love, while brave Logan loved freely and without reservation. It's what baffled her most about him. His entire life, the people who were supposed to love him failed him miserably, and yet he was still capable of loving unconditionally.
And, though he craved it, Logan never asked to be loved in return.
It was as if all those years of living with an abusive father and a mother too helpless to fend for herself, let alone properly care for her son, had conditioned him into accepting leftover scraps of affection. Did he think he was unworthy, or somehow inherently unlovable? He had to know the people who claimed to love him, but always fell short, were the truly flawed ones – not him.
Veronica wiped furiously at the tears spilling from her eyes, despising herself for not telling Logan she loved him when she had the chance. She hated that the last time they spoke, they were fighting and as usual, it had been her fault. She'd been consumed by jealousy ever since she'd seen him with Christina and panicked when he told her he was quitting school to travel. The only reason he was even speaking to her was because she'd managed to entangle him in the stupid case. But in her heart, she knew if he left Neptune again, there would be no way to stop him from slipping out of her life for good.
She should have let him go. If she had, maybe he would've found a girl who could love him the way he deserved to be loved, not lying in a hospital bed, struggling to live. He'd had a chance to escape Neptune and all its sad memories, a chance to find happiness. But she'd ruined it for him.
Wearily, Veronica wandered into Logan's room, where she curled up on his bed, wrapping herself in his blankets and inhaling the familiar scent of him still lingering on the sheets and pillows. The pleasant mix of spicy aftershave, sunscreen and salty, ocean air made Veronica's heart ache at his absence, and her violent sobs shook the bed until she finally fell into an exhausted sleep.
In the morning, she woke to the sound of voices. Throwing back the covers, Veronica rushed into the living room, expecting, just for an instant, to see Logan smirking at her. But it was just Dick – and Christina.
"Jeez, Ronnie, what the hell did you do to the place?" Dick said, gesturing to the ransacked room. "And by the way, you look like shit."
Ignoring his comment, Veronica asked anxiously, "Has there been any change?"
Dick glared at her and started to speak, but Christina laid a hand on his arm. "We don't know, Veronica," she said kindly. "They won't let us see him. We were actually hoping you could help us."
"Oh. Right. Of course." Veronica checked the time, her heart sinking as she realized how long she'd been away from the hospital. "Let me just get washed up and we can go," she said, turning towards the bathroom.
In less than an hour, their steps were echoing along the cold hospital hallways as Veronica led Dick and Christina to Logan's room in the Intensive Care Unit. Keith was snoozing in a chair next to his bed, but he woke up the moment they walked in.
"Sorry I was gone so long, Dad. How is he?" Veronica walked to Logan's beside, studying his face as she stroked his hand.
Keith stood and stretched. "Hi guys," he said to the newcomers, before turning to Veronica. "He's still the same, honey. Hanging in there."
She nodded and introduced Keith to Dick and Christina. "They wanted to see Logan," she explained. "Why don't we get some coffee and let them visit with him for a while."
Later that morning, when everyone was gone and she was alone with Logan, Veronica held his hand hoping it comforted him as much as it did her.
"So here's the deal, Logan. You have to get better, do you hear me? You don't honestly think you could get away from me this easily, do you? Because this thing between us? It's not over – not by a long shot."
Tears spilled down her face as she pressed his hand to her cheek. "Please don't leave me, Logan. You've got to know how much I need you."
It was dark outside, the sun having set hours earlier, and Veronica was dozing lightly, when the machines by Logan's beside began emitting a series of piercing beeps and high-pitched wails. Within moments, doctors and nurses flooded the hospital room, pushing a dazed Veronica out of the way.
She heard one of them say something about his heart monitor flatlining. Veronica reached for him, but a pair of strong arms held her back as she shouted Logan's name.