Chapter 10

I don't even realize my mouth is hanging open until I feel the dryness of my tongue. I am brought out of my daze by Peeta sitting back in his chair. He doesn't speak, but you can see that he is lost in thought while he slowly strokes his beard.

A look of dread washes over Finn's face and he pulls his hand away from mine. "You guys aren't mad at me, are you? Jil told his parents and they shipped him off to 13 for military and reform school." Tears freely fall from his eyes, "Please don't make me go back home. I'm not ready to face my mom and Johanna, yet."

Peeta crosses his arms over his chest and shakes his head. "We aren't mad. Why don't you go upstairs to unpack so Katniss and I can talk for a minute. We aren't sending you anywhere."

Finn lets out a sigh of relief and excuses himself from the table. We both watch him walk slowly up the stairs and wait for the sound of the bedroom door to close. I feel the sudden urge to busy myself and take the cups off the table and bring them to the sink. I run the water to clean them as Peeta walks over to where I am and leans against the counter. He watches me absentmindedly scrub the same cup over and over while he grabs a towel to dry them.

He tries to pull the cup from my hand, "You've washed it three times already, I think it's clean." I relinquish the mug to him, and blurt out in a panic, "What are we going to do? As if his life wasn't hard enough, now there is this?"

Peeta puts the dry cup in the cabinet. "I don't really think this is that big of a deal. So what, he likes boys. I really don't think this would have had any terrible repercussions if Annie had just understood what happened and not had a flashback about Finnick."

"Don't be so cavalier about even said yourself that people look down on that in the districts. It's not going to make things any easier for poor boy he kissed was sent off to another district. Not everyone is okay with it."

"Are you not okay with it?" He asks in a sharp, condescending manner.

"Of course I am." I finish washing the cups and shove them in his hand. "And I don't really appreciate your tone."

Peeta sighs, "Look, I didn't mean anything by it. It just seemed a little odd to me that you were taking this so hard." He sets everything down on the counter and puts his arms around me. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to start an argument. We've never really had a reason to talk about it before, I didn't know what you thought. Let me go upstairs and talk with him. I think we just need to make sure he's okay. I really don't think it will be that bad. He's just young."

I nod, "You're right. Are you going back to the bakery today? I can invite Delly, Ren, and the kids over for dinner tonight."

He kisses the top of my head, "No, I think we'll stay here today, we can see them another time."

I go to pull away from him and he gently takes my wrist, "You know, this is a good thing."

I look at him like he has lost his mind, "How can this possibly be a good thing?"

"Can't you see it? First of all, he came to us. He trusted us enough to talk about it. Second, this is a normal thing to go through. This isn't about the games, this isn't about what happened with the rebellion, this isn't about us being damaged, this is what regular families go through. We can handle these regular problems, that puts us ahead of so many other parents. I really believe this just shows we are meant to do this. I hope you feel that way, too. I'm going to go talk to him."

I watch him walk upstairs, and my mind is reeling with everything he just said. Is this what normal families go through? I wish Finn could talk to Annie, I wish I could tell Johanna to be kinder, I wish I had Prim to confide in. How am I going to handle anything like this with our daughter? I can't even come to grips with talking to her about things I know about, let alone things like this. She'll have normal girl problems, things I never allowed myself to feel or worry about. How can I be there for her? Where this gives Peeta comfort, it scares me even more.

Later that evening, after dinner, Finn and I are sitting and watching Peeta and Haymitch play chess. We've already had to break up one fight and I can see the old man getting twitchy wanting to reach for his knife.

"Look kid, I don't know what kind of shit you used to pull when I was drunk, but there is no way you're fucking taking my bishop like that."

Peeta just flashes him and smile as he picks the piece up and dangles it in his face, "This one?"

Finn chuckles while he shoves another bite of the cake Peeta brought for him. "Are they always like this?"

I look over at him while slowly and grudgingly nod. "Unfortunately yes." I turn my attention over to Haymitch and point at him, "And you watch your mouth while he's here."

Haymitch grunts and leans against the table looking at Peeta, "You think she'll still have that same stick up her ass when she pops your kid out?"

Finn puts his fork down, "What?"

I glance at Peeta and he takes my hand and smiles at Finn. We were so caught up with what was going on today we hadn't even told him yet. "Yeah buddy, Katniss is pregnant. We're having a girl."

The fire begins to burn in Finn's eyes. "I can't believe you two. How could you be so selfish?" Peeta and I are taken aback by his sudden outburst. Haymitch clears his throat, "Watch your tone kid. These two people have been kind enough to let you into their home, you might want to watch who you call selfish."

Finn gets up from the table and slams his chair back in place. "What, the old drunk gonna mentor me now? You think now that you are somewhat sober you can look after me the way you did them? Well, I've got news for all of you, I'm messed up, and its because of all of you. My mom, Johanna, and you three. You aren't normal, and you're just bringing another kid into this." His breathing is becoming more rapid and he builds up to his next string of insults, "Peeta, when you have an episode, what is she gonna do? Katniss, when you feel down, are you just going to tune out on her, too? Haymitch, when things get too real, are you going to go back to the bottle? This kid is fucked, and all of you know it!" He runs up the stairs and slams the door behind him. All three of us sit in absolute silence. I'm trying my best not to cry, but the combination of all of my fears being brought up and my uncontrollable hormones taking hold of me, I can't help the tears that run down my face.

I wipe my face and take a deep breath, "He's right. This is a mistake and there is nothing we can do about it now. We've set this little innocent child up for failure." I can't stop crying, "I'm going to bed."

Peeta sees the sadness taking over me and holds tight to my hand, "Katniss, don't go. He doesn't know what he's talking about. It's been a really emotional day for him. Let him think about it and he'll see he was out of line."

I shake my head, "Peeta, no one knows about this more than him. He's right, and you know it." I shake my hand loose and go upstairs to our bedroom. I don't hear what Peeta and Haymitch are saying to each other, I'd rather just block everything they say out. I can feel the emptiness of depression creeping over me and there is nothing I want more than silence and the dark room. I close the door and undress for bed, I don't bother with pajamas and just wear my underwear and the undershirt I had on today.

A few minutes later, I feel the bed sink as Peeta lays down. His warmth is comforting, but it can't change how cold and lifeless I feel right now. He slides his arm under my head and pulls my body close to his. My back is pressed against his chest and he kisses my head. "Don't listen to him, Katniss. We can do this. It hasn't changed how I feel about this and how happy I am." I sigh, "That's good. I'm glad one of us is still wants this." I immediately regret saying it, I can almost feel his heart breaking. His voice is barely a whisper, "Hey, look at me." I turn to face him, the only thing I can see is the moonlight reflecting off his beautiful eyes. "Are you serious that you don't want this anymore? I can't have you resent this child like my mother did me. Our daughter has to know she is wanted, it's too painful for her to feel like she was a mistake." My first reaction is to shut down, but I try hard to stop myself. "I still want her. I still love her. I'm just scared." I bury my face in his chest, I can't stand to look him in the eyes any longer. He hugs me tightly and doesn't say anything else. I try to let his arms comfort me, but I'm afraid tonight, it just isn't enough. My eyelids are growing heavier, and I'm terrified of the dreams that I know I will have.