TITLE: 'I Use to Know Everything, Now I Know Nothing' (10/14)
AUTHOR: Cindy ()
RATING: A
CHARACTERS: Toby, Sam, CJ, Leo, Charlie, Jed and Josh
SUMMARY: Toby goes to the movies and gets more than he bargained for.
POV: Toby Ziegler and then the rest of the characters in 3rd view.
TIMEFRAME: After "The Two Bartlets."
***Toby's***
I spent the last three hours downing alcohol at a bar not far from where I lived, with the day I was having it was what one would call a requirement. Matt Bryan had called me on his cell phone and told me in a round about way that I should get someone else to do my dirty work for me. I guess he didn't want to be on a losing team. I never did care much for lawyers.
I didn't want to part with my new found friend Jack Daniels but responsibility got the best of me and I was soon on my way home. A place where once again I would be all alone, who wouldn't want to trade places with me right now?
***Josh Lyman's office***
"Josh this package came in today for you and or Toby," Donna said placing the package on Josh's desk. Josh was busy going through some papers that he needed for a meeting tomorrow with a couple of congressman that were busy trying to bust his balls on a bill they didn't care much for.
Nothing new for Josh, this was something he did practically in his sleep.
"So give it to Toby, I'm busy."
"Toby isn't here."
Josh looked up from his work and asked, afraid of the answer, "He didn't go to another John Wayne movie did he?"
Donna made a funny face and replied, "No. Atleast not that I am aware of, listen Josh about Toby-"
"Well that's good. Because the last thing he needs right now is another child dumped into his lap. Those theatres are scary now." He was trying to be humorous but he was also trying to avoid discussing Toby with Donna.
"Josh, there is something you need to know."
"Does it involve Congressmen Wick or Richardson?"
"No."
"Then it isn't something I need to know." Donna said okay and left his office letting Josh get back to his work. A few minutes later Sam knocked on his door and then entered without waiting for Josh's okay.
"Josh."
"Sam," Josh said still working and not once glancing up to make sure it was indeed Sam who was calling his name out.
"We have a problem."
"Why do people always make it a "we" when they're talking to me? I don't have a problem except for this damn crap with Wick and Richardson."
"Who?"
"Congressmen."
"Ohh, them," said Sam understanding now. He stood there for a bit watching Josh who had assumed that Sam was finished talking. Then Sam blurted out, "Toby quit."
Josh's head sank deeper onto the desk and released what Sam was hoping to be frustrated moans. Keeping his head down Josh said, "Please tell me you are joking."
"I can't, it's true."
Josh whipped his head up and rubbed his face with hands somewhat in a rough way. With his hands covering his face still he asked, "Why?"
Sam shrugged his shoulders even though Josh couldn't see him and responded, "Who knows. You know how Toby can be when he gets an idea into his head. He's stubborn."
"He may be that but he's not stupid. The guy just wouldn't waltz in here and quit just like that without a good reason," Josh argued hoping he was right.
"I can't quote you anything Josh, all I know is he quit."
"Who's your source?" Josh asked with mild curiosity.
"My source? Why do you want to know my source, this isn't a story Josh it's Toby."
"I realize that but maybe your source is misinformed. Did you ever think of that?"
"It was Leo Josh." Hearing that it was from Leo confirmed Josh's worst fears. If Leo told Sam then it was obviously true and Josh didn't know what to say or do.
"Jesus," he whispered.
"Do you have any ideas?" Sam asked hopefully.
"I'd like to start by banging his head off the wall if really want to know?"
"Who's? Leo or Toby's?
"Both," was Josh's answer. "Does CJ know yet?"
"I don't believe so, should we tell her?"
"Do you want to be the one to tell her because I sure don't?"
Sam took this into consideration and agreed that he didn't. Neither of them said anything for minutes and the silence was killing them both. A chime notified Josh that an email had arrived and he took the opportunity to remove himself from the current situation to read it. It was from Toby and Josh read every single word over twice and then slapped his desk as hard as he could.
Sam jumped at the sound of Josh's hand slapping the desk and asked, "What's wrong now?"
"I got an email from Toby."
"Does he say how he is?"
"Considering he writes for a living and this looks like something a first grader wrote I am going to take a wild guess and say he isn't doing too well."
"What does he say?"
"He just mentions that he went to a lawyer and the guy pretty much told him he has no case."
"Oh no. You know this is stupid, why wouldn't he of all people stand a chance? It doesn't make any sense. There isn't anyone better qualified to care for a child than Toby."
"Hey it's not me you have to convince, it's the courts."
"Maybe we could represent him?" Sam suggested. Josh didn't respond to him because Donna stuck her nose in the door to tell him she was leaving. As she was about to head back out she noticed that the package was still on Josh's desk untouched.
"Josh, are you going to open that package?"
Josh looked at her confused not having any idea what she was referring to. Donna walked over to the desk and tapped the package and then picked it up. "It kind of feels like a video tape. Did you or Toby order anything like that?"
Sam became interested what Donna was holding and asked her for it and felt the contents through its packing. "She's right, it does feel like a tape." He flipped the package over and read the return address. "Hey Josh, what hospital did you say you guys went to?"
"The Washington Hospital Center- why?" Josh began to rise out of his chair and looked at the package in Sam's hands.
"That is who sent this."
"Who is it addressed to again Donna?" Josh asked with anticipation.
"It was in care of both you and Toby. Do you think they taped the interview you said you had with that woman?" Donna replied and asked at once.
"With who, Asscrumb shitbrick punkass bitch?" Josh said smiling.
Donna laughed again hearing him repeat the name he had called the social worker. For Sam it was the first time hearing it. "I'm sorry who exactly?" he asked.
"The stuffy bitch who took Piper away from Toby. I didn't quite like her."
"Nah, one would never have noticed. Do you think she taped you guys?"
"I wouldn't put it past her."
"But why?" Donna asked.
Josh shrugged and said, "How the hell would I know why? Maybe she wanted her own private movie of two of the hottest guys in Washington."
"Yeah that's it Josh. Sometimes you amaze me with your ego." Donna said stealing the package from Sam's hands. He looked down at his empty hands and heaved a heavy sigh.
"What are you doing Donna?" Josh asked her while watching her open the mystery package.
"What does it look like Einstein? Rather than have you two go back and forth with questions about what this is, I being an intelligent woman will just open the damn thing and look myself."
"Yeah, you don't have an ego either there Donna. That package belongs to me you know, if you look closely it even says my name."
"So sue me," Donna dropped the empty package and held in her hands one black blank video cassette. "See I told you it was a movie." She said in a sing song voice.
"Well stick it in the vcr and let's see what's on it?" Sam directed.
Josh looked at Sam with a quizzical look and said, "Yeah I'll do that just give me a minute or so to pull one out from my ass. Where in this room do you see a vcr Sam?"
Sam looked around and noticed that there was indeed no vcr laying around in Josh's office. "Well I just assumed you had one, I do."
Donna started to walk out of the office when Josh asked her, "Where are you going with tape?"
"To Sam's so I can watch it. I'm not about to sit around here and wait for you to poop one out Josh. That is definitely not on my job requirements." She continued on.
"Shall we?" Sam asked Josh.
"You get the beer I'll get the chips," Josh said following Sam out of his office.
***Toby's***
who can say where the road goes
where the day flows, only time
and who can say if your love grows
as your heart shows, only time
who can say why your heart sighs
as your love "dies", only time
and who can say why your heart cries
when your love "dies", only time
who knows, only time..
I was back in my living room in the dark, a place I was beginning to get used to. Earlier I had heard the song "Only Time by Enya and I pulled over to listen to it. I didn't get to hear the whole song but what I did hear caught my attention so I went to the music store and bought the cd. This is what I am doing now.
I was never a fan of her music but as I sit here depressed and listen to it I realized she was singing not about me but for me. By the fourth time around of the song I started changing the lyrics. I figured dies sounded more appropriate for what I was feeling right now.
I couldn't get my mind off of Piper and I was wondering what she was doing at this very moment. Was she sitting in a room all by herself in the dark too? Was she crying and telling the empty room how much she hated me for what had been done to her? Oh Piper I wish I could tell you how much I miss you and let you know that everything is going to work out. Somehow someway I will make it right for you.
***Sam's office***
Donna had the tape all set by the time Josh and Sam arrived and with a click on the remote they were all beginning to watch the contents of the tape. They were about ten minutes into it when Josh yelled to Donna to stop the tape.
Donna didn't have to second guess Josh's decision, she knew this was something that they shouldn't be watching. She looked at Josh for details of what to do next but he was leaning against the wall on his arm.
"Good God," Sam whispered to no one in particular.
"What do we do?" Donna asked quietly not wanting to bother Josh. Josh didn't respond and neither did Sam. Toby's phone in the next room began to ring and with the girls being gone Donna wasn't sure if she should answer it or not. After the seventh ring she realized that whoever it was wasn't going to give up so she stood up to go answer it.
"Donna don't," Josh said.
Confused Donna asked him why. Still keeping himself facing the wall he explained, "It's CJ."
Donna wondered how he would have known that and decided not to ask him. She sat back down and waited for someone to say something. The phone had stopped and began ringing again.
Sam got up and said, "I got it," and walked out of his office and into Toby's where he picked up the phone. Donna tried to hear what was being said but Sam was talking too low. Seconds later he had returned. "She's on her way over there, and she wants us to bring the tape."
Josh finally turned away from the wall and looked at Sam and then Donna. "Alright, let's go," he said not quite sure if he was up for this.
***The streets of Washington, DC***
Josh was driving with Sam as his co-pilot and Donna sitting in the back seat. His cell phone rang and while trying to juggle turning a corner he managed to answer it. "Yeah," he said.
"You're kidding me?" Josh listened some more and then said, "Should we get some coffee?" Again he listened and then said, "No problem, we shouldn't be longer than fifteen minutes. Okay see you there." He disconnected the phone and both Sam and Donna cried out, "What?"
"He's listening to Enya," he relayed back as if this was a justifiable reason for everything.
Sam let out an ahhh while Donna said she didn't get it.
"Put Enya together with sorrow and you've got yourself a recipe for massive depression," Josh explained.
Donna shook her head and said, "Enya doesn't make you depressed Josh. Enya's music is relaxing."
"Not if Toby's playing it it isn't."
"Which Enya?" Sam asked.
"CJ said she thought it was Only Time."
"That's not good Josh. Can you make this hamster mobile go any faster?" Sam asked him.
"I'm trying, CJ thinks it's a good idea to pick up some coffee for him. He's slurring she says."
"There's a donut shop up the street from his place we can stop there," Sam offered.
"Can you put the radio on Josh?" Donna asked nicely from the backseat.
Josh quickly answered, "NO!"
"Why not?"
"Because if Enya comes on by chance I'm going to drive this car through the donut shop, that's why."
Donna sat back in her seat and the three of them rode in silence to the donut shop.
***Toby's***
Sam, Donna and Josh had just arrived and with them they brought coffee and a tape. I understand the coffee because I can sure use some right now, but I wasn't up to watching a film. Josh waved the tape to get my attention and said, "Drink some coffee Toby because we have something that you need to see."
"Josh, I don't feel much like watching a movie. Maybe some other night.'
"It's not a movie Toby, and trust me when I say that you are going to want to see this." Josh was speaking slow and somber which was beginning to scare me. I motioned for him to put the tape into the vcr and CJ brought over the coffee to me. I sat down and she sat beside me and held onto my hand. When I glanced over at her she just smiled.
"Okay first we have to turn this crap off," Josh said indicating my Enya that was still playing.
"Hey, that's a good song," I defended.
"It's suicide Toby and we need you to be focused right now. So Enya is going to take a long, very long nap okay? Okay?" Enya stopped playing and the room was quiet considering there were five bodies in it.
Sam put the cassette into the vcr and turned the TV on. Using the remote he began the tape. At first it was sort of fuzzy but then she came into focus. I took my hand away from CJ and leaned forward on the sofa not taking my eyes off of the screen. It was her, it was Cindy Affleck only she wasn't bald and her hair wasn't dark, it was blond. But it was her and she looked healthy, not sick.
Sam and Josh were watching me I could feel it but I didn't acknowledge that I was aware of it. I was occupied watching Cindy as she tried to make herself comfortable on what appeared to be her bed. Cindy was looking into the camera and the only words she kept repeating were, "This is so hard, I don't know where to start?" I whispered aloud, "Take your time Cindy, take your time."
Cindy dropped her head and then a few seconds later she was back looking into the camera. "I guess I should start by congratulating you first Toby. It looks like you didn't get fired after all."
I dropped my cup of coffee onto the floor and that got everyone's attention. I looked at Josh while CJ tried to clean the mess up and keep her attention on me at the same time. "Where did you get this?"
"It came today, Donna gave it to me. It was addressed from the hospital," he answered.
"What's wrong Toby?" CJ cried out to me. I sat back down and kept saying, "It can't be," over and over and over while my friends just sat and watched me.
***Toby's***
"Toby you're scaring me," CJ said with a quiver in her voice.
"Who is she Toby?" I heard Josh ask me. I looked over at CJ and then up at Josh. I didn't know what exactly to tell them as I was having a hard enough time myself.
"Do you think he knows her?" CJ directed her question to Josh. Josh was staring at me when he answered CJ, "Yeah he knows her." CJ looked back at me and repeated Josh's question to me.
"I knew her from New Hampshire. Back when Bartlet was still governor I was on the team. I was pretty sure that I was going to get fired so I spent pretty much the entire day drinking."
"Back then you spent all your days like that Toby." CJ said flat out, I forget sometimes how well and long she has known me.
"Was she one of the people that Leo fired?" Sam asked.
"No." Think Toby who was she again, what was it she did. "I think she was one of the bartenders."
"I remember you mentioning that you were afraid of losing your job and yet you were the only one that Leo kept on," Sam spoke.
"Wasn't Bartlet pissed off because of that? I mean not against you but I remember hearing something about how he knew everyone's name but yours," Josh chuckled. It was just like him to try and make an awkward situation more awkward.
"I confessed to this woman all of my problems. I mean she wasn't the only one I probably spoke to a few different people tending bar. But this one was different."
"Why Toby? What made her different?" CJ seemed sincere with her inquiry.
"She listened. She was probably the only woman who had given me the time of day in quite some time since Andi and she didn't ask for anything in return. She was-nice." The details were becoming less foggy now, it's a shame how alcohol can alter your perspective.
"Did you date her?" CJ wanted to know.
"No it wasn't like that. We just talked for a bit and then I left and that was all. I never saw her again until- well you know." The tape had been on pause too long and eventually it came off and began to play again with Cindy speaking to the camera.
…"I know this because I seen you a few times while Bartlet was campaigning for the presidency. Mr. President that is. Man I can't believe I addressed him as Bartlet." Cindy blushed and began to play with her hair.
"If you are watching this then it probably means that I didn't have the courage to see you face to face and I had it sent to you. Which also means that I am no longer sharing the same air as you." She began to give a little laugh, "I am more than likely a few feet under you. Yeaaaah." She seemed to hold on to that word as she examined the meaning of what she had just said.
"I don't know who else to go to Toby and I am sorry for putting you in this position. I don't have a will because quite frankly I can't afford one. I have cancer and I have been putting all of my funds into trying to survive and then of course there is my daughter that I have to provide for. Her name is Piper, and she is my pride and joy, my reason for living." Cindy wiped away the few tears that were starting to flow from her eyes and regained her composure.
"I Cindy Marie Affleck on this date of December 8th of 2001 hereby give legal guardianship to Toby Ziegler of Washington DC, address and telephone number unknown for-" Josh clicked the vcr off and addressed us all.
"You know what I think, I think that this is something for Toby to share in privacy."
Sam stood up and agreed as did Donna, CJ however wasn't too sure. "What she just said, is that legal?"
Sam answered her first, "As a matter of fact it is yes."
CJ spun back to face me and then looked at Sam again for verification. "So that means that Toby gets Piper right?"
"Looks that way," Josh said smiling. He came over to me and gave me a hug and a pat on the back. I didn't respond, I couldn't. I was in such shock. My life seemed to be hurdling all to hell less than a half hour ago and here comes this beautiful tape telling me that I am being chosen as the legal guardian of Piper.
Sam walked over to congratulate me and started crying as he pulled me in for a hug. It was sinking in slowly. I was getting Piper back. They would have to give me Piper back.
"She's mine. I'm going to get her back? Please tell me this isn't a dream."
"Nope buddy this is for real. There isn't anything social services can do. Atleast not right away. Once this is submitted they have to release Piper into your care and from there they can appeal or file whatever bullshit they want. But in the meantime you gain custody of her."
Donna was crying as she hugged me, "I am so happy for you and Piper Toby. She is such a lucky little girl." I thanked Donna and kissed her on the forehead and she caressed the left side of my face. The four of them left despite my begging CJ to stay with me, but she felt I needed to watch the tape alone. When they were gone and I was locking my door I started to cry again. Only this time it was tears of joy not of sadness.
I did a skip of joy from the entrance all the way into my bedroom and let myself fall into my bed. I wanted to shout out to the world but of course I didn't. I had forgotten the rest of the tape and when I remembered I bolted back out of my bed. I went back into the kitchen and poured myself a glass of Pepsi and made myself comfortable in my leather recliner prepared to watch the tape.
I pressed play and Cindy came back on.
…"our daughter Piper Noelle Affleck. Yes that is right To-" What did I just hear her say? I rewound a few seconds back and resumed play. "Washington DC, address and telephone number unknown for our daughter Piper Noelle Affleck." There it was again, the word OUR.
Was I missing something here? Was Cindy talking about her husband as well?
I didn't know if she was married or had ever had been but somewhere out there was a man who was the biological father of Piper. Did he know that she was with me? Did he know of Cindy's illness? I pushed play again.
"Yes that is right Toby, I said our. Piper was born to both you and I." I couldn't breathe and the room was suddenly starting to spin around me. A quick way to get a man sober is to tell him he's going to be a father. An even quicker way is to tell him three years after the fact.
How was it possible that I could father that child? I only sat at the bar drinking I-. Oh my God, I left to go back to the hall but I had a flat so I went back inside to call the AAA. I am doing the best I can to recall the events that happened that night but we're talking quite a few years here and I wasn't in the best shape to remember my name, never mind this.
But I was now remembering and the happy rush I had been feeling earlier was quickly disappearing. Cindy was walking by me and I grabbed her and we were dancing and I got sort of dizzy from all the alcohol. I fell back and she told me that I should lay down for a bit to feel better. She lead me into the back of the bar where there was an office.
I didn't let her go I started kissing her and-oh it's all coming back now. I had never done that before, had sex with a stranger but I did that night and the stranger was Cindy Affleck. I can't even recall using any protection and I don't think I was in the sharpest of minds to bother and that must have been how- oh the poor girl.
What I can't figure out is why wouldn't she have called me and told me. I would have sent her money and I would have made sure to have been an important part of Piper's life growing up. I never would have let them live their lives without me. Unless that is what she wanted. I rewound the tape once more and continued on from where she had confessed to Piper being both of ours.
"I know this isn't the best time to be telling you this and you are probably wondering why-I wanted to tell you but I just didn't know how. I mean after that night I didn't even know your last name and you never came back and then I saw you on television when they announced the President and your name came up. But that was late November and I was almost due and I had accepted the idea of being a single parent."
"I also didn't want you to think that I wanted your money or anything like that. Besides you were out of New Hampshire and living in Washington and the baby and I were still back home. I don't know what I am trying to say. It's like I want to apologize for being cruel and not giving you a chance and at the same time I want to defend myself for doing what I thought I had to do. Please believe me when I say that I am not a bad person and I have no ill feelings towards you at all."
"After all, it was because of you that I received Piper and she has been the best gift I could have ever asked for. Which is why I am telling you now. I am hoping that you will have met her before I leave this world and you will see just how wonderful she is. I am very grateful to you Toby for giving her to me and I hope that should you accept her she will fill your life with so much joy you can't breathe as she has done for mine."
"I have a home in New Hampshire it isn't the nicest but it is our home. Here you will find all of Piper's belongings. I would like her to have things to remember me by, you and she can decide what those may be but Toby, will you do me another favour? I know I don't deserve to ask this of you but I have nobody else to do it.
I have packed a small blue suitcase and I will leave it on my bed before we travel to Washington. In it is a tape I have made for Piper when she is old enough to view it, I didn't want her to think that I just left her. I want to make sure that she always knows that she was loved by me and how happy she made me. I have some personal items in there too for her that she can see when she is ready, I just need to make sure that she receives it at an appropriate time. She is too young now as she is going on three this month."
I was no longer able to see Cindy on the television because my tears blinded me. I wasn't alone however, Cindy too had been crying and that was making my heartache. She didn't deserve to have this happen to her and to Piper. I felt terrible for the mistakes I made in the past and this one was no exception. Five minutes later the tape ended with Cindy apologizing for disrupting my life and she wished Piper and I happy, healthy and a long life together. She mentioned that all the documents relating to Piper were in her home and she had made a book of notes that I would need in order to get to know Piper better, her likes and dislikes and stuff like that. And then she was gone just as fast as she had entered my life.
Overnight I had become a father to a three-year old girl who I was lucky enough to have already fallen in love with. It felt like I was in a dream so I watched the tape again and nothing changed.
I wanted the morning to come fast so I went to bed but I couldn't fall asleep, I kept thinking of Piper over and over and she was mine. All mine and nobody could take her away from me now.