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The next morning, I check my voice mail, Ashley has left me three messages. He might as well be a Jehovah's Witness for as much attention he pays to the holidays. He says that he wants 'to go over a few things, early afternoon'. I know he is vague on purpose, not leaving, a specific time or instructions to me him at the office or call in. This way he can be sure that my Memorial Day is slashed in half, Taylor tells me to ignore him, pretend that I did not get the message. But of course I dutifully check the flights time and I decide that will get the next flight back to New York which is in couple hours, giving me enough time to be at the office by 2pm. Deep down I know work is only an excuse to go- I had enough of this all whole bizarre dynamic, I like Chad but it is exhausting being around him and it's even more exhausting avoiding Troy. I avoid him when he is alone, avoid him when he is with Sharpay. Avoid dwelling on him and the incident.
"I really need to go back" I sigh as if it is the last thing I want to do
"You can't leave!" Sharpay says "You're such a buzz kill"
"She can't help having to work Sharpay Troy says Maybe he says it because she often calls him a buzz kill too.
After I have packed all my things, I go outside where everyone is lazing around on the deck chairs enjoying the sunshine.
"Can someone give me a lift to the airport" I ask, expecting Chad to volunteer
But before he can Troy says, I'll will take you, I want to stop at Walmart anyway".
I say goodbye to everyone and Chad squeezes my arm and say he'll will give me call in the week.
Then Troy and I are off, alone.
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"Did you have a nice weekend?" he asks me as were backing out of the driveway. Gone is any trace id the banter that surface right after the incident.
"Yeah it was nice" I say "Did you?"
"Sure he says "Very nice"
After a brief silence, we talk about work and mutual from law school, stuff we talked about before the Incident. Things seem normal again, or as normal can be after a mistake like ours.
We arrived at the airport, no words are spoken when Troy takes my suitcase and walks with me inside the airport, Troy stays me with me while I check in, I then check to see if my flight is on time , it is we grab a seat, after couple second of silence, Troy turns in his seat and studies me with is blue eyes he asks me what I am doing on Tuesday night.
I think I know what he's asking, but am not sure, so I reply "work, the usual"
His face is serious "Look Gabbi I want to see you,I am coming over at eight on Tuesday."
And the way he says it- as a statement rather than a question- makes my stomach hurt. It's a familiar ache but I can't quite place it. My smile matches his serious face, I would like to say that his request has caught me off guard, but I think part of me expect this, even hoped for it, when Troy offered to drive me. I don't ask why he wants to see him or what he wants to talk about, I don't say that I have to work or that it's not a good idea. I just nod "Okay".
I tell myself that the only reason I agree to see him is that we have to finish sorting out what had happened between us. And therefore ,I am not committing a further wrong against Sharpay: I'm simply trying to fix the damage already done. And I tell myself that if I do in fact, actually want to see Troy for other reasons, it's only because I miss my friend, I think back to my birthday and remembering, how much I enjoyed his solo company, how much I enjoyed Troy removed from Sharpay's demands, I miss his friendship, I only want to talk to him, that is all.
The lady over the PA has announced my flight number 4563 to JFK Gate 23 is now open and have to start making my way to the gate. I grab my bag and nod to Troy who nods back and leave without another word between us.
As I settle down in the window seat the lady next to me is talking very loudly on the phone, I suddenly know what it is in my stomach. It is the same way I felt after sex with Nicky in those final days before he left me for that singer Sara. It is a mixture of genuine emotion for another person, and fear of losing something, I know at this moment that by allowing Troy to come over I am risking something, risking friendship, risking my heart. The feeling is growing inside me it is good and bad at the same time like drinking too much coffee, it is both exciting and scary, like waiting for a wave to crash over your head.
Something is coming, and I am doing nothing to stop it.
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HARIBO XX