Chapter 9 - the rebellion against COUNT DOOKU THE FEUDALIST PRICK WHO SUCKS ON THE PENIS OF CAPITALISM
Author's Note - In The Last Jedi teaser trailer, Luke says "it's time for the Jedi to end" because he has realised that the Jedi are a bunch of FUCKING BOURGEOIS CAPITALIST SHILLS WHO ARE THE OPIATE OF THE PEOPLE AND WHO OPPRESS THE WORKING CLASS!
Geonosis was full of coarse, rough, irritating IMPERIALISTIC sand. I hated it so much. It got everywhere. When we stepped out of the ship, we saw two familiar figures waving at us.
"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK MUM? THIS ISN'T YOUR PLANET." I demanded socialsitically. "THIS IS FUCKING GEONOSIS!"
"How was I supposed to know?" My mum huffed. "They are both sandy desert planets and George Lucas creates too many worlds to keep track of. I got confused, okay Ani! What do you want from me?"
"Where is her husband?" Obi Wan asked Quinlan Vos.
Quinlan Vos shrugged. "Lol, I don't know. I can't keep track of whole planets, how am I supposed to keep track of someone's husband?"
"Why are you here, Ani?" My mum frowned.
"I'm here to defeat COUNT DOOKU THE FEUDALIST PRICK WHO SUCKS ON THE PENIS OF CAPITALISM and get my son Luke and my daughter Leia back." I replied. "I just need to find him first."
"COUNT DOOKU THE FEUDALIST PRICK WHO SUCKS ON THE PENIS OF CAPITALISM lives in the city which he stole and culturally appropriated from the NATIVE GEONOSIAN BUG THINGS." Quinlan Vos said in a very working class voice. "He has enslaved the NATIVE GEONOSIAN BUG THINGS and now uses them to produce sweatshop goods."
"Comrades," Qui Gon's force ghost appeared. "You must liberate NATIVE GEONOSIAN BUG THINGS. They are the true proletariat of this world. Together you will be able to defeat COUNT DOOKU THE FEUDALIST PRICK WHO SUCKS ON THE PENIS OF CAPITALISM and bring equality to this world."
"That sounds like a job our PEOPLE'S ARMY OF COMRADE CLONES can help with." Obi Wan said. "I will contact them."
"I also have liberated the Tusken Raiders. They were being racially oppressed by the human majority on Tatooine, but they are our Comrades now." Quinlan Vos added. "And I met that group of bounty hunters from the Clone Wars season 4 episode "Bounty". I think they may have been heading to their cantina on Tatooine and mixed the planets up as well."
"Hmm, curious." Obi Wan acknowledged. "I hope we don't get anyone from Jakku showing up, that's another sandy desert planet you know."
A group walked up to us. They were the bounty hunters from season 4. They were lead by Bossk the Communist Lizard, with Dengar, Latts Razzi and C-21 Highsinger following in his wake.
"Are you the bounty hunters?" Obi Wan asked in a very progressive manner.
"Yesssssss." Bossk the Communist Lizard replied.
"Comrades." Qui Gon's force ghost appeared Communistically. "These bounty hunters represent the galaxy's downtrodden, the outcasts of an inequitable system, thus they are also your comrades."
"Cool story bro." I replied.
"Hmm we have met bounty hunters before," Obi Wan acknowledged. "You guys should meet up with Jango Fett's son Boba sometime, I'm sure you'd get along swimmingly."
"Yes, but in the meantime you must help us eradicate COUNT DOOKU THE FEUDALIST PRICK WHO SUCKS ON THE PENIS OF CAPITALISM." I nodded Marxistly.
"Yessss, well you are not the only one who wants to kill COUNT DOOKU THE FEUDALIST PRICK WHO SUCKS ON THE PENIS OF CAPITALISM." Bossk agreed in a very progressive voice. "We have a Comrade who is of the same opinion."
He pointed progressively at yet another person, I gasped. It was…. Asajj Ventress.