They've been back on Midgard for three weeks when Tony walks into Steve's kitchen to find the man eating a Golden Apple. Tony halts midway through the kitchen and blinks rapidly, then narrows his eyes when he realises that, yes, Steve is eating a Golden Apple; an Apple that looks identical to the one that Odin Allfather had gifted to Tony after his and Loki's bonding.

'Er... Steve?' Tony says, and Steve looks up from where he's reading a newspaper.

'Yes?'

'Is that... where did you get that?'

'Loki,' Steve says, and Tony coughs. 'Are you okay?'

'Yeah, yeah, m'fine,' Tony mumbles and clears his throat. 'Er... did Loki tell you what it is?'

Steve raises his eyebrows. 'I know what apples look like, Tony. Although I've never seen gold ones before. Loki said it was edible paint, so...' He shrugs and takes another bite, and Tony watches, eyes wide and mouth hanging open.

'Did he give one to anyone else?' Tony finally manages to ask.

'Yes,' Steve says. 'Natasha and Clint already ate theirs about... an hour ago, I think. Loki went down to Bruce's lab to give him one around the same time. Loki also mentioned trying to find Pepper, Colonel Rhodes, and Happy. I'm not sure if he did, though.'

'Son of a bitch,' Tony groans and turns to stalk out of the kitchen. He'd planned on stealing Steve's leftover sushi, but he has more important things to do now. 'JARVIS!' Tony barks when he enters the elevator.

'Mr Laufeyson is in the penthouse, sir,' JARVIS says promptly. 'Taking you there now, sir.'

Goddamn Loki, Tony thinks with another groan. He had better not have done what Tony thinks he's done or there'll be hell to pay. Tony's a god now, too, he can totally kick Loki's ass!

Okay, Loki's still a better fighter, what with having a thousand more years experience than Tony in hand-to-hand combat, but Tony can be a dirty fighter if he wants. He's not afraid to bite!

The elevator doors open and Tony storms out into the hallway, then into the living room. Loki's standing by the TV looking at the DVDs Tony has. Usually Tony just has JARVIS download whatever movie he wants to watch, but the Avengers are in the habit of buying physical disks, and now Loki is, too. Tony has never complained because he likes the special features on all the Star Wars and Star Trek DVDs.

'Hey,' Tony says as he approaches, and Loki hums, eyes still on the DVD cabinet. 'Did you, uh... Loki, did you trick my friends into becoming immortal?'

'No,' Loki says without missing a beat. 'I bought a bushel of apples and covered them in edible gold paint.'

Tony blinks. 'Really?'

'No, Stark!' Loki huffs and turns to look at him. 'I stole a dozen from Iðunn's Garden and fed them to your friends.'

'What?!' Tony gapes. 'Loki, you can't do that!'

'I have already done it,' Loki sniffs, 'so clearly I can.'

'Loki.'

'What?' Loki demands. 'I thought you would be pleased; you were upset about the thought of outliving your friends. Now you don't have to worry.'

'Yeah, but...' But what? Tony was upset over the thought of watching his friends die; watching Natasha no longer be able to wrap her legs around some douchebag's neck and Clint possibly lose his sight, and seeing Steve and Bruce eventually grow old. Tony, Bruce and Steve had done some tests soon after the Avengers had been formed, and both Steve and Bruce would live a lot longer than your average human, but still nowhere near 5000 years.

But now... now they will. Because of Loki. Because Loki doesn't want Tony to lose his friends or be sad. Loki had risked his father's wrath and possible punishment in favour of helping Tony and the Avengers.

'Loki,' Tony mutters and closes the gap between them to pull his husband into a hug. Loki stiffens briefly before relaxing and wrapping his arms around Tony in return. 'I'm torn between hitting you and hugging you,' Tony admits.

'Continue to do the latter,' is Loki's suggestion.

Tony laughs and rubs his face against Loki's t-shirt. 'Do you have any idea how awesome you are?' he asks.

'Yes,' Loki says and Tony laughs again. 'I didn't want you to be lonely,' Loki murmurs after a beat, his voice soft.

'I wouldn't have been lonely, not with you around,' Tony says. 'But... thank you.'

'Okay,' Loki says.

'Now we just have to tell the Avengers that you tricked them into immortality,' Tony chuckles.

Clint chooses that moment to drop out of the air-duct a few feet away from them, and Tony yelps in surprise while Loki scowls. Clint lands on the grate like a cat but straightens up quickly.

'I'm immortal?' he demands.

'JARVIS, how long has Tweety been in the ceiling?' Tony asks.

'Six point three minutes, sir,' JARVIS replies.

'And you didn't think you should tell me?' Tony demands.

'You did not order me to tell you when Agent Barton was in the air-ducts, not even when you and Mr Laufeyson started dating, sir,' JARVIS reminds him. 'Would you like me to start warning you, sir?'

'YES!' Tony snaps. 'What if me and Loki were naked, huh?'

'I will endeavour to keep you well-informed on Agent Barton's whereabouts, sir,' JARVIS says promptly, and Tony groans and rubs his eyes.

'Yeah, yeah; back to me being immortal,' Clint demands.

Sighing, Tony says, 'You know that Gold Apple Loki gave you a few hours ago?'

'Yeah...' Clint says slowly. 'I figured he wasn't trying to poison me. Seems too simple for Loki, he's much more of a "stab-you-in-the-face" kinda guy.'

'I am,' Loki agrees, and Tony glares at him.

'Anyway,' Tony says, 'the Apple was one of the Golden Apples; it's what gives the Æsir such long life.'

'Indeed,' Loki takes over. 'Without the Apples the Æsir would most likely live for only one thousand or so years. Nobody has ever bothered to do a study as Asgard's scientists focus more on magic and the Nine Realms than on the subjects you humans study.'

'Who lives the longest?' Tony asks, suddenly curious, and Clint glowers at the couple but neither pays attention to him.

'The Light Elves of Álfheimr have been known to live to 10,000,' Loki says. 'After them is Jötnar; they live as long as the Æsir, yet without the Golden Apple.'

'Huh,' Tony says. 'So, do you think you'll live more than 5000 years because you're Jötnar?'

'Most likely,' Loki shrugs. 'The exact effects of the Golden Apples aren't known because nobody has studied them. I have always been more durable and have a higher pain-tolerance than any Æsir. I should have realised that I wasn't Æsir when I was injured during training as a child. I was unconscious for a week due to the leg wound Thor had inflicted upon me. Now that I think about it, the Allfather probably had the healers keep me under; I most likely changed into my Jötunn form while I was unconscious.'

'HEY!' Clint shouts and oh, right, Tony and Loki aren't alone.

Tony smiles at him and says, 'Congratulations, Barton, you'll now live 'til you're 5000.'

Clint stares at him. 'Seriously?'

'Yes,' Loki says. 'One hundred years from now, if you haven't been slain in battle, you will look the same as you do now and be just as young. You'll have to eat another Apple, but I'll just steal some more.'

'You... stole them for us?' Clint asks.

'They're kinda watched over by the Allfather and the chick who's garden they come from,' Tony says. 'Apparently there are prison sentences for anyone who's caught trying to steal one.'

'I am rarely ever caught when I decide to steal something,' Loki sniffs. 'Besides, the Allfather would have gifted you humans a few Golden Apples eventually. I just decided to do it now.'

'I can't die,' Clint says, more interested in this new turn of events than Loki's thieving skills.

'Well, if you get your head cut off or your stomach sliced open you will still die,' Loki states. 'You will simply live longer and now have more stamina, better eyesight... better senses all around, really.'

Clint stares at him. 'I'm a god.'

'The God of Nest-Building,' Tony says, and Clint pokes his tongue out at him.

'Eff you, Stark, I'm totally the God of Archery,' Clint states, chest puffed out.

'"Eff you", really?' Tony laughs.

'I'm almost certain that the God of Archery is still alive and well,' Loki says, which makes Clint pout. 'Perhaps you can be the God of Eyesight or something equally boring.'

'Well we can't all be the God of Mischief and Chaos,' Tony grins and nudges Loki in the ribs.

'I have already decided what you are, Anthony,' Loki says, and Tony's grin widens.

'Yeah? What's that?'

'The God Resilience,' Loki says.

'Huh,' Tony says. 'Why?'

'Because you never give up, my dear Anthony,' Loki tells him. 'No matter how bleak the situation, no matter the odds against you, you persevere. That attitude has brought you billions of dollars, helped you create Iron Man, and led to our marriage.' He leans down to kiss Tony, and Tony hums against his lips, then smiles when Loki draws back.

'God of Resilience sounds pretty damn good,' he decides.

'Of course it does,' Loki drawls. 'It was my idea.'

Tony laughs and turns to look at Clint, but the bird's disappeared. Frowning, Tony opens his mouth to ask JARVIS where Clint's flapped off to, but the AI beats him to it; 'Agent Barton is currently in the gym trying to work out his new stamina. Agent Romanov has joined him, and though she is displeased by the trick, she wishes to thank Mr Laufeyson for his gift.'

'Tell her she is welcome,' Loki says.

'Of course, sir,' JARVIS replies, and then goes silent.

Tony sighs and says, 'Pick a DVD; something fun.'

Loki settles on one of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies and he and Tony snuggle into each other on the sofa. Tony loves snuggling with Loki. He's very... snuggly.

'You are adorable,' Loki laughs when Tony says it out-loud.

'Shut up,' Tony mutters. 'Hey, will you get in a lot of trouble for the whole Golden Apple thing?' he asks.

'No,' Loki says. 'As long as Thor doesn't mention it to Odin, nothing will happen. Heimdall might see something if he decides to set his gaze this way, but he rarely tells the Allfather things that don't directly concern him. I'll tell Odin myself in a few hundred years.'

'Okay,' Tony says. And that's that. The Avengers are immortal, Loki's still a very good thief, and Johnny Depp dressed up as a drunk pirate is hot. Loki scowls at Tony, and Tony grins back.

{oOo}

Pepper had turned down the Golden Apple, and Tony had pouted. But it was Pepper's choice, and Tony had to respect it. Both she and Happy- who'd also been offered an Apple, because he was awesome- had said that they didn't want to live for 5000 years. Rhodey had practically snatched his Apple off of Loki and chowed down, mumbling about somebody sane having to be around to keep an eye on Tony Stark.

Tony knows that Loki's planning on slipping one to Coulson, simply because he actually likes him. Tony isn't sure the Apple will work on Coulson, though; Tony's positive the man is a robot or an alien. Tony wonders if they should give one to Fury. Pissing him for 5000 years sounds like damn good fun.

Tony sighs. He's really gonna miss Pepper. He'll have to get her to train someone else to watch Stark industries when she was gone. Or maybe Tony will try being CEO again.

'Where is he?' Pepper hisses, breaking Tony from his thoughts.

He turns from where he's surveying the gathered press from the very corner of the stage. He admits that he probably looks weird; he's half-crouched, his head's tilted, and he's eyeing them all like he wants to kill them. He does but he'd never do it. Maybe Loki-

'Tony!' Pepper snaps him out of his murderous daydream, and Tony blinks at her.

'What?

'Where. Is. Your. Husband?' Pepper demands.

'Um... dunno,' Tony says, then offers Pepper a shrug when she glares at him.

'He was supposed to be here twenty minutes ago,' Pepper says. 'You did tell him that he had to be here by ten-thirty, yes?'

'Yes,' Tony agrees.

Pepper stares at him. Tony stares back. Clearly reaching the end of her rope, Pepper takes a deep breath, rubs one temple with a perfectly manicured fingernail, and grits out, 'Why isn't he here?'

'Well...' Tony hums, 'I told him that we had to be here, 'cause you said it'd be good press; meet the new and improved Loki; wow, he can't be evil anymore, he married an Avenger; isn't Tony Stark looking good and respectable now that he's given up his playboy ways? Yadda, yadda. Loki snorted when I mentioned you- he still doesn't like you, by the way, so maybe keep an eye out for snakes in your handbag.

'Anyway, I told him to be here, he laughed in my face, I ordered him to be here, he threw blueberries at me and disappeared in a puff of smoke that hung around for a good four hours,' Tony continues. 'Then Steve picked up all the blueberries and Thor ate them, which sparked a massive debate about eating food off of the floor and if the rule was ten seconds or fifteen seconds, then Natasha-'

'Tony!' Pepper practically snarls, and Tony puts a mock look of outrage on his face that turns into snickers when Pepper's eyes narrow dangerously. Ooh, she's really pissed. 'Is he going to be here or not?' Pepper asks.

'Uh... probably not,' Tony says. 'The laughing and throwing of blueberries probably should have tipped me off. That and the fact that Thor told me Loki was sunbathing on the helipad when I left.' He pouts then, because Loki sunbathed in the nude and Tony will never say no to seeing his husband all naked and slick with oil and-

Pepper groans and Tony's pretty sure that soon he'll actually be able to see steam pouring from her ears. He tilts his head and squints, trying to figure out if that's actually smoke or just his mind tricking him, when Pepper draws herself tall. In heels she's taller than Tony, and he pouts again as she takes a few deep breaths and opens her eyes.

'Okay,' she says, 'I can deal with this.'

'Yeah you can!' Tony says and gives her a thumbs up for good measure. Pepper is so not amused.

'You're good at these things when you're not drunk or trying to outrage people,' Pepper continues. Tony, once again, pouts. Pepper is so mean sometimes. Maybe Tony will tell Loki to put snakes in her handbag.

But then she'd find out. And send him paperwork. Tony shivers.

'Just go out there, stick to the subjects Cameron and I have gone over with you, and try not to make a public spectacle of yourself.'

'I make no promises,' Tony declares, and Pepper groans. Then Tony frowns. 'Who's Cameron?'

'The head of your PR team, Tony!' Pepper snaps. 'Mia Cameron has been working for you since you were twenty-three!'

'Oh,' Tony blinks. 'Well then where the hell was she when I got caught with those ballet dancers?' Dancers, as in plural. Those dudes were strong and flexible and it had been the best night of Tony's life until Loki showed him just how flexible certain Jötnar could be.

Pepper's face is completely blank. Tony wonders if he's broken her. 'Stick to the subjects we've discussed!' Pepper eventually snaps and turns to stomp away and terrorise other people.

No wonder me and Pepper didn't work out, Tony muses to himself. Loki likes it when I do random things and fuck up. Although, Tony is usually with Loki when he does stupid things these days. Or he and Loki come up with the idea together and then carry it out. Like that time they wallpapered Steve's kitchen in Star Spangled Banners, or replaced all of Clint's arrows with toy Harry Potter wands.

Good times, Tony thinks with a smile.

{oOo}

Tony swaggers out onto the stage, a fake smile on his face and eyes hidden behind blue-tinted sunglasses. They match his dress shirt, which is layered in a light grey suit and black tie, and Tony smiles and waves and generally tries to project, "Yes, I am the awesome Tony Stark and Iron Man, you know you love me". After a few minutes of that he stands behind the podium and the crowd hushes down.

'Okay,' Tony says and claps his hands together. 'Pepper Potts, CEO of Stark Industries and my personal knight in shining armour, thought that it'd be a good idea to call this press conference.' Before Tony can continue a woman stands, dressed in a sharp business suit, and Tony pauses.

'What exactly is the reason for this press conference, Mr Stark?' she questions.

'Well, I was explaining that when you stood up and interrupted me,' Tony says, which earns a few soft laughs from the other journalists. 'Sit down and let me continue.'

The woman scowls briefly at him before doing as she's told.

'As I was saying,' Tony continues, 'Ms Potts called this press conference because she figured I should tell you guys that I'm off the market and officially a god.'

There's absolute silence. Tony almost pouts for the fourth time that morning.

'I'm serious,' he says, and tells himself that he's not whining. 'I married an alien and was gifted with their quasi-immortality. I'm now Consort Anthony Stark, God of Resilience.'

More silence. Tony scowls. The same reporter from before stands up and clears her throat.

'Mr Stark,' she says, and Tony turns his eyes to her. 'Could you please explain that in more detail?'

Sighing, Tony says, 'You all know Loki Laufeyson, Thor's adopted brother, yes?' Various people nod. 'And you know that I've been dating him for the past year and a half?' More nods and some faint murmuring. 'Two and a half weeks ago Loki and I went to Asgard and got married. Loki's still a Prince of Asgard, and as such I'm his Consort. Due to the Æsir and Jötnar living longer lives than us humans, Odin Allfather, King of Asgard and Loki's foster father, gave me the Apple that lets the Æsir live for roughly 5000 years. Which means that I'm a god like Thor and will live to hopefully see humans living on Mars.'

There's a beat or two of silence, and then the reporters practically leap into action; they stand and shout and cameras go off, and all the while Tony just stands behind the microphone and stares at them. Honestly, it's all just white noise, and Tony doesn't bother trying to pay attention. He'll wait until they calm down to answer their questions.

Before that can happen the lights suddenly flicker and dim, and the gathered journalists start muttering amongst each other and looking around rather than shouting questions at Tony. Then the lights go out completely and there's a boom, followed by thick green smoke billowing across the stage. From out of the smoke steps Loki in a pair of tight, dark green jeans, a large white shirt with a gaping neck, and sunglasses perched on the tip of his nose. His hair's tied back in a sloppy braid and he has pillow marks on one side of his face.

'I apologise for my tardiness,' he tells the journalists as the smoke disappears and the lights flicker back on, 'I fell asleep watching Days of our Lives.'

Tony groans and rubs his eyes. Loki has recently become obsessed with soap operas. He likes adding his own dialogue and reacting dramatically to everything that happens on the TV. Someone's pregnant? Loki screams, 'But you don't love him!' Someone's kidnapped again? Loki will bitch and moan about how he would have carried it out better. Someone dies? Loki cries loudly and follows Tony around the Tower, arms wrapped around the shorter god's shoulders, blubbering about how much he loved the character and how much potential they had.

Tony isn't sure if it's all completely made up or if Loki actually enjoys those shows. Either way Loki annoys the fuck out of anybody unfortunate enough to stumble across him just before, during, or after one of the soaps. His favourite target is, of course, Tony. Closely followed by Thor and Clint.

'Good morning, all,' Loki smiles charmingly, and somewhat sheepishly, at the audience. Tony sees more than one woman- and a few men- sigh slightly under their breath. Yes, Loki is downright gorgeous/adorable- moving on.

'Well, here he is; my husband,' Tony says, and Loki practically bounces across the stage to hug Tony and give him a very sweet kiss. Tony blinks rapidly when they break apart and Loki winks at him, a hint of a devilish smirk on his lips. Smooth fucker, Tony thinks.

Turning to the reporters, Loki says, 'Yes, Anthony and I are married. We are also bonded. I am a mage, as you all know, meaning that I have magic. My magic chose Anthony as the best mate, thus when we married we bonded.'

What follows is a very long, very dragged-out process of Loki explaining the differences between marriage and bonding, why Tony and Loki chose to get married, and why Tony- plus the Avengers- were gifted with the Golden Apples of immortality. Loki charms the crowd using puppy dog eyes and softly bitten lips, and the entire room is pretty much in love with him by the time Tony and Loki are allowed to leave.

The reporters don't want them to leave, but Tony does. There's only so many questions Tony can answer before he's just repeating himself, and he doesn't doubt that more than half of what he's said will be taken out of context by the time it appears on the evening news. Journalists like doing that to him.

With one last blown kiss at the crowd, Loki follows Tony off of the stage and to where Pepper's waiting.

'You were late,' Pepper states.

'I didn't want to be here,' Loki replies, 'and you can't tell me what to do.' Tony grins and pats Loki on the ass, because Loki's a precious blue boy and Tony loves him.

Pepper sighs. 'I need a pay rise,' she complains.

'Just tell JARVIS,' Tony says. Pepper grumbles and mutters about idiotic gods under her breath, but at least Tony and Loki are allowed to go. Tony had driven to the press conference, so he and Loki leave through the back door. There are reporters waiting, of course, and Loki smiles charmingly at them as he and Tony push their way through to Tony's shiny yellow Ferrari.

'Is this one of your fast cars?' Loki questions when they're inside.

'All my cars are fast,' Tony says. Loki's never been interested in cars, much to Tony's dismay. Loki only cares if they're pretty and fast. Tony has tried to explain that cars aren't pretty, they're gorgeous, but Loki always ignores him.

'I want to go for a drive, Anthony; a fast one,' Loki orders as he leans back in his seat. 'Then I want you to fuck me over the hood of it in some out of the way place where we might get caught but won't get caught because I will defenestrate anybody who sees you naked.'

Tony smirks. 'How are you gonna do that?'

'I will teleport into a very tall building and toss them out,' Loki sniffs.

Well, who is Tony to complain with that plan? He turns the car on and Loki grins like a maniac as Tony tears out of the parking lot.

Author's Note: R.A. Draylin on FFNet prompted me. They wanted a press conference with Tony and Loki doing their thing and Pepper doing her thing and here it is. I hope it worked!

Also, HAHA! I haven't added any more chapters since the last time I updated! Thus, there are still only twelve chapters to this story. Take THAT, Johnny!

{Dreamer}